Sleeping a peaceful sleep,
Poison was poured,
Poured into the poverty of life.
From love to hate,
To hate to love.
The poison was poured into the poverty of life.

If you were to hit me with a belt..

I probably wouldn't learn my lesson,

But I'd make it improved more than most



If you were to be my best friend

I'd give you hugs everyday,



If you were to leave,

I'd wish upon a wishing star,

For you, and only you, to come back



If you were to scold me for being late

Well I'd probably be early next time.

And then you'd scold me more for no apparent reason.



I could go on with If you weres

but what matters most

is that no matter what you do,

I'm going to do what I believe in.

It's just who I am.

Sometimes I can say I am proud of,

Sometimes it DOES NOT come in handy.

This is my life,
but how come I'm not in charge of it?
Do they really think I'm not ready to risk, and take chances.
Do they think of me as base?
They don't really know me.
Nobody does..
I've only wished once that somebody did,
And he did.
But it ended horrific.
He burned my life with his lethal love...
I've wished for him back, but he never appeared.
I want to feel his warm embrace
His hand clasped onto mine.
This life is mine..
I learned to keep myself safe from jerks...
But I'd be so much more happy,
If MY **** was back,
with our hands entwined.
I want him back..
But in this life of mine..
I guess I never will,
Get that one person to come back again...



He read me like an open book..
I guess I just wasn't enough..
I can't hate him..
I can still love him..
But it's not like that..
I can't decide how right I feel.
My heart races when I'm around him..
I wonder,
If he'd like to have another conversation soon..
Because all I want to do is lean into his warm chest and cry and sob my
painful tears...


I just him back in this life..
Because this life..Is my life..
And I can control it.
Nobody else.

I never feel like anyone in my blood family

ever listens..

I've thought of running away from time to time..

But if I did...Where would I go?

How would I survive?

I don't want to wait until I am eighteen years of age

to move from this place they call home..

But what I call the dungeon...

I want to be free like a bird..

With a world coming to it's war-filled and natural disaster ends,

It's the only thing I can do..

I can contemplate that everyone thinks I'm giving up on everything..

Waiting until my not tragic, but proud end that starts a new line..

Life and Death sort of remind me of Neurons..

The dendrites receive the message...

From there it goes through the axons and axon terminals...

There really isn't an end..

Because the end has already ended...

This is aggravation..

Living craziness...

With no deadly end..

No poison to make us leave this world..





This aggravation..

I can't control...

Maybe everyone is right..

Maybe I am running away..

Maybe I am giving up.

But what am I giving up on?

What am I running away from?

Am I running to something?

All these questions..

Remain unanswered..

While I sit in solemn silence...

To purify this..

Aggravation.

I feel a little terrified..

I don't know of what..

But for the past day or so I haven't been feeling right.

Not like I'm sick..

But just like..

I need to run away soon.



I don't know why..

And it's freaking me out.

How do I get this feeling to run away itself?

It's the first time it's happened.

I'm afraid that if I don't get rid of it..

It's going to destroy me from the inside to the out..

Have I always felt this way and never realized it?

Why am I so terrified?!

What am I terrified of?!

I now know..

It's not a who..

And there isn't a why..

It's a what..

I'm terrified of..

My mirror's reflection of my empty personality

My body filled with 5 memorable scars

I'm terrified.. of ..

Myself..

So every morning my dad fixes coffee and I drink some.

I sit at my desk,

Catching up with everything that I missed over the night.

I pick up my coffee cup,

When it gets above my upper thigh,

I have no idea what I did...

But I spilled a few drops on my lucky Thumper pajama pants.

"Dang it..."

I take a sip..

Then set the cup back down

On the cup's way to my desk..

I spill some coffee on my right foot..

"Grrr..."

I set the coffee cup down a little harder...

And it goes over on my mouse-pad.

I glare at the cup..

This cup has always been nice to me,

I don't know why it isn't now.



So about five minutes later I pick the cup back up again

And once again once it is over my thigh,

Coffee spills over in the same spot.

I take a sip, set the cup down, and look at my pants..

"My Thumper pants are going to have a coffee stain on it."



Still aggravated with my coffee and my cup,

I pick it back up again...

While the cup is in my hand is take a different route to my mouth..

It's almost to my mouth when it drops some more coffee on my pants and pajama shirt...



So here I am in my school clothes,

With left over coffee in the cup..

Afraid to drink it.

I take a sip and I don't spill anything...

I have come to this conclusion:

The coffee and the cup hated my Thumper pants and my tank top.

That was my morning, this morning.

If you were to hit me with a belt..

I probably wouldn't learn my lesson,

But I'd make it improved more than most



If you were to be my best friend

I'd give you hugs everyday,



If you were to leave,

I'd wish upon a wishing star,

For you, and only you, to come back



If you were to scold me for being late

Well I'd probably be early next time.

And then you'd scold me more for no apparent reason.



I could go on with If you weres

but what matters most

is that no matter what you do,

I'm going to do what I believe in.

It's just who I am.

Sometimes I can say I am proud of,

Sometimes it DOES NOT come in handy.