When you got out of your
car, eyes exhausted and
red from crying the whole
way home,

                     were you thinking of me?




I was thinking of you.

minnesota grasses
grow to fifty feet tall
the sun shrinking behind them
the colour of birth
and souls

and as it disappears,
I travel,
grow
closer and
closer to the man

I have been thousands of miles
away from
these past four days (felt like years and months and loneliness unending)
this ****** bus driver with the
bald spot on his head

is only driving 68 miles
                    
                                 per
                                    
                                    hour..


I could be running faster.

                                into your arms

While daydreaming
during my morning
ritual,
           scars aching from
the hot water on my
skin,
         Make-up runs into
my hair
                 my fingertips
start to crinkle
like my eyes used to
                                       whenever our lips met.

I look down on my left
       breast
                    and see a
                    dark brown
                    eyelash
                   resting there
                    it is not mine.

It has a new meaning now.

I pick it off,  blow
it off my finger

I do not make a wish.

I want to hear you
whistling yourself through
my door

I want to wrap my
legs in your legs

I know that I'm
only sad
        it will get better

but right now

           it feels like

this pain
                 might

    *drown me

This is it.
       I am leaving this
dark-holed up smelly bedroom
that does nothing for
me but give me a place
to sleep.

            And I wake up
and step out of my old ***** bed
        (sheets covered in
your       ***** sweat&tears;)

and I step softly
down the hallway


to the room with the hard tiled floor (chilling my toes )

and into the shower

to begin the process

of washing you out

of me

Dear [god]
                       my weeks of
un ending       numb
   nothing numb

and now.          A
               kind of hurt
that
I needed so
      badly,
                  forcing me
to     feel
                  the things

I couldn't
                  when I
had someone

                     I have no one

And I wonder how that makes you feel

         But I'll probably never know,


now

I could hit you
Because How can we
                        Make love
if I don't know You

You *******

                 You stranger

I'm supposed to be happy with

                 you


But you just make me

want to
               hit my skull against
the air conditioner

                    until I pass out

from loss of blood fluids


and you are so oblivious
                               to this.