Mia Eugenia

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Lies I Tell Myself When I Run Out Of Ones To Tell You

I'm over it
that's all.
you gave me some really great material
but I ran it all out.
I guess that was the point though
to write all my feelings
until I had none
well mission accomplished
I'm drained and void
or any reminiscence of feelings
especially, but not limited to, ones about you.
That's what you wanted
and what I want
is to make sure you get what you want.
I proved to myself today that I can live without feelings towards you
and I can do it successfully
and I can be happy with your love the way it is;
manifesting itself in 4:00 am texts
just because I was someone you needed to talk to
and free merchandise
because I'm "a good soul"
and anytime of day phone calls
just to see how I'm doing.
it may still sting
but I'm not so sure that will ever go away.
I'm just happy to know that I can be happy
with what I get

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

For Mother

I feel like all I ever say is sorry
Well I'm sorry
But I'm done apologizing
For what I am
I'm not my sister
And that kills you
But little did you know
That kills me too
I want to be someone you are proud of
But I won't be someone that I am not
You make me want to indulge in a bottle
And sometimes I do
You make me want to inhale your hate
I usually do
You make me want to rip off me skin
And I always do.
You get what you give
Right?
If you can take it you can dish it
Right?
Well I can give it and I can dish it
But the question is
Can you?
Cause up until now
I have been reserved
And not shared how I really feel
And masked it with feelings you would fine acceptable
But I have come to the conclusion
That I am not acceptable
And I don't care
Cause in no world
Will you ever be close to
Mediocre

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Ringtone

4:00 am
And you know
I keep the volume up on my phone
Just in case you call.
Even change my ringtone
Before I go to sleep
To something that will wake me up.
It's stupid.
I know.
But I do it because
No matter what time it is
I always want to be talking to you.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Padded Walls and Cups of Pills

I'm done comparing myself to love struck girls
who just dream about you
when in actuality
sleep is the only place I escape
from the tyranny of your voice.
I have never dreamed about you
and I hope I never will
because you've invaded every aspect of my life
I need one place of my own.
If it's not my own mind
it will be a padded white room somewhere
with nice people and cups of pills
that will only remind me of you.
I will sit in solitude because I am
"a threat to others and myself".
and the only way they will find to keep me sane
is to drive you from my mind.
But that would drive me to insanity
so I guess there's just no hope for me.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

Now That She's The Queen Can She Finally Be Happy?

It kills me to know
that you'll never care for me
the way you do for her.
it rips my heart out when
you talk to me in the hallway
but its worse
when you look straight through me.
I want to hate you for loving her better
but that's not fair
because I'm not sure if you loved me in the first place.
If I stopped talking to you
would you send me
late night messages reading
I miss us.
when we were never together?
no.
because we did stop talking
but it was the other way around.
you ignored me
for weeks
and i played it cool
and pretended like i didn't care
when all i did was compare myself
to her
or her
or her or her
or any other girl you seemed to care more for.
I think you are just comfortable
in our relationship
knowing someone will always be there for you
might make you feel as if
they don't need you too
but I need you
and i will need you
and right now i need you to stop ******* up.
you said you would do it for her
and you said you never listened to her
and you commonly say things
that contradict
the previous sentence
but i was willing to accept those things
and you were willing to accept me
for all my flaws
and God knows there's many
too bad we just couldn't feel that way at the same time
cause i know together
we would have been great
and i wouldn't have tried to change you
but i guess you just fall for girls
that will never accept you.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

"BRO"

I hate your friends
they all are soldiers
that follow around a leader
in women's sunglasses.
and you're just a foot soldier
even if the king tells you otherwise.
you march around
and take after a person who carved his passion
on the back of his head.
grow up and realize
you are all blindly trusting
a boy
who cant even see.

Mia Eugenia Jun 2013

What's Wrong?

I believe what my ears hear
What my eyes see
And what my hands touch
So here's what I believe:
Your voice soothes like no other sound
It floats on the air
And even when you are saying
The most douchbaggy phrases
You make them sound poetic
And graceful.
I believe you're beautiful
And no matter how many times I deny it
The state of you is constant and shinning
And so beautiful
It brings me to tears.
You're soft.
And warm.
And strong.
And you make me feel protected when you hold me.
As if
Even if we were about to be murdered
I would feel as if nothing was wrong.
And that's what's wrong.