Where did you go?
Not after you died,
But before
While you were still living
But weren’t alive
You were dead
For a long time
Before you validated it
Yourself

What made being awake
So unbearable
To make you wish
To sleep
Eternally?

Why was alcohol
And cigarettes
And ******
The only thing
You could turn to?

You had everything
Prestige
Two families
Money
But maybe it was the loss
Of respect
That affected you
most

Such a desire
To be the best
The greatest
And you no longer
Could please everyone
Or anyone
For that matter
Your fame faded
Your wife stopped
Listening
To you
And became the woman
You tried to
Prevent her
From being

You lost
All the attention
You so desperately
Needed
And filled that void
With alcohol
With cigarettes
With ******

Did that feel better?
Because apparently
It didn’t
Seeing as you
Found another
More permanent
Escape

What was the point?
Was it worth it?
Are you happy with
The even greater
Loss
Of respect?
Or the grief
Your wife
Experienced?
The guilt?
Or knowing your children
Grew up
Without you?
Without a father?
Without a man
At all?

But maybe it’s better
This way
You were no man
Anyways
And sure as hell
No father.

Who were you?
At the end
No man I knew
Your essence
Was liquor
Your character
Alcohol
Your spirit
Spirits

The numbness
Took over
Sickness
Diseasing
The mind
Plaguing
The soul
Infiltrating
The veins

Corrupting
Abruptly
The human aspect
Degenerating
Generations
But you don’t even
See that
Anymore
Do you?

Eyes glassed over
From champagne
Whiskers
From whiskey
Who are you
Now?

Cat and mouse
You and the bottle
But I can’t tell
Which is which
Anymore
Running in circles
Tangled up
Into one

So tell me
Was it you
Or the liquor
That pulled
The trigger?

Everyone wants someone who knows their own heart
Knows their pain
And makes it dissipate
Someone who understands
Relates
Alleviates
But is that always enough?
Can someone truly know
The pain
One goes through?
Often times
Words are muttered
Of how one knows what you're feeling
Knows what you're thinking
What you're going through
And maybe it's all with good intention
Innocence
But innocence doesn't help ****
When it was stolen
Long ago
Under the nose of ignorance
And you were left alone
Long ago
It's what you know
It's what you've always known
And it's hard to form new habits
When the old ones
Rooted themselves
So long ago

the devil allegedly
comes to steal **** destroy
which sounds like a lot of work

but probably isn't
in a place like this
even a first-grade massacre

won't undistract
us for long; the devil
doesn't have to cook

a *** of tsunami
or epidemic or
genocide

all he has to do is let us
worship shiny toys
on the altar of Time

and as ever
i'm as guilty
as anyone

Look at us, I'm carrying a basket made of trash
and you're carrying a mouse, well
the dog chewed up your glasses
but you're still rockin it
you have a single drop of coffee on your nose,
we're ready to go to D.C.

I had another where-are-we moment, it was fun.
Good, that's downtown Baltimore right there,
****** capital of the world.  

An elaborate mural graffiti.
Wall after brick wall.
A rustbelt city like Grand Rapids
Detroit Cincinnati.

Did you sleep well?
Yes I woke up feeling like a clam in a cocoon.
A sea creature inside of a forest insect, okay.

I've wasted too much time on both desire and regret.
Yellow bridge.
Blue-green supports.
Singer on the radio saying, we're young right now.

There's a healthy and an unhealthy way of dealing with pain,
I'm sorry for my selfish behavior in the islands.
I want to go back and leave a better legacy.
'Word.'

Last night to come see you I drove I-95 N, the overpass
and though the rest of the city was really moving
I was all alone up there, it was like
driving in the sky.

We pass signs saying: Icy Conditions:
bridges and ramps freeze first.
And a billboard: Learning Kick Flips
Takes Work, So Does College

We listen to our favorite island song:
love the islands, love the islands, oh.

You look like a rasta snowboarder girl
There's something really right
about having you in this car