My mind
is a blank and empty canvas.
My soul is open and vulnerable
when I behold you
as you smile downwards.
A butterfinger bar lays in your palm.
Your eyes lite up like that
of a child on christmas morning.
I see on your face, in your eyes, in your smile
an unseen joy.
As if your life has been completed
by a single candy bar.
Your smile is the true essence
of happiness.
I see such joy in your eyes
as i have never seen.
Such a smile
i have never beheld before.
How can just one person be
in such perfect harmony
with the world.
I behold you
with my gaze
and pray to whatever god may exist
That I will be as happy as you
someday.

you are slender and sleek
your hair as black as night
and when you were smaller
you and teddy used to fight.

we named you after citrus
because you were so sweet
then you had a **** ton of kittens
which threw us off a beat.

I keep my door closed at night
so that you don't disturb me
and when you *** in my closet
It's pretty **** unerving

We really should get you declawed
sometimes you make us bleed
but if we have an infestation
you're the one we need.

One time we gave you the wrong food
not on purpose, i am sure
but then you farted in my face
and then you were abhorred.

I promise that i love you
even though you're such a ****
just because you're my cat
and i'll always be your nerd.

“Dear Kitty-cat, black and pretty, tell us what to do in order to get away from thy mistress, the witch?”

Pity on the poor soul
Do your work with seeds of sympathy falling from your eyes
Stitch up the wounds of dead flesh
Beat on broken drums and sing in time with the willow branch
When the screams of the innocent drown out the howl of the wolf sing too

The birch tree lisped with its leaves, “Thou hast never put a simple thread over my branches and the little darlings adorned them with a pretty ribbon.”

To watch your chest heave
Up and down and up
And down
Faster as my mouth moves
Silent words and speech
Whispers of
I love
You?
But oh so silent be the lamb that follows
When the leader is waiting on the flock

To watch your chest heave
And heat
Discarded threads of yarn
Typically mistaken for fabric
Fictional
Reality.
Lips and teeth
And bruises.

To watch your chest heave
Red eyes
We're both high
And I'm crying
Fingertips touch
And you reach inside me and pirate my heart
I am but a carbon copy
The flesh you removed from me
Removed me from.

To watch your chest heave
Hurts me.

When I fall
I fall hard.
For the boys and girls
With full lips
Pale skin
Blue eyes.

When I fell for you
I got stuck
On your intellect
Your biting wit
Cynicism.

Your form
Is stuck in my head
Your rare smile
Is imprinted on the backs
Of my eyelids.
You are all I see
When I sleep.

And when you stand
Just slightly too close
I wonder.
I wonder
If you chose to stand next to me
If your fingers brushing across
The back of my hand
Was an accident.
If the times I caught you staring were coincidences.

The last time I fell
I fell hard.
For a boy with full lips
Pale skin
Blue eyes.
I made a mistake.
I gave up on you.

Have you given up on me?

I was young
Sticky hands
Wide eyes
Wandering through the garden
My wide eyes
Fell upon
People
New people digging up
The flower beds
The tiger lillies
And putting them in my red wagon
And taking them away.
My mother sold our tiger lillies
Because they reminded her
Of my father
And so she hated them
Both of them
And we no longer have tiger lillies
In the garden.

At camp
There was a woods
And lots and lots of free time.
We would take walks
Lots and lots of walks

We found trails
They were made of gravel
I forgot my shoes.
Emily carried me
On her back
Down the trails.

We found an island
The island had many goats.
The island had a bridge
The bridge had a gate
Lindsay climbed over the top
Noah climbed on the bottom
Nearly wading in the river
I tried to climb the fence
I couldn't climb the fence
I fell off the fence
And ripped my new khaki shorts
All the way up to the waistband
Abe asked to see
I didn't know why.

We found a dock
Some of the boards were missing
So we ran up and down
Up and down
Up and down
Jumping over the gaps
Where the boards broke.

We found a water park
Closed for fifteen years
We tried to sneak in
In the dark
But the door was locked
They pried the boards back
And I crawled through
Alone in the dark
I found the door
And let them in.

