We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes

Eyes closed,
The heavy drone of
What If
Heaves through my
Frozen ears,
Beating,
Beating.

Aphrodite rears
Her luminous head
And cries out
Beneath the slow
And steady
Thumping presence
Of How Come.

There's too much time here.
Space that needs
To be filled.
Reason
Is stretched thin,
Cracking at the center
Like the walls of
An old tool shed,
Canary yellow
And peeling.

Should I but drift cross the street
Like a tattered pamphlet that
Could only be used for the first week:
For a fraction of the cost.

Should I but lay upon the floor
As if I was a simple throw
Destined to lay at the feet of those
Who thrive on what they know.

Should I but fall onto the side
Of a dense and forested path
Then I would know how it is to live
Without fear of turning back.

Should I but wake before I die
And renounce my elusive doom
Only then would my mind lie
Peacefully beneath my tomb.

can one find happiness within dark trenches?
not if one can't be both happy and defenseless
for happiness comes along with barries and walls
which rapidly disinitegrate when such boundaries fall
caged and shackled within defintion
one's true happiness is clouded with subtle ambition
for is what one has determines who one is
then should one redefine what it means to live?
should one bow and bend with the status quo?
give up what is is felt burning inside
for the soothing assurance of what society knows
afriad to create a new route and step out of line
instead, blindfolded, we surrender
giving up our mind
making oursleves hollow and empty becoming utterly senseless
piling up armor yet claiming to be defenseless

Everyone is afraid of Pandora's box
So society fashioned a key
Had it permanently locked
Banishing the concept of freedom of thought
Opinions have to be found
In order to have been lost
There has to be sound
To proclaim the cost
Society is on a tightrope
Free will has already been dropped
Down
With the precision of an acrobat
But the composure of a clown
Cuz in all seriousness
I must confess
That to form my own thoughts
I was deemed mindless
In order to get caught
I had to surrender my address
Still I have the safety
Of four walls surrounding me
As Pandora's box fights off the currents drowning me

Your all the same
In order to blend in
You surrendered your brain
Unable to attach any emotion to pain
Going through life with a common aim
Yeah your agreeable
So is everyone else
When opinions are vacant
And hidden on a shelf
Far away from conversation
Your thoughts escaped
Call it desperate evacuation
So alone and trapped you give up the fight
Surrendering yourself
Along with your rights
Yeah your driven
By a common goal
Inclined to give in
Together you are whole
Alone you nothing
Aside from yourself
Yet who are you without anyone else
Eyes set on perfection
You **** your soul
Skipping the resurrection
Unable to make any connection
Between your mind
And the social setup by which your bind
Your burden was too heavy
So you left it behind
Yet still you long for what you once knew
In a world of falsehoods there is a hint of what's true
Calling
Beckoning
Enticing you
Unaware of how to achieve it
You set out to deceive it
Convince it you don't believe it
While getting close enough to breathe it
Still afraid to break out of your shell
Afraid of heaven you take refuge in hell
You have no means of being substantial
Your reality check was declined
But you only see the debt as financial
So please understand that you can't comprehend
The reality of thought
So keep calling it pretend
Just don't try to understand me
Because your petty words can't brand me
And no matter what you do
Without insight you will never see
Past the curtain
Separating you from me

I’ve lost you beneath my words, my dear,
As similes drown your voice.
I’ve murdered you with metaphors,
You left me with no choice.

I’ve remembered you with language,
As I recreate what you never said.
I’ve painted you with prose, alas,
Holding you captive in my head.

I’ve carved you out of daydreams,
By whittling away at the tangible.
Everything is always what it seems,
As long as it is deemed manageable.

Oh, I’ve set free you’re emotions,
And the feelings which you’ve evoked.
By drowning you in the ocean,
Of the language which you provoke.

