And you said
It’s been a dream
While I’ve been awake
Counting stars on your ceiling
Memorizing each snore into
My neck
Full from food and
Peaceful cinema
You say it’s been a dream
And I’ve always been bad
At telling
The two apart

I'm always
teetering on
the edge of escapism
and the firm grounding
of an embrace

a year ago
or so
you told me that no one was ever going to love me again
you looked at me and I believed you
you loved me
and love is honest.

i didn't know then
that abusers
take the birds
they love
and scramble to clip
their wings
and then ask them to fly

so
i clung to you because
you were all I was ever going to get
but-
that was
a bit more
than a year or so ago

i like the way
your face creases
creep out from under
your glasses
around your eyes
when you smile

There’s a pile of leaves
In freedom park that
I hesitate at
It’s tempting to
Dive in
Afraid I’ll find the pain
Of all the I love you’s
I’ve withheld
With cold
Curled fingers
Afraid I’ll find the ground
To be harder
Than I thought

I told you once
I was tired
Of living in
Wreck & repair

Now I’m thinking
That’s mostly what everything is

I bit my nails down to the skin again

All I can
Hope
Is that
Soon
I'll be over
The edge

Lost in hands locked
Tightly coiled around my finger tip
Bent and broken
For something my lips should slip

Round and round
For better or worse feelings lost within
Numb and aching
Surely you won't let this fluorescent light win

Glasses for night
As your mind would fail to grow
Lost in love
And your name I don't even know

For a moment
My skin fell off of my bones
And the
Warm water clutched by
Your fingertips flickering
Across my form
They send people
To rivers to wash
Away their sins
You sent me to the river
And accidentally
let a little piece
of me in
Locked away

But bare to my bones
For just a moment
It seemed that you're
All I would ever know.

Old words
Like old songs are
Living old worlds
And still it seems
You can’t escape them

if love is a debt
i don't ever want to owe again

grey tiled
waffle house in
Atlanta, Georgia
I'm about
ten coffee stirrers
apart from you and
my face burns
for the third hour awake
and the mundane
act of loving you.

I'm going to need
three more chimneys
and a lot of wood
to burn all of
the silver tongued
horse ****
that floats out of
your mouth

Some days it's difficult to
Escape
The clutches
Of my bed

please
if you are going to leave
pack your things
while i am away

this gnawing
under my skin
to spend $400
on a one way
is driving me
nuts.

sometimes
i'm reminded
about the mineral
mounds within
my brain
and

sometimes
those reminders
are me running
off of the road
in hopes
to
die a
little bit
again.

There are no windows here
cold body
mind so near
sink like summer time
sink don't fall
No, no windows
not here

Just empty pages
to be written
and voices to be heard
Plenty of doors to be broken
thoughts that scream
but you dare not say a word
lay on the floor
sweet child
and hope to hear the rain
lay on the floor
and hope you'll see day again
cast away into your cave
into the night
where you cannot be saved
force yourself awake
and force yourself to create
force yourself to love
the day
and force yourself
just not too late

I know there are no windows here
and sunshine seems so strong
but please I'm begging you to
get up and head outside
I'm begging you
to stay strong
No there are no windows here
but you've been deeper in
darkness than this.

Feeling your
Fleeting interactions
Freeing my
Foot path
From my heart to yours
Feeling your
Fleeing song birds
Fearing myself
Forgetting your words
Fighting my
Forseen
Future for
I have the world pressed to my palms

still
      bleeding
like the Earth seeps
carbon carriers
losing air
and trying to fill my
lungs deeper
fuller
trying to
take a look at what
love means
just to catch a glimpse
just to feel
the clutches of
a warm-hearted
half ***
idea of forever
to whisper
3 words
3 syllables
to actually mean it

to hold it in my hands
and watch the warmth melt
freeze
repeat

what is it like?
to hold this
fraudulent thought
in your head for so long
what is it like to
find that forever just walks
                                                                             away?

i miss cherry blossoms
and that time of the year
where life seems
to sprout from my ears
i miss waves

and most of all
i miss you

I have a hard time titling poems that I feel didn't introduce themselves to me?  I just found them hiding underneath the way someones eyelashes hit their cheek unnoticed... Or in the way a retiree shuffles off the bus to buy flowers and tea.
I have a hard time titling words that felt borrowed from a moment, small & bruising.

