You've lost it,

The complete mentality you once had is now gone.

You're calm and collectiveness was severed when she said those hateful words,

But honey,

Don't forget,

I love you too,

I mean it,

I'm not scared,

I'm just scarred,

But I'm here.




Honey,

I'm here,

Never forget.

Love is amazing,
No doubt.
Just be careful,
It willget you hurt if you're not.
So be careful.
Conspicous love is uncomprehendable.
Don't tell me it's not true,
I have proof.

This is my life,
but how come I'm not in charge of it?
Do they really think I'm not ready to risk, and take chances.
Do they think of me as base?
They don't really know me.
Nobody does..
I've only wished once that somebody did,
And he did.
But it ended horrific.
He burned my life with his lethal love...
I've wished for him back, but he never appeared.
I want to feel his warm embrace
His hand clasped onto mine.
This life is mine..
I learned to keep myself safe from jerks...
But I'd be so much more happy,
If MY **** was back,
with our hands entwined.
I want him back..
But in this life of mine..
I guess I never will,
Get that one person to come back again...



He read me like an open book..
I guess I just wasn't enough..
I can't hate him..
I can still love him..
But it's not like that..
I can't decide how right I feel.
My heart races when I'm around him..
I wonder,
If he'd like to have another conversation soon..
Because all I want to do is lean into his warm chest and cry and sob my
painful tears...


I just him back in this life..
Because this life..Is my life..
And I can control it.
Nobody else.

You awoke me when you closed your eyes.
You play me like a cassette tape.
You turn me off like a boy's saved video game.
I am young, and I am now a baby.
I see the world with light like a shiny new camera lens.

I feel like I'm getting used to this.
Same job for some fifteen odd years.
I keep thinking I might quit, but I probably won't.
We are so slowly aging, seeing things that we can't erase.
I am slowly dulling, like a rusty knife, waiting to crumble at your feet.

I can't wait until you start believing.
Tell him how you feel and start seeing better things.
I've got twenty more odd years until my greasy retirement.
Time is slowing down, and this image is getting to the both of us.
I am more bored than before, like a baby with colors but no wall.

We are just about ready to fade, to let the ashes run away.
You've been married for thirty years,
And I've stayed by your side since you saw your first light.
I've got wrinkles and scars, and you've got this last breath.
I think it is about time that I tell you, that I am a tired dream.

Let it rain
so I can cry

Let it thunder
so I can sob and scream your name

Let it lightning
so you're the only one I can see

Let it tornado
so I don't have to look at you anymore

Let it rain
so I can cry

Let it thunder
so I can sob and scream your name...

Sleeping a peaceful sleep,
Poison was poured,
Poured into the poverty of life.
From love to hate,
To hate to love.
The poison was poured into the poverty of life.

A whisper
A haunting tone
And a small weep of help
Of Demon's shadows.
A dead body that lays silent
and never seem to scatter in fright.
Behind the crisp, white, cold, curtain.
The ghost haunts and weeps
to let go of the heavy chains that cover this haunting whispers.

She was left.
With nothing.
No clothes,
No toiletries,
No emotions,
Nothing.
If she could cry she would cry
For nothing.
If her eyes could cry she would cry
For just emptiness.
For there is nothing inside her.
Except these boiling tears that have never existed.
She died crying,
Because the spell came loose


If her eyes could cry
Trust me,
She'd never break.
Because she's figured out that you loathe her
She's as cold and hard as stainless steel.
For she has no emotions,
because you took them away,
And left her with nothing.
If her eyes could cry,
She'd cry.

Deadly ash,
Dispensed into your wine.
Are you ready to die?
Because you are tonight.

I feel like I'm in a car crash that just rammed into the side of a brick building.

It's this stupid block.

Writer's block.

I have no idea

What to do or say.

Or even write.

Which most certainly makes sense considering it's writer's block

A thing that is most certainly not beautiful in any case.

Now tell me why...

Why the smallest of words,

Will give me an idea..Even if I have my journal out..

I remember it, even after it fades, I just never write it.

OH YEAH BECAUSE IT ONLY LASTS A SPLIT SECOND!!

I literally feel like I'm ramming into walls.

It's this writer's block,

I tell ya.

It is something to be scared of.

I just feel like crying..

She doesn't deserve this...

I haven't heard her soft voice in so long...

And I was gone when I could have called her!

I was gone when she was put into the hospital!

Those devilish pure white rooms,

The rooms where everything bad can take the worser of turns!

I just feel so...

Helpless...

Useless....

I can't lose hope..

But I am...