© Meka Boyle

Every time I try to write about you,
I can't.
I want to say something,
Anything,
About you.
And I want it to be both beautiful
And sad.
I want it to ****** your image
Onto the paper,
I want to reflect your very demeanor,
Through my words.
I want to create a prose
So touching,
And harsh,
That all my other works
Wither up
And become stale.
I want to taste you,
Feel you,
Smell you,
Hear you,
See you,
In my writing.
And then,
After it's complete.
After I have exhausted all my capabilities,
After you are vulnerable,
And raw.
After my name is scrawled at the bottom left hand corner,
And yours, at the top, centered.
I want to take it in my hands,
Tear it into a million tiny pieces,
And throw it into the fire.
Watching it burn,
Slowly,
Yet only for a moment.
I want to make this feeling I have tangible,
Only so I can destroy it.
But it's still thriving, right out of my reach.
And every time I try to write about you,
I can't.

numb to reality
trying to defy mortality
you just sit around and wait
like a lost cause
banging at the gate
depending on fate
that against all odds
you'll get a message from your false gods
and rise from the dust
forgetting the difference
between ambition
and lust
hoping to embark on a mission
unaware that it'll be defficient without trust
so go with the flow
surrender all that you know
bend with the status quo
or bust
wait no
break out of this vicious cycle
in order to leave
you must understand
whats at hand
disband
from your troops
come to realize that what your fighting for
is a lost cause
behind a closed door
you cry out for more
living for the sensation
its reality that you abhore
stand still
filter your thoughts
distill
stay focused
on this hocus pocus
dont let the walls break
or out the truth will pour
to mix with your recognition
distorting fiction
creating contradiction
friction
a cure to your addiction
between you and yourself
you eagerly welcome
input from anyone else
all that you've become
is shaped from someone
with the worst intentions
you against the world
you can taste the tension
but your taste buds have the day off
so does your comprehension
its paid no attention
fitting into the mold
surrendering to your surrounding's hold
obey
do what you're told
the price has been bartered
you've been bought
and sold
the return policy
your last breath
held captive for life
untill your encounter with death
tests and trials
evaporate any denial
that could hide beneath your pleasent smile
simmering below is a truth so vile
baracaded and shut deep down in your conscience
lies the fact
that your unconsious
its on the tip of your tounge
but never mentioned
i guess that makes you
society's invention

sometimes i cry for no reason at all
its like jumping off a bridge with the sole intention to fall
plumeting down as the darkness envelops my being
i close my eyes for a better view, unaware of what i'm seeing
drowning in my emotions, i forget how to breathe
for transcribing my feelings to words is like a verbal dry heave
yet still clinging to reason i desperately flail
afraid to involve my heart due to the risk i might fail
stuck in a shade of gray between black and white
trying to decipher wrong from what is known to be right
it is burnt in my brain that nothing is set in stone
i attach myself to no one, keeping company alone
aware the sanction in my head is the only place to find reality
i must detach from this cycle in order to become free

What's the difference between morals and reality
Can one truly transcend the teachings of society
Is it possible to abide laws and still be able to see
For in a faithless world, one longs to believe

Afraid of one's conscience, society locks it inside
Kept away from the world, emotion need not collide
Morals set in an elusive language force one to abide
Yet in the midst of it all a dark intention resides

To speak out one must first surrender one's voice
To determine right or wrong one must first face a choice

Waiting
On empty wishes
Basing facts
On superstitions
Empty ambitions
Building up our walls
Forgetting it all
In order to know
We go with the flow
Keeping track of time
With the emptiness in our mind
Subconsciously pacing
As our thoughts are frantically racing
We had a reality check
But we cashed it
Spent up our wishes
Call it fatal attraction
We want it all
But only understand a fraction
Afraid to take action
We wait on our dreams
We see the light but it blinds us
As we lose sight
Reality binds us
There's no escaping
We must claim defeat
Get back to our feat
Not miss a beat
Continue on
On this gallant retreat

Back against the wall
I thought I knew it all
Made too close a call
Now its my turn to fall
Down
To a place I need not mention
At a loss for words to define my own invention
I've built up my prison with my own hands
Now I watch it crumble
Turn to sand
As the pebbles erode into dust
My chains deteriorate
Turning to rust

