I feel like I should just start hypervenalating right there.
I don't know how to respond.
Should I let the tight tears just run down my cheeks unstoppingly.
I'm in the middle of confusion.
My stupid teenage years.
Of every memory I've had...
Never like this has happened.
Never this confused.
But as a teenager you're all like actually caring about what you look like, who likes who, the latest couples and all this other crap.
Well looks like my worrying of caring about that stuff is over for  the rest of my life, because my life will be full of confusion and nothing else.

While all confusion lays on my hands.
I walk into the dimming light.
the killing, murderous light of love.
It's so strong.
Am I walking the right path?
Did I take the right turn?
Did I turn into the wrong corridor?
There were millions.
For a Melody like me.
I took the right path.
The right map.
The right direction.
The right corridor.
There is no doubt.
Though I'm not perfect.
So something has to be an obstacle then.
And so I have my too tall of a hurdle to try to jump over.
My millions of corridors I could've taken I took the right one.
And ended up with the millionth corridor of confusion.
But I took the right path.
I know it.
And so I'm sitting here writing this.
If I hadn't of taken my millionth path.
I would have never been sitting here writing my feelings out.
All of my millionth path of confusion too you.
My millionth path was my right path.
What is your millionth path?
Does life ever get you thinking,
that you're not you but you're someone else?
Exactly. I'm not Melanie. I'm Melody.
And you can't be me.
Because I'm one of a kind.
And so are you.
So take your millionth path.
And make it different.

So every morning my dad fixes coffee and I drink some.

I sit at my desk,

Catching up with everything that I missed over the night.

I pick up my coffee cup,

When it gets above my upper thigh,

I have no idea what I did...

But I spilled a few drops on my lucky Thumper pajama pants.

"Dang it..."

I take a sip..

Then set the cup back down

On the cup's way to my desk..

I spill some coffee on my right foot..

"Grrr..."

I set the coffee cup down a little harder...

And it goes over on my mouse-pad.

I glare at the cup..

This cup has always been nice to me,

I don't know why it isn't now.



So about five minutes later I pick the cup back up again

And once again once it is over my thigh,

Coffee spills over in the same spot.

I take a sip, set the cup down, and look at my pants..

"My Thumper pants are going to have a coffee stain on it."



Still aggravated with my coffee and my cup,

I pick it back up again...

While the cup is in my hand is take a different route to my mouth..

It's almost to my mouth when it drops some more coffee on my pants and pajama shirt...



So here I am in my school clothes,

With left over coffee in the cup..

Afraid to drink it.

I take a sip and I don't spill anything...

I have come to this conclusion:

The coffee and the cup hated my Thumper pants and my tank top.

That was my morning, this morning.

Snowy glitter, rains from the sky.
In every sensation you can possibly ever think of.
All love and hate combined fully.
In a circle you stand glowing blue.
Blue radiance.
How come I'm your red radiance?
How come I'm your hate?
But you're my love.
If anything happens to you then it happens to me too.
But this dream upon my mind, is a never happening dream.
Because you are my love, and I'm your love too.
I live for you.
I'd die for you.
Don't make it a rash decision.
But nothing will keep me from reaching my one never happening dream.
For you are my happening dream.
But THAT was my never happening dream
So save my heart from terror and pain.
You're my shield, I'll be yours too.

I sat there
Forever
Waiting for you to come
For my own selfish reasons.
Only to discover under my tears,
That I had accidently drowned everything,
Even the sea,
Underneath the Night Sky.

Stars aligned once in the sky.
Watching the moon move in the sky.
What a beautiful sight.
That happened that night.
And we still carry the unforgettable memories.

A cry I hear.
Over the mountain top.
Nothing particularly special about that certain night.
But we cherish the unforgettable memories.

Carried in a bag.
Across the world.
So full of emotions.
But yet not screaming but still breathing.
What bad memories.
But it's all that happened that make it an unforgettable memory.

Honey,
There's no reason.
No reason to be sad.
No reason to be mad.
No reason to feel anything at all.

Why is there no reason?

There just isn't a reason, ***.
There's not a reason at all.
No reason.
No reason to be glad I'm here.
No reason to be sad I'm there.
No reason to be mad that I came.

