So about a minute before I got on poetic voice,

I was thinking about my self-esteem.

My lack of it.

And I realized that a few years ago,

I trusted myself,

And I believed.

But...

Not so much anymore.

I have no idea why.

I wish I was still like that.

But for some strange reason,

I tend to want to protect what I am now.

But I never protected myself when I was younger.

I want to know why I want to protect myself now,

A person with horrible self-esteem,

But I didn't want to protect myself a few years ago.

Because honestly,

When I was eleven I couldn't really care less about myself,

It was others and the world.

If only I would have been able to tell him the truth.

If Only we, mere humans, could see the future past the future.

If only

If only

If only

If only I could raise my head way up high and scream something I shouldn't while everyone is frozen in place and time.

If only I could tell myself to get over some certain events, and realize that love is tool but it can be a distraction too.

If only

If only

If only

If only I had the guts to do a lot things, that I'd like to do.



My lack of self-esteem,

I won't let it tell me that I'm really not that special.

For I should already know I am.

I'm not going to let another person tell me

that I'm just like everyone else.

I refuse that.

Not because I'm stubborn,

but because I'm terrified by..

If only



If only

If only

Why is the elephant afraid of the mouse,
If the mouse is ten times smaller than the elephant?


Because one day the elephant was walking down the street,
Just being itself,
Listening to music.
Next thing you know..


The poor giant animal has a mouse pointing a mouse-size gun at it's head.
That's when a GIANT! tear fell from the elephant's GIANT tear duct.
"Please Mr.Mouse don't **** me for money, I'm only so young and I don't have money!"
"That's bull-crap, Ellie Elephant!You're the richest elephant in the country"
"Please spare me!"
Ellie the elephant hands the mouse her ten thousand dollars and runs away..


This is when the mouse's posse comes out from the alley,
And they all scream,

"YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT BE SCARED YOU BIG FAT ELEPHANT!"


Well..
Yeah...Be scared elephants..
Go ahead..
Let the tiny mice scare the ba-jeezers out of you...
Yeah! That's right! Be scared!

Streaming tears,

Flowing out like a flooded dam.

You're holding something,

You're bleeding out..

Who wounded you so harshly?

Even in this room so pitch black,

I can see your blood,

Running out like the flames of Hell.

WHO THE HELL DID THIS TO YOU?!



You fall back and faint from your last breathe,

A faint that will last forever.

There's streaming tears

mixed, tears and blood.

The silver stained glint in the dark..

Tells me that..

You did this to yourself..

A sad story you told me...

Mixed, tears and blood..

It's your

Mixed, tears and blood..



YOUR story..

Mixed,

Tears..

And

Blood..

We all know music started..

Well,

Since the cavemen were banging on raw meat and rocks

dancing to the tune they made,

And must I say,

It was a classic tune.

And classic tunes happen all the time,

Classical music,

Is by far my favorite kind.

Mozart, Chopin, Bach, Beethoven....

I could name more.



Rock and Roll,

Elvis Presley, Jack Brenston and The Delta Cat, Bill Haley, Chuck Berry..

"You ain't nothing but hound dog, cryin' all the time.."



There are different kinds of classical music

Just like Beethoven was deaf,

Elvis, the KING of rock and roll, not creator.

Even cavemen can bang on a drum and make a sound.

Music is made from sounds,

But to deliver it,

That's another piece of sheet music..

In order to be happy.

We don't need love,

We don't have to be alone or surrounded by people.

We just need ..

Well,

I can't really tell you.

Wish I could.

But there's not really a certain ingredient to happiness.

I mean,

Like we sort of have to make ourselves happy.



My thought right now, while writing this poem...

Is why am I writing something, if I don't think I can write it?





In a strange way this makes me happy.

Maybe,

Just maybe..

There's nothing really to it.

Just be happy,

I guess.

YEAH!

JUST BE HAPPY!

...Is that the answer this poem needs?

Crying on the kitchen floor

Wishing she was here

Is not the life she wanted for you.



Put out the cigar and throw away the alcohol

Take a walk



Pack your bags, pick up the baby,

And sell this dump.

Sell the place,

Where it happened...

Where everything happened.

And run away..



Just have your time to cry,

and follow your dreams.