We're all slowly dying
The same
Elusive
Death.
Bang bang,
Gunshots sound out-
The anthem for an
Adolescent world
Full of ancient morals
And tear-soaked pillows

Do you ever wake up at six in the morning
With a deep, sour pit in your stomach,
Feeling like your life is going nowhere?
Splat,
Expectations snowball out of the realm of reason.
What makes sense,
And the course your life is taking
Don't add up with each other,
Pushing and pulling until you realize that maybe
You're just another **** up
Without enough ambition,
And common sense that only comes out
In a muddled after thought
When you're bundled up between the covers
And the darkness of the night.

Your simplicity perplexes me
As does the audacity of your thoughts
I suppose I don't have the means
To decipher your thoughts at all
However I can only imagine
The complexity in which they consist
By the way you carry yourself
As if you, yourself, are not aware
So please do allow me to enlighten you
On the premise for my evaluation
For it all begins with a premonition

You make me want to write poetry
Not the sappy sentimental type
Dripping with cliche metaphors
Oozing with prefabricated references of love
No, your presence is much more subtle
Your influence upon my words is obscure
Yet it lingers in the empty spaces
Dancing between the lines
Which separate my tangled thoughts
The poems which you inspire
Have no periods
For to associate you with an ending point
Would be as if telling a circle where to stop
For this reason, the poems you inspire
Have yet to be transcribed onto paper
Endlessly flowing throughout the canals of my mind
Yearning to be unleashed to the world
I selfishly hold back
Unable to attach a significant ending
To the overpowering significance of your presence

I wanna warn you in advance
Escape while you have the chance
What you see in me
Is only what you want to perceive
So here let me hit you with reality
Get out before its too late
I don't wanna have to demonstrate
How I'll devour you whole
Make you question your soul
Yeah I can be deep
But it comes with a toll
You think you can understand me
Your out of your mind
Don't get ****** in
Or else you'll become bind
To the notion that I'm someone else
Who you want me to be
Only exists in yourself
Love is merely a fallacy
Thread together by lies
Losing yourself to compromise
I hate who I am
So I hate you for loving me
No matter what I do
You'll never see
Which feeds into my disdain
You try to understand me in vain
Cash in your cards
While you can
Forfeit
I can tell you now
I'm not worth it
It's not too late
You can still quit
This twisted game
I'm the worst opponent
My interest lingers only a moment
You and everyone else are just the same
With love on your arrow
You shoot and miss
I distorted your aim
Its not your fault
You have me to blame
With all my insecurities there's no room for you
My past clutters my future
This warning is long overdue
So don't hold your breath
for" I love you"
No matter how many shootings stars
It'll never be true
Until I meet my match
Which will destroy me
Like I've destroyed you

I cannot write about you,
Because you don't matter.
Your presence smudged across my
Pale forehead
Like the faint Thursday morning remnants
Of a lopsided cross
Painted on by a solemn parish member.

I cannot write about you,
Because you were never there.
Your words landed
Soft and heavy,
Dissolving upon my tongue
Like thin, crisp flakes
Of communion
Placed into eager outstretched hands
And wide, gaping mouths.

I cannot write about you,
Because you didn't see me.
My half whispered laments of
Despair and something close to
Heartache, burnt out
And sizzled
Amidst the constant wavering glow
Of a hundred uniform candles.

I cannot write about you,
Because there's nothing to say
That can express the emotion
Or lack thereof
That comes with closure.
The tall, ornate cathedral walls
Hold fast amidst the winds of time.
A testament to an old religion,
Forgotten and misused
By it's devoted and deluded deciples,
Who drag their weary feet
Up the tall, crumbling
Stone and frankincense stairs,
Yearning for something
More than what this poor,
Decrepit world can
Offer to their deprived hands,
Stretched out to the kingdom of God
In desperate reverence.
I cannot write about you,
Because there's nothing to say.

