I buy Advil for the pain.
A disembodied ache,
Persistent and unyielding.
Something’s clawing at the inside of my mind
Or something’s trying to break in.

I buy a toy car.

I buy Pepto-Bismol for the anxiety.
A squirming in the pit of my stomach,
Sweating and pounding.
With this vibrant hue of pink
I crave the washing away of panic.

I buy a sparkly pen.

I buy Melatonin for the insomnia.
A stubborn wakefulness,
Leaving me alone with the dark.
I have a simple desire to end consciousness
With a bitter swallow.

I buy a teddy bear.

I buy caffeine pills for the exhaustion.
For the long hours of the day
When I’m too tired to breathe.
I choke on concentrated motivation
To provide some lost enthusiasm.

I buy a pack of gum.

I stand at the counter to fill my self-prescribed medication
But, of course, I spent my paycheck on all of this last week
So I go home without anything at all
Just like last week

An ocean rolls before me
Yet I wish not to swim.
A sky hangs above; infinity
I cannot raise a limb.

What have I then?
A sandy glen,
And the shadow of a whim.

I can’t help but think it sad
That I can’t remember why you left
Only that you were leaving me
But maybe that’s not true
Because I know reality is tiring
I just want to fall back asleep

Last night I dreamt of you
And it wasn’t you, so I was happy
Because I can’t look at you without my eyes closed
Otherwise I would see a harsh truth
Honestly I should be sick of missing you
But it’s my favorite pastime

It is you,
Your impossible being,
With every glance and every step and every touch.
It is you,
That makes me glitter.

A simple phrase,
And suddenly I am blooming with a thousand glowing dew drops.

A brushing of fingers,
Brings into fruition several sparkling stars within my body.

A delicate kiss,
Sending me into burning fireworks of passionate sensibility.

With casual obliviousness combined with genuine affection,
The bane of my fragile soul,
I become a shimmering image.

It is you,
A boy of naivety and a man of world-weariness,
With eyes like skies and lips like home.
It is you,
That makes me shine.

What is a bird without its wings? What is a fish without its fins?
What is a road without a destination? What is a shore without an ocean?

I look at the sun and wonder how it gives and takes all at once with each rise, with each set

I look at the moon and wonder how it pushes and pulls all at once with each wane, with each wax

I feel my tears and cannot believe that they pour out at both the greatest despair and the greatest joy

I feel the beat of my heart and cannot believe that it continues to pound with both the deepest pain and deepest peace

It is you that makes me question so, you with eyes that shine and look into mine
Do you know how very happy you make me? Do you know how very mournful you make me?

A false hope will give me a reason to live and a reason to die

A touch of the hand will break me into infinite pieces and make me whole again

Can a bird still fly without its wings? Can a fish still swim without its fins?
Can a road still take me home if it is lost? Can a shore still wash me away if it meets no ocean?

It is the absence of you that makes me question so, the absence of you that weighs heavily upon my chest
Do you know how very relieved I feel when I’m alone? Do you know how very afraid I feel when I’m alone?

I have learned that love and hate may exist simultaneously
I have learned that fondness and spite may be directed at the exact same element

I hate you, but I love you

Do you know?

I peel off my fingernails;
I pick off my toes.
I pluck out each eyeball;
I snap off my nose.

I unhinge my elbows;
I dig out each lung.
I let spill my intestines;
I bite out my tongue.

I rip off each eyebrow;
I twist off my hips.
I yank out each canine;
I pull off my lips.

I squeeze out my liver;
I break off my chin.
I tear off my ears;
I slip out of my skin.

One by one go my limbs
And organs and parts;
They were used but not loved,
So I take them apart.

After my body is gone,
And disposed of somewhere

Leaving no dreams, worries, memories,
Nor a voice in the air

Will someone
Please tell me
If something’s still there.