My heart
Doesn't belong in
My stomach
Carving out
A hollow place
An attempt
To hold myself
Together

I know a man
who sleeps
with a chiquita
box
as a pillow
on auburn avenue
every day I pass him
at 11:00 alseep
in a nook
of the city
and sometimes
for a second
I think about
bringing him
food
or water
but
I tell myself
tomorrow

now I pass that building
his pillow
and blanket gone
and a hipster
juice store sign
is being pasted
on the window

I light
a cigarette
and smoke
one
I do not stop
and wait
for tomorrow

Skin to knife
Skin to knife
Skin to knife
Knife
To
Skin

Your hands
    cleaner
than my
sunday
shirt
and
I've collected
quite a bit
of dirt

condensation makes
me heavy
but I'm lucky
to have known
the rain

sunlight sunburns
and bruised cheeks
can kiss
until
cracks form along
my skin

but I'm lucky to have
felt
light

I'm so
          so
              blessed
to
constantly
feel so

                                      h e a v y
                                                     &
                                                           l i g h t

take my hands
(don't forget
to cut at the
joint)
i don't need them anymore
crash my car
on the interstate
flip over
fragments of
rose blood
clots
and tireless
time bombs

take my hands
and cut at the joint

sometimes
i dip my
hair in herbal
soaks
in hopes
of turning
into
crumbly
man made
nature
and putrid
performances
of morals

i could be a mirror
i could be a mountain
i could be trees above
a 45 foot fountain
i could be a time bomb
tick tick ticking and then
snap

i could be
anything you needed
and everything i'm not

Summer in Georgia
Is air clinging to my face
An attempt to keep
Me grounded
But how could air
Force me down
When It’s so light
Like pleasantries
Between neighbors
And the smell of
Oranges and tobacco
On my hands
Soul in my
Fingers
Historical clay
And a walk
On pavement
Cracked
And hot
Like the air holding
Me in place

I want
thousands of
beautiful words
to tumble out of my
mouth
to take
your breath away
to show you
what it is
I'm feeling
but every time
my chest inflates
with the thought of you
I have no words
at all.

Adopt my heart
Its been
passed
kicked around
has over 300 likes
Heart felt messages
about giving it
a forever home
a place to love
to be loved
a place safe
And dry
Let me be
the "crazy people lady"
you never used

You feel like someone who crosses the street when there are pages they didn’t need to see

I am quite familiar with loss
but losing your love
is not something I wish
to ever know.

There is a light trapped in her room
Where old cigarettes stain
the yellow walls
With a putrid
placidity
Not natural
not her own
like the rows on her hips
that wont fade
or the love stuck
to her already puckered lips
she can talk
but wont quit

It's deeper than that
she says
yet the atmospheric
pressure is still
and her mind

chaotic

  calm

      chaotic

             calm



                       crash

I want to
Throw seeds to the wind
And hope they land
S c a t t e r e d
Amongst your
Scars
I hope forests grow
Where there once
Was pain
And I hope the roots
Grow so thick
Writhing
living
Roots
I hope they grow so thick
That you'll never be touched again
And in under this thick canopy
I hope to hide
Save some safety

A drizzle, soft
touches the earth
with thousands of palms

A hurricane
with love held from
within the earth
can move mountains

I can only
hope to touch you
with such
dualities

Remember when we were sweet
Butter cream and gardenias
Not built to last in the
Atlanta south

I used to say that
I was only a creature of the day
despite my love for
the moons glow
I sent the night away
and now all I wish
to see
is the moon
I know

my arms feel heavy
like lead in my vein
from lust
loveless lasting
on my tongue
from far away
thoughts
I've tried to bury
beneath my bed
winding up
whispering around
my music box
head

you've
given me enough
love notes
that I could
fold an
army of
cranes

It's funny
How whenever I
Tell someone about a
Trauma they
Always let me know
What I
SHOULD have
Done.

I was your Saturn sun
I was your darkness won
I was a murdered dove
I was your hated love
I was strong but weak
and I never needed that peak
I tore into your attic
I crushed your velvet pops
I was your addiction
Then your time stopped
I held onto your cracked breath
I held onto your pain
I held onto your sacred touch
I dove into your frozen rain
Every kiss was magic
All the lust was the same
I miss your ****** face
I miss your lullabies

So until I see your swollen heart
I'll love your grave stone
Like I did from the start

Cigarettes are expensive
but I need a reason
to stand outside of parties
and avoid
interaction.

knowing
that I don't know anything
about you is
nice
it's new
exciting
I want it to stay that way.

I want you to always be
that surprise around
the corner
I somehow
never make it to
because you're
almost too beautiful
for me to see

shivers
like the three day old knot
thats grown into my back
just above
my four month old
spinal tap

and i hope
i pray
that you might
stay for
one more night
of my chaotic
and calm
coaster ride

bipolar is
collecting
ten baskets of
fruit
and the next day
realizing that it
was never
quite ripe

no one likes to talk
about the waiting,
how everything is patience,
sweat to
tear muscles down
so they can regrow
and it hurts
but it's good