I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

society is on the brink
of destruction
it cant properly function
the dead ends come alive and meet at a junction
crash
just like that
we lash
out
but its too late
we've started to seal our fate
it began when we chose to hesitate
pause
consider the cause
weigh out the odds
tick tock
the scale is tipping
the seams of society are gradually ripping
yet we blindinly keep gripping
at what we've been told
its a slippery hold
a disfunctional mold
there is no room for thought
only what we've been taught
so lend me your ear
allow yourself to hear
the subtle warning in the back of your head
before its too late
your individuality dead
allow yourself to know
gather the courage to grow
you can break out
of these shackels
and chains
for life is not all in vain
resist the embedded urge to refrain
restrain
dont give in
find something within
end the past chapter
pick up a pen
and begin
to write your new book
of a language all your own
in your head
you've always known
acknowledge the fact
lifes all an act
tick tock

This is what seperates us:
Words that twist and turn,
Tiny hurricanes swelling up
Raising inside my throat-
Coughing and wheezing,
I spew them out onto
The eagerly awaiting paper,
Waiting to see what sticks,
While you just sit there
Vacantly waiting for something-
Anything, to sweep you off
Your perfectly positioned feet.

The rough caress of memories is too much,
Too stale,
To obvious
For your name,
Your scent,
Your causal way of existing.
Lines dedicated to you,
Eulogies dedicated to you,
Tombstones and sentimental quotes
Etched on bare, mournful flesh
All dedicated to you-
They aren't real enough,
Honest enough,
Cruel enough,
Beautiful enough
For reality,
For your existence.

I wrote a poem with your name,
And left a lot of blanks along the way:
Subtle mannerisms meant to render delicate and absolute imagery
Drifted right out of my vocabulary,
Face to face with the other component of a lover's metaphor:
The churning azure of the ocean's ebb and flow stared hungrily at the limitless white abyss beneath its tidy line in my unfinished sonnet.
I meant to write a poem about you:
Clear and beautiful: the materialization of how love is taught to feel in the classroom,
Where Helen hangs her heavy head and stares into her doomed reflection:
The vacant space that flowers grow, between cobbled steps and naked feet.
Yet, something else has happened:
The space where your imploring image should have inspired stars to fall into the fiery depths of hades hangs indifferently above reality.
All the superfluous images crafted to allow your luminous soul to shine,
Fell flat against the darkness: the aftermath that occurred before I had any time to craft the person behind the syllables of your being.
I meant to paint your image with language synonymous to love,
But instead I pressed my face against the hand-smeared, dust-ridden, cracked open only just an inch, window of a relationship that never really was much of a novel.
The still damp with paint, folded down the middle construction paper butterfly of kindergarten art projects of love. Messy and effortless, yet containing some inevitable beauty that comes from the close and intimate fusion of two halves.
I wanted to eternalize our connection through language,
But in the process, I unraveled it and left myself vulnerable and empty across from what was once the magic I had sought to know,
Now blurred, your name conjures an ink blot that my eyes have grown so accustomed to, they can hardly make out the hidden beauty.
I meant to write a poem with your name,
Yet mine has appeared on every quivering line.
A distorted self portrait of the artist echoed in my vain attempts to personify an emotion not yet felt.
I lost you in the very language that sought to immortalize you, and found myself in the process.
Your name no longer stood for the way your eyes light up when you talk about something of importance,
Or your genuinely lopsided smile and crooked tooth,
But instead, for all of myself that hide behind the capital Y of you:
All my missed opportunities and failures materialized in a poem that wanted so effortlessly to be about Love:
The crime of understanding a person as a metaphor
Echoes soundly through the hollow horizontal lines of words
That, if you squint just so,
Look faintly like the bars on a cage
With your name looming above its pearly gates,
Tragically beautiful yet motionless and with a purpose that has no impact
Beyond the world that it lingers about, yet never really enters.

