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Melina Gold Feb 2011
Body shaking
ground moving
red green blue
colors receeding
insides on fire
head pulsating
Assume the position
drown in lost ambition
drink it down
throw it up
same old ****
different ******* visions

Swirling fast
losing consciousness
groove is thrown off
now you gotta live with it
all those thoughts pouring out
like Kool-Aid
All those fools pretending
to listen to your tirade
They're not your friend
or your foe
But it's the closest thing to love
and comfort and contact
that you'll ever know
Melina Gold Feb 2011
To understand oneself
they must understand their insides
Never knew a man who didn't know
What made up the tears in their eyes

And I never loved a man who didn't quite exceed
the consciousness of the world
and all its vapid greed
He never once did say "ignorance is bliss"
But instead to "question everything"
And with that thought, I'd surrender a kiss
Melina Gold Feb 2011
Just like that
everything is gone
burning bridges
my favorite hobby
I could make ash all day long
Throw a few more matches to the breeze
Making piles of people and places
and all this memory to be scorched with ease
Things to be replaced
but painstakingly unforgotten
I'm consumed by my subconscious
as my frontal lobe is rotting
Daydreams and hopes
He's coming full circle
Will we ever leave the house now
knowing the ground can be hurtful
Melina Gold Feb 2011
Warm dewy glowing
upon my childish face
swinging and napping
skipping
pace
pace
Joy still sparks
when I play hide and seek in the dark
I'm forever young
A child til I die
Maybe I'm hallucinating
Seeing through my intoxicated eyes
Melina Gold Feb 2011
And I could not do it
I don't know why I keep making lies
to myself this way
The pavement I tread over
The air I turn into carbon
It's all not permanent
Nothing that is me can stay

Can't make up
my decisions
my mind
my basis of self
I'm in a constant daze
Help
my demeanor screams
Won't you, won't he
She breathes life I wish I could be
It's all your choice they tell
at me
I've really done
Set myself up for defeat

Everything could have been perfect
coming up roses
Could have possibly been just fine
But was just fine what I wanted
What I needed to get by
I have no interest
In anything
No nothing at all
I'm dead weight
sink
slouch
fall
All I do is waste
Do you see my purpose here

What I thought I wanted now seems
so unclear
Fear
fear on fear on fear
I want to speak
and talk
but my motivation disappears
Melina Gold Feb 2011
The humble new owner of a pitiful existence
wherever I go she follows in close distance
With her locks electrified with shine and her claws sharpened
so very fine
Starting at the ladder in my heart and climbing to my head
She wonders why I wish I was dead
Always avoiding emotion, building up
pouring out like the deepest ocean
I try to calm her, stop her tantrums
but she's a swingset back and forth
with moods at random
Says she's seen a lot, that I couldn't understand
her pitiful existence doesn't justify her being with a man
She doesn't want your help or smile or sorrow
Tells me she wishes to never see a tomorrow
The secrets she keeps will never be known to me
Assuring she doesn't have any, that of all sin
she's free
Never knowing always guessing
the fatal cycle of hoping
feeling
raging
forgetting
Every tear of hers I've felt on my skin was like pure cyanide
Another man couldn't handle the somber anguish it brings me
inside
Her eyes trying to disguise her demise
into the netherworld
I've tried everything imaginable to try to save this girl
She was young and naive, tried to convince me she didn't
know what she was doing
Yet any man with two eyes and ears and hands could have seen
it was love we were pursuing
And now that the first love's wooing is ended
She wants a friendship to keep us mended
But I just couldn't get it, don't understand what she's thinking
the thing that broke my heart wants to watch as I'm limping
Wants to help me along and pretend to be strong as I'm feeling
my whole life slip from my grip
Dependent on the nurture and the loving-caring drama
all I thought I wanted was to hold her in my arms
Never should have trusted those lying little hands
Or the way she told me she'd never want another man
She broke the chains and ****** up the plan
My heart is being picked apart by her plucking of its strings
she's reached down
snatched me
and tore off my wings
She steals all my dreams and twists them into nightmares
And anywhere my mind tries to escape
she goes there
Why this ***** tries to tell me to love another,
I can't comprehend
When she knows she's the only one I'll ever
want in my bed
And now I'm standing in a pool of impossible
with an ending to this hell nowhere in sight
I keep on lying to myself
sobbing, saying maybe one day
I'll be reborn into some light
I still love her but my passion is laced and saturated with hate
Intertwined with the loathing she's served me
on a plate
For somehow forgetting the oaths
The ones she's condemned us and forced us to forsake
Forever now seems like a lot of type of mind-*******
when you know your story ends just like the rest of them
If she was remotely forgettable, I'd dispose her
from my mind in a minute
But that can never happen for this humble owner
of this once-meaningful existence
written in the eyes of someone else.

— The End —