Mia Eugenia

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

24/7

I've not been able to write
and maybe that's because I've been happy
but lately I've been wanting to curl up
and stay there forever
letting my hurt escape from my eyes.
I've missed you.
But anyone I tell that to laughs at me because they assume I have no right to.
As far as they know you are with your mom
without your phone
but I know more.
I know you are trying to get better
or at least I know that's what your mom wants.
Who knows what you'll be like when you get home
and part of me doesn't want to know
but every time my phone rings and it's not you my heart breaks
but it wont be you
it wont be you for a while
and I know that
so why am I crumbling under the pressure?
Why cant I be eternally happy that you are alive?
am I such a selfish person that I need you on standby 24/7?
Just because I am for you?
That's a choice
I choose to be there for you
always
hoping that you'll return the favor.
sometimes you do
but that's getting few and far between.
I find myself reading old texts to try to fill the place you didn't know you left.
this is the longest I've gone without talking to you
and I don't know how much longer I can do it
I'm grasping at straws of old friends
that I haven't confided in for months
just to feel some sort of love
because
little did I know
the majority of that in my life was coming from you.
You love me the best out of anyone who ever has
and
because of that I will stand by you in the way I can.
I am willing to change my life for you
but who knows when you will decided
that seeing me just makes you think of an unhappy part of your life
and your a good guy
you wont tell me until it ruins us.
the only scenarios that run through my head anymore
are ways we could lose each other
but mostly how I could lose you
because everyone knows
you'll never lose me.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

By Your Side

There will be no more sad songs
or nights of no sleep
worrying about you
and wondering if you are alive.
There will be no more secret deals
or desperate lies
to keep up your life style
and no more tears that fall.
There is no need for crying.
The pride I have for you
Is larger than words can describe
And if I could find the words to express it
I would want to scream it
to the world.
But I wont
I'll keep those words for us.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Wishing on Dead Stars

Everyone wishes on stars,
but how would you feel if someone saw you falling
and made a wish.
using someones misfortune for a useless wish
because
lets face it
wishes don't come true.
you can wish on as many stars
11:11's
coins
eyelashes
dandelions
and wishbones
as you want
but those are just objects.
in the end
only you can do things for yourself
only you can grant your own wishes.
you cant rely on object to do it for you.
So go wish on your shooting star
see how far it gets you
pray for a bright future
off something that has no future
and has lost its light.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Anywhere But Here

If you wanted me to hold it all in
Then you got your wish
And I never want to hear another word
Escape from your lips
If you wanted me broken then
Be happy cause I finally shattered
I've made bad choices and listened to the voices
That told me nothing mattered
If you wanted me to feel pain
And let the pain drip away
Then maybe you would have noticed
That it's your fault I don't stay
The scares are finally starting to fade
When you have to suddenly start to replay
All I've done
And the fights you've won
The stars are slowly dying
And I'm through with trying.
All the people who lie
All the stories I buy
Are the reasons for the nights
I wish I wasn't here.
And I'm done pretending
For the sake of you
I'm done acting
Like I care for you
When I say that I love you
Just know it's not true
And tonight when it starts again
Know I'll be thinking of you.
You wanted me
Well now you've got me

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Through My Eyes

How come
the second you get good news
you turn around and turn your world to ****?
you aren't satisfied with happiness
because if your life isn't falling apart
you don't have an excuse to fall apart yourself.
you had everything laid out perfectly in front of you
and you turned your back on the future.
you turned your back on everyone who believed in you.
you turned your back on me.
was it not seven hours ago
when we were happy
celebrating your achievements
and the shinning hope of what the future holds.
I feel bad for writing this
because at this moment i don't know where you are
how you are
if you are
so if this is my farewell,
then know this:
Though you may have not seen anything meaningful in your life
I did.
I'm just sorry I couldn't show it to you.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Promises Are Just Reasons to Lie

I was proud of you
But you ruined that
You promised you wouldn't change again
But you broke that
And it makes me wonder
What else you could break...
I made a habit of not blaming you
Of giving you an out
But that's done.
I'm to blame
You're to blame
Maybe everyone's to blame
But I don't care about everyone
I care about you
And I care about me
And I care about the fact that
Nothing will ever happen.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Peacock

Everyone wears a mask
Though yours is beautiful and hard
You aren't as skilled as you think.
I can see the pain in the one place the mask doesn't cover
Your eyes tell the tales of nights gone too long on the street
And fights gone too rough with daddy dearest
And I wish I could protect you from the hurt
But you revel in it.
You use your pain as an excuse for all your actions
And I let you.
I encourage it.
I blame them as well.
The world hasn't been fair to you
But you haven't been fair to the world
Did you give all you could?
Try your hardest?
No.
You gave the amount of effort you thought would make you cool.
That might have worked
But look where we are now.
You tried just about as hard
As a peacock tries to fly
When I know you could soar.
You are just consumed with yourself.
You show off your tail
And watch people run in the other direction.
All I wanted was to see you fly.
You couldn't even do that.
So I'm leaving without you
I'm flying high and leaving you behind.
The view of the sunset from earth might be beautiful
But the view from up here
Is infinitely better
Partly because you aren't here
Mostly because I can still see you
From the sky.