I'm tired of being weighed down
By expectations
Built up by a world
In fear of condemnation
Free will is replaced
With the will to freely obey
Yeah it's a contradiction
But it keeps revolutions at bay
Cuz we're brought up craving structure
It's in our making
Sure we test our limits
With no intention of breaking
The bind
Which has a firm grasp on our mind
We fool ourselves into thinking
Society and structure can coincide
We'd rather live questioning
All that is around us
Afraid to jump and swim
Cuz our common sense might drown us
All we know is derived from what we hear
So how would we function if we cut off our ears
Afraid to listen to our own voices
Society tells us we can't hear
Our perception is hazy
We've gotten lazy
Why use our eyes
When we can listen to what we see
Aware it doesn't make sense
But neither does reality
We take the easy route
Leading straight to our demise
Slavery has resurfaced
We allowed it to rise
Feeding into it's foolish games
Now we're the ones in it's harmless chains
The burden on our backs
Bears our custom caskets
We faithfully await the day
That we can climb in and latch it
Sealing our fate
Our destruction has decided
It's past the date
So we sit back and try to compensate

Since when were reflections one sided
I try to piece it together
But my thoughts remain divided
How can perceptions exist simultaneously
When we only voice our opinions to convince others to agree
Who are we to define reality
Aside from what we see on tv
Accepting the submission
That comes without permission
When we buy into the picture
Sticking our key in the ignition
Too bad no one told us this ride was automatic
We try to listen for directions but can't hear beyond the static
That comes between our thoughts and actions
Creating security
False satisfaction
Still we claim individuality
Yet we would eagerly trade it for mortality
Death can wait
As we compress our emotions
Concentrate
We eagerly drink from society's potion
Unaware it's only a placebo
The effect is the same
As long as we don't know

The scent of death is a curious thing
Sometimes it is upon one long before ones final hours
Yet other times it doesn't appear until long after ones last breath

But when it appears, there is no mistaking it
Despite its similarities with longing and forgetting
It has a subtle distinction all its own

It comes in the dark of the night like a thief
Stealing ones innocence and erasing any signs of hope
Leaving behind a skeleton adorned with empty optimism

Maybe if we pretend we can't smell it, it will pass us over
Leaving us prey to it's scarier half, called life
Whose smell is faint yet highly sought after

So douse me with dreams and kerosene
To trick the ghosts of the darknes
Because life and death are not what they seem as they see who can pull me farthest.

I wish you would hear me when I say I've been thinking about you.
It's not enough, you say:
Your name glaring from my cellphone screen
As it writhes with the vibration of the bottomless void of empty phone calls.
I can't pick up the phone,
But I hope you can find solace that I've been thinking about you.
Star crossed lovers lament their first person plot lines until they intersect.
Between unanswered text messages and disregarded voicemails,
Juliet heaves her shoulders in between scenes
And Romeo checks his emails;
But still my mind remains undisturbed
And thinking about you.
It's not the same, you cry:
That I hide my presence,
Yet I wish you could feel the quivering waves my thoughts send out
As they bounce upon the heavy walls of your being,
Yes I know I've been away,
But I'm thinking about you:
A mantra echoed in my mind until it becomes second nature, heaving in and out in unison with my chest.

"There are two kinds of things in life,
Those I hate
And those I don't care about."

She chewed the lid of her coffee cup.
Wrapped her fingers up in her sleeves.
Nervously.
Talking too fast,
As if afraid if she thought about what she said,
She would no longer to say it.

She talked about Africa.
It was one of the things she cared about
/hated.
"I don't understand how they live in such poverty, and we can just sit here drinking coffee."

Her companion asked her what she would do, if she was in their situation.

"**** myself."

She said softly.
Unaware she was whispering.

"Not that I want to **** myself now, I mean I don't care enough to do that. Besides I think I would be too afraid."

She replied, even though only silence had followed her first answer.
She turned her attention to the now tattered sleeve,
Of the cold coffee.
Looking at it as if it had all the answers in the world
Tucked between its cardboard grooves.

"I think I think too much, about not thinking"

Silence

"I mean, the more I think, the more depressed I become. But if I try to stop thinking, I become depressed that not thinking is the only way to happiness and..."