Just what are you feeling then?
You're feeling the hatred just grow and grow,
but it's not for me.
That feeling you think you feel
has no reason until you know that feeling is real.
No reason that the feeling is there until you
realize that it can't exist until you know it's
real, so more emotions can come out.

Let the feelings show on your face.
Shine in the sunlight or shimmer in the moonlight.
Just show the face of what you feel.
And you can live just fine.

Just make sure you have a reason to know the feeling is mutual.

He said he loved me.
Then how come he hurt me?
If he comes near me again will I break down into tears?
He made my feelings.
I didn't make my own.

This feeling is nothing but pain.
It's stronger.
It's eating me from the inside and maybe the out.
I never knew, but I knew I was utterly in love with him.
And now I just can't even think about love, because he did nothing but
Burn me.

And now someone else is chasing after me.
He said he loved me.

What will I do with this young feeling of bright stars twinkling?

I think I might die from such agony that cuts me to my core.

If I die. I leave my heart to him. All over again.

Nothing has happened.
Nobody knew the crime he did.
It wasn't for public to see.

Nothing knew.
Nobody happened to see.
The crime he made in public.

One day.

I'll let you free.
Into your heavenly blue sky.
Let you have your own freedom beneath your stars.
Let you have your way, any way you want it.
Just tell me your love me.
Like I love you.
Will everything be alright?
When I let you have that one never ending, daring day.
I will not tape your wings.
I will not gag your mouth.
I will not cover your ears nor strangle until your death.
BUT! I will let you have
That one day.

One day.

I will have a dream prepared to seek.
And will find it until I find you.
I want everything here until the end.
No buildings falling to the crashing ground.
I want my own day like you got yours.
Make my dream come true to let me seek upon this world.
It will all make true until everything is correct.
Take me to your crazy world.
And let me have that one day.
I will have dream prepared to seek.

One day.

Our days will come and meet together.
Make my seeking dream come true, and make your freedom enter.
I will not cry a tear while you're here.
Because I met you on our one days.
Let our hearts come together.
Let us become our own certain souls.

One day.
I'll let you out of your cage, to smear your freedom or freedom into the world.

Sitting on the beach with you
Watching the little creatures float by on the shore.
Enjoying the Ocean's spray.
Oh, what a dream, that will never come true...
Because sitting on the beach with you
Among the ocean spray,
Would be my last dream for you...

Where we met.
On a rock.
on top of that magical hill.
When I followed you to the lake.
And we swam for hours.
We didn't know,
what was right behind out backs.
I felt it.
but didn't say anything.
It was watching us in the dark night.
Watching the stars with us.
Finding constellations shaped as animals.
Finding our feelings in the grass underneath a tree.
It was our place.
When I woke up and you had blood rushing out of your heart.
I had no idea what happened.
It was my nightmare.
After finding my love for you.

It was our place.

When we sat underneath the tree that one night.
And I woke up with you lying dead.
And I'm crying while smothered in your bright,fresh,red blood.

I shall never forget.
What had happened in my nightmare
In our wonderful place that was ours.

I cried and cried for years and years.
In our place.
I ended up dying in the same spot covered in your blood and skeleton
lay peacefully right next to me.

I just want you back.
to be in our place together again.
Underneath that tree.
Underneath the moon,stars, and sky.
Breathing that same air we were that night.
Not knowing what was behind our backs.
In our place.

The pain won't subside...

It's not something I can rid of with a simple pill...

I've brought this on myself,

If only I knew how.




The pain won't subside,

It feels as if metal is quickly scraping against cement ..

With the sparks flying..

I wish I knew why...




This pain in my chest...

It's making me sad...

It's making me lose hope...

It's making me want to cry...




The pain won't subside,

I know I brought this upon myself,

But if only I knew how...

Why this is happening...




This isn't mild...

It's driving me insane...

I may need a break,

But I won't take a break from poetry or life...




I cannot share this with anyone,

Or else the dragon will burst through,

The dragon of my heart's flames.

This pain is causing me to ache...

It's something I cannot simply just cry out...