It is all my fault...

I've always been there..

And tried my best to be her sister...

She's in pain and I can't help!

**** IT!

WHY HER?....

I'd visit her if I could...

But ....

I can't lose hope!

I won't lose hope!

EVERYTHING WILL GO JUST FINE!...

Won't it?

I am such a horrible person...

I should have called her everyday to check up on her..




I'm so young...

I don't understand ...

She's so young...

She doesn't deserve this...

I do...

I let this happen..

I'd **** the pain from her if I could!

But I can't!

****!

I feel so helpless..

Useless...

Hopeless...

Dear Hero,
  Save the princess from her dragon.
Love her so dear.
Make her your maiden.
Fairy tales are true,
Dear prince.
So, save this trapped princess from her tower
And love her so dear.

My emotions have been

either calm or wild as can be.

I need to learn to control them,

Before I end up hurting somebody

Once again




There is no doubt

I feel like a bother to everyone else

WIll I ever get the feeling of love

That I have never once tasted?

Will the gates to my soul ever let me through?

When I be myself?

I want to meet Melody.




My emotions lately have been

Either calm or wild as can be.

Can you tell me how to control them?

No.

The words ..They call me out.

I'm wondering and pondering what I should pencil down,

because everything is calling me out.

The words the word speaks,

the words the human speaks,

the words everything speaks.

If I could write them out without a single flaw in the pencil or ink I'd be angry and never happy.

Because anything that's perfect in imperfect.

Any person that claims to be sane is insane,

Because there is nothing but any kind of insanity.

If you claim you're insane...

Well, then I cannot judge,

Because I am not myself.


But the words they call...

And they say...

Write me out...


Write me out

before I slowly wither away.

Or shudder away petal by petal like tears on small las's face in the rain


Write me out

before I run out of tears to cry.


That is what the words call out,

And they scream so loudly in any place that I am at.


The words ...

They call...

They scream...

They yearn to be written....

They cry..

And they tell me....

To..

Write them out.

L-Love like you've never loved before
O-Overrate everyone else you know
V-Validity your life
E-Emotions are meant to live and to die.

L-Live like you've never lived before
I-Interrogate those around you
F-Find the facts of life and deal with it
E-Evaluate yourself and you'll be just fine

Live life and Love it.

Just seeing you,
makes me want to wish I knew.


Just seeing you,
Makes my face turn not red but blue.


Just seeing you,
Makes me think will I make do?


Just seeing you,
Makes me realize how much my heart is true.


Just seeing you,
Just seeing you...
Just by seeing you....
Makes the world


Stop.

She screams.
In her slumber. That just so happens to not be peaceful.
She yells.
In a corner. Where she just so happens to live.

She has seen too much.
With her already burning red, bloodshot eyes.
She will not blink.
She will not miss what happened.
She shall never forget.

Because she saw it with her once beautiful, but now abused and pained eyes.
She saw it happen right in front of her face.
Ten years ago.
She was five.
She hasn't blinked since that moment.
She's been too scared about what might happen.
If it's frightening just like that day.
She screams but stares deep into the souls of other people.
Her eyes that haven't blinked since that day.


Her eyes are cold and rusty.
Now in dirt.
Hidden in the meadow, right across the street.
What happened to her family has finely reached her.

She's left dead,cold, and lonely looking at the the deep,blue, never ending, once loving and peaceful, crying sky.

I thought...

I was cared about..

I thought I was loved..

I thought I was ready.

I thought I could do this..

Live on..

But I my confidence is running low.

My battery is almost dead and can't get charged..

I think I have lost all my hope..

My emotions are turning too fake..

And now I need..

Thoughts...

Emotions..

Knowledge..

Love...

Courage..
­
I have courage.

Just like William Wallace once said...

Freedom,

And I'm throwing my sword down with me.

A Burning light
Upon a canvas
In the air
On the thick, convulsive, papyrus sheet
Paint your words
With the brush
In your hand
So rough and tan
The Burning light
Upon a canvas

One day.

I'll let you free.
Into your heavenly blue sky.
Let you have your own freedom beneath your stars.
Let you have your way, any way you want it.
Just tell me your love me.
Like I love you.
Will everything be alright?
When I let you have that one never ending, daring day.
I will not tape your wings.
I will not gag your mouth.
I will not cover your ears nor strangle until your death.
BUT! I will let you have
That one day.

One day.

I will have a dream prepared to seek.
And will find it until I find you.
I want everything here until the end.
No buildings falling to the crashing ground.
I want my own day like you got yours.
Make my dream come true to let me seek upon this world.
It will all make true until everything is correct.
Take me to your crazy world.
And let me have that one day.
I will have dream prepared to seek.

