I'm pretty sure all poetry has left me.
As if it just packed up and hit the road.
Like my words no longer dance or sing.
Like they have forgotten all melodies.
Assimilated tone deafness.
Compound letdowns retract vulnerabilities.
Brick walls and leather skin replace possibilities.
Reckless love and whimsical fantasies,
Replaced by ***** diapers and piles of laundry.
Consonants and vowels blend to mush.
Aches and accomplishments are one in the same.
All of my agony has turned to apathy,
And I wonder.
How could I let poetry walk away from me?
How have I become so broken that I can no longer write?
Words have no ability to woe me.
Vocabulary is no longer my saving grace.
Void of creativity.
Like somehow life has gotten too messy for me to express.
Series of catastrophes and celebrations run together.
And I feel lost.
And I feel blessed.
But oh so empty.
Poetry come back to me.

Now that the blanket is
lifted from my head,
I am gifted
With the gift
Of my own breath.

Why did you do this to me?
What's the point?
Because I couldn't cook to your liking?
Because I wasn't freaky enough in bed?
Because I wanted you all to myself?
9 vehicles, 4 houses, 1 warehouse,
And yet you can't spare a thing for your family?
Our 3 year old cries to go home.
But we have no home.
It sits empty.
Void like the space where your heart used to be.
While me and your 2 children,
Soon to be three,
Share one small room,
As I work my *** off to try to make it out.
Almost 5 months pregnant,
Searching for work.
Begging for a miracle.
I'll never understand this.
I hate you.
How could you care so little?
Why?
I just wish I knew why..

Failure to flee,
Preemptively,
Has lead me to be,
Alone with 3.
6 little hands,
30 tiny toes,
1 broken heart,
4 hopeful souls.

To hate someone
so fiercely,
To have been hurt
beyond conception,
And yet still
care?

Wanting to so badly
just smash my head
against the wall and
make it stop.

How could I still..
After all you did?
No better yet ..
How could you?!
How could you throw me out
So viciously?
Naked, broken,
Pregnant
Again.

With that sinister smile
on your face
As you enjoyed it.
Every step of the way.
Growing gayer
off of my sheer devastation.

There is no way I could still..
**** dear god why do I still..
No I dont still..
I wish I didn't still..
Love
You.

Sweetest sensation of blindness
Washes over my sight
As I gaze upon your soulless vessel.

Victorious, the transparency that
Allows for my spectacles to see
Beyond.

I look at you sitting here,
Only arm lengths in front of me,
Yet I cannot SEE you.

As if you no longer exist.

Haunted by the thought of you.

Nightmares terrorize
And torment my slumber,
Even though you're gone.

As if you never left.
Like I had never even ran.

Kicking my face in.
Pushing me to death.

You shower me with maggots.
And as they pour down my body,
And death seems like a gift,
You keep me.

Alive
Just enough.

To keep me.