'"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Lettuce"
"Lettuce who?"
"Lettuce in"'

No, let me in.
Let me into your heart, into your mind.
Let me understand the things you love and the things you hate.
Let me appreciate your rude remarks and sarcastic comments and ****** jokes.

You rest in the master bedroom of my heart,
And I trust you enough that you don’t have to knock.
Sometimes we have picnics on the balcony of my veins,
Just to watch the blood pulsate by.

Last night we took a walk to my brain,
To see what memories we could vanquish,
I seemed to never recall any bad things with you,
You always shined like glistening eyes.

Tomorrow let’s ride down to my fingers,
Just to touch you one last time.
To electrify every sense of being in my body,
A rush of blood to the head.

Next time we'll travel with my feet,
Walk for days,
To thank them personally,
For bringing me closer to you.

He's the man that showed me how to respect myself
By crying on the floor of the shower listening to Bruce Springsteen
He's the guy that protected me for creepy men
By destroying my friendships with colleagues
He's the man that sometimes flirts with me
By making up rumours about my Saturday nights
He's that guy who told me I was a nice girl and didn't deserve half the crap I get
As he walked backwards into the middle of the road.

I'm addicted to wasting my time and searching for new beginnings
New beginnings that don't exist because I can't finish what I started
But inside I know that I am looking for something perpetually new

I'm stringing to the idea of our thoughts affixing
I hope that your lips are as honest as your mind and as pure as your heart
I'm thinking of how to resolve this war between my vanities and your altruism

I believe our friendship is stronger now than ever
And I'm hoping that you see it too
Because the way you laugh and how you make me smile
Is worth more than a mere sign of benevolence
But a merge of amity and ecstasy

People are so contradictory.
One person will tell me a piece of advice along the lines of "there will always be tomorrow".
Telling me to not worry about having wasted my day,
Apparently it doesn't matter that much if I sleep in until 12:27pm and have breakfast and lunch at the same time,
Or if I decide to re-watch a whole entire season in less than 10 hours.
"Don't worry, there's always tomorrow".
But what happens when someone else tells you to "live for today" because "there might not be a tomorrow".
Stop messing with my mind because I am young and I don't fully understand or appreciate the fact that I can do what I want and have no responsibilities
But what I want to do and what I feel like doing are two different things
I am young and I don't fully understand
If you tell me, "there's tomorrow" I won't do anything proactive
If you tell me, "live while you're young" I will probably do nothing as well
But the point is
You tell me both
So no wonder young people are so ******* confused and feel lonely all the time
It's because the ones who have supposedly gone through it all don't know what to say
And they went through this system 20 odd years ago and things have changed and progressed
And some things are harder now than they were at that time
But a lot of things are easier now and we are more free but people are more troublesome
So there's no wonder why teenagers are as respected as they used to be
So it turns out everyone is ******* up
No one knows what to say or how to behave or what to do anymore
No one did in the first place

How I feel for you is like trying to remember your dreams or recollecting where you left your phone,
Because I don't know where it started from,
Just like how I don't remember the exact moment when my head hits my pillow for the first time,
Or when I took my first phone call or replied to the first text that came through.
I can't retrace my steps to where it all began.
Because it was so slow,
And I don't ever intend to recognise the position I am in at 2:36am while trying to get some beauty sleep or the angle of my phone on the coffee table next to a tea stained coaster,
Just like how I didn't intend to realise the beauty of your face, the outline of your jaw or the mannerism of your voice as you say my name for the first time,
And how I feel for you is like a tonne of ******* bricks,
Because I can't even breathe when you're around,
And one by one each brick of insecurities that I have collapses onto me because I can't hold myself up to push away the bricks,
And say how I feel and it's concrete, set in stone that I am not for you.
I don't think that by finding my phone I can figure you out
Or buy myself some time to remove the aspect of sleeping from my life
So I never have to dream again just to live in the only constant of reality
In order to realise that I am naive and young and free minded but I am the world if I want to be.
Tell me, if I remember my dreams like I remember the solar system or the quadratic formula does that make me unworthy?
Because only astronomers can recall the solar system in a flash and only mathematicians use the quadratic formula day by day,
But we are not all astronomers or mathematicians but I know that one plus one equals two, me and you
And I know that as long as there are stars in the sky that you are important to me.
So believe me,
That when I say I need you I need you to need me too,
To need me in the sense that I probably can live without you but the fact of the matter is I don't want to
Because that wouldn't be as far as interesting as the two of us being crazy at 3am by throwing cookie dough at the wall.
Not to need me in the sense that I need you to be next to me every minute of every single ******* day
Because you don't.
You just need someone,
Someone to care or not to care but someone, anyone because then you won't feel even as half as alone as you did the night before
And I know you did as we all did but I want you to want me as in you want me to ride Saw with you at Thorpe Park
And I want you to want to walk me to the bus stop not because it's on your route home.
I can't remember where I've been
Or the dream that I had last night
Or where I left my phone,
But I know that I've been to the moon and back thinking about you
I know that last night's dream was about you stomping on a spider
I know that I put my phone on the breakfast bar of the kitchen.
I know fractions.
I will never know the full story to anything besides from my own stories and histories
Just like dreams and places I've been and where my phone has gone
I know fractions of you like how one third of the time you are sleeping
Three times out of eight you are at the bookies
Half the time you are on my mind.
The next time you remember your dream back to back and recite it like a subtitled drama,
Or the next time you find your phone once you realise you left it on the table on your morning train,
I hope that you recognise that nobody loves like that or lives like that in a constant perfection
I hope you realise how some people don't want to remember their dreams when they wake up because not all of them are good ones,
That sometimes it's best to leave our phones where they are to disconnect from a world of social media for a couple of hours
That maybe it's okay to not remember wherever we wish because bad things might have happened at those points in our pasts
And that's how I fell for you, in little bits.

You can do a thousand things right in your life,
But the minute you do one wrong thing,
Everything good you have ever done,
Suddenly disappears,
And you are left,
Recognised for the one thing you didn't do right.