Raise that baby girl strong.



Years pass and you're having a rough time,

You go to a night bar.

You call for the bartender to order a beer.



You start walking about call for a taxi.

You check your cell phone for the time.

It's dead.

You have a voice-mail,

but no calls.

The voice-mail is from Heaven.



You are crying too much,

It's making her sad.

She hasn't moved for three years.

She calling for you..



She calls you on the same day,

Two years later.

This time you answer.

She says it's her from Heaven.

She wants you  up here with her.



It's your baby's fifth birthday..

That morning you have a stroke.

While she's running to phone she collapses.

With the operator of Heaven on the phone.

I feel like I'm in a car crash that just rammed into the side of a brick building.

It's this stupid block.

Writer's block.

I have no idea

What to do or say.

Or even write.

Which most certainly makes sense considering it's writer's block

A thing that is most certainly not beautiful in any case.

Now tell me why...

Why the smallest of words,

Will give me an idea..Even if I have my journal out..

I remember it, even after it fades, I just never write it.

OH YEAH BECAUSE IT ONLY LASTS A SPLIT SECOND!!

I literally feel like I'm ramming into walls.

It's this writer's block,

I tell ya.

It is something to be scared of.

Her beauty strikes the mirrors so hard in surprise,

They break.

But every time she enters a room with a mirror or a reflective surface,

She fades,

And her face is left echoing on the mirror.

Men have tried tricking her into 'adult pleasure'

She refused.



Her voice as smooth and crystal clear as diamond raven beak.

Her figure as narrow as an arrow.

Her hair.

Whispers in the wind.

But her face.

Echos

Everywhere

She

Goes.

A few years ago..

When I was learning about clocks

How many hours were in a day, minutes in an hour...ect.

I never really thought about...

Time



Time,

To some people,

It seems like such a useless thing.

A thing unusable.

Well.

Time is neither living or dead,

Time neither repetitive or off track.

Time is time and honestly,

No matter how many times we watch the hour, minute, and second hand go 'round and 'round

We really can't control it.

So why do we even bother to keep track of,

Time?

I hope I don't turn you to dust,
I hope that this crush won't break your heart.
I hope this break won't crush your lungs,
So you can still hold a some what steady breath.
Please tell me if I tell you I'm leaving,
That this little crush won't turn to love,
And I wind up crush and breaking your heart,
I hope I don't turn you to dust.
Because my crush for you
Has now become insane
More.
Tell me how
I fix this,
When I leave,
I'll cry and cry again,
Just to be in your arms
Once again.
I hope this crush doesn't turn to love,
So I don't crush and break your heart.
Please tell me
...
That this...
Isn't..
Serious
Just
Yet.
Please...

I watch my love petals

from my love flower

drop, drop, drop to the floor.

I try to catch them,

But they fade and fall through my hand



I know that if I catch them,

Then I die,

But you'd live.

That's all I need right now.

You'd take my place





Last thing I know I'm holding the last

Love Flower Petal

And everything fades,

Everything goes black..







And I see flaming red flames ahead..

I took the wrong road,

By loving you.



I go straight through the flames of hell,

And see light,

With the Sun's face

Wearing your eyes.

Love Flower Petal

Falls through my hand...

Love Flower is gone..

You are gone..

I am here...

Waiting for the day you finally see

I risked my life

For you



They drop, drop, drop to the floor,

Through my hand,

In your splattered pool of screeching red blood.

I am an alien..
I do not alienate people.
For they have already gone through the alienation.
I am an alien.

Let it rain
so I can cry

Let it thunder
so I can sob and scream your name

Let it lightning
so you're the only one I can see

Let it tornado
so I don't have to look at you anymore

Let it rain
so I can cry

Let it thunder
so I can sob and scream your name...

April,
    Amazingly different,
Thinks I've gone past the stage of insane.(I have)
                Slaps me on the head when I make a funny pun.
Is mentally insane, (She just doesn't know it.)
                                Tells me lots of things.
Think she's a female version of Benjamin Franklin.
                 Addicted to anything froggy.
                               N.

Love is all that I can see

Between you and me.

I wanna cross street

My hand curled around your gentle finger.

Feel the softness of your lips.

Take me underwater for me to see.

You and me.

