How do you become something you hate?
You stand, looking at your reflection every morning.
“Here I am, again.” You think to yourself.
Standing there, picking at the little flaws you hate.
We are our own worst enemy.
We see things in ourselves that we despise, when others see them as little minor details that make us “cute” and they like us as a whole, as a person, and to them that little minor thing doesn't bother them because they just see us in a way we can't see ourselves.
Sometimes you just have to take the way you view yourself, flip it upside down and turn it inside out and turn it sideways, because that is the only way we will be able to see ourselves in another light, in another form and changing the same routine that makes us think we are nothing, and being another way would be better.
Flaws make us human, and we always want to change, to be perfect.

The little things are what make us fall in love.
They make us different because perfection doesn't exist, and if it did we'd be boring.

Spiraling down a black hole.
I am a tornado.
I am a gust of wind.
Falling into this dark place and coming up for air again.
Bones crackling, muscles spasms.
I fly in every direction, involuntary movements.
I shake. I want to scream. I want to die.
I feel like a contortionist, movements like a puppet, twisting and turning.
My mind, utter silence unable to scream.
I fall into a dark little hole, no one can find me- except you.
You pull me out, with your touch, with your words.
I need you, I need you to help me breathe again.
I need you to make it stop.
Tremors in my hands; a twitching shoulder.
Your voice calms me, I need you here.
I can’t walk. I feel like I’m dying.
I only feel okay, when you’re beside me.

Stay here with me for a while, cuddled under blankets and you feel so warm.
Nuzzled into you, sound of the tv on.
Movies and laughter, the sound of your voice.
Laying here, you’ve become my safe place.
Walks outside, you make me laugh.
Hugs and kisses and a cigarette break, the air on my skin, hold me close, you’re my favorite person.
Your hands wrapped around mine, our fingers intertwined.
Back in bed,
I hear your heartbeat, I listen to it beat; it slows down I can hear you breathe.
Falling asleep in your arms, my favorite dream.
I miss you, I wish you were here with me.
Stay here, stay here  with me a while, cuddled under blankets…
I can feel your warmth.

I’ve completely fallen into you.
Your eyes are beautiful, the perfect shade of blue.
My skies were grey, before I met you.
Your touch makes me melt, and you always make me smile.

You’re an orange and yellow sunset, and you’re  beautiful like the moon.
I miss holding your hand, and kissing you too.
I dream of being in your arms, whenever you’re away.
I want to mend your heart, and kiss away all your pain.
So here I am, thinking of you

I can’t wait to see you soon.

There I was dancing, my arms stretched out wide.
It was a beautiful sight.
The hot sun glowing its reflection on the grass.
Everything beautiful just fades, and I remember thinking that but in the moment, I just didn't care.
The wind struck my face and my hair began to run in circles, it went everywhere.
The grass changed colors, it faded to a pink lemonade.
People began to run towards me, but I didn't hear a sound.
They began to run into the pink fields.
I don't remember how I got there, I just knew I was there.
Music playing, with lots of children playing and dancing.
It sure was a sight.

How could we all know what could happen in these fields?
A hole began to open up and the dirt just shook with the ground.
The trees began to collapse, I could hear the sounds now.
Screaming, crying and reaching for each others hands.
A creature crawled out the dirt and bred into the now destroyed grass.
Many creatures crawling out hissing at the others.
There was no way of escaping, no path, no exit.
Watching all the children and their mothers and fathers die.
Watching everyone scream and question, “why, oh why”
They  bred and bred until the pink was dead.

All the happy thoughts I had died right then.
The creatures came and then my last dying breath,
I finally saw him, looked into his eyes
six heads.

There I stood, between the tall pillars
I looked up at the sky and it was the darkest it has been in a while.
I remembered his scent, the way it was when I slept.
The black wings carried me home, but I didn't understand where we were headed.
How could a place in all black, with wings brushing against the wind in the clouded skies be a place that could comfort me and heal my scars, take away all the emptiness?
I followed you, you carried me.
Where you walked, I went.
When you commanded, I obeyed.
My bones shook, and my legs gave out.
Here I was in the darkest place I could ever be and there was light, and it wasn't visible, but I could feel it.
So we flew.
Your wings, these black angelic wings taking me to a place, that I didn't even know existed, to a place that was so empty but to you it was normal.
I could see the depth in your eyes and in those eyes, they took me places.
How could a thing so beautiful be filled with such hate, such loneliness, such despair.
So I couldn't hold on, like my feet were shaking and the floor beneath me just crumbling, but it wasn't.
Just my insides bursting at the sight of how much I needed something so dark just to bring me light, just to make me feel, just to take me a place I could call home and I saw you.
When I saw you I just knew, that you were it.
Our monsters, our darks collided into equals and we called it beauty, we called it love.
I would spend every last moment loving you while you tore me open, while you changed details of who I was, while you'd take away the lights that would make me smile, the lights that would make me glow, and you'd make me what you wanted, and you did and you did it beautifully.
You're my dark angel.
You're the devil in my dreams.
You're my desperation.
You're the black wings that carry me home.

I lost myself in my own abyss, lost; searching for answers but didn’t know the questions.
I found myself spiraling, trapped in little particles and pieces.
I was lost, it’s cold and dark, in this hole I’ve sunk myself into.
I try to pull myself out and it drags me back, sinking it’s black fangs, drawing blood until I cry but when I look down at my skin… I see nothing.
It’s all in my mind.
I’m trapped in my abyss, who can pull me out??
I think I have to pull myself out and I’m afraid…that’s what scares me the most.