She stopped talking.
Aware that some things are better off in your head.
Probably afraid that her listener would disagree and force her to elaborate.
Afraid of what she would say.

The rest of the car ride was silent.
Full of casual small talk regarding the clouds, and how sales are always better after holidays.

She fidgeted with her sunglasses, the coffee cup still on her lap.
Her mouth remained partially open,
As if she was about to say something,
But couldn't bring herself to making any sound.

The car pulled to a stop at the mall.
She got out, hesitating for a moment,
As if to pull herself together.
She took a deep breath.
Unconscious of what she was doing.
Tossed the coffee cup to the ground.
Then walked off to join her friend.
Pretending to care.

I saw a dying light go out
And vanish with the wind
As my mind flooded with empty doubt
For fear of ne'er seeing it again.

I felt a gentle hand reach forward
Wrapping around my throat
While my arms still flailed and pushed out toward
The shore- as my body rose to float.

The bell did toll a solemn boom
That silent, shrouded night-
I laid my head upon my tomb,
Relinquishing my sight.

How sweet the silhouette of death
Upon the vacant sky
Encompassing my heavy breath
As I heave a final sigh.

Shattered
What's left of me
Broken
Doesn't fit the empty piece
Crushed
That's missing from the puzzle called belief
Apart
Trying to bridge the gap from whole to incomplete
Empty
Hopelessly striving to conquer defeat

I'll never fully fathom what you went through
But I want you to know it doesn't define you
If I could I would take your hurt as my own
I want you to know you will never be alone
It pains me to think of what you've endured
But you've won the battle, life is your reward
Your the epitome of beauty and you don't even know
Submerged in faith, you find the courage to grow
Scarred by a past full of darkness and violence
You mask your vulnerability beneath subtle silence
No need to speak, your deep insightful eyes say it all
Rising from your ashes no matter how hard the fall
Everything you do is influenced by your grace
You subconsciously struggle to hide it from your face
Yet your elegance can not be subdued
You set up walls, its your past you allude
In a world of lies your illuminated by truth
Your inner light shines as an halo, encompassing you
Surrounded by shallow ambition you remain grounded
You never surrender, even when you feel surrounded
Your vulnerability comes from your soul
Mixing with your courage, making you whole
So tune with your emotions there are times when you cry
As you bravely look reality in the eye
Little broken angel, in times your wings will heal
The last faith in this world, your the only thing that's real
A living saint with wisdom beyond your years
Carrying the weight of the world and battling your fears
Caught in a war with no intent to win
For the outcome will be greater, peace within
As I write these words I begin to see clearly
I can only hope there is a hint of you inside me
I want to thank you for showing me love
Your my guardian angel, sent from above
In a world of despair your spirit provides contrast
Epitomizing hope, your influence will always last
All that I am is a product of you
This is the one thing I know to be true
So whenever you feel the toll of life's pressure
Remember that my love is beyond any measure
Words can't describe the beauty of your spirit
A symphony of all things pure, waiting for you to hear it
So as I tell you I love you, I'm really saying much more
I was born into a closed world and you opened the door
You are the reason I know about love
My angel in disguise, sent from above

We are lost in another dimension
Far away from comprehension
Struggling with empty goals
Far in debt with priceless tolls
Constantly digging never ending holes
As we mindlessly surrender what's left of our souls
Trying to find ourselves in this bottomless mess
Feigning the belief that more is less
For driven by success we steer off road
Our footsteps imply we have a heavy load
The definition of freedom acts as a cage
The curtain has risen, we take our places on the stage
Struggling with the fact that we've been dying all along
Carpe diem, the show must go on

You're broken down.
I understand.
For I was once like
You.

You've given up.
Been dealt your hand.
Nothing that lasts
Is true.

You've lost your way.
The North Star's faded.
Now city lights
Guide you.

You're all alone.
Inside you're head.
Feeling that death is
Overdue.

