I do it all for
                          you.
         For a distant time.
                           -A distant life.
Fly on sweet
                         bird.
        
-I'll be seeing you.

daddy.
im utterly helpless.
and yes i blame you!
i've become a disease,
infecting all i touch.
grim as it is,
as aware of it as i may be,
infectious i still remain.
i still blame you.
for we are interminable.
for we are completely alike.
pride established dominance,
a mind capable of enormous leverage.
a cruel mind.
he was your only ecstasy.
only room for your son
not me
everything afterwards savored of anti ******.
lonely and neglected,
i finally give in,
too proud for too long.
i blame you!
fearful to confess....
im utterly helpless

ode to a man
the keeper of my dreams,
melody of my soul,
the wind beneath my wings.
ode to a man
beautiful as can be
whispers to my heart
only beauty he can see.
ode to a man
who's heart he let me take
used him and beat him
till there was nothing left to break.
ode to a man
who loved me anyway,
though my only heart wondered,
his love did truly stay.
ode to a man
who finally gave up.
i loved him more than anything
but his love was never enough....

so i write to you my confession...
to speak loudly and clear.
for so long, under such suppression,
damnation i had to fear.

greatly i have wronged you,
in more unutterable ways than one.
the truth of my infidelities
have yet to come undone.

i write to you my confession...
of a man of twenty-eight,
my lustful thoughts woed me,
actions i reprobate.

i write to you my confession...
of a man of twenty-two.
in which i spoke salacious words,
a man who is not you.

i write to you my confession...
of heinous and deliberate lies,
knowing quite well the manipulation
would lead to your demise.

i write to you my confession...
recite what you dont know.
the body that belongs to you,
i proceed to show.

i write to you my confession...
for i no longer wish to hide.
my words, my thoughts, my actions,
may now all coincide.

I could take advantage of you,
Use you as I please.
Steal from you,
Lie to you,
Make you beg on your knees.
I could make you love me,
Give me everything you've got.
Yearn for me when I demand,
Do anything on the spot.
Foolish as you are,
As enticing as I may be,
You have not a single clue
Of the things you do not see.
I am an evil spirit,
The devil if you will,
You cannot see me,
You cannot hear me,
But trust me, you do still.
Hostile take over,
Of your body, of your mind.
User down to the bone,
So get loaded one more time.

And tonight before I rest my head,
I have one last request.
Dear Lord I ask for peace of mind,
And strength to do my best.

I ask You only of simple things,
Though knowing I'm eternally ******,
Please know the carcasses under my bed
I physically reprimand.

I pray for courage to persist,
And will to not stray.
I plead for the wisdom to see the light
And endure another day.

Lastly I beg before I respite
To remind me of my place,
Illustrate Your beauty day after day
And overwhelm me with your grace.

Amen