my best inspiration
is you
           i look into your deep eyes (always greyblueblack)
and i know

that the red carnations
you gifted to me
                 meant much more
than i love you

because you've already told me this
                                             countless times.
The red carnations

didn't mean I love you.

The red carnations

meant



You are so beautiful

                                      because
                                        I don't always

                                        hear it
                                                             enough.

Today

I saw a dead yellow
        finch
                    its body crushed
on the cold black pavement
    of the parking lot

I remember our
conversation from 3 days
ago.

What would you be
                      if you could be
                              anything?

(i took a few seconds
to think.

a bird.
a bird that should never be caged.
a yellow finch, tiny and powerful and proud)

"a yellow finch."





I'd like to change my answer

                    to something less
                                           sad.

communication is always a plus.

late at night when i finally tell you
that i don't know you.

and i want to.

and you respond in the perfect way;
you just talk to me





about the **** that matters, for once

not about our plans for the day or the monotonous "i miss you, do youmissme?"

but about the inside of your soul

you take it out of your bellybutton
turn it inside out
and show me,
everything

i needed this


to make sense of myself.

my days are rooted in
              frustration and
not enough sleep.

When you leave our nest
this, every, morning
                                 I mourn
I long for you
                          The doctors
all say the same thing::

I've got 8 months

to live.



          what a long
                 winter this will
                           be.

your sweet moss covered
lips
caress my aching wide hips

your hot chocolate breath
flows through the fabric of my dress

sweetly
              sweetly

we lie
       in our nest


once again

You once said to
me      (in more or
                     less words)

that you were happy to share
the moon
         with someone you
care about.


I look at it now
and I talk to the man
up there
               I say
                       I love you

and ask him to pass along
the message.

this shirt smells
like sadness
and joy
and home
      in the most
                    beautiful way

and i can't explain it to
you

but you know what i'm
trying to say

before i even part
my lips