L.

O.

V.

E

Love is all that I can see

I wanna cross streets

Not shedding any tears

I wanna hug you tight

And watch the sky way up high

With you

L.

O.

V.

E.

Love is all that I can see

A current flow

Of you and me.

L.O.V.E

Love...

Is all that I can see...

Between you and me.



A stream connects somehow, somewhere to a river

A river connects to the shining sea.

A sea connects to the Ocean

The Ocean

Connects

YOU AND ME..

L.

O.

V.

E.

Love..

On the prowl
In the park swings.
We swing.
The whole town turns
back to 1823
Every moonlight hour.

If we study our lives,
Then maybe we will find something,
To help us find our remembrance.
Something as important as life is the thing that can save us.
And if we open up then we will live eternities.

If we

Remember

Then we have

Found remembrance and memory.

If February is the month of love.
Well ***** it.
I've been so messed up all month I've started thinking crazy and
frightful thoughts.
I'm so ******* up I feel the knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter
every possible second,
the milliseconds, trilliseconds, billiseconds.
I want help,
Help from someone who understands and knows how to rid this strong wrath from my body.
Someone who has felt it before.
If February is the month of love,
Then how come there's people dying?
The cursed love we pump through our veins,
Is that it?
It's like this every February!
RID ME OF MY POURING TEARS!!
IT'S SO PAINFUL..
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY!!!
FIND ME AGAIN!!
FIND ME AGAIN AND RID ME OF MY WORRIES...!!!
PLEASE!!!
NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO ASK!!
BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!
IT'S FEBRUARY AGAIN!!!
AND
I'M FIGHTING A FURY!
AN UNBEATABLE ANGER!
I WANT IT GONE!
IT'S WINNING THE BATTLE!
THE MENTAL AND HEART KILLING WAR WITHIN ME!!
RID ME OF THIS FEBRUARY!!!!


I'm fighting a battle,
And it's winning.
It's February....
The month of cursed love....

Him
Was once I always thought about.
He never left my mind.
If he did he always came back.

Him
He totally got me.
Totally understood how different I was.
He liked it.

Him
He left my life,
I deleted him,
Everything I had from him,
Except my emotions.
Any love I consumed,
I rejected.

He.
Made me realize that
Love can be made from emptiness.
Love can form from being friends.
But it's difficult to consume the love in his eyes I feel even now.

He.
Maybe he will come back and see me.
Meet the new me.
Not so sensitive.
So much more confident than I once was.
So much more stronger physically and mentally.
And see the lifeful life I live now.
And see the scars on my heart.
Left behind by

Him

My sudden urge,
To punch him in the face.
My sudden,winning,urge.
To let my past burdens consume me.
Bury me alive
In my own tears.
It won't happen.
I won't let it.
I'm strong.
I'm intelligent.
I'm strategic.
I'm terrified.
But my urges won't win.
This unexpected battle.

Thought he loved you.
Well he,
He didn't.
Sorry.

I know indeed,

I'm defiantly crazy.

No doubt about it,

I am insane.

Not just my personality I choose to show,

But just my insides as well.

I stutter so easily to my brain.

Nearly impossible to accept I truly know what it means,

To use my knowledge.

My words just come,

I'm truly crazy.

No meaning to the longest word,

It never existed.

The longest word defined is ran,

I'm truly not really a genius.

Just a girl,

Going to school,

Learning her rights,

Learning who is dating who.

Though I could barely give a crap.



I'm just a girl,

A crazy girl.



I'm just a girl,

An insane girl.



I pick pansies from the flower bed.

Give them to you,

To accept the fact,

I'm scientifically proven.

To be,

Just a girl,

A CRAZY girl.

CRAZY.

I see the gray glint in the sunlight.
What was that?
I turn around and I see your fingernails,
In black nail polish.
Excuse me, Sir?
The stranger turns around.
Yes?
Where did you buy that beautiful black nail polish?
It's not store bought. I made it.
Shocked,
Can you give me the recipe?
No, only I can make it.
Why?
Because my soul painted it.
And then you walked away.
And never came back for me to see those lovely nails,
Painted in your soul's black nail polish.

What a wretch you are,
For stabbing me in the back,
And twisting the poisoned blood,
Until it went through my rib cage.
What a wretched wretch you really are.