One day.

Our days will come and meet together.
Make my seeking dream come true, and make your freedom enter.
I will not cry a tear while you're here.
Because I met you on our one days.
Let our hearts come together.
Let us become our own certain souls.

One day.
I'll let you out of your cage, to smear your freedom or freedom into the world.

If you were to hit me with a belt..

I probably wouldn't learn my lesson,

But I'd make it improved more than most



If you were to be my best friend

I'd give you hugs everyday,



If you were to leave,

I'd wish upon a wishing star,

For you, and only you, to come back



If you were to scold me for being late

Well I'd probably be early next time.

And then you'd scold me more for no apparent reason.



I could go on with If you weres

but what matters most

is that no matter what you do,

I'm going to do what I believe in.

It's just who I am.

Sometimes I can say I am proud of,

Sometimes it DOES NOT come in handy.

So about a minute before I got on poetic voice,

I was thinking about my self-esteem.

My lack of it.

And I realized that a few years ago,

I trusted myself,

And I believed.

But...

Not so much anymore.

I have no idea why.

I wish I was still like that.

But for some strange reason,

I tend to want to protect what I am now.

But I never protected myself when I was younger.

I want to know why I want to protect myself now,

A person with horrible self-esteem,

But I didn't want to protect myself a few years ago.

Because honestly,

When I was eleven I couldn't really care less about myself,

It was others and the world.

If only I would have been able to tell him the truth.

If Only we, mere humans, could see the future past the future.

If only

If only

If only

If only I could raise my head way up high and scream something I shouldn't while everyone is frozen in place and time.

If only I could tell myself to get over some certain events, and realize that love is tool but it can be a distraction too.

If only

If only

If only

If only I had the guts to do a lot things, that I'd like to do.



My lack of self-esteem,

I won't let it tell me that I'm really not that special.

For I should already know I am.

I'm not going to let another person tell me

that I'm just like everyone else.

I refuse that.

Not because I'm stubborn,

but because I'm terrified by..

If only



If only

If only

I see her standing there.

As light as a feather.

She's not casted by the light

Or anything scientific.

She doesn't react to weather

But stands there silently.




She's so angelic

Never heard her voice.

But she's heard mine.

She's with me every moment.

She is my soul

I've named her Shadow.

Because that's what she is.




She cringes at the day time

She doesn't like the sun light.

She appreciates the night time

She looks out my window every night

Crying at the moon,

Holding her hand out for stars




And when I try to talk to her.

She unfurls her mysteries.

And those wings is what I see.

And so the moon calls us.
At the stroke of midnight.
Just to hear us say.
I want my soul back.

And so the sun may set.
But that brings to the end.
Until the clock shouts the final hour of our day.
Then the moon calls us.
At the stroke of midnight.
Just to hear us walking down the street.

The moon calls at midnight.
Not for empathy nor for sympathy.
But only to carry our souls until the the sun may rise again.
At the stroke of midnight.

Take what you want; me
Take what I need; you
Take me along; on your journey
Take you and me and then take us together.
Take.

I wish that..

My love that was thrown away,

And caused my heart to shatter like a broken mirror,

Would come back

And be on this necklace of honor and pride,

Saying look at me,

I came back.

I ran from hell,

Had tea with the devil,

And now I'm eating cookies with only your soul being the main ingrediant.




My hearts made copies when I was little,

They must've known that I would have to fall in love with you

But hey,

Look at me now,

I'm sitting here wishing.

And what I wish...

Is..

I wish

That you'd never come back.

If you were to hit me with a belt..

I probably wouldn't learn my lesson,

But I'd make it improved more than most



If you were to be my best friend

I'd give you hugs everyday,



If you were to leave,

I'd wish upon a wishing star,

For you, and only you, to come back



If you were to scold me for being late

Well I'd probably be early next time.

And then you'd scold me more for no apparent reason.



I could go on with If you weres

but what matters most

is that no matter what you do,

I'm going to do what I believe in.

It's just who I am.

Sometimes I can say I am proud of,

Sometimes it DOES NOT come in handy.