We ran from the water park
When our imaginations
Heard ghosts
Abe ran into a fence
He got cut
Noah ran into a fence
Elijah ran into a fence
JJ ran into a fence
All the same fence
They didn't heed my warnings.

We found Noah
Running through the courtyard
With an arm full of bed sheets
And a bare chest
He climbed the tree
And left the bed sheets
Strung up in the branches
Tristan pretended to think
That it was funny
When he fished his blankets
Out of the trees.

We found friendship
In five days
In the middle of Amish country

At camp
There was a woods
And lots and lots of free time.
We would take walks
Lots and lots of walks

Heat
Electricity and emotions
Unconscious and subconscious
Predominant and primarily dominant
Dilated
Hands like claws with fists full of skin and sheet and shirt
Unable to discern
Just feel
Waves
Rocking into the shore with passion and power
No mind to silent sediment
Relentless currents pulling everything
Waves tumble head over heels but never stop
Lightning strikes
But then fades away again
Fleeting
Never constant but dangerous and beautiful
No names, just feelings, no emotions, just feelings and flesh
Red snow
Reflection? Or animosity
Animalistic atrocity
Boom
Like lightning but prettier
Stay after to admire
Sink in and do it again every year
Write about it think about it
Sing
Raise hearts to god in sinful praise
With handfuls of lover's grace
Remind me of the days when I didn't regret the moves I make
Fill me up so I can forget
For a while
Cosmic
Electrick
Charged with emotion
Direction unknown so let it go
Give it to someone else
The faceless nameless midnight confidants
Express yourself

Everyone is a musician
I found god. This is god
Good Friday made better by sprawling empty city
And pure deafening sound
Being thrown to the ground
And treaded on
And picked back up again
By tender and caring hands.
Bruises remain and muscles ache for days
Ears ring.
The flash of light and pure raw sensation plagues my dreams
I fell in love so many times that night
In love with all the nameless faceless bodies
The bass so tangible it withdrew something from me
My breath?
And cold winter air breathed back into me
Crowds of tender lovers
Carry me to safety.
What is the opposite of sleep?
I found god
And the peace within chaos
Virginity restored by sin
It is a sin to feel so much at once
To feel full
It is a sin that I will never repent
It is a temptation that would bend the iron will of god
I did not doubt in that moment.
I did not doubt anything
Not even the rain.

I can not describe music
With words
No amount of imagery
Can capture such raw beauty
No poetry can do it justice
And I am no exception.

I will not lie myself down
At your knees and bow.
I will not drape myself
Across the floor
And kiss the ground
Beneath your feet.
You are not my king
I am your queen.
You bow to me
And I shall do the same
I am your equal
Not your slave.
I am not your *****.
I don't want you to throw me down
I want to lie as equals
And if you so much as lay
A finger on me
Without asking first
You might find yourself lacking
In the eyes to behold me with
And the fingers to scold me with.
I am not your pet.
I will not come when called
No wolf whistle
Will ******* running
No ammount of persuasion
Will sway me.
I am not yours
You do not own me
And when you look upon me
And all you see is honeybee lips
Thin waist
*******
Nice ***
Even if you ask nicely
I have no obligation
I reserve the right to decline
Without being verbally assaulted
Do I really have to treat you
Like your age is equivalent
To the number of your IQ
No means no
Stop means stop
And you do not touch
Until I tell you to.
Keep you hands
Eyes
****
Mouth
And ****** preverted ego
To yourself.
I am powerful
I am a woman
Since when have those words
Become antonyms
They are the same
And a man is nothing
Without his better half.
We don't want it unless we say so
And you pay attention
When I say no
If you lack the skills
That toddelers know
Then we'll mark you down
Like it's still grade school.
But this is no playground game
Calling names doesn't equate to love
In just the same way that
Objectification isn't a complement
And promiscuity is not a one way ticket to ****.
I know rocks who have a better
Sense of moral direction than you.
Your broken ego
Makes you irreparable
You are utterly replaceable
Consent is ****
And you are not
Nobody 'deserves a good ****'
Are you really that fickle
No girl should be judged
By her short shorts
She is not the ***** here
You are horrible with a capital H
Go burn in hell.
I am not your toy
You play with me nicely
And only when
I
Say so
You stop when I say no
Could I possibly be more clear
Don't throw me down
We lie as equals
I will not lay in your bed
We play by my rules
I will not bow to you
I will not blow you
I will not kiss the ground you walk on
I am not an accessory
And you
Will
Respect me.