Sleeping a peaceful sleep,
Poison was poured,
Poured into the poverty of life.
From love to hate,
To hate to love.
The poison was poured into the poverty of life.

Have the flower in your hand,

Cupped in rainbow rain drops.

See the electric wires blaze at the joined up parts,

Cupped in rainbow rain drops.

Feel the river's setiment move up stream,

Cupped in rainbow rain drops.

You cry and speak this rainy dew,

But does it mean anything of sentiment value to you?



You had the flower in your hand,

Cupped in rainbow rain drops.

You saw the electric wires blaze at the joined up parts,

Cupped in rainbow rain drops.

You felt the river's setiment move up stream,

Cupped in rainbow rain drops.

But do they mean anything of sentiment value to you?



I saw you have,had,feel,felt,see,and saw these special things,

But you never showed any attention to them.

Maybe you just sit and hide your thoughts from me,

Maybe you just can't notice these tiny details that happen every minute of everyday of every year.

Maybe you haven't discovered these miniature rainbow rain drops,

That you're covered in from head to toe, yet.

But you are cupped in rainbow rain drops.

I feel like I'm in a car crash that just rammed into the side of a brick building.

It's this stupid block.

Writer's block.

I have no idea

What to do or say.

Or even write.

Which most certainly makes sense considering it's writer's block

A thing that is most certainly not beautiful in any case.

Now tell me why...

Why the smallest of words,

Will give me an idea..Even if I have my journal out..

I remember it, even after it fades, I just never write it.

OH YEAH BECAUSE IT ONLY LASTS A SPLIT SECOND!!

I literally feel like I'm ramming into walls.

It's this writer's block,

I tell ya.

It is something to be scared of.

Sitting on a rock
Looking into the lake.
Looking through a picture of a person,
You can't even name..


Your reflection isn't your face,
But a girl you don't even know
And never will.



Your reflection is the painting to show us
Your face,
But not your soul
Reflection is the safest way to live in a world.
Never letting anyone in..
Creating your own world.
It's so...
Realistic..
But it's only a reflection
A world that will never happen..

If we study our lives,
Then maybe we will find something,
To help us find our remembrance.
Something as important as life is the thing that can save us.
And if we open up then we will live eternities.

If we

Remember

Then we have

Found remembrance and memory.

Dear Hero,
  Save the princess from her dragon.
Love her so dear.
Make her your maiden.
Fairy tales are true,
Dear prince.
So, save this trapped princess from her tower
And love her so dear.

He reads and watches.
When he gets this phone call.
Wife in the ICU.
His mirrored face is shattered on the sideline.
Hair matted against his forehead,
From the same dream every night.
Let his mirrored tears falls to the ground and shatter on the sideline.
Watch everything live on.
Let him not let go.
Will he come around to watch the game?
Will he ever come around the right corner?
Falls to the ground.
And we all listen to his screams be shattered on the sideline.

Slivering through the star-covered sky,
Crazing down at you in your sleep,
Telling it's story,
As it's supposed to go,
Hogging your fate,
Otherwise,
Sharing your destiny,
Like you don't exist completely,
Nobody knows your secrets,
But everyone knows your future,
Let the shining moon tell you your flying
Stars.

Sierra,

You're my sister,

And if you're hurt,

And you're in the hospital I think I might just have to conquer my fear.

I've been lost lately,

And I can tell from the last time I saw you,

You've been lost too.

I'm sorry all I could do was make you laugh and smile,

And it might not have been real laughter or smiling,

But you don't deserve the pain you're going through,

And if I could I'd **** all the pain from you and unto me.

Because I think I deserve it more than you.

You've always been there to listen,

You've always been there to free my spirit,

And I'm sorry I never thanked you.

I always did listen to what you had to say..

And I'm sorry philosophical advice was all I could give you.

I remember our funnest memories and our bad memories




Naming the trampoline, Fernanand of course.

Always searching for resources

All the little tea parties we used to have.

Jumping on Fernanand with the sprinklers on and listening to Bon Jovi and screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs.

Sleeping on Fernanand , getting eaten alive by misquitoes.

Sitting under the mushroom at the public kiddy pool.

Seeing all those shadows,

Sharing deep dark secrets.

Our first meeting.