A journey
I fell upon.
When I was born.
I continued to live up until I was eleven
I had to stop for a little bit
Pause the clock from tick and tocking and think
Think of something.
Not emotions or self esteem
But my life all together.
I realized instead of just letting my life tumble away
Or let it slip through my fingers
I need to catch it.
Hold it and tell myself
to find my reason why I continued.
And so in order to actually find my life,
I made a promise

This certain journey took away my tears and carried the burden off my shoulders

I started the journey once I made that promise, and I can never let that promise shatter in my hands.
This promise saved my life
This is the promise:

I promise that I will find certain little girls out there, girls that are being tortured, mentally,physically or emotionally and save them from cutting their line. They have a life to live and I AM NOT! going to let them stop. After all we all have a reason. We just haven't took note to it yet.



Most people question it,
They think it's simple, it's not.

I am going to help every person in need of help no doubt
I'm a simplistic person but when it comes to pain I absolutely cannot take it!
Even if it's the worst person on the planet I shall help, but only to heal their hearts.

Also, if I die helping somebody it will not be a problem, because I died at fate.
I tried my best and never gave up
I raised my head way up high and shouted to the world
"I'm going to live!"
And you should live too.

Her beauty strikes the mirrors so hard in surprise,

They break.

But every time she enters a room with a mirror or a reflective surface,

She fades,

And her face is left echoing on the mirror.

Men have tried tricking her into 'adult pleasure'

She refused.



Her voice as smooth and crystal clear as diamond raven beak.

Her figure as narrow as an arrow.

Her hair.

Whispers in the wind.

But her face.

Echos

Everywhere

She

Goes.

If I could manage,
with a person,
I would.
But I can't
I like alone,
not sure why
But I have the enrage to be alone all the time
I'm a very social person
But I'm always alone, in my room.

Where we met.
On a rock.
on top of that magical hill.
When I followed you to the lake.
And we swam for hours.
We didn't know,
what was right behind out backs.
I felt it.
but didn't say anything.
It was watching us in the dark night.
Watching the stars with us.
Finding constellations shaped as animals.
Finding our feelings in the grass underneath a tree.
It was our place.
When I woke up and you had blood rushing out of your heart.
I had no idea what happened.
It was my nightmare.
After finding my love for you.

It was our place.

When we sat underneath the tree that one night.
And I woke up with you lying dead.
And I'm crying while smothered in your bright,fresh,red blood.

I shall never forget.
What had happened in my nightmare
In our wonderful place that was ours.

I cried and cried for years and years.
In our place.
I ended up dying in the same spot covered in your blood and skeleton
lay peacefully right next to me.

I just want you back.
to be in our place together again.
Underneath that tree.
Underneath the moon,stars, and sky.
Breathing that same air we were that night.
Not knowing what was behind our backs.
In our place.

Tell me your crazy story.
Of how everything you choose,
you don't regret.
Not letting anything get in your way.
Have you ever made a mistake?
Or is it true that all is fair in Love and War?

The pain won't subside...

It's not something I can rid of with a simple pill...

I've brought this on myself,

If only I knew how.




The pain won't subside,

It feels as if metal is quickly scraping against cement ..

With the sparks flying..

I wish I knew why...




This pain in my chest...

It's making me sad...

It's making me lose hope...

It's making me want to cry...




The pain won't subside,

I know I brought this upon myself,

But if only I knew how...

Why this is happening...




This isn't mild...

It's driving me insane...

I may need a break,

But I won't take a break from poetry or life...




I cannot share this with anyone,

Or else the dragon will burst through,

The dragon of my heart's flames.

This pain is causing me to ache...

It's something I cannot simply just cry out...

Streaming tears,

Flowing out like a flooded dam.

You're holding something,

You're bleeding out..

Who wounded you so harshly?

Even in this room so pitch black,

I can see your blood,

Running out like the flames of Hell.

WHO THE HELL DID THIS TO YOU?!



You fall back and faint from your last breathe,

A faint that will last forever.

There's streaming tears

mixed, tears and blood.

The silver stained glint in the dark..

Tells me that..

You did this to yourself..

A sad story you told me...

Mixed, tears and blood..

It's your

Mixed, tears and blood..



YOUR story..

Mixed,

Tears..

And

Blood..

If we study our lives,
Then maybe we will find something,
To help us find our remembrance.
Something as important as life is the thing that can save us.
And if we open up then we will live eternities.

If we

Remember

Then we have

Found remembrance and memory.

The things she hides.
Are worth hiding.
Because they even scare her.
So she won't share.
But the things she fears are everything except,
Death.
Most people are afraid to face death like a brick wall.
Well she's not most people, now is she?
She's one person.
But she's who she is right now.

Nobody can change such a thing as to who you are.
Life's secrets are so much more than hidden.
She doesn't share with everyone of who she is.
She wonders if other people have life secrets.
Never wonders how she'll die
Because she knows she'll die violently and full of controversy.
So save her from this living hell.
So she can collect her dying debts.
Full of life's secrets.

