I just feel like crying..

She doesn't deserve this...

I haven't heard her soft voice in so long...

And I was gone when I could have called her!

I was gone when she was put into the hospital!

Those devilish pure white rooms,

The rooms where everything bad can take the worser of turns!

I just feel so...

Helpless...

Useless....

I can't lose hope..

But I am...

It is all my fault...

I've always been there..

And tried my best to be her sister...

She's in pain and I can't help!

**** IT!

WHY HER?....

I'd visit her if I could...

But ....

I can't lose hope!

I won't lose hope!

EVERYTHING WILL GO JUST FINE!...

Won't it?

I am such a horrible person...

I should have called her everyday to check up on her..




I'm so young...

I don't understand ...

She's so young...

She doesn't deserve this...

I do...

I let this happen..

I'd **** the pain from her if I could!

But I can't!

****!

I feel so helpless..

Useless...

Hopeless...

Once I'm down,

I always come back up.




Once underwater,

I always revive myself




Once crying

I always smile




Once sad,

I can get happy again




Things happen for a reason,

And I can't let go,

Because I can't lose hope.

Hope is by my side,

It has never lied

It has never let me die.

I will be the first to cross the finish line

My end is no where near

I can't let go of her soft hands,

She is my inspiration,

My heart,

And my sister,

No matter the game of twister,

I won't let anyone diss her.




She helps keep me alive,


She gives me my hope,

I will never let go,

It's the least I can do.




Hope,

You're always by my side,

You have never lied,

You have never let me die,

And I thank you for always being my guide.




Hope,

You're always by her side,

You have never lied,

You have never let her die,

And I thank you for always being her guide.

My emotions have been

either calm or wild as can be.

I need to learn to control them,

Before I end up hurting somebody

Once again




There is no doubt

I feel like a bother to everyone else

WIll I ever get the feeling of love

That I have never once tasted?

Will the gates to my soul ever let me through?

When I be myself?

I want to meet Melody.




My emotions lately have been

Either calm or wild as can be.

Can you tell me how to control them?

No.

The pain won't subside...

It's not something I can rid of with a simple pill...

I've brought this on myself,

If only I knew how.




The pain won't subside,

It feels as if metal is quickly scraping against cement ..

With the sparks flying..

I wish I knew why...




This pain in my chest...

It's making me sad...

It's making me lose hope...

It's making me want to cry...




The pain won't subside,

I know I brought this upon myself,

But if only I knew how...

Why this is happening...




This isn't mild...

It's driving me insane...

I may need a break,

But I won't take a break from poetry or life...




I cannot share this with anyone,

Or else the dragon will burst through,

The dragon of my heart's flames.

This pain is causing me to ache...

It's something I cannot simply just cry out...

I've been wasting my time,

I don't have anything to do,

I don't have anything to write about,

So I have to go so far as to force myself do so,

It's certainly weird.

But just by this happening I know I'm like any other writer...

At least that's what I hope.



I know indeed it's not writer's block,

It's inspiration block.

I know what I need for myself,

I need to let my mind run it's own track,

And let my soul do what it wants,

She hasn't been talking much,

She must be bored from life right now,

I don't really blame her,

Because I know that my life is pretty boring,

But I won't let it get in my way.

Not at all.



For now,

I'm letting my mind, soul, and heart,

Run it's own track

I don't know what happened..

You've got me confused..

You got rid of my love for you..

So now are you happy?

You got rid of my happiness..

So are you really happy?

Are you ready to feel my anger and hatred that's ready for you?

I'm sorry I won't let go.

I won't let you go.

I can't get rid of the love.

I can't get rid of the hatred..

For now..

You're just an aquantience..

Something that's hanging by a thread.

I know how to control.

I know how to choose.

I won't come after you.

But now can you see..

I've changed.

I hope you will have

Changed by the next time I see you too.





This anger..

This sadness..

This confusion..

This frustration..

These bottled up emotions are supposed to be eating me from the inside to the out.

But..

Well..

I've changed..

I won't be manipulated.

I've got things I need to live to solve.

I've got things that are important to me.

I've got things that I care about that the likes of you just wouldn't understand.

Because you're a person who hurt me.

You hurt me the most.

I think..

I know who you are now.

You're the other side of me.

My one weakness.

The other half.

My missing piece.



Wait...



You didn't hurt me the most.

I don't think I know who you are.

I know who you are.

You are my weakness of weaknesses.

You aren't my other half.

You aren't my missing piece.

I'll crush you to pieces and use you as crust for a pie I've got stow away.

I'll crush you smitherenes so you'll never reverbeat inside me again.

Because ..

I'm living for the things I've done.

For the sins I cannot repent..

For the sins I can't bring myself to forget..And to regret.

For the things I've said.

And for the things I've thought.

And for the things I care about the most.

....



.....

...

Honestly..

Haven't you noticed by now?...

I've changed.