Have I become estranged with compassion, not entirely, I guess I would say only when compassion is directed toward me.
The gleaming gates of tranquility are off there in the distance, but just my luck no gate keeper and I've not got exact change to pay the fee.
I have become complacent in this misguided routine of bitting my tongue only to wearily sit and bide my time.
Unintentionally a barrier was put up that blocks my words from what you understand, yet they flow so freely through my "silly little rhyme"
The sounds that my silent screams make is deafening and this weight I carry is demolishing my inner strength but still I won't let go.
These emotions are festering inside me to the point of bursting out but I must maintain composure for the world must never know.

Theses times ,that I struggle to survive in, lash out with malicious intent cutting deep with in my soul rekindling old irrational fears.

Fighting to maintain some sanity seams futile as time erodes more and more of my spirit throughout the passing years.

I've watched time defeat much more worthy opponents and  leave them quivering from what has become their reality.

The vast array of weaponry is inconceivable, but the most deadly assaults are swiftly silent because time itself we can not see.

Diligently pressing forward in the attack, patiently waiting for the sign of defeat for my movements it knows only too well.

The battle rages on and the casualties weigh heavy on my mind, how much longer can I hold up I wonder, an answer only time can tell.

How is it possible for me to feel utterly alone and at the same time completely suffocated by the people that are surrounding me.

Almost like I'm existing in an out of body experience that has gotten stuck in limbo, doomed to float along side sadness in an empty sea.

Before things even get close to becoming remotely "right" an unseen force, more likely tho it is just me, shifts the balance back  dangerously close to the "wrong"

I feel like I'm twisted amidst a tornado of loss that is sending me plummeting viciously toward the rock face unfortunately I  can not avoid impact for very long

Despite my relentless struggle I find no freedom from this compulsion's grip keeping me confined inside my own subconscious cage.

I agree that living is naturally hard as hell and it takes work to keep a smile on but not even my perfectly painted pretend smile can hide this soul full of sadness, lost hope and rage.

If the parts of me that are worn to show the world could mirror what I stow away deep inside, I wonder if anyone would even recognize this person that the see

Hard as it may be, alone in  silence within this world of only me, I am haunted by the fear that I wont remember how to be part of a world constantly  humming with We.

Change will inevitably grace each one of our lives and the best advice they seam to have for me is to just go with the flow.

Yet this same unstoppable force is what fuels our most passionate quarrels, your famous line "you are not the same person that I used to know"

I  will admit that things about me are not the same but I wish you would realize that this affliction is yours as well and  there a many difference in you too.

I know that you sense my distance and think it is just me being cold, has the thought escaped you that may be result of the inconsistent harshness spewing out of  you.

As the time passes between us we have our ups and our downs, all the while you become more and more focused on the "little things" causing you displeasure.

Yet when push comes to shove and both of our headstrong tempers begin to flare you twist things around and portray me as the aggressor.

My emotions have been on a never ending  roller coaster ride of torment mashed into chaos, yes I have changed cause I can take no more.

Once upon a time our love was effervescent, laughter echoed thru our halls, now the silence of thoughts unspoken replace most all of what was there before.

I always thought that change was a good thing, a natural response to the world that we are surrounded by.

Well whom ever came up with that notion forgot the disclosure...... May cause heartache, inflammation of the emotions and an overwhelming feeling for the need to cry.

A picture can capture a single moment in time which then can be worth a thousand words , if asked I  believe most would agree to say.

I often find myself left wondering, sad  but true, how many of these  pictures are speaking lies and half truths on family portrait day.

Gathered around the camera , each one dressed up to the nines, making sure they all look flawless in the glow of the photographer's light.

Inside their heads are swirling and mom is still raging with fury, but nothing will ruin this photo not even memories of last nights fight.

Dad has been hitting the bottle to escape from his this life that he leads but for this photo, this precious remembrance, just consider him Mr.Brady

Mom's holds a secret as well, while dad is away she hides her brand new playmate, but this snapshot has paused her game  and Mom pretends she is a lady.

There is daddy's precious little girl, he pretends not to see that she is very unstable doing lines at the table, while  her beauty hides all of her madness.

Wait there is one that was almost forgotten, which is how he spends most of his life, in this portrait he'll shine covering up his heart wrenching sadness.

The picture turned out to look brilliant , so proudly it was first mounted then hung high up on the wall.
  
The portrait will last a life time, in fact it will most likely still gleam when this perfect family starts to fall.

It is almost painful trying to fathom the reason some men take a woman's intelligence and blatantly play it down.

Shouting out from behind me " hey ma lemmi holla at cha" I must inform you will never get this female to turn around .

I do not find your uncultivated demeanor flattering in the least, in fact it makes you somewhat insignificant, not worth a second look.

I want nothing to do with your infantile swagger in capable of sharing coherent insightful thoughts, afraid to stray from the same old play book.

A physical attraction is of some importance, but I am more enthralled when a man hears, not only listens to the words that are spoken to him.

Serenade me with your ability to articulate raw emotion thru flowing words, entice me with an intriguing mind, show me that you are a rare gem.

As for those males pretending to be men, but in reality can't even wrap their minds around the idea, don't waste your time with me, your ego will just get bruised.

If it is my attention that he seeks, a man must be confident that he can stimulate my mind, draw me in by the rhythm  of the words he has used.