My hands told me you'd break my heart
But my feet didn't listen
They walked straight into traps
That you had set time and time again
And promised they weren't meant for me
And you say you're living the sober life
But can't you do that from anywhere
The words you stapled on your arm
Make me assume so
Unless you permanently etched
A lie
On to your forearm.
How can your words change from
"I'd stay for you"
To
"I'm never coming home"
But claim your feelings haven't changed?
It's just another example of how
You mean more to me
Then I will ever to you.
When i close my eyes I see black and white boxes
That I'm consistently opening
Searching for you
So I can poke holes in your cardboard home
And send you far away.
And the worst part is I think I'm over you
But I will always have a place for you
To leave your heart for safe keeping

Cheers to the words you had me carve into my arm
And sew into my heart
To the insecurities my picture doesn't show
But your mouth knows
To playlists named after you
And played in vain.
Here's to the heaviness of my eyes
But being too afraid to close them
Because I don't want to read
What you left on my eyelids.
To the black jackets you wore at the beach
So you could hide from the world
To your area code
Which is just a few too many digits off
From mine

Dark circles around my eyes move to the table
But they seem to be less permanent there.
A night of small glasses turns into a morning of tall mugs
Both filled to the brim with fake happiness
And false healing.
One more sip will make me forget
But one more cup will make me remember.
Playing tug-of-war in my cerebrum.
My hands pour another cup
But my eyes can't grasp that concept
So these burns on my hands are the only reminders
Of last night
Along with the bruises on my side
And the throbbing in my ears
All of which will fade
Like the disappointment of my adventures.
I can't shy away from all light
But all it does is highlight my flaws.
So I throw on a long sleeve shirt
That covers my palms
Because the last thing I need is a Physic
Telling me my past
As I walk down streets
I wish I could have forgotten months ago.
But the fabric is so thin
The wind even knows what I'm trying to hide.
I'll plug myself into my fake world
And I'll tell you it's to protect myself
But really
I'm saving you from adding me to your list of lifetime disappointments.
Because that's all I'll ever be
In my own eyes.
I'll walk home
Hair frizzed
Makeup smeared
Because I couldn't be bothered with the mirror
Or the mirror couldn't be bothered with me.
So say your prayer for me
I wonder if God will listen
Because every time I call
I go straight to voicemail
And I'm tired of crying on an answering machine
That nobody checks.
My winter coat isn't even strong enough to protect me
But maybe if I added a layer of you
I might finally feel safe.
So please
Make me feel safe.