Happy New Year everyone

Sometimes when people insult me, I laugh. Maybe because, half the time the argument is so ridiculous I can't help but laugh. But sometimes I guess that how you get through life. Though your insides are crying out in the pain of emotion, your outside has a defiant smile, like, "Hit me with your best shot."

For all those D-bags that exist to hurt and confuse the lives of others, this ones for you. You can say whatever the hell you want, but my days going to be awesome.

I figured since it is mothers day, why not post a poem about mothers? The last 5 lines are in reference to my biological mother who passed away at the age of 45, when I was only 9, to breast cancer. I have a wonderful step mother, but nothing can fully replace my biological mother. I wanted to write a somewhat cheery poem so you don't think I've completely lost it. (don't understand? read the other poems I wrote today.) Thank you mom for always being there. Even though you are gone now, you are never gone from my broken heart. And thank you to my step mother, the wonderful woman who took in 4 children to raise as her own. Although you will never be my biological mother, you also hold a very special place in my heart. I love you both very dearly...

I've always found it interesting when people make poems like this, I made mine a bit more obvious, but if you're having trouble understanding what I mean by this, I spelled the title out along the side. For those of you who noticed, good job, again, I tried to make it obvious with the line spacing.

What can I say? I'm a crazy SOAB. The bottled up emotions must really be getting to me.

I'm pretty proud of this one. It's not about any specific person, but the world in general. It's sad to think I was walking around blindly for so long, truly believing people actually cared what I thought! But I see now, it doesn't matter what others think, as they think the same of me. The world is cold and cruel. Live happily. Keep your blindfolds on. For the truth of the world is too cruel to live happily in.

I'm not really able to explain what exactly I'm feeling right now other than confusion and depression. But hey, I guess that's normal for me. It's only a matter of time before I'm put on meds or thrown in the ****** bin... Life can be so cruel sometimes...

It seems like lately even the people who I considered friends are standing up for people who hate white people because A white person did something. Because of course, we're all the same, right? I feel that if I even stand up for myself I get shot down and labeled a racist. Throughout my life, I've had 3 best friends. They've all been Mexican. I have 2 step siblings, and they are half black. Even though we have a huge age difference, I still consider them my siblings. Race isn't even a part of it. But people don't look at these things, they look at my skin color. Because I'm white, even if I support people of other races, there's still the checkered past of American white people that follows me everywhere. I guess if I just don't talk to anyone, I can't say anything wrong right? I feel oppressed, because people throw what other people have done in my face and claim I am the same. And everyone says white people aren't oppressed. Because, how can you be oppressed if people in history with the same skin color have oppressed others?

This is about my uncle. I've only met him in person once, but he always responds to my statuses on Facebook, and is always there for me when I'm upset. I figured he deserved a poem.

All weekend, I was hanging out with friends, when I've been so used to everyone being too busy for me, or have friends that they can do drugs with (I don't do drugs or drink, so a lot of times, this is a turn off for people). Both days, they were asking "Are you ok?" because I was really uncomfortable being out and about with people, as it had been a while since people wanted to be with me. I also have a strong fear of being in a relationship, I believe it is because of my ex, who had assumed after we had our first kiss, we were going to get married. There was a lot of emotional trauma, as he was a homophobe, and hated the fact that I was not straight. Because of this, I believe that is where my fear of relationships came from. But yesterday, a friend called me to tell me another friend liked me, and she even came on the phone to confirm this. I am deathly afraid and don't know what to do.

Again, backing away from the doom and gloom, while continuing to stay true to myself. This one actually had poetic structure. Creative writing teachers everywhere would be proud. Haha, but seriously, if it wasn't for music, I would be in a darker place than I currently am.

I figured it was time for a change of pace. Its one about love, instead of the gloomy poems I am so accustomed to writing. It is about the girl I love, who moved to a different state. We had been dating for about 6 months when her mom found a job elsewhere and they packed up and moved. We are still in contact today.

My best friend has so many friends, and a lot of them do often consider me a friend, but it seems like they only talk to me when we both happen to be hanging out with him at the same time. It makes me feel so alone, but I don't want to be selfish and ask my friend to only hang out with me, he has his life and I have mine, and I can't let my feelings get in the way of things... It seems like most of my poetry is about him...

This poem is actually inspired by a painting my mother made, depicting a stormy sea, with a small ship, and a larger, ghostly ship crashing into it. My mother was an amazing artist...

I try to act happy in front of people, but people don't try to look through the haze. They see what they want to see, a pseudoself, not the real me. The me I show to the world, is a completely different me I show to myself...

This was written for my best friend, my true feelings. Even though he doesn't seem to understand me, I can't imagine my life without him. I did fall in love with him, but he politely told me he wasn't interested, and the next day, told me he was gay. He had told me about a week before that he was bi, and my feelings for him blossomed, because I had basically always known him as gay, so I knew it wouldn't work.  But I pretty much always had feelings for him. Even now, I know it could never work, and I am also in love with a girl that has told me she loves me back. I guess there's somebody for everybody, even someone like me