Am i being blindly hopeful? am i seeing what i want to see?
i honestly, do not know how i'm supposed to feel.
My chest is exploding, and there's a tug of war between my brain and my heart.
Please try to understand, I still love you.
Which makes these questions so hard to ask.

Light is a curse.
It illuminates and makes all my greatest flaws visible.
It brings to bare all of my greatest fears.
It's the harbinger of all tragedy.
It showed me what i didn't want to see.
It told me what i didn't want to know.
10 months, all for nothing.
All i have to show for my love;
is a heavy heart and a darkened soul.

Not to mention the urge to drown myself in anything that takes you off my mind.

I'm sat here, alone.
with a full bottle of ***** and nothing to do, no one to see.
A raging ******* torrent of emotion that i can't ******* talk to anyone about.
Sure there's people out there, there's people i could go and meet and talk to,
None of them mean a ******* thing when all you can you is walk away.

I invested so much of my soul into trying to make this work,
and **** it, so what if things felt different after we'd been apart for many months,
isn't that normal?
Why am i being punished for my lack of money, my set of circumstances.
You know i really wanted to come down and see you?
But no, the ******* poor kid has no money, he has to sit at home, look after the house and take a ******* beating to the soul.

But no, there's no second chances here. You'll move on pretty ******* quick, i already know that.
I'll be the one picking up the pieces, while you **** around and have your fun.
I'll be the one who's stuck, well at least you don't have an anchor anymore.


how sad is it? that the only means of communication i have with you, is hoping you'll read this?
you probably won't, you're a 2 minute walk and a million ******* miles away from me.
Well **** this, I ****** up, I lost,
and once again my patience and love has not been rewarded.
I will never be rewarded, maybe i do what other guys do,
like a shark in the swimming pool, using any tactic to **** someone and run.
That just isn't me though, i'm not even equipped with the malice to let anyone know how i feel.
I FEEL LIKE ****.

I don't want to think anymore.
I don't want to feel love anymore.
I don't want to be punished for loving.
Right now, i don't want to be conscious.

Now where's that ******* *****...

I saw you before, it ached to know that i can't just walk up and say "hi" anymore.
You were walking the other way, which is probably for the best, and made the bittersweet jump of my heart all the more saddening.

why do things have to change? i thought i was okay, i thought i was doing fine, dealing with this.
but if feels like there's something missing, there is something missing.

if i told you the truth about how this ******* makes me feel, would it even make a difference?
no, it's over now, I've lost a lover.
I've lost my friend.

There's no recompense to be had here.

What do you do,
when the only person you can confide in,
is the person you want to talk about.

I'm doing my best, I'm trying my best.

Embrace in the light of the streetlamp, nevermore.
Laughter and smiles at my **** jokes, nevermore.
Butterflies when i know you're coming, nevermore.
Dread when i see you leaving, nevermore.
Sadness when i watch you walk away.

It's so confusing to find
when i'm feeling so up
and i feel the steaming cauldron
begin coughing up blood

why's my pillow red?
i've been feeling so fine
but the body gets worse
when there's light in my mind

irony, oh irony, if i had words i'd curse you,
but i'm busy wiping blood from my chin.