Setting notes under the house mats like we were spies.

Playing tip the cow on Fernanand.

Crying together.

Funny make overs

Sharing books,

Being ourselves.

Being sisters




Our bad memories...




Our fights

Moving ...

And when you're hurt,

I hurt too.




I don't know why you got this pain,

I did not.

When I deserve it more,

Than you.

You,

My dearest friend Sierra.

You did nothing.

Would you still hurt,

If we were together,




Sierra

I wish I could help.

I wish I could come visit you

But I don't think you'd like it if I had to commit ****** in a hospital to do that.

We are attached by soul chains

If you snap,

I will snap with you.

Do me a favor and don't snap.

Never give up..

Shoot for the stars...

Cry when you need to...

Write when you want....

Just because you're in that room,

Does not mean you cannot achieve your dreams.




Your description...

Just a girl following her dreams...




You're more than that..

You're my inspiration achieving her dreams.




We will never lose each other...

you cry, I cry.

You hurt, I hurt.




You don't deserve this pain...

I do...

Sierra..

My dearest friend..

My dearest sister...

My closest friend...

My closest sister....

Please understand..

If I could come and save you,

I would....




To all the world's best, You're the best...

Never forget...

Sierra...

I love and miss you...

And I hope to see you soon..

So about a minute before I got on poetic voice,

I was thinking about my self-esteem.

My lack of it.

And I realized that a few years ago,

I trusted myself,

And I believed.

But...

Not so much anymore.

I have no idea why.

I wish I was still like that.

But for some strange reason,

I tend to want to protect what I am now.

But I never protected myself when I was younger.

I want to know why I want to protect myself now,

A person with horrible self-esteem,

But I didn't want to protect myself a few years ago.

Because honestly,

When I was eleven I couldn't really care less about myself,

It was others and the world.

Sometimes I wish ...
that I was totally alone.
Sometimes even dead.
I don't know why.
But I have never gone and purposely pushed myself nor others down.
I have accidentally.
Nothing has ever worked out.
If I try I fail.
If I fail I try harder.
If I'm a natural I get worse.
If it's my talent it fades.

Sometimes I wish ..
That there was never anything in my way to stop me from what I want.
But then I realize that's probably the worst wish ever.
Because then I'm wishing for everything to just go away.

Sometimes I've never wished...
That I could be happy.
I don't want to be happy.
I want others to be happy.
I cry when a strangers hurt.
I sob into my pillow when my friend has been terrified.
But I have never cried for myself.

I guess I'm just too nice...
Because I also wish for people,not me, to be joyful.
Not me because I am no person.

My sudden urge,
To punch him in the face.
My sudden,winning,urge.
To let my past burdens consume me.
Bury me alive
In my own tears.
It won't happen.
I won't let it.
I'm strong.
I'm intelligent.
I'm strategic.
I'm terrified.
But my urges won't win.
This unexpected battle.

Thought he loved you.
Well he,
He didn't.
Sorry.

Take what you want; me
Take what I need; you
Take me along; on your journey
Take you and me and then take us together.
Take.

Come here, baby.
Don't worry.
No one's here to see.
What's left of you.
It's because you followed my taunts I left.

Like the bright red marker ink, you thought was blood after I buried you alive.
Just don't live.
Don't live on a taunt, you little honey bun.
Come and give.
Come and take.

I give no burden.
I give no sorrow.
I give no charity.
I have no burden.
I have no sorrow.
I have no charity.
What I give is the taunt.
What I have is the taunt.

Like the love letter on your desk.
Written in her hand I kissed upon your chest.
My heart pounds like spreading wild fire.
Yet all I see is red,red,red and taunts.

And yet! All you feel is nothing but cold.
Cold like ice.
Upon your frozen cheek.
Where I left the taunt.
Nothing ever before seen.
By a little human being.

In your cry I hear.
Such painless tears.
Hidden in such pain.
No crying eyes lay upon your tear-stained face.
If I could be here without you,
Forever I would.
I want to your terrific cry, cry again.
I don't want you living that pain again.
All your whole dang life.
I'm pretty sure nobody would tolerate such a life.
Let me hear your terrific cry, cry again.

I feel a little terrified..

