The devil tried to harm me, but he couldn’t reach me. So instead, he went with Plan B—brainwashing my cousin’s empty, lifeless mind to ruin my reputation and fracture our relationship.  

Go on. Dare me. Challenge me. Are you sure about your decisions? Did you really think I would break the moment my bond with my cousins was shattered? Think again.  

I can live without them. In fact, that’s perfectly fine because at least I’m still whole. What matters most is myself, so why should I even worry, right?

You should be worrying about yourself, instead because,

Everyone already knows the kind of person you are, and they’re all on our side now. What you’re doing right now doesn’t define us—it defines you. Your actions speak for themselves, and they paint a clear picture of who you truly are.

ilysm, imysm;
I know you know that, I hope you won't forget that
yatoofm, moaol
(you are the only one for me, my one and only love)
you are my 13, my everything
my peace amidst all chaos, my best friend, partner, lover embodied in one
Icwtmy, Iwhyln
(I can't wait to marry you, I wanna have your last name)
No matter how long it takes

unlimited talks, adding or subtracting words

ooh, do you know what you are
what I saw in you
You felt like the cockroach of the sea—oh no!
You are the cockroach of the land—black, white or brown
I might be ready to squish or stomp you up, but still, whatever I do, it still keeps you alive, awake, kicking and enthusiastic

But truly sweetie, what defines you? A disgrace to the community—and that mouth of yours is a disgrace to my family as well

Let's save these dramas for ourselves now, shall we?
The worst is yet to come
I'm not done yet, the show is not yet over
I'm just warming up, I might go over next for the exciting part

You made me hate you—despite that, I pity you!
For all the cries and the untold stories
I pity you, not for your experience—but for how pathetic you are to gain or earn my trust
I helped you, listened to your pleas
But this is all you gave me in return

Your presence, existence—is nothing but a social scourge
An epidemic, an illness, a pest, an addiction, that even any medicine to cure cannot prevent it
There is no such thing as a remedy for an incurable disease like yours—An addiction you bring is never tolerated

That even your efforts and intentions are even questionable
Maybe you were a broken record—repeating lies and spitting spew into me
Well, I breathe in and out the fire of the level of your innocence

Well *****, don't look down, I am not there
Look up, heads up now, front and center
Look into my eyes, let me see your sincerity

Maybe you forgot, even if you keep denying it
The truth is always there, ready to be found when I am effortlessly not looking for it

Let's establish some rules, yes
For this staring game, I am all in
Lay all the cards on me, deck it now and let me tell you your future
Time will tell, yes, along with it, comes your fate
A shadowy figure, holds its scythe and wears a black hoodie while its hood is covering its face is now pointing you
It says to be a grim reaper, your time is up, old lady
Pity or not, you will experience an awful hell of a death

But, I don't want to scare you or burst your bubble
God sees the truth, but waits because He knows when to attack

I keep silent, revenge is for Him to do and not mine
I might forgive you, for my peace of mind
I might forget you, I hope so
But never what you did to me

It caused me hurt and pain, wounded scars of my unforgettable battles never won
It caused me trauma—got mistaken for something I never did

Labelled me as a thief, what else can you give me? Is that all?
Give me your best shot—bang me with the problems and issues you cannot handle well
Well, I handled worse

Reveal to me the ***** linens of my past—I am no longer afraid
God knows me well, dear—but you don't
God knows me and my whole life well—you just saw my life in highlights,  reels and teasers but never my whole story
I got used to it by now, I dealt with things on my own
Faced my demons and ***** on my own
Is there anything I cannot handle well? Even If I look at myself in the mirror, I saw my brave reflection who is now courageous enough to face the imperfect world

Oh pity! How about you? Your experience is much more pitiful than mine
So, you keep exposing my ***** linens, well, don't worry about it, let me expose yours too
Too sad, you married a narcissistic man, you are such a weakling when both of you ran into an argument
But oh boy, you loved the thrill when we have a feud, right?
You had an introvert ******-up son with his ****** girlfriend with mommy issues
A social climber, a leech to **** off your wealth
Oops, you are not even wealthy, right? Your American husband is only the one  supporting your ******* in life, right?
Don't make me push the buttons too much to expose your *****
So that you can still redeem your head, when you walk to town.
Your opinions of me are invalid, only God's criticisms are valid

I chose to walk away, white flag is waving now
But honey, I learned—to choose my battles and you are not one of it
Never worth it.

I'm not mad, just venting out
I spread no hate or evil deeds, just ranting out.

