thoughts race again
as the daytime flies by
only for the night to crawl past
waiting for morning to begin
i think i might just drown
in that ocean of sorrow
falling down deeper and deeper
wait till tomorrow
to find the answers
until it becomes clearer
im scared now
where does it come from
this emptiness
becoming emotionless
once again
this night
just never ends
i cant get the thoughts out of my head
and just rest
i long for answers
happiness and joy
to no longer to mourn
and scorn
myself
i lay restless in bed
searching
to find no end
to this ongoing cycle
of ups and downs
where to go
or what to do
no cant turnaround
now
too late to go back
you can never do that
you can only go forward
but why must it be
forward and back
not up or down
or left and right
who defines these things?
i can tell you its not me
im just ranting now
but how
shall i go on
and push forth?
if im not sure what im pushing for
or longing to be
im just me
used
confused
a good kid they say
only if they knew
the thoughts
that fill my head
while i lay in this bed
night after night
as i lose
this never ending fight
with my own life
how can i think to be with you?
or anyone?
if i cant be me
how can i be?
i dont even know me
i question who i am
i often wonder who i am
in this world
im lost
confused
broken
and scarred
as i say
but this life goes on
and so will yours
without control
its up to destiny
no other remedy

you
you make me smile
my cloudy days full of sunshine
not rain
at least for a little while
i wish i could express my feelings to you
the butterflies i get just thinking
of
well you know who
its you
the feelings i have for you
that i wish you had for me
are true
although i know
that we are not one together
but just two
lonely rain drops
lost into a sea of emptiness
i long for more
i feel you just adore
my company
not me for me
until i see you again
the sweet smell of your hair
arm in arm
hand in hand
for the time being
until you leave and only then
to be
lost again
in that sea
the lonely sea
controlling me
swallowing me whole
drowning deeper and deeper
until my soul
can no longer be
anything but an abyss
that longs for you
who i miss
no one else
just you
you deserve better than you have
its hurts so bad
to see you frown
it makes me sad
i wish
i could turn
this whole world upside down
just to see
you
happy at last
to see you smile
that beautiful smile
one of kind
the one that makes
my heart beat fast
one which i cannot find
anywhere else
but here
when your near
happy at last

you
you make me smile
my cloudy days full of sunshine
not rain
at least for a little while
i wish i could express my feelings to you
the butterflies i get just thinking
of
well you know who
its you
the feelings i have for you
that i wish you had for me
are true
although i know
that we are not one together
but just two
lonely rain drops
lost into a sea of emptiness
i long for more
i feel you just adore
my company
not me for me
until i see you again
the sweet smell of your hair
arm in arm
hand in hand
for the time being
until you leave and only then
to be
lost again
in that sea
the lonely sea
controlling me
swallowing me whole
drowning deeper and deeper
until my soul
can no longer be
anything but an abyss
that longs for you
who i miss
no one else
just you
you deserve better than you have
its hurts so bad
to see you frown
it makes me sad
i wish
i could turn
this whole world upside down
just to see
you
happy at last
to see you smile
that beautiful smile
one of kind
the one that makes
my heart beat fast
one which i cannot find
anywhere else
but here
when your near
happy at last

Stuck in this reality
Which only feels a fantasy
Felling home and safe
in such an awful place
Nothing to do
Nowhere to go
Only ups and downs
no turnarounds
I don't belong here
Life to you is near
To me
it seems so far away
Its out of touch
But to touch just a bit
would toss him a fit
Its no longer mine
Its all his
No longer can I think
No longer I need to
But the more
I feel the need to
reconnect with myself
I loose myself
Day by day
I gain the might
Night by night
I loose the fight
Second by second
I cant amend it
Longing for reason
I cant stand it
Time just breezing
right past
I must defend it
and gain the strength
to beat it
and defeat it
this demon inside me
who controls
right by me
To him
whats right is wrong
and wrong the right
In the end
I will win this fight
Gain my might
To amend this
And defend my right
as a human being
No longer
doing his bidding
This life is mine
no longer his
I shall not listen
And from now on
forever glisten
In my own pride
and shine
to ride
this ride of a lifetime
on and on
**MY OWN **** WAY

Mind racing
Losing patience
Not sure
Anymore
Whats a dream
Cant take much more
What seems to be
Fantasy
Is really
Reality
My dreams feel real
My life seems fake
When will I
Awake
From this
Never ending
Nightmare
Will it ever be
I cant say
You tell me
You knew everything so far
The answers
What to do
And where to go
But now your silent
Please tell me
You choose the worst times
You're there when I wish you weren't
Absent
When I need you
You come and go
Like dreams can flow
But there is no
Flow with you
Just jagged dreams
and crushing realities
The walls are closing in now
in this dreading place
In which I loath when here
But miss when near
I fear
the outside
Cant stand the inside
I'm lost again
there is
no end
To this madness
My life just full of sadness
This place
is nothing but madness
and mayhem
Bells ringing
Patients screaming
TV blaring
No time to think
Too late to change
You're a prisoner here.

Broken
But yet
still in one piece
Scarred
with no marks
I've lost all control
I have no say
You tell all
But I'm not insane
to me your voice is normal
To others I'm just crazy
But they don't understand
my mission statement
I can lead a normal life
without these pills and places
therapists and psychiatrists

This isn't me.
This isn't you.
What did I do?
What did I do?
Coming here,
was pretty queer.
It wasn't me,
you told me to.
Where can I go?
What can I do?
This really cant be.
Look what you made me do
No longer stranger faces
I've been to this place before