Walking down memorial
the smell of hot & wet soil
packed into plastic
making walls along the sidewalk
the gardener and the garden
both remind me
how the seasons begin to turn
like pages in a book
that was left
without needing to know
the ending

and yes
how sweet is that scent

Love seems
that it's half way
unconscious
like
burn on my cheeks
whenever I see
my lover
smile
and
halfway a choice
to be respect
the other
and their emotions
even if that
means
accepting the
fact
they may never
really ever love you back.

we were emaciated; ruined  
much like the twisted silence at the foot of your bed
a hollow battle field where our hearts would lay
and in nooks of tangled legs and distraught blankets
our secrets would hide

then at night fall they would dissapate
into the cage we called a home,
to poison the atmosphere already swollen
with ambigious thoughts and supressed dreams
  
we wait for rain
and we wait for the sun
but never reach into the atmosphere

so like our secrets we lay dormant
in our monotonous routines
and our open eyed sleep

Today it
Occurred to me that
I could dissect your dialect
Savour every breath
And take notes
Of when and why
I thought
Your heart was
Pounding out of your chest
I could pull meaning
From your lips
Like lust
Or
Lovers
Maybe?
I could try and understand
Why I felt some days
So soft like summer
Sun and others
Are as if I've been
Frozen all along
I could fight
The fact that I'm
Always afraid
of your
Fleeting
fingertips

Today I realized
That if I did all of this
I wouldn't get the chance
To know the flashes
Of light that sometimes
Fill your face
Or hear tales
Of dancing shoes
Hallways of birds or
To count the freckles on your shoulders

My roommate
Cut his feet
On glass I broke
Twice at least
And I feel a lot better
Than I did a year ago

Remember when we were sweet
Butter cream and gardenias
Not built to last in the
Atlanta south

I want to
Throw seeds to the wind
And hope they land
S c a t t e r e d
Amongst your
Scars
I hope forests grow
Where there once
Was pain
And I hope the roots
Grow so thick
Writhing
living
Roots
I hope they grow so thick
That you'll never be touched again
And in under this thick canopy
I hope to hide
Save some safety

And you said
It’s been a dream
While I’ve been awake
Counting stars on your ceiling
Memorizing each snore into
My neck
Full from food and
Peaceful cinema
You say it’s been a dream
And I’ve always been bad
At telling
The two apart

Then again
Sometimes you’ll find yourself
Lost like keys in the sofa
It’s so easy to forget
That you’ve been
There before

you said you liked me
wintered
weathered
working
you said you liked
the crease between
my lips and nose
from the pack and a half
a day
you said you liked me
but you said you didn't
need me

i could be a mirror
i could be a mountain
i could be trees above
a 45 foot fountain
i could be a time bomb
tick tick ticking and then
snap

i could be
anything you needed
and everything i'm not

It's funny
How whenever I
Tell someone about a
Trauma they
Always let me know
What I
SHOULD have
Done.

No one wants
Broken goods
finger to lips
Stolen sips from
Those sweet honey hips
No one wants
A melded mind
Mineral mounds
And uncommon sounds
No one wants you
But mostly no one wants
me hung from a tree
Spoiled she
No one wants my broken
Goods
Baggage Claim
Swallowed in flame
No one wants
My mineral mound
Pumping heart sounds
Tossed around
Abandoned
One two three
What could it be?
No one wants
Damaged goods

sometimes
i'm reminded
about the mineral
mounds within
my brain
and

sometimes
those reminders
are me running
off of the road
in hopes
to
die a
little bit
again.

if love is a debt
i don't ever want to owe again

there's so
much
I have
to get
done
but
the only
thing I'm
good
at is
shutting

down

this gnawing
under my skin
to spend $400
on a one way
is driving me
nuts.

I was your Saturn sun
I was your darkness won
I was a murdered dove
I was your hated love
I was strong but weak
and I never needed that peak
I tore into your attic
I crushed your velvet pops
I was your addiction
Then your time stopped
I held onto your cracked breath
I held onto your pain
I held onto your sacred touch
I dove into your frozen rain
Every kiss was magic
All the lust was the same
I miss your ****** face
I miss your lullabies

So until I see your swollen heart
I'll love your grave stone
Like I did from the start

Summer in Georgia
Is air clinging to my face
An attempt to keep
Me grounded
But how could air
Force me down
When It’s so light
Like pleasantries
Between neighbors
And the smell of
Oranges and tobacco
On my hands
Soul in my
Fingers
Historical clay
And a walk
On pavement
Cracked
And hot
Like the air holding
Me in place

spider hands
with your whispering
webs weaved
in place

cold carbon
carrying
songs of
somber souls
sick sickle
someones

spider hands
you wrap yourself
in your own
mesh

I never had            rose petals
placed in my head
or a *******
                         sappy romance
just concrete
bricks
scraping my back
every time your
body
tensed up and swayed
the thoughts
the dead leaves
left alone
to wash down
the drain or
sink into the Earth

I often wonder how
it would've been if
I had
tried to say no
instead of not saying
yes

he said he's just a man
with teeth tearing God's back
he's running on putrid plaque
fate can't control
a foriegn face
in any unknown
place

mountains
and cradles
and my eyes
which have retreated back
into my skull
because i can't sleep
with all of these polarities
running wild
in my mind

