From within the depths of me I fight so hard, my intention never giving up, but in exhausted and my hope... Well... simply has run dry.

Familiar faces are constantly surrounding me but thru the haze, ruling the majority of my mind,they are nothing more than strangers walking by.

This overbearing feeling if lonesomeness is a wretched sickness spreading thru what once was me, the harder I try to suppress it the worse it makes me feel.  

My perpetual sadness is an unfortunate symptom that plagues me and no matter how I tend to these lacerations on my soul they never seem to heal.

Bitterly I must swallow down  the wickedly perfect blend of endless anguish and just a little more provocation then one should take in.

Almost ritualistically I choke back the desire to purge myself of this insignificant existence, as I long for a new one to begin.

This affliction has left behind an emptiness which reeks such havoc inside me and it is perfected by my alienation.


Struggling in my seclusion I search frantically for the part of me that somehow had gotten somewhere in translation.

This fire smoldering between us burns so very intense that all my inhibitions just seem to melt away.

I can't stop myself from becoming drunk off the intoxication of your captivating physic, MMMM  I love feeling this way.

I see your eyes light up with expectancy when I tease you, sending waves of temptation thru your imagination.

With deep anticipation, I savor the idea of our bodies intertwined and my head becomes dizzy from my hearts acceleration.

Curving my long sleek body to fit into your mold, while teasing nibbles and seductive kisses are given in just the right place.

Breathless whispers fueled by pure desire, exploring each others body with enticing caresses as we long to stay locked in this lustful embrace.

Confined to this asylum bound by massive chains
restricting me to my own mis- guided  perception,  oh how I long to break free.

   In the distance there lies a sea of disconsolate faces washing ashore  so I keep watch to see if I can find me.

   There is this hollowness inside me, it's presence so utterly dominating, like a raging river it runs wild.

The idea of feeling completely numb is ever so enchanting,  an escape from all the dishevelment that thru the years I have compiled.

The air around me has  becime so stifiling, it is  slowly crushing my lungs, under its magnitude I will be forced to give in before too long.

Willing my breath to please slow so I can calm myself before the storm, I focus on my hearts rythmic sound, such melancholy song..

How can U  N  I be so utterly different and yet simultaneously without you I just do not feel whole.
     I can't see the pictures in my mind, but even still these memories, our memories are burned within my soul.

     It amazes me how U  N  I can be our own worst enemies, kindred spirits, complete rivals and passionate lovers all at the same time.
        This game of love in itself can be endearing and fulfilling and also unrelenting and unyielding , but in the end it is always worth the climb.

     I often wonder if U  N  I will withstand the tests of time, if our force can weather even the most severe storm.
      Seclusion wrapped in duality conjoined to both perfect and destroy one another, endlessly locked in a battle which wages war against the norm.

Why

  Do you only allow your sweet tears to flow when you are sure that no one else can see you.

  Are you worried that if you don't hide these  somber moments the true you just may show thru.

     Why

  Is it that you turn away when it is your beauty which is being spoken of.

  As if all the scars etched in your heart were revealed making you undeserving of love.

     Why

  Do you let the monsters, that violate your solace, keep you cowering backed up against the wall.

  Is it that you believe you will always be alone, no one will try and catch you if you fall

     Why
  Won't you let in the ones that stand before you, for they appear to truly care.

  So you think that, just like all the other, they will just leave you , which is a pain you cannot bare.

These wicked emotions swelling up inside reek havoc upon the sanctity  I so desperately need to find.

    Gasping frantically for a breath of air, I am drowning in the overwhelming  dejection that is flowing thru out my mind.

   So I will just hush.

        Locked within this superficial world built on a foundation of complacency,  it has become taboo to maintain a sense of  hope.

      Effortlessly individual thoughts are manipulated, silently molded, while obliviously gliding on this slippery *****.

            Still I should just hush.

It nearly chokes the life out of me , just the idea of digesting the spoon fed lies they attempt to force feed me everyday.

        Private wars are being waged before our eyes, yet the colossal facade of stability is what  continually they portray.

                    Again they say hush.

     But I scream back I will no longer hush.

At the end of the day I can find no other place to lay the  blame but on myself.
           Although it possibly may be my demise, I allow myself to care for those that refuse to see past their own desire.
          Intently I give the best of me and in turn I unintentionally add fuel to their self indulgent fire.

           At the end of the day I must admit that the reason I feel the way I do soley rests on my shoulders.
           How ridiculously nieve of me to believe that the same rules you  set forth, you yourself would abide by.
          Consistently ever changing are the expectations placed upon my shoulders, I fail to see a reason for me to try.

At the end of the day there is only a vaugue reflection staring back from the other side of the mirror.
          More often than not I find myself trying to mask my angst and perpetrate that all is as it should be.  
          A sullen little marrionet playing pretend, frantically attempting to hide her strings so the world will think she is free.