no one likes to talk
about the waiting,
how everything is patience,
sweat to
tear muscles down
so they can regrow
and it hurts
but it's good

On those nights
That I dare
Sleep alone
I toss
Until my
Feet tangle
In my hair
My back bone
My wind earth
Air
Just missing
The fire
That once
Lay there

Last night
You visited my dreams
You wrapped
Your fingers
Around my heart
And told me
That you really did Love me

I don't
Think I've ever
Been so upset
To open
My eyes

he said he's just a man
with teeth tearing God's back
he's running on putrid plaque
fate can't control
a foriegn face
in any unknown
place

Looking for
God
Somewhere between
A love letter lost
In a landfill
And hitting
A hundred
Miles an hour
On the highway

I want to write
A book of poems
But lately words have been
So scarce
However precise
And so painful

Then again
Sometimes you’ll find yourself
Lost like keys in the sofa
It’s so easy to forget
That you’ve been
There before

spider hands
with your whispering
webs weaved
in place

cold carbon
carrying
songs of
somber souls
sick sickle
someones

spider hands
you wrap yourself
in your own
mesh

spring floats through
with graduation balloons
and plasticine
alteration accompanied by
sweat behind my knee

I'll keep pivoting
and maybe soon
I'll find the courage
to take a step
in a direction

as your palms,
much like the ink pressed to my face,
melt and drip
all over the floor
leaving me in
such
       a lonely




          place.

No one wants
Broken goods
finger to lips
Stolen sips from
Those sweet honey hips
No one wants
A melded mind
Mineral mounds
And uncommon sounds
No one wants you
But mostly no one wants
me hung from a tree
Spoiled she
No one wants my broken
Goods
Baggage Claim
Swallowed in flame
No one wants
My mineral mound
Pumping heart sounds
Tossed around
Abandoned
One two three
What could it be?
No one wants
Damaged goods

and what a flower
you've picked
crushed beneath
imperfections of the human hand

Today it
Occurred to me that
I could dissect your dialect
Savour every breath
And take notes
Of when and why
I thought
Your heart was
Pounding out of your chest
I could pull meaning
From your lips
Like lust
Or
Lovers
Maybe?
I could try and understand
Why I felt some days
So soft like summer
Sun and others
Are as if I've been
Frozen all along
I could fight
The fact that I'm
Always afraid
of your
Fleeting
fingertips

Today I realized
That if I did all of this
I wouldn't get the chance
To know the flashes
Of light that sometimes
Fill your face
Or hear tales
Of dancing shoes
Hallways of birds or
To count the freckles on your shoulders

I know
That
I'm not
Actually alone
And that
Dying won't
Really solve
Anything
So I'm just
Stuck
******* thinking
About it

i bought myself a necklace
the letter "M"
is gold
and strong

it got so tangled in the
baby hairs
at the base of
my neck

you cut it free
because I was
so lost in
you

I never had            rose petals
placed in my head
or a *******
                         sappy romance
just concrete
bricks
scraping my back
every time your
body
tensed up and swayed
the thoughts
the dead leaves
left alone
to wash down
the drain or
sink into the Earth

I often wonder how
it would've been if
I had
tried to say no
instead of not saying
yes

Wishing
You were the
Tingle at the
Nape of my
Neck

A memory
Chiseled away
Somewhere deep
In tertiary terrain
The need to be small
Trained to touch
Make no noise
Don’t need too much
I still shut doors
And turn the ***
To be as quiet
As a mouse
In my minds glass
House

Today I realized
that tomorrow you
could get hit by a bus

and you'd never know
that I love you

we were emaciated; ruined  
much like the twisted silence at the foot of your bed
a hollow battle field where our hearts would lay
and in nooks of tangled legs and distraught blankets
our secrets would hide

then at night fall they would dissapate
into the cage we called a home,
to poison the atmosphere already swollen
with ambigious thoughts and supressed dreams
  
we wait for rain
and we wait for the sun
but never reach into the atmosphere

so like our secrets we lay dormant
in our monotonous routines
and our open eyed sleep

I've always been
stubborn as hell
just like you
and I know we don't
share blood
but we shared
christmas fires
and a fickle set of ****** tires
we made up
a home together
my dad
you and me
one two and
three

I'm stubborn as hell
just like you
and
I'm never going to
be able to get
how you looked at me
the last time I saw your face.

condensation formed on your cheeks
and you told me you didn't want to hurt me

****** lower lip

you curled into my chest
and i held you

****** upper lip

i counted the waves in your ceiling
and watched how the shadows
cast seemed to ripple like

the ringing in my ear'

I couldn't look at you without smiling
my cheek ached
my emotions on shut down
and I was ******* smiling at you
with ****** lips

and you said you didn't want to hurt me

It's not a slow descent
It's a rapid
Fire
Fast drop
Swift sinking
Where
My heart
Is thrown into
My feet
As soon
As I set
My eyes
On you
My brain
Bubbles over
And a huge grin
Blooms

