It hurts that you still don't get what it is that I need , even after I spell it out for you.                    
    

Why do you make it so hard for us to work, with your selfishness and lack of interest in the things I do.


              I just don't even wanna
             Look at ya face.


I try to be there for you with anything you need, but for the things I ask of you, not even a backward glance.

Over and over we argue about theses issues, each time you vow a change if I give a second chance.


            But right now I don't
            Wanna look at ya face.

It is hard when a person that you love with all your heart is also the one that fills you with endless rage.


They say anything that is worth having is worth fighting for, but more often I wonder if we can survive after the "honeymoon stage".


         Cause at this moment I don't
      Wanna look at ya face

The sadness of today is chasing the hope of my tomorrow's out of my head.

This endless torment I allow to take hold is so fierce , like a savage beast it waits to be fed.

On display for the world to see my madness, frantically  I try to hide behind the glass.

I try to convince myself that one day it will be different, that this too will pass.

My mind wanders to happier days when I was able to be the only thing I've ever wanted to be, ME.

I shut myself off from the world and in my sweet solitude I am able to keep secret what I don't want them to see.

Paralyzed by the curiosity of what they must think I try once again to open up and let them back inside.

The idea of them prying into my thoughts, telling me all I've done wrong, only makes me wish I had continued to hide.

Laugh and smile, make your life worthwhile.

Because there will be deaths,lies, cries and even regret.

We have have the strength to forgive, but never forget.

We try and try but sometimes fall down.

We must be able to pick our feet up off the ground.

The leaves of my family tree are few but the vibrant color display scattered across its branches makes it reach incredible heights.

Some nights I think about how we all mesh together into this spectacular rainbow , yea I  really love those nights.  

Looking back I know my  Momma had no idea how hard it would be having a family  like ours.

Each child from a different man that didn't stick around,but in her eyes we were shinning stars.

Momma took in young  souls that had nowhere to go and gave them a place to call home.

In my eyes it just made sense that they became family because it was all I have ever known.

Most families are bound by blood, while that was partly true about ours, it was also held together by something more.

As time went by we had lil ones of our own ,I wish more than anything Momma could see how our beautiful tree has grown.

Hate filled words firing out of your mouth with the precision of a well seasoned ******.

Aming at your target, and  yet again your target is me

Your toungue so sharp the venom coming out can only be matched by that of the deadly viper.


                     After comes, I'M SORRY


You cut me down, just to lift me back up, only long enough to aim those blows so much lower.

Eye to eye, standing my ground, but inside silently shaking.

Sounds flying by me at a million miles per second but so overwhelmed my reactions are much slower.


                  Once again I hear, I'M SORRY


You pummel my ear drums with your plethora of complaints of all that it is I do wrong.

Simultaneously you cut me off and chastise me for having nothing to say.

Your words burned into my mind, just keep replaying over and over, haunting me all night long.


                Morning comes and another..... I'M SORRY


Those two words themselves sting almost as badly as what caused them to be said.

All meaning has been wipped away,  if ever there at all.

A clean slate for a new day, and with your sweet apologizes  once again I will be misled.


Just one more... I'M SORRY

Without hesitation you sacrificed everything just to give us a better chance.

It was brand new to you and you were all alone but you took it on not giving a backward glance.

I won't sit here and lie, it was not a fairytale, but you did  the best with what you had.

My life has been an intricate web of memories, some beautiful, some confused and some just sad.

You, yourself, as a child were tossed aside, saftey  and love were things you never knew.

You found the courage to soilder on and for us you prayed you'd make it thru.

There were times when your sadness was to much to bare and it caused you to give in.

Like the time we came home from school to find that you had attempted the ultimate sin.

Even through  all of your pain, the one thing  I always knew was that you loved  us more than words could say.

And as I sit here now and write these words, even tho your gone, my love for you grows stronger every day.