I don't know of what..

But for the past day or so I haven't been feeling right.

Not like I'm sick..

But just like..

I need to run away soon.



I don't know why..

And it's freaking me out.

How do I get this feeling to run away itself?

It's the first time it's happened.

I'm afraid that if I don't get rid of it..

It's going to destroy me from the inside to the out..

Have I always felt this way and never realized it?

Why am I so terrified?!

What am I terrified of?!

I now know..

It's not a who..

And there isn't a why..

It's a what..

I'm terrified of..

My mirror's reflection of my empty personality

My body filled with 5 memorable scars

I'm terrified.. of ..

Myself..

Pain pouring out
On our hearts.
Persons shot down ten by ten.
Nothing but tears raining on our heads and guns.
It's not just a heaviness we feel,
It's THE heaviness.

I can't feel my heart.
It makes sense..There's nothing but a hole where my heart should be.
I cry and cry my sorrow for you..
But no tears of sadness come out.
You feel a heaviness.
I feel THE heaviness.

Nothing in the world shall be normal.
"Because it is my name, I cannot live without my name," said John Proctor.
Whatever happened to the name of his heart?

Tears,tears, and rain.
Tears, tears, rain, and storms.
All help us feel THE heaviness.

It's repeating itself.
Over and over.
It's ringing again and again.
What a nice little tone it has.
It's so beautiful.
I'm happy it's here.
It's The Melody I've heard my whole life.
If anything happens it's there.
It's my little stalker.
Why it makes my life magical and musical.
But will this beautiful sound last forever?
Why this is The Melody my soul has created.

Dear fellow poets,
   This is no poem, this is a letter. A letter to tell you everything will be okay? No, because I can't make everything be okay. I wish I could, but I can't. I'm writing this for me to tell you who I am. My name is Melanie and I'm very simplistic. If I could be normal I never would. Normal is just ....Not me. If I could decide where to put my pencil on my desk when I'm not using it then I'd go completely and utterly insane. And when I say insane, I literally mean insane, like you should ship me off the planet into the unknown in hopes to never see me again, insane. THAT is insane. I believe "what a person has to do then they need to go ahead" because it isn't worth waiting for the right time. I have very simple life rules,
1: to fulfill my life with my life, not anyone else life.
2: to complete my promise in life.
Though the whole promise in life thing is really hard. Though I might be making it hard, it's still challenging.
  But anyway, like I said, being normal is not me. I'm surprised nobody HAS already shipped me off the planet.  There is however possibilities that I might actually survive the craziness I put people through, I don't mean to by the way. People that have been through that craziness I am sorry. So anyway, there's probably more I could put but I just...Don't feel like it. Later

And so the moon calls us.
At the stroke of midnight.
Just to hear us say.
I want my soul back.

And so the sun may set.
But that brings to the end.
Until the clock shouts the final hour of our day.
Then the moon calls us.
At the stroke of midnight.
Just to hear us walking down the street.

The moon calls at midnight.
Not for empathy nor for sympathy.
But only to carry our souls until the the sun may rise again.
At the stroke of midnight.

This is my life,
but how come I'm not in charge of it?
Do they really think I'm not ready to risk, and take chances.
Do they think of me as base?
They don't really know me.
Nobody does..
I've only wished once that somebody did,
And he did.
But it ended horrific.
He burned my life with his lethal love...
I've wished for him back, but he never appeared.
I want to feel his warm embrace
His hand clasped onto mine.
This life is mine..
I learned to keep myself safe from jerks...
But I'd be so much more happy,
If MY **** was back,
with our hands entwined.
I want him back..
But in this life of mine..
I guess I never will,
Get that one person to come back again...



He read me like an open book..
I guess I just wasn't enough..
I can't hate him..
I can still love him..
But it's not like that..
I can't decide how right I feel.
My heart races when I'm around him..
I wonder,
If he'd like to have another conversation soon..
Because all I want to do is lean into his warm chest and cry and sob my
painful tears...


I just him back in this life..
Because this life..Is my life..
And I can control it.
Nobody else.

A few years ago..

When I was learning about clocks

How many hours were in a day, minutes in an hour...ect.