I freed myself for a day, cleared my schedule for you
Yet you are not cooperating with me.
Tch. It does not always work that way. I hope you know that.

I gave contributions out of my partner's pocket
Just to contribute for this event
But it made me feel like I was the one at fault
I never told you to carry all the burden of spending too much beyond your means
But later on, I lose the interest to go on and attend the event
To let everybody know, you're the hero
You try to showoff because you contributed a lot

I hope you should know that
I cannot contribute more than what you expected me to give now
Is it too much to ask? A peace of mind is what I needed.

For your information, my eyes were never sweet to look at.
You might get scared, so don’t you dare look at me like that.

Oh, my dear, sad black eyes—
They can light up the moment I see you again.
But don’t expect an apology when these sweet, innocent eyes
Shift into the fierce gaze of an eagle.

What pushed you to do it?—trading our imperfectly perfect family to your comfortable life there
Alright, It will be alright
I just wanted to redeem my peace of mind back
But you keep pulling my last strings

I didn't mean to curse you or have my hopes high
I still prayed for you—to see the brighter side
Since it is always greener on the other side
We don't need to be bitter with anything that's been going on here

I never stole anything—just like how you accused me
Maybe your mind was too shallow—too in deep to not understand that there is a huge difference with the unbiased, baseless information and a research-based with proofed information

I thought you were a liberal arts graduate, but your mind was never too liberal
You messed with the wrong gal, pal
But I might just let it slide for now
Because I just want to be a good girl for now—but not for long, mate
Even my kindness has an expiration
So, for now, I would just tolerate your ****

But bad move, you reacted in such a bitter way immaturely
When you made a stupid decision in your life, we helped you
I know, we know, help is never a two-way beneficial process
But when we made a stupid decision, you reacted in a rash and harsh way

Guess who is a rabid dog now
I chose my battles wisely—I react when I want to, but this, is never a wise decision to agree with in the first place

When you and your narcissistic husband fought like cats and dogs—he threw away your things out in the streets
You dialed my mother's number and called her, asking for help
My mom helped you process tour documents, just so you could be with your American boyfriend when your annulment was approved

Now, you look at us like we were so capable of ruining your life, of wrecking havoc to your belongings
We would not do such a thing to you—but you hurt my mother's feelings, you know
I hope you would find it in your heart, one day
My mother is imperfect, but what you said harsh towards her, might leave a scar for us not to trust you once again

I am praying earnestly that, one day will come
when you will be deported or if your American husband will die
or if you want to come home here in the Philippines

While your son was no longer there for you, since he only used and manipulated you
We were there before, but we can no longer promise to be by your side once again

Like I said, you cannot find trust in the same person twice.

Paramore says in their song "Ain't It Fun":  

"Don't go crying to your mama, 'cause you're on your own in the real world."

After all, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Alone. Yes, alone.  

But why is it that when something bad happens, your mom suddenly gets angry AT US and we do not know what happened, then she attacks my mom; Yes, my mom, technically, is the sister of your mom—because you and your stories seem to get more and more exaggerated?

DO NOT EVER USE YOUR MOM ON YOUR ******* PERSONALITY, JUST TO LET HER DEFEND YOU OF YOUR ACCUSATIONS TO BREAK ME.

think again, foolish weakling! Before you broke me into pieces, there is nothing for you to break anymore. I have been broken long before you wished to.

You though breaking me makes me weak? (Baka ikaw, lampa na nga sira pa ang mata, tch.) Nah. It made me stronger, FYI.

No offense, accuse me because I go for blow. I insult you in return.
  
I'LL CLAP BACK FOR A RESOUNDING APPLAUSE YOU DESERVE, "ILABAS ANG GAWAD URIAN" FOR THE FILM YOU MADE FOR ME.

Why does everyone avert their gaze the moment our eyes meet? Do they sense something lurking within me—an inner demon, perhaps? Or is it that, in facing me, they realize I am neither saint nor devil, but something else entirely?  

I am a soul reborn, a human renewed. I turned away from deception, abandoned falsehoods, and embraced the truth. And maybe—just maybe—that priest saw it too.  

Did he sense a demon in our midst? Or was he standing before something far greater? He never flinched, never dodged our silent battle of wills. Perhaps, in my presence, he saw not darkness, but light so blinding it threatened to consume him—so brilliant it exposed the shadows within his own soul, leaving him unable to tolerate me at all.

Perhaps he forgot—forgot that I am, indeed, a being of duality. Light and dark, saint and sinner, fire and ice. But the difference between us?  

