Dust and silk on your lips when you left my house –
murmurs, call me when you find your train
but you never did. Just existing in the last passenger seat
before the windows stopped, arching your neck to
see Christmas lights in towns you have never heard of,
pretending we own an apartment in every one
so we can be as far or as close to each other as we want.
When everyone else was outside
smoking cigarettes, you put your head in your suitcase
and smelled the tobacco air of my bedroom –
mouth full with particles of me, a sand-smooth tear sea.

Don't look me up
You will not like what you find
Past is past for a reason
I forgive quickly but
Deep cuts scar the best
Belt around the bicep
I'm accustomed to balled fists
Bruised and pierced
Swimming in a broken blood vessel
Cause I just wanna forget- Everything
I can see it in your eyes
You wanna fight or **** me
Can't tell you the difference
Because
I don't want to go to hell
Maybe just a visit
God hates track marks
But the devil likes to kiss them
Demons want to talk to me
While I'm at dinner with my family
On repeat
The world is spinning
And I am on a certain dark street
Lurch lights a cigarette when the cop lights flash on
One more strike and you're gone
A God of second chances
I would know for certain
Just a peak behind the curtain
Heaven sent oblivion
I'm fine with being alone
Its better this way
Because people ask too many questions
Like:
Why are you wearing long sleeves on a hot summer day?

i hope there are spiders under my skin
if not - then whats crawling?

                    i feel them constantly

my fingers curled backwards underneath your doll skin
i could barely say a word ;
my mouth was frozen
and the smell of your burnt hair
wouldn't leave the room,
the house,
the neighborhood
could feel your scent
and know your undying thoughts for
each
               every
                     single
                            one
of them
and
i didn't want to be consumed in your flames
so i hid behind doors
and old forgotten closet clothes
but you sought me out with
a heated chest and
smoke plume breath
---    your stony eyes cracked in half: they poured
        your fluids over the linoleum
and my limbs fell over each other
in a mad dash between your thighs and
   the screen door nearly tore off the hinges
before i had a chance to                                           scream

collect from my body
every memory you implanted
and every stitch you sewed -
i am no longer a person
or a living organism;
i am the air.
i swim around you,
feel your breath -
i am your breath.
each and every rib expands with me
and you exhale me from between your lips
,

you do not know i am here
or why i left
i don't have the answers
i barely know which direction
i       am                 blowing,
behind the trees you feel me
and inside your mind
you ache for me;

but i cannot see you
anymore
.

Her head was covered in stubble
That's where her hair used to be
She touched me with cold fingers
And black serpents writhed in my chest

I could bite my bottom lip off
And gag on my own blood
I come around head swimming
Her fingers in my chest hair
Had me running for the matchbox

She kept the lighter lit a while
And I watched it dance on the end of a safety pin
White hot
We locked eyes
She had me
Third degree
Beneath her thumb

In between the black charred lines of skin
Her tongue would run
Nostrils filled with that smell of cooked flesh
If this is love
I understand

All night long we kept the fire going
Burning old photographs and books for tinder
Not hot enough
Not bright enough

So we lit our little house on fire
Nowhere left to fight-scream-throw things
Not hot enough
Not bright enough

A spark hop
The neighbors house
Smoke alarms screaming like a newborn baby
Spreading so fast
God couldn't stop it
The whole city burned like a cherry
Sirens screech

If this is love
*******