It's funny too
It's the same
Heart dropping
Feeling
I have
When emptiness
Takes hold
Only it's not slow
not too much
Aching
Just toasty waters
And fear
Of green eyed
Grief

There's a hole in
The roof
Of my house
Although
The hole isn't
Directly above my bed
It leaks
Into the second layer of roofing
And funnels itself
Right to where I lay my head

My room is
A puddle
And my heart is
Torn wide open
Because love doesn't look
Like lies
On grapevines
Whispering willows
That climb
Crawl past
Cranes
And crows in the sky
Blocking out the sun
Making night the only
Thing that shines

Love doesn't look
Like bruised bones
And paranoid telephones
love doesn't seem
Emotionally estranged and
So incredibly alone

It's lips
Are warm
And soft like home
the pretty
And the ugly
Are both grown
But love stays through
Winter snow

My room is
Puddles
And I feel so alone
But that doesn't mean
Your love lips
Will ever be home

This morning
I woke up
I had three
cigarettes for breakfast
and I went back
to bed
crucified
by my comforter
my arms
really just anchors
but at
least I ate
breakfast.

mountains
and cradles
and my eyes
which have retreated back
into my skull
because i can't sleep
with all of these polarities
running wild
in my mind

It's funny
How whenever I
Tell someone about a
Trauma they
Always let me know
What I
SHOULD have
Done.

i need to carry

heavy
               things

so i wont feel the


emptiness


of my own weight

my mouth
is
as green
as spring
but
that's not to
say that I
only speak
in tethered
tongues
and mindless
music

that's not to say
i haven't thought
thousands of
pretty
words
and then wrote
three
empty pages

that's not to say
i've held on to
dependent ideals
like ivy on the fence

it's really not
for you to
assume

Perfection.
A sun my wax wings won't reach.
                How?
Struggle and pain and all gain.
                Now?
Ok.
         Find my body washed up on the beach.

Void
Without any contents; empty.
Falling asleep feeling under my skin
Subsistence
The state or fact or existing.
Or nothing at all

Have I ever told you about
my wax heart
Melting at the sound
of your half
smoked
slightly ******
Soul
I drip
I trickle
all the way down
your scarred chin
Hoping
that you
might-
one of these days-
     let me
win

You're my bones
Taking up your heavy stones
Can't possibly give me muscle loans
But you're still my bones

Finding time too fast
Crash, rebuild, and crash
Build up and trash

You're always in love
But what do you think it's made of?

Photographs like light captured
From the edge of your smile
Wholesome threat
And your snaggle tooth that at sometime
At some point
I’d pray to never forget

For some reason tonight I feel depressed
like there is a dark nebula forming inside of me.
I know that sounds stupid,
but it's how I picture it in my lungs,
asphyxiating me from inside,
melting my solid structure,
then gently pressing me into the earth,
and the whole time my heart is beating,
                                                        ­  beating,
                                                      ­      beating,
                                                  ­            until it just comes to a slow halt.
And I wonder what it's like to die alone?

my fire is back
whirlwind
wanderer
wistful
whisper
wonderful
woman
my fire is back
and my feet
won't fail
me
this time

it's winter
again
and i'm somehow
always surprised
by the leaves
changing
and dropping
like edits
to your smile

my cupids bow
cracked
from weather,
weathering,
&  the softening
at your touch
crumbling
again and again
just like the leaves
do
in
winter

and I don't think my lips will ever heal

Unfamiliar
Like a dog
Brick alley
And chills of winter
Suited up
In feathered armor
Cold and
Longing for
Home

I can see my heart beat in my eyes
And I can hear the little girl’s cries
Even where the little girl lies
I can see my heart beat in my eyes
I can see the blood in the grass
Even though our love is the mass
Partly because I let him pass
And I can see the blood in the grass
I can feel your pain
Never known any gain
Yet never known any strain
Still I can feel your pain
Is the world its true
Still only blue?

Summers only get hotter
Don’t they?
Spitting cherry pits
On the train tracks
That separate chosewood
From Lakewood
Cherry wood
I like the stain left on
My fingers
My lips
Runny bliss
Sampling the simplicity
Of hot
& sticky
& condensed
Forms of self
Nice girls
Get the chance
To be hurt again
And again
Right?
Do bruised fruits taste less sweet?
Not really sure
Just spitting cherry pits
Onto train tracks

Don't tell me how
   let me discover
   let me live with juvenessance
   and purity.
But then when the time comes
   I will have to experience
   I will be stained with the
       imperfections of the human hand...
                                                                      crushed.
Even then you must let me get *****
                                  let me feel pain.
                                  let me sit on the shore of vastness
                                  and let me contemplate what put me here.
Without suffering we have no reason to fight.
We have no drive for peace.
So let me be born
                        and born again
and let me search over
                                 and over again

                        until I become the one you cannot search for.