I chose the good side. 
Or maybe because when light enters a dark place, it forces a reaction. That explains it. When you look my way, I never hesitated for a second to look at you, straight into your eyes, looking for a loophole into your salvation or groundbreaking, then I smirk and you look away.
 
Why flinch? Why avoid my stares? Satan is among us, but it is not me you're looking at, maybe because he was what you were looking for, you heretic buffoon!

And maybe that’s what unsettled him. Not the presence of a demon, nor the radiance of divinity, but the sheer reality that I stand at the crossroads of both—aware, awake, and unwilling to be swallowed by the darkness he hides within himself.

You were so quick to judge last night,  
singling me out from the crowd,  
asking about my boyfriend’s faith—  
as if his beliefs could seal my fate.  

I said, "No, he’s not Catholic."  
And without a second thought,  
you declared my life in danger.  

So swift was your verdict,  
yet you never even asked what he believes.  
Tell me—are you certain I’m the one at risk?  
Or have you simply met your match?

YOU

You DO what you DO best, classic!
Say what you want to say, to me.
I hope you never kiss & tell, oh honey please

You never walk that talk, pretentious actions and crocodile teary-eyed plastic friend

Is there anything else on your mind?
We were never wired to guess it, right?
Please, pray tell, It's making me too impatient now

Pretty little lady, playing safe now are we?
Hold on to your hope, I'll catch you either you're dead or alive

Pretty little lady, won't you come here and save me
Holding on to dear life, I ran away from monsters under my bed
Demons etched ink into my skin, crawling, escaping.

They shout out your name, shadows left unturned
Come with me, they held out my hand Pretty little lady, are you still mad at me?
Letting myself to put the bounty on your head
A killer on the loose, a madman running away chasing someone waiting to ****.

The peace of not knowing everything is far better than the burden of knowing it all at once.

Or perhaps, this boredom I feel now is the peace I once longed for. Either way, I am grateful—I have learned how to be alone without being lonely.

But did you know? The best thing they ever did for me—those bred with perfection and sincerity—was to despise me in silence. Hated by many, yet confronted by none.

Perhaps it was the peace of mind I deserved—to not know at all. Or maybe, it was merely the weight of unanswered questions and the burden of overthinking.

A peace of mind, I plead. Mind me, will you?

I'm sorry if I failed as your daughter.
If I never lived up to your expectations.

At the very least, I graduated.
At least, I pushed through—I never dropped out, never skipped classes.
At least the recognition came before any award.
At least I didn’t get pregnant along the way.

But even then, I received no appreciation.

Were you proud that I made it this far?
Were you proud that, at the very least, I graduated?
You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m used to it—I trained myself not to react anymore.

But still, behind closed doors, I kept asking myself:
Were my efforts ever enough?
Did I ever make you feel satisfied or proud of what I did while I was still studying?

Did I make it—as your daughter?
Or just as a student of my alma mater?

I'm sorry if I failed as a sibling—
As your Ate.
I just got tired.
I'm only resting.

But that doesn't mean I'm weak.
I’m strong—because I know that all of this hardship, someday, will lead somewhere meaningful.

As your sister, you may have seen or heard me cry.
Just don’t mind me.
I’m just trying to let it all out—
Like a cloud, heavy with all the weight it’s been carrying.
I just need to feel the pain…
Until it finally numbs me.

You may have seen me in my most vulnerable moments.
But that’s okay.

It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to be seen in pain.
Because I am brave—
Brave enough to let others see my tears,
Brave enough to show the wounds I usually hide.

I guess my poems no longer excite me
to write another one and post it once again.
I'd say goodbye to my childhood house that I lived in for 25 years.
I am saying goodbye to my room whom I gave so much memories to.
I am leaving this neighborhood and never come back.

You think, you can fool me
Wrap me around your little finger
May you bless me well, for you to be holy
But nah, you may know me well from the outside

But you don't because every time you look in the mirror,
You mirror convexity face to face with your kind

I never doubted for a second
I never think twice, no second choices for a split second
Just a split personality, bipolar disorder
Because I know when to be crazy and be serious at the same time

I might choke you, pin you down
Stab you, rope you
Maybe when I punch you, you might fly
Thin-skinned boy with no permanent dreams
Living for a temporary, one day millionaire life.

Pretense of the rich-poor cycle
Blending in with the rich like a chameleon
Socializing with the poor since it is your kind
Don't confuse me with your ideal Marxism

You can't fool me. Not anymore.