on the days when church is difficult
just remember, jesus isn't

You know when after a long day,
You climb into bed,
Exhausted,
And you curl up,
Sinking into the bed,
Breathing becoming regular.
That's what loving you was like.
Rare, and comfortable.

The darkest, twisted alleys in the back of my mind,
Confusion, hurt, loneliness.
Yet also, across the way,
The happy, joyous, incandescent feelings:
they're mine.
And mine alone.
I thought no one would understand
I thought I was alone.
On my own.
Feeling so far gone yet so far up on cloud 9 no one could ever bring me down again.
But, believe me darling,  you're not.

For my deepest thoughts I thought no one could ever comprehend,
You put them into words.

It's a difficult matter
Being in between
Back and forth
To and fro
Because you can
And do,
Get lost in it.
The most confusing feeling,
I've discovered,
Is being homesick,
Without a home.

Why do we put so much pressure
On others?
Waiting around for
Friends, family,
That one person who's on our Facebook and we can't remember why,
To accomplish great things so we can praise them.
Graduating high school,
Entering college,
Joining the workforce,
Falling in love - -
Why are these things on our to-do lists?
These aren't some mindless tasks,
This is life.
What if we took all that
And pushed ourselves harder?
Where would that get us?

You're the only one
I've ever known
In the way that I knew you.
You were the one always
On my mind and in my thoughts.
So, now that I'm trying to remove
You,
It's as if I'm missing something.
Something I've always known and
Always had.
Getting over you
Turns out to be a much larger
Task than I ever had imagined.
I don't think about you,
Then I hear a song,
And there you are
As if you want to be there
But aren't doing anything to
Prove it.