And lastly, I
Would **** myself
Shoot myself in the heart
In the hole

Where you had planted flowers in
while you were asleep, you
Pulled them out, one, by one.
And left a gaping hole – nothing left but
The petals.

Because then,
It would finally be filled,
By the notions of self despair and
Self loathing.

What a joy to be dead in the heart.

What a delight indeed.

Don't look.
The world's about to break.

Don't look.
The world's about to chuck out all its light
and stuff us in the chokepit of its dark,
That black and fat suffocated place
Where we will **** or die or dance or weep
Or scream of whine or squeak like mice
To renegotiate our starting price.

I wish I could always feel this rush
this warmth, this ease
this trust
Then, I might be called crazy for the way I act
if its anything like whats happening
within me

So, then I wish my mind took photos
But a picture won't do
what even a few minutes next to you
does to me

Then I wish you could see it
Maybe, that your heart I've played war with
might recognize mine
as it's Guardian
or it's harbor

I know these are all just wishes
and even if wishes were real
you only get three

But if I could have one more
I'd wish you were here, with me, tonight
tangled up in me
and asleep
Then I could feel the rush
and remember the way you fit

And I'd whisper
"I love you."
even though you wouldn't hear me
Because you might hear it in your dream
then wake up in the light and start to believe the truth

That I'm yours
No where to run, no escape plans or exits
Purely, solely, wholly
Yours.

I give up
Every time I see her smile at someone else
When she doesn’t say “hi”
If she doesn’t praise my superiority

She’s a *****, what was I thinking
**** her, she’s not worth it

Then I close my eyes and ignore the real world
My heart and imagination laugh at reason
And I fall back in
I hope she notices me

I hate people
I look at them and I
think about how much
better I am than them.
And then I walk outside
and throw on my face
where I love everyone
and am super nice.
I hate actors