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Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
Have you ever wanted to cry
To let out all feeling locked up inside
I experience this everyday
Not knowing who I can trust
Who I can turn to in times of need

Jesus is always there for me
I can speak to him through prayer
I love him more than anything
But I long for a human friend
Someone who will always listen

Whether I'm obsessing about a boy
Or stressing over an upcoming test
When things go wrong they'll be there
They'll know when I need a hug
Or a shoulder to cry on

God, will you help me find them?
The person I can trust with my life
Someone who feels the same as me
And will always support me
That's the kind of friend I need
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
She reached for something
Anything sharp enough to draw blood
She needed to feel pain
It knew everything about her
And it never failed to distract her from life
It seemed to her like a best friend
Most of the time even better
No one knew of her secret pleasure
They only knew the mask
The mask of a smart, beautiful, laughing girl
They couldn't see the struggling beneath
All the hurt and confusion
She no longer wanted the relief of a knife
She longed for more than blood and pain could offer
It's magic was quickly fading
Next she wanted and end to everything
Sure they'd talk
But not for long
Call her selfish, weak, and ungrateful
No one would ever understand
Weeks dragged on as thoughts consumed her mind
Rope, bridge, trigger, overdose... the options overwhelming
But she'd made her long- awaited decision
That night she felt the icy trigger on her fingertips
The tip of the gun imprinted on the roof of her mouth
Tears flooded down her face
She'd made the worst possible mistake
She'd started to think
She though about her life
About the numerous times she'd sat there before
In that same place on the edge of her bed
She didn't want to play this game with herself again
Her grip tightened
A shot rang out
A beautiful soul was lost forever
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
Our bodies are creations of God
The heart an instrument of love
A mechanism that's forever bonding
People everywhere; earth and above

My eyes see him always as perfect
And for him, tears they will cry
He's worth all that I ever will own
I don't care if the world questions why

His touch is warm and soothing
More calming than a lonely love song
He's always waiting right by my side
In his hand is where mine belongs
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
This thought tears me apart
Causes me to hide from the world

It is the thought of not being enough

Not pretty enough
Not kind enough
Not popular enough
Not thin enough
Not intelligent enough

It is these thoughts that make me cower in fear
I can't face the world if I'm not enough

I don't feel worthy of life
And this is the reason why

What if I'm not good enough for him
Am I only wasting my time

Is it a worthless dream
One that has no hope of becoming reality

I long to hear that I am enough
Long to hear it from him

It will never happen, though
There are other girls

Girls that are beautiful and kind
Girls that are enough
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
The sun is shining brilliantly upon my face
The misery in my heart is slowly evaporating
Could this day possibly be more grand?
Blades of sweet smelling grass whisper to me
They tell me tales of love and heartache
Of magic, mystery, and wonder
A field of daisies is where I find my rest
I skip and smile, two things normally foreign to me
Birds chirp their cheerful melodies to me
Wind caresses the branches of trees
The sounds around me are the songs of life
A place so perfect I know I cannot stay for long
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
There are times
Times where I think I hate you
My heart tends to tell me otherwise
It is jealousy controlling me
I want to be with you
To feel the comfort of your strong arms
Please don't walk away again
To spend time with everyone else
It seems that others are stealing you
We belong together
My heart tells me so
My brain says to stay away
Deep down the truth remains
Waiting for a time to reveal itself
Your truth already has
I can tell by the way you compliment me
The way you tell my I'm special
I love you involuntarily
Not realizing the problems to come
I am jealous of girls you look at
IYou feel the same about me
One day this will all be resolved
Whether through marriage or not
To each other or somebody else
We shall always love each other
Our friendship never failing
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
I am unique
My problems severe
More than even I can understand

I enjoy releasing endorphins
They make me feel normal
Make me forget about the world

I don't tend to acquire nutrients
They usually leave hastily
Not wanting to cause trouble

I know I'm not ugly
Sometimes I even look half decent
The mirror is my biggest enemy

Attraction is quite the struggle
I am not alone in this matter
Not being accepted is the most frightening thing

I don't know what people see in me
I'm not sure if I want to
I like to think I'm a monster at times

I have such low self- confidence
Especially in my abilities
But in everything else as well

I think my personality is great
I am outgoing and fun
Or at least I used to be
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
These are my battle scars
Each and every self- inflicted

The deeper, the worse the battle
You may think I should be ashamed

Truth is, I'm all but ashamed
The scars are my life

Each has it's own story
Each a reason for why it's there

My wrist was once clean
But fights must be fought

So now it is a battlefield
A battlefield from which I am victorious
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
His confidence is lacking
Yet he's as sweet as can be
I care for him beyond measure
Without him my life wouldn't be complete
He brings a smile to my face
And is the sunshine to my day
I love to hear his voice
I dream about his laugh
I've never felt like this before
Had too many butterflies to count
His name appears on my phone
And flutter around they do
The things he says are perfect
They take my breath away
If anything should ever happen
I want to remember him this way
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
She cuts her self at night, to see if she still feels,
to see if anything is real and the scars they never heal,
though she tries the memory's... like the scars..... are
more then real and shall never fade though she stays
up late and prays they may,she is made…. an example of,
the people are never kind, but they don't know what
goes through her mind, and either do i, though i always
try, every night she stays up and crys but she feels the need to
continually watch her self bleed,

As she feeds it, the emotions and internal commotions,
bring down sorrow and personal convulsions, Burns on her
skin smile back, it takes her a moment to relax, after wax
falls hard off her skin, leaving only an emptiness within,
When she feels she wants to die, I want to make the sky,
open up and all the clouds erupt into sunshine, make the
world seem fine, and everything's okay, but it's not,
her own mind is fraught with problems and decisions
and the thing that she envisions is the problems that
she's created with each incision