There's nothing much,
That I can say,
That wouldn't come off
Faded.

All I can do,
Is think if you.
And hope that your mind
Makes it.

Somethings wrong with me
I'm ****** up
Life sold me lemons
I bargained up
Cuz I'm willing to pay any price
To get to the other side
My lucks in the dice
So I pack up my wishes
Throw them down a well
Holding my breath
To get to the sunny side of hell
Relationships only block my progress
Towards my own demise
They don't mix well with success
Empathy is only a word
I'm a monster
Playing with a double ended sword

Your blinded by beauty
Clinging to a false sense of dignity
Wrapped up in your self centered vanity
Transfixed by a pretty picture of reality

The respect you claim isn't rightfully yours
As your shallow insight fits to society's words
For a face like yours should be insured
By the materialistic means which bind you to this world

Seeking refuge in what appears before your eyes
You inner self is what you despise
For your definition of beauty is based upon lies
As your falsehood erodes you shall meet your demise

In order to move on you must let go
Free from your past, find the courage to grow
Harness your strength, don't be afraid to fly
Your broken wings will heal as you reach for the sky
Metamorphosis of the mind
Break through the cocoon by which your bind

Can you hear the cry
of the emptiness?
"You're pushing me
Out"
Can you
Feel the pressure
Of the open sky?
"Darkness is pushing me out"
Is the horizon still
Hidden
Behind empty wishes
"Save my soul from
Superstition"
Can your senses
Awaken
Beneath the rough blanket of
Life
Or does it suffocate you
Gradually
Pushing you
Out

Face to face with myself I look into the mirror
As my breath fogs up my reflection I begin to see clearer
For nothing is really what it seems
When reality becomes a substitution for dreams
I long to be understood but refuse to pay the cost
There's no meaning to understanding when individuality is lost
So instead I keep my thoughts in isolation
Keeping them away from society's suffocation
The eyes in the mirror see through my facade
Allowing me insight which I strive to evade
For the only person who knows me is that of my reflection
Everything else seen is but only a projection

Do the seasons know they're changing
As summer fades to fall
Do the leaves notice they're fading
As the wind sounds its desperate call

Snow encompasses the sidewalk
But beneath it, remains pavement
Covered with residue of faded chalk
Vibrant before winter claimed it

Beneath the leaves of autumn
Lay withered shades of grass
Hidden and forgotten
A reminder of seasons past

Yet soon the frost will pass
As will the month of december
For time is seen through a foggy glass
Much easier to experience than remember

So paint your fields will daffodils
Crowd the dusk with light
Open up to the subtle thrills
That only know day and night

Lose yourself in the moment
Yet don't forget to remember
Life isn't merely a seasonal component
Trapped inside a perpetual ember

You speak with the effortless air
Of somone who has spent many nights
Dwelling upon the awaiting conversation
Premeditating every move
You have your lines memorized by heart
Yet your heart is not in them at all
The words that tumble from your lips
Have been ****** dry of their raw emotion
Leaving behind the empty skeleton of conversation
Which you have so diligently perfected
So much so that when your voice rings back in your ears
You can hardly recognize it as your own
For the voice inside your heart is not universally appealing
Nor does it allow others to twist it so it fits their insight
Suppressed by the drone of causal conversation
It remains silent and untraceable
Lost beneath your faded words

It's easy
To stay inside
When you're
Busy
Getting lost
Within
Your silly
Mind.

There's a ceremony taking place
Within my sorid mind-
I scratch my nails against my face
For fear of making sound

With each step I take, my feet grow cold
As if frozen by the the night
And something more that is only told
By the ever present sky.

A bell will toll now, so they say.
I lay my ears to the floor
Yet all I hear is yesterday
Beat up against my mind.

The thudding of a distant fate
Is nothing more than the past
Too old to unlock the pearly gate
That encompasses my soul.

I heard a band come matching in
With merry dying tunes
For instead of joy that does begin
My heart did stop- and boom.