I've been wasting my time,

I don't have anything to do,

I don't have anything to write about,

So I have to go so far as to force myself do so,

It's certainly weird.

But just by this happening I know I'm like any other writer...

At least that's what I hope.



I know indeed it's not writer's block,

It's inspiration block.

I know what I need for myself,

I need to let my mind run it's own track,

And let my soul do what it wants,

She hasn't been talking much,

She must be bored from life right now,

I don't really blame her,

Because I know that my life is pretty boring,

But I won't let it get in my way.

Not at all.



For now,

I'm letting my mind, soul, and heart,

Run it's own track

Imagine.
That your true love.
Is trapped.
All you hear is the scream and the pain.
All you feel is the pressure.
And the pain.

Imagine.
That you're stuck.
In nothing but mud.
And that you hear only your cries for help.
And you ask yourself.
"What in the world have I gotten myself into?"

The answer to that question isn't
mud.

The answer is your imagination.

Just tell me what...
You love most.
What you care about.
Your favorite thing about life is.
Just tell me.

Just tell me that...
I'm beautiful.
I'm intelligent.
I'm epic.
I'm amazing.
I'm talented.
Just tell me.

Just tell me about...
Your life.
Your funny moments with your cat.
Your family.
Just tell me.

Just tell me...
You want to kiss me.
You want to hug me.
You want to talk to me.
Just tell me that you love me.
Just tell me.

In order to be happy.

We don't need love,

We don't have to be alone or surrounded by people.

We just need ..

Well,

I can't really tell you.

Wish I could.

But there's not really a certain ingredient to happiness.

I mean,

Like we sort of have to make ourselves happy.



My thought right now, while writing this poem...

Is why am I writing something, if I don't think I can write it?





In a strange way this makes me happy.

Maybe,

Just maybe..

There's nothing really to it.

Just be happy,

I guess.

YEAH!

JUST BE HAPPY!

...Is that the answer this poem needs?

A few years ago..

When I was learning about clocks

How many hours were in a day, minutes in an hour...ect.

I never really thought about...

Time



Time,

To some people,

It seems like such a useless thing.

A thing unusable.

Well.

Time is neither living or dead,

Time neither repetitive or off track.

Time is time and honestly,

No matter how many times we watch the hour, minute, and second hand go 'round and 'round

We really can't control it.

So why do we even bother to keep track of,

Time?

Snowy glitter, rains from the sky.
In every sensation you can possibly ever think of.
All love and hate combined fully.
In a circle you stand glowing blue.
Blue radiance.
How come I'm your red radiance?
How come I'm your hate?
But you're my love.
If anything happens to you then it happens to me too.
But this dream upon my mind, is a never happening dream.
Because you are my love, and I'm your love too.
I live for you.
I'd die for you.
Don't make it a rash decision.
But nothing will keep me from reaching my one never happening dream.
For you are my happening dream.
But THAT was my never happening dream
So save my heart from terror and pain.
You're my shield, I'll be yours too.

Hollow beating filling the silence.
Flutter of a butterfly's wings.
Is all I hear.
I turn around
In all my dreaming;
he's here.
To get me done with.
To ruin my life.
To destroy my life.
I'm dreaming.
Probably not the most violent of them all.
He sees me.
I look and he's got a tear dripping from his chin only to dissolve into his cotton shirt.
I look unworried.
Because I'm dreaming.

All the sudden
It switched total different perspectives.
I'm him.
The body limp in a chair.
It's me.
The face of a girl I never knew.
I never knew truly.
I know this is the happiest of dreams when he doesn't put a finger on me.
One of my dreams.
I didn't end with silent death.

Sometimes I wish ...
that I was totally alone.
Sometimes even dead.
I don't know why.
But I have never gone and purposely pushed myself nor others down.
I have accidentally.
Nothing has ever worked out.
If I try I fail.
If I fail I try harder.
If I'm a natural I get worse.
If it's my talent it fades.

Sometimes I wish ..
That there was never anything in my way to stop me from what I want.
But then I realize that's probably the worst wish ever.
Because then I'm wishing for everything to just go away.

Sometimes I've never wished...
That I could be happy.
I don't want to be happy.
I want others to be happy.
I cry when a strangers hurt.
I sob into my pillow when my friend has been terrified.
But I have never cried for myself.

I guess I'm just too nice...
Because I also wish for people,not me, to be joyful.
Not me because I am no person.