I never really thought about...

Time



Time,

To some people,

It seems like such a useless thing.

A thing unusable.

Well.

Time is neither living or dead,

Time neither repetitive or off track.

Time is time and honestly,

No matter how many times we watch the hour, minute, and second hand go 'round and 'round

We really can't control it.

So why do we even bother to keep track of,

Time?

Everything is not perfect.
But titles are alined.
In a way unimaginable.
Nothing is perfect in a world that fights.
We scream in  a cave and it echoes.
All titles are alined.
In an unimaginable way.
But it's possible.

Everything is possible but only in unimaginable measures.
Everything is here and we just don't know it yet.
Will we ever solve such a mystery?
A mystery in unimaginable ways?
We shall wait and see.

If everything were to revolve around one topic it'd be the unknown
Because that is the unexplored land we humans have yet to uncover and discover.
Think of it as a newly discovered Hawaii island.
Or a strange city that came out of nowhere because only certain people can walk it's streets.
Or an old forgotten castle.
A photo album that was never known to anyone in the family.
A memory that you had sought to dig out from the back of your mind.
Not us humans nor any living thing can seek out the unknown.
So the unknown is unknown to everyone and everything.

His big blue eyes.
Teary and sad.
His fluff of brown hair.
Upon that tiny head.
But his life has been given.

What a pretty face.

He squirms, squeals, sniffles, and screams.
Let's let God let him be.
For this new born child has such a pretty face.

What a wretch you are,
For stabbing me in the back,
And twisting the poisoned blood,
Until it went through my rib cage.
What a wretched wretch you really are.

You've been gone.
For two years now.
Never came back.
I don't know where you went.
I don't know what you went for.
Is there something you chased after?
What time does your clock say now?
When are you coming back?

I've missed having you here.
To comfort me when I'm down.
To play scrabble with.
To play basketball with.
To argue about politics with.
So why aren't you here?
Why are you where ever you went?
I've never left the house without you.
And I can't turn around and forget
you.
Can you come back please?
When are you coming back?


Is there something you chased after?
What time does your clock say now?
When are you coming back?
Can you come back please?

When are you coming back?
  
I'll just chase you down.
Tackle you when I find you.
If you died I'll sleep on your grave every night.
I'll dream of you every night.
Just come back from your mysterious world that you entered,
exactly 2 years ago.

Why aren't you coming back?
When are you coming back?

You cannot fly,

You're just a mere human..

You get wings when you die..




Stop jumping like a wingless bird..

And stand on your feet like a human should..




I am not scared..

So dear white doves..

I wonder if they can reach to tell the Full Moon my..

Lonliness and fright..

The willow tree,
Sits on the moon.
The center of the moon.
And it's roots extend to the other side.
Poor willow tree....
It's so lonely.
Being the only source of life on the moon.

The poor willow tree,
Sits on the moon.
The center of the moon...
Alone

I see her standing there.

As light as a feather.

She's not casted by the light

Or anything scientific.

She doesn't react to weather

But stands there silently.




She's so angelic

Never heard her voice.

But she's heard mine.

She's with me every moment.

She is my soul

I've named her Shadow.

Because that's what she is.




She cringes at the day time

She doesn't like the sun light.

She appreciates the night time

She looks out my window every night

Crying at the moon,

Holding her hand out for stars




And when I try to talk to her.

She unfurls her mysteries.

And those wings is what I see.

Children running towards such greatness,
Adults slowly backing away to much darkness.
As we began to breathe we thought
such light was beautiful; as we start to age
we do nothing but think of it as evil.
Can we make up our indecisive minds about what
is wrong and what is right; about what is
dark and what is light; what is good and the bad?

As our bones grow up strong, science proves that
they are meant to die weak. Because
even if we die by a hit and run or a crashing bike,
then our bones are meant to break; we will fight for
our lives on the edge of a death we do not want.
If it's life we do not wish for, and we are on the
brink of giving up, then life we shan't have
and we will die like a present under the
family's outrageous Christmas tree, a present
too large for Santa to fit under its leaves.
Because on the edge of the unseen cliff, we
know that we won't go down without a fight,
but we understand and don't understand the meaning of
"sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me."