I will claim this, the power I have over you
The intense attraction that pulls me back to you
Onto you
Perfect fit, so easy, so simple

I don't have to think about how much I want you
That much is evident in the waterfall
At the end of the hike
Both of which I enjoy equally

But *******, the power to make you fall to your knees
The feast that you're willing to make of
The famished
The way you are so willing to drown
Just for me

How could I ever pretend not to feel like a
Goddess
again?

I didn't know I was so prepared to fall in lo... Lo... Loooooo?

I really ******* like you, okay? Like, I'm awake at 4am writing this poem. Like, I wanna beg you to see the good in me. Like, I never knew that a kiss could send me into a tailspin and make me question my spot on this floating rock so thoroughly. Like, I might just lo, lo, lo....

I lust after you. How strange. You've barely touched me. How intriguing that you've unlocked the primal part of my brain, the part that screams "this one is mine" and wants to parade around the outside world with your fingers tied through my fingers. How delightful that when I picture the nights of my future, it's always with you tied around me, with you inside of me.

And I want you inside of me. Inside my brain, where sometimes it a party and sometimes it's a relaxing vacation and sometimes it's a horror movie but it's always something different. Inside my heart, which has the current Olympic gold metal for gymnastics, the way you have it doing backflips and somersaults. Inside of me, deep and stretching, pressing, fill me to the brim with all of the reasons I forgot to enjoy being alive. Words cascading from my lips, a language spoken only between souls. "I lo... Lo... Lo..."

I am terrified to fall in love again. I worry that the mere existence of you will make me crumble. That I will not be enough, again, and again and again... That disappointment is the only thing I have to offer. I am shaking, scared, vulnerable in the worst ways,
vulnerable in the best ways,
but I am unsure of my next step.

I am a patient, intelligent woman. But this game of chess is one I don't quite remember the rules to. The flutters in my stomach are enough to fly away, the short-circuiting in my brain enough to make me wary, enough to make me want to run, run, run

Run right back into your embrace, into the future I want to make, into the terrifying, through the thick of it, to the other side of time. To where I want my home.

I lo.. lo... Like you a lot, alright?

I miss my parents more than I thought I would at 30.

That's not to say I forgive them, or want to speak to them, or want to actually see them.

Maybe I don't miss my parents, but I miss the thought of having parents at all. The safety and idealism of being able to fall back into someone's loving arms.

Except, what I experienced wasn't love at all..  wasn't familial bonds, wasn't safety, wasn't security, wasn't the basic needs of my childhood being fulfilled...

I often joke I was raised by a wolf pack. But only if that wolf pack was a lone wolf, myself, by myself always as leader of a pack.

I still hoard canned goods like the apocalypse might happen, like I might not have money, like I might have to throw a couple things in a pan and make it edible for three kids

I miss my parents, or what should have been parents but was instead a cold dark cave with nothing but the growls of hungry bellies.

I miss the wolves, oh wait, my parents, oh wait, when I look in the mirror I see her cheekbones and his eyebrows and I can't help but want to push my fist right through the glass.

The wolves, I mean black sheep, I mean parents that begot me always haunt my reflection, always come through in the worst ways as I reflect on my life, how do you reflect on this and feel gratitude?

I miss my parents, or the idea of having parents, I guess.

I didn't realize that it would hurt to see your name.
Why do I always open my stupid ******* mouth?