how do you feel right now?
              
                 delicious
delicious like french fries
             or a crisp apple?
  delicious like me.

                                    but how are you delicious?
delicious like i would take
                           one million licks
to get to the center of the
tootsie roll pop
              
                      oh.
                                      ­    yeah
                                       that makes sense

Barbies
          their heads come off
                so easily.
so i'm sitting in my room
pretending that i am
                       a ruthless
King

              and these ***** wenches

have all broken laws.

     and they need to
         be punished.

you'll have heard how the city once
ended in fire. The buildings crumbled
and shook and mothers clasped their
children close, not aware that they would soon cease to exist.
And the fathers with
the strong outside, terrified inside looks on their faces, as their
eyes tried to float up to gaze
at the flames, but the ashes
floating around would sting as
they flew down from the
sky, that was also on fire.
And the only thing to be heard
was screaming and crashing
and sirens and it was

                                 SO LOUD

that it actually seemed silent.
                     and then it was.

and everything was done, gone,
    dead and silent.
no noise. at all
not breathing
not wind
not birds, not crying, not talking
it would **** you

i turn my face away
when he asked me
"is this love?"

i wanted him to
ask me
"   are you love?"

alright.
so i'm determined to write about something other than this boy
because i keep writing poems about him
and they basically all sound the same

because i think maybe i'm desperately in love with him
and he hurts me
all the time without knowing


but i'm going to write this poem about something else.
i'm going to talk about grocery lists

and cell phone numbers
and matching pale blue shirts
and push up bras that make me blink rapidly.

garage sales where i buy a wallet, a movie or two, a dress with a stain
on the top left shoulder


but it smells really nice.




and vegetarians.
why are they all vegetarians?

i'll talk about
tall glasses of cold milk
and little old ladies with bonnets on their heads.
how could anyone steal from her?
it broke my heart to see her cry as she spoke to the police officer.

i'll talk about not wearing ******* on a sunday night at the computer
wearing that dress with the stain
that i bought at the garage sale (smells like clean laundry and my fifth grade teacher)
and an uncomfortable bra

my scalp is itchy



i'm going to write about new york.
it's so ****** far away
but movies make me feel like i live there.
and movies that are set in minnesota(my homestate)
make me feel depressed and angry
(like NewInTown,Juno ***** that crap. we aren't like that.)




wow, this poem ***** even worse than the ones about that boy.



life is funny that way

high fructose corn syrup and garlic salt
burn my throat

(i have made a habit of eating ice cream out of the tub after ten pm)

and i kick myself in the shins

everytime i think about you
and smile.

i'm so ****** at you
for being the one person that i can't stand to be away from.

why are you always leaving me

and why am i always happy when you come back?

i won't be your ******* science experiment
anymore




i'm sorry.
i didn't mean that

i've never done this before.

i've never admitted to myself that i need someone
and i have never felt so pathetic because of it.


but holy ****, i need you.


i need you like i  need air to survive


frankly, i was dead from lack of breathing before i met you


i'm so scared that these weeks will turn into months without you
and i'll cease to breathe
again.


*******.
how dare you
make me fall in love with you
i want to scream into your chest and pull out your hair

and then cry

i've never cried this much

i want to push you off a tall building
so my heart will stop feeling

so sad
all the ******* time