Lately when I drink
I drink at bars two miles
Away from my house
Four shots of whiskey and
I usually get sad and I
Walk home
And the other night
I did that
And caught wind
That was missing
Someone

I began to stumble
My way home
I usually try to look mean
And unapproachable
But still I hear
A "hey baby"
******* can't
See I'm crying
And I turn around
On fire and tell him
To *******
He tells me it's thanksgiving as if
That means ****
To me
And I barrel home
Thinking he doesn't
Know that I am
Just starting to notice
All the cracks in
The pavement
And the empty spaces
Where the honey combed
Brick used to lay
And I'm wishing
I hadn't felt so
Strange toward you

A drizzle, soft
touches the earth
with thousands of palms

A hurricane
with love held from
within the earth
can move mountains

I can only
hope to touch you
with such
dualities

still
the night
she reaches through
hazy and taciturn
leaving me
with memories
of myself echoing
into her breath -
staggering into
the grip
of planned
obsolescence

Loving you is like wanting to know the softness of an exceptionally beautiful cloud. One can only know its touch in the form of rain.

I walked into
The bathroom for
The third time today
Tiles
Cold and knowing
All the secrets I’ve shared
The ones I haven’t
Beneath my feet
Content with reading
Everything but
The lines between you
And between me
The light peering in
For more poems to
Keep
The beer in my hand
For a last word
To read
The book to my
Left untouched
Water on the stove to heat
And I couldn’t
Keep the warmth
To stay feet tangled
Toes pressed
To seed.

Feeling your
Fleeting interactions
Freeing my
Foot path
From my heart to yours
Feeling your
Fleeing song birds
Fearing myself
Forgetting your words
Fighting my
Forseen
Future for
I have the world pressed to my palms

every day
i roll over
onto your
sweat soaked
side
of the bed
and i
remember
you thrashing
around
kicking
whimpering
all night
and every day
i wonder
why

no one likes to talk
about the waiting,
how everything is patience,
sweat to
tear muscles down
so they can regrow
and it hurts
but it's good

spring floats through
with graduation balloons
and plasticine
alteration accompanied by
sweat behind my knee

I'll keep pivoting
and maybe soon
I'll find the courage
to take a step
in a direction

It's not a slow descent
It's a rapid
Fire
Fast drop
Swift sinking
Where
My heart
Is thrown into
My feet
As soon
As I set
My eyes
On you
My brain
Bubbles over
And a huge grin
Blooms

It's funny too
It's the same
Heart dropping
Feeling
I have
When emptiness
Takes hold
Only it's not slow
not too much
Aching
Just toasty waters
And fear
Of green eyed
Grief

shivers
like the three day old knot
thats grown into my back
just above
my four month old
spinal tap

and i hope
i pray
that you might
stay for
one more night
of my chaotic
and calm
coaster ride

It's far easier
to believe
that you never really loved me at all
than to drown in the fact
that I just couldn't
keep you
or maybe I just
didn't deserve you quite
like I had imagined

i miss cherry blossoms
and that time of the year
where life seems
to sprout from my ears
i miss waves

and most of all
i miss you

bipolar is
collecting
ten baskets of
fruit
and the next day
realizing that it
was never
quite ripe

a year ago
or so
you told me that no one was ever going to love me again
you looked at me and I believed you
you loved me
and love is honest.

i didn't know then
that abusers
take the birds
they love
and scramble to clip
their wings
and then ask them to fly

so
i clung to you because
you were all I was ever going to get
but-
that was
a bit more
than a year or so ago

My heart
Doesn't belong in
My stomach
Carving out
A hollow place
An attempt
To hold myself
Together

please
if you are going to leave
pack your things
while i am away

i was a poet before
i was a painter
and there's
something about
the way your
gaze is given
that makes
me unsure

still
      bleeding
like the Earth seeps
carbon carriers
losing air
and trying to fill my
lungs deeper
fuller
trying to
take a look at what
love means
just to catch a glimpse
just to feel
the clutches of
a warm-hearted
half ***
idea of forever
to whisper
3 words
3 syllables
to actually mean it

to hold it in my hands
and watch the warmth melt
freeze
repeat

what is it like?
to hold this
fraudulent thought
in your head for so long
what is it like to
find that forever just walks
                                                                             away?

For a moment
My skin fell off of my bones
And the
Warm water clutched by
Your fingertips flickering
Across my form
They send people
To rivers to wash
Away their sins
You sent me to the river
And accidentally
let a little piece
of me in
Locked away

But bare to my bones
For just a moment
It seemed that you're
All I would ever know.

You feel like someone who crosses the street when there are pages they didn’t need to see

Some days it's difficult to
Escape
The clutches
Of my bed

learning new lips
like lost lovers
often do

Am I upset
At your disappointment?
Or just upset
At the way
It makes me feel?

I keep dreaming
of crushing
concrete columns
and
wondering
if I'll
ever
feel like
I'm not alone?

All I can
Hope
Is that
Soon
I'll be over
The edge

Right now
I feel like
I want to fall asleep
And never wake up