Deadly ash,
Dispensed into your wine.
Are you ready to die?
Because you are tonight.

You want to live,
In a collage.
You want to die,
In a painting.
You want to cry,
In a photograph.
You want to smile,
In a song.
You want to laugh,
In a smile.

You want to live,
In a collage.

I went through the trouble of putting you two guys together,
And now you guys are screaming at me.
What the heck did I do deserve the screaming?!
You guys are insane!
I thought you loved each other!
Stop screaming at me!
CURSED LOVE!!!!

She was left.
With nothing.
No clothes,
No toiletries,
No emotions,
Nothing.
If she could cry she would cry
For nothing.
If her eyes could cry she would cry
For just emptiness.
For there is nothing inside her.
Except these boiling tears that have never existed.
She died crying,
Because the spell came loose


If her eyes could cry
Trust me,
She'd never break.
Because she's figured out that you loathe her
She's as cold and hard as stainless steel.
For she has no emotions,
because you took them away,
And left her with nothing.
If her eyes could cry,
She'd cry.

I sat there
Forever
Waiting for you to come
For my own selfish reasons.
Only to discover under my tears,
That I had accidently drowned everything,
Even the sea,
Underneath the Night Sky.

Sitting on a rock
Looking into the lake.
Looking through a picture of a person,
You can't even name..


Your reflection isn't your face,
But a girl you don't even know
And never will.



Your reflection is the painting to show us
Your face,
But not your soul
Reflection is the safest way to live in a world.
Never letting anyone in..
Creating your own world.
It's so...
Realistic..
But it's only a reflection
A world that will never happen..

A black rose,
You set upon her coffin..
Her pinned-black coffin..
That quotes..
"You broke me I'll break you too.."
Nobody found out who quoted the quote...
But you broke her...And she broke you..
But you broke her more than she thought,
So you broke her heart,
And made her fall..
And so now you set this black rose,
Upon her naked chest..

A journey
I fell upon.
When I was born.
I continued to live up until I was eleven
I had to stop for a little bit
Pause the clock from tick and tocking and think
Think of something.
Not emotions or self esteem
But my life all together.
I realized instead of just letting my life tumble away
Or let it slip through my fingers
I need to catch it.
Hold it and tell myself
to find my reason why I continued.
And so in order to actually find my life,
I made a promise

This certain journey took away my tears and carried the burden off my shoulders

I started the journey once I made that promise, and I can never let that promise shatter in my hands.
This promise saved my life
This is the promise:

I promise that I will find certain little girls out there, girls that are being tortured, mentally,physically or emotionally and save them from cutting their line. They have a life to live and I AM NOT! going to let them stop. After all we all have a reason. We just haven't took note to it yet.



Most people question it,
They think it's simple, it's not.

I am going to help every person in need of help no doubt
I'm a simplistic person but when it comes to pain I absolutely cannot take it!
Even if it's the worst person on the planet I shall help, but only to heal their hearts.

Also, if I die helping somebody it will not be a problem, because I died at fate.
I tried my best and never gave up
I raised my head way up high and shouted to the world
"I'm going to live!"
And you should live too.

A strange
Upon my characteristic life.
Lying to my face, he was.
Didn't know the name or the curtsy he bowed.
But he said he had to go to work everyday,
No. He was cheating upon the whole town.
Nobody knew until he came to the truth.
And nobody ever came to a truce.
What a strange change upon the young life.
A change,
I recall
Upon her poor heart.

My hand in yours
Your hand on mine.
The touch of your soft lips,
Touching mine, gently.

What a crazy time that one-night stand was,
It'd sure be great for the night to never end.
Sitting there with you.

Sitting here without you,
I've never wanted to cry in agony so bad..
If only you were here..
My life would be complete...
And we'd never leave..
Hand in hand.

I'm right in between
Her,him, him, her and you.
I'm the meat
He's the tomato
He's the mayonnaise
She's the bread
All waiting see who you taste first.
In this awesome sandwich, that's been prepared for you.

Sitting on the beach with you
Watching the little creatures float by on the shore.
Enjoying the Ocean's spray.
Oh, what a dream, that will never come true...
Because sitting on the beach with you
Among the ocean spray,
Would be my last dream for you...

