If only the answers could be written out in front of me
Then maybe I would know which way to turn
When the choices I have to make are not completely black and white
My life is made out of grey area
And no matter how bright my flashlight is
It isn't strong enough to fight off all the shadows
Taking refuge in the corners of my mind
Waiting for the moment to carry me to an unwanted place
In an unwanted time
In an unwanted life
Right and wrong are now unrecognizable things
And maybe I can tell the difference
But admitting my mistakes is always going to be harder
Than continuing making them
And my life was never supposed to be like this
And my name was never supposed to be used like this
And my days were never meant to be spent like this
In fear of anyone finding out my true plans
Of anyone finding out who I really am
Before I have the chance to figure it out myself
And the lines around the block
To see this lonely girl
Explain to a crowd of people who don't know her
Why she does the things she does
And you will be disappointed with the answer
Because she did it for the most scary reasons
But mostly
To be happy

My breath reaches for the stars
Creating clouds to obscure their vanity
But my fingertips pull me closer to the cement
And knowing that the last step is longing than the rest
Is helpful on the way up
But soon forgotten on the way back
Down
Dirt gets in between my toes
As I run towards comfort
That may or may not be
The
Fantasies of a child's mind
Playing hop-scotch
In a teenagers body
In a teenagers life
Walking down the
Hall
At school
Pretending that you cared enough
To carry my books
Even if my class is on the other side of the school
But
There
Aren't even books that are able to be carried
Especially by you
Because you don't even know what classes I'm taking
And all I'm asking of you
Is
To treat me like you did before
When you still thought you needed
To gain my love
Because just cause you have it
Doesn't mean I can't take it away
All I'm asking of you
Is some time for
A
Heart to grow open
And consume the love it's given
The love I offered you
But threw away
All I'm asking of you
Is to be a
Man
And own up to your feelings no matter how small
Because this might come as a shock
But you need me
And I can do without someone
Who
Wants the world on a string
Without ever casting his hook
Into the depths of his mind
Where he will
Never
Find the questions he is looking to ask
To match the answers he already knows.
Your head
Sleeps
On a pillow too far from mine
Yet I wish you could be farther
Because we only seem to work when
We have something holding us back
And I don't know
How
This came to be
But dysfunctional as it is
As we are
As
I
Am
I wouldn't want it any other way
And the stars in the sky scream for my
Wish
But I'll never tell the sky
It is far too vast
Far too many souls to tell
And not enough heart for me
So maybe
I
Will tell the blades of grass
I pulled out of the earth
While listening to silence
Because we never needed to say anything
Maybe I
Could
Tell the flies that circled my head
That night it all seemed like it was over
And it was all starting
In one breath
And I wish the planets would
Be
A bit more forgiving
But they remember everything
Every letter I threw out there
Like
A bird from a nest
That would never be able to fly
Just to see if they could float
But I guess my wings will never be strong enough for
**Him

My minds been compromised.
I can't form sentences
But when I do
It's just a jumbled up mess
Of the broken words
That fell out the window
That one cloudy night
Last May.
My minds made a compromise
With my heart.
One wont feel for you
If the other doesn't think of you
But they both have problems with
Keeping their promises.
Your tear-soaked "sorry"'s are on my clothes line
A different color for everyday
I cried to you through florescent light.
Caring is written on the ball
That I always throw correctly
But never really hit the target.
Caring is spray painted on your ceiling
But you always seemed to miss it
Every time you went to sleep.
Caring is the name of the one-way
Dead end
Street that I walk down every single day
Hoping for a different outcome.
And hoping was always something
I had left to those
More experience in short comings
Until I realized that the people
I should have been relying on
Were the people who hoped blindly and
Got everything they didn't know they wanted.
And for some reason
I wish it hurt more when you don't answer
Because then maybe I would have a new emotion
To connect to your smell.
And God only ever shed his light on me
When he knew I was indecent
But to be lit at all
Is a blessing itself
Right?
Right.
That is the only right answer to that question.
Right?