And as the razor takes and creates another tear,
The fear grows greater as the self hate grows
and evolves much deeper, Within her,
After the blood flows, the longs sleeves lay low,
on her arms in order to hide, she fights to take
what sides she has left, after all the mental stress,
her parents don’t understand her, her friends don’t
take the time to scan her, they just leave her stranded,
left out for dead lost in her head,

Smile for me child, wont you try and live for a while?
Please don't go back and react to each thing with negativity,
and try to get relief through poor stress release,
wont you please stay with me put down that knife,
stay in my life come to my paradise,
But it comes to no surprise, she lies, "I'm fine," the line,
used to define that you're not and I feel so caught like
a naught in my stomach and it's not like I've never felt
this before, but it hurts even more since you're close
but I drift like a ghost through your life, transparent,

I want to be there, to wipe away every tear
and the memory that every scar leaves,
But im afraid of the self relief
the cutting brings its turn into a habit,
Shes just has to have it,
I try to understand it to the best that I can,
But when I don’t… she leaves me to ponder
Wander the streets in my mind to find
The answer, to all this hate and sorrow,
The depression will eat you, me alive but we
must strive to look at the brighter side,

As she lays there, naked in the tub, she starts to
rub body lotion over stomach cuts, just to feel the
sting while she scrubs, its her drug and the pain
that she feels when there's strain, she wont explain
or be constrained as she lines her chest with red
human paint,

Its like a taint of the mind that is never forgotten or wanted,

But still haunted by uncertainty, pain, and misery

The pain that could fill troughs, but the love that
I have for her could never be lost......
*This is not something that I've written*
My boyfriend and a friend of his actually wrote this as a rap.
I figured it was great so I'm putting it up here.
I have a revised more poetic version called 'Scars (Revised)' also uploaded.
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
She cuts herself at night to see if she still feels
To see if anything is real and the scars they never heal
She tries to forget, but the memories are strong
There's no turning back from the damage she's done
She is watched and is judged
Made fun of, never loved
People are rarely polite or kind
They don't see what goes on in her mind
And either do I, but at least I will try
To smother her constant suffering
To rid her of tears that are ever flowing
Every night her pillow case is makeup stained as she stays up and cries
And she cringes as her own skin breaks open like an old, fragile vase
Yet she still feels the need to continually watch herself bleed

As she feeds her emotions and internal commotions
She's reminded of sorrow and personal convulsions
Even burns on her skin hesitate to smile back
But as they do, she finds a moment to relax
And when the wax falls hard off her skin
All she's left with is an emptiness within
When she says she feels like she wants to die
I wish that for her I could rip open the sky
Make it erupt with silver- lined clouds and sunshine
I truly do want her world to seem fine
Like everything's okay, though I know that's a lie
Her own mind is stressed with problems and decisions
All the horrible scenarios that she envisions
Somehow seem more real with each new incision

The razor she takes and creates another tear
The idea of self hatred seeds itself there
And quickly it evolves much deeper within her
After the blood flows
Her wrists take shelter in a prison of long sleeves
Though, many find her tales difficult to believe
She fights to take what sides she has left
In a world sent out to steal her last breath
Her parents don't want to understand her
Her friends don't take the time to scan her
They just leave her stranded
Left out for dead
Lost in her head

"Smile for me child
Won't you try and live for awhile?
Please don't go back and react with negativity
Don't try to find relief in your twisted stress release
Won't you please stay with me?
Please, I beg you, put down that knife
More than anything, I need you in my life"
But it comes to no surprise when she lies, 
"I'm fine"
The line used to define that you're not
My stomach knots up and I feel so caught
It's not as if I've never felt this way before
But we're so close that I had expected much more
Expected a little willingness to try
To unravel our lives summed up in a lie
I'm going through the original one verse at a time and this is what I have so far. Please don't hesitate to comment :)
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
I must confess that I am jealous
She has it all, but somehow can't see it
The good looks, the boy, the family

Why can't she see this obviousness
Instead she hurts herself
Tries to take away the pain

A pain that doesn't truly exist
I want her to see this
But I am not important enough

Her lovely boyfriend must tell her this
The one that smells like heaven
The one that will never be mine

Not that this worries me
I only want him to realize her strength
She has a charm that controls him

He doesn't understand this
He must be told before it's too late
Before he is gone forever
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
We knew each other before forever
But now those times have disappeared
The three of us were always together
Trouble made our path very clear

We knew not what would become of us
Our age playing the major role
We'd only known we'd found someone to trust
To help accomplish our every goal

Looking back through moments of the past
I;m now able to clearly see
Our memories together will forever last
The three amigos are we
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
The words you've spoken
The things you've done
You knew how I felt
You didn't seem to care

My respect for you is gone
You'll never get it back
I wanted it to work
I thought you did, too

I only asked for one simple favour
I'd have given anything in return
But you shot me down
Missing the point of what I wanted

I never wanted you to like that place
I only wanted to be with you
To talk to and understand you
To spend time with you

You clearly didn't want the same
So I've decided to take a trip to hell
And I thought you'd like to know
That you're the one to blame
Melissa Breanne Aug 2011
We tried and failed
The two of us don't make sense
You can be kind or horrible
I'm not sure how I feel

Do I hate or love you?
You tend to be a bit dramatic
Yet understanding at the same time
Should I open up to you?

Would you think differently of me
Knowing my darkest secrets
There are too many to name
All painful to think, much less tell

Letting you in could hurt
Lead to heartbreak and despair
But I'm already broken, aren't I?
So what does it matter?

— The End —