Dear fellow poets,
   This is no poem, this is a letter. A letter to tell you everything will be okay? No, because I can't make everything be okay. I wish I could, but I can't. I'm writing this for me to tell you who I am. My name is Melanie and I'm very simplistic. If I could be normal I never would. Normal is just ....Not me. If I could decide where to put my pencil on my desk when I'm not using it then I'd go completely and utterly insane. And when I say insane, I literally mean insane, like you should ship me off the planet into the unknown in hopes to never see me again, insane. THAT is insane. I believe "what a person has to do then they need to go ahead" because it isn't worth waiting for the right time. I have very simple life rules,
1: to fulfill my life with my life, not anyone else life.
2: to complete my promise in life.
Though the whole promise in life thing is really hard. Though I might be making it hard, it's still challenging.
  But anyway, like I said, being normal is not me. I'm surprised nobody HAS already shipped me off the planet.  There is however possibilities that I might actually survive the craziness I put people through, I don't mean to by the way. People that have been through that craziness I am sorry. So anyway, there's probably more I could put but I just...Don't feel like it. Later

A center in the street
So obvious to point out
Tuck me into bed,
To ****** me in moonlight

She is as cold as an iceberg
An iceberg not noticed.
She is I
I am as cold as an iceberg

A flower in bloom
Starts the new night.
Not the day.

An explosion goes boom,
But it blooms in the sky.
Not in the ground.

I don't remember anything
My childhood.
I only have these short flashbacks.
Maybe what I see is a dream,
that can't be.
It has to be true.

My past,
Must have went good.
In a way I'm happy I don't remember it,
that way I can't live in the past except with a running memory.
Running it's laps with it's infinite breath on it's never-ending track.

I live:
Not to make regrets,
so he is not a regret.
He's my savior.
In a certain way.

In a way through my heart,
he left a sorrow,
an undependable sorrow that burdened my shoulders.
It felt like a million pounds on my weak back,
bending and breaking.
But then I took note,
I've probably never been more alive in my life,
why am I standing here crying?
Why am I wasting my time yearning for something I don't need to go back for.
I live- Not to make regrets.
I live- In the present not the past.
My past
Is not my future,
My past is not,
my present.

Love is amazing,
No doubt.
Just be careful,
It willget you hurt if you're not.
So be careful.
Conspicous love is uncomprehendable.
Don't tell me it's not true,
I have proof.

Dear Hero,
  Save the princess from her dragon.
Love her so dear.
Make her your maiden.
Fairy tales are true,
Dear prince.
So, save this trapped princess from her tower
And love her so dear.

Roses may bloom
Daisies will die in Winter
Cherry Blossoms may not come true
Irises will open wide
Let me see the flower petals falling

A list of things I don't seem to know about,
Is huge.
The list I don't care about,
is short.
I'm not only too nice,
but too gentle to say I can't not give a crap.
Sometimes,
I wish I could say.
Things I'm not going to mention.
For my heart is too small and caressed by a hand.
A hand invisible to the naked eye.
My heart creaks for such untouchable desire.
My list of things I don't know,
can't be named.
My list of things I don't care about.
I care about everything.
So it's small.

If I could manage,
with a person,
I would.
But I can't
I like alone,
not sure why
But I have the enrage to be alone all the time
I'm a very social person
But I'm always alone, in my room.

I told you if I say I know, then I know.
Then what am I talking about?
Who you are. Only you alone can figure and shine the one out and up.
What you are. The hardest to swallow.
And the unknown questions and answers to the answers of the questions.

I know,
Only when I say I know.

You know the meter at the carnival?
When the guy hits the pad with the hammer and the weight makes the bell ring?
Imagine a bell one hundred times higher than that...
Imagine the meter as a meter that measures a person's difference..

The beginning of the show,
Is the end of a fall..
Make it meet your difference..

The crack in a wall..
Is the seal on an envelope.
Open up wide.

The light on a shadow..
Makes the shade..
Show your light..

You know the meter at the carnival?
When the guy hits the pad with the hammer and the weight makes the bell ring?
Imagine a bell one hundred times higher than that...
Imagine the meter as a meter that measures a person's difference..