I do not know you the way a morning glory knows the sunlight: dependent, wilted in its absence.
Nor do I know you the way a vowel knows its predecessor: dependent, indifferent to chance.
Still, I know you. The way a palm knows
Each singular line that runs down the twin fingers of its opposite, independent yet inseparable.
Parallel creases of experience, your hands rewrite language by their subtle movements—
Alluding to a oneness that scatters once it is spoken, a secret dialect that spreads from your fingertips into mine, sending signals up my outstretched arms.
Reflexively, I trace the outline of your presence. I do not know you apart from the way I know myself.
At times, I yearn for the indifferent dependency of the morning glory, the formulaic way a vowel flirts with the past. Yet this can not be. To know you is to
Become you (the contours of your fingerprint contains my very being). To know you is to love you entirely.
Lose my singularity, to take your hands and place them decidedly over my eyes, look out into
Eternity: the world filtered through your presence—our harmony—this is how I know you.

9/25/15

our world is strung together by vanity
held up by they raptures of insanity
at any moment it could tumble down
leaving behind the faded of a cloud
of dust
built up by mistrust
torn down by the realization
that we are a broken nation
hiding in the shadows of our corrupt sanction
watching with a distorted sight
becoming blind as we see the light
turning away as the walls deteriorate
triggered by our impule to differentiate
untill all that we know is lost in oblivion
leaving us alone with our heart's broken rythm
for a moment it stops
the zig zags take a leap of faith and drop
but our individuality kicks in
acting as a reviver
its safe to say
we are society's survivers

Its crowded here in isolation
Trapped inside a cell made out of my subconscious creation
The commotion of emotion banging in my head
Breaking out of the silence, reality is dead
Reaching out for something beyond my comprehension
Inside a castle made of sand built up by tension
My only fear is fear itself
So I bottle my emotion and store it in a shelf
All I know is locked away
As I try to forget yesterday

You think you've got it all figured out
You understand life and what it's about
But you only know what your told
Society offered understanding
You were bought and sold
Crammed and twisted to fit a rigged mold
Sure you know yourself
It's easy when your the same as everyone else
With your pointless attempts to make a name
In your quest for individuality
You all are the same
Yeah you can think your own thoughts
But language's web has got you caught
Meaningless words describe your deepest emotion
On a hunger strike, you drink society's potion
You claim to be a rebel by definition
It's like having a gun without ammunition
As you express yourself through how you appear
You might as well cut off your ears
Cuz your wake up call has passed by in silence
Still you dream on
Clinging to common sense

If the main reason to live is to progress
Then deep down I must confess
That life has lost it's luster
I digress
For there is no reward at the end of each breath
As life is tempted by death
For if perfection is the common goal
Then in pieces I must surrender my soul
The only option would be to resign
As the clock slowly ticks
I edge closer to the line
For sanity is not measured by statistics
The ideal way of living is hardly realistic
And if to be mature is to live humbly for a cause
Then life's aim is to ****** and store in a box
All that is left of common sense
Cuz nothing matters except the present tense
I don't want to die for a cause that I do not believe in
Yet to live for it would be as much of a grievance
My freedom was stolen by structure
Built to to prevent treason
People who rebel do so selfishly
Yet those who conform, do so helplessly
In a world of two evils, I must chose my reality
Improvement
Sparks the flame in society's movement
Happiness is governed by what we can produce
By failing to see the relevance
I've tied my own noose
Life is a battle that can not be conquered through defeat
The only way out is achieved through retreat

Living life with open conclusions
Unaware that its all an illusion
We turn our backs on the fact we're defected
Silently striving towards being perfected
Its so easy to judge from an outer perspective
Claiming an open mind yet we keep our thoughts selective
Afraid to admit that we are not in control
When deep inside, fear devours us whole

Only in the darkness of the night can I fully see
When silence engulfs my senses creating a symphony
As cold wind shakes me, darkness awakes me
From the haze I have been dwelling in, living in a deep sleep

Structure and conclusions
Are no friend of mine
For the precision of allusion
Does not correlate with my mind