All I want is someone
Someone to hug
In a not so plutonic way.
I want to hold hands
With interlocking fingers
Swing arms like a pendulum
While we walk down the street.
I want to talk for hours
About everything and nothing.
I just want to talk to you
It doesn't matter
What words fill the empty space
As long as they're there.
As long as you're there.

The last time that I
Was banished to the
Time Out Corner
It was because
I wouldn't read
I didn't want to read
You couldn't make me read.

Then I met a boy.
He had black messy hair
Bright green eyes
And a scar in the shape
Of a lightning bolt
On his forehead.
He was the boy who lived

Then I met a boy
He had ginger hair
Connect the dot freckles
And hand-me-down robes
He was a Weasley.

Then I met a girl
She had auburn hair
An eager intellect
And muggle parents
She was a mudblood

They hindered the dark lord
They slaughtered the basalisk
They rescued the prisoner
They witnessed the return
They battled the dark arts
They cried for the loss of their leader
They lost and they won.
And they moved on.

They are grown up now
I am out of the
Time Out Corner
And in the library
Constantly
Because I'm always reading
I always want to read
You can't make me stop reading

The boy
The boy
And the girl
Are grown up now.


And I am grown up too.

I see people
up on stage
with words in their minds
glory in their eyes
and passion in their hearts.
When they speak
they evoke emotions
that I didn't know I had.
They use words
beautifully crafted
to illustrate
they use shift to stun
They open my eyes
force me to see
because sometimes
we all need to be
controlled but words.
They are passionate
and i can feel it
it radiates from them
like heat from an engine.
They are engines.
engines of the Mind
engines of the Soul.
Their message hits you
like rocks
you can physically feel
their connection
to the words they speak
in asymmetrical rhythm
when the yell it is beautiful
when they cry it is beautiful
their words are beautiful.
I want to
write
preform
speak
listen
read
live
Slam poetry.
I want to move people
rally people
together
with my words.
I want to speak sweet lines
and watch people
transform.
I want to draw them out of their cocoons
with asymmetrical meter.
We will flock like sheep
around these poets
who draw us in with words
who speak about things that matter.
We will migrate like monarch butterflies
to a new tomorrow
with one uniting factor
Slam

Oh how I yearn
For evening gowns and gloves
For hats and corsets
Oh how I yearn
For typewriters and telegraphs
For carriages and train compartments
Oh how I yearn
For a time of enigmas
For a time of class.

She said that he took her
Sailing.
Back when she was still in love with him.
She said that everyone must fall eventually.
But what a pity that he's not capable of returning the favor.
She said that he's not normal
But I said that's why I've found my eventually.

And I dream of sailing
with him
In a mutual eventually.

Don't want Beatrice
We want a benediction
One final song to bring an end to this friction.
The volcano days with the finality of Pompeii
Return flesh that once was beige
Into a sullen shade of grey.
We were all born to die
So return to the ground and sing
We are all kings we are all kings we are all kings

He watched
as she walked ahead.
As her hips swayed
like tree tops in the wind.
She looked to him
over her shoulder.
Her hair blowing
in the wind.
She walked
among the trunks
of the trees
in the forest.
He walked next to her
and held her hand.
He kissed her
on the cheek.
She kissed him
on the lips.
The trees all shielded their eyes
as they laid down.

He watched
as her eyes closed
their breathing slowed.
The crest of her bare hips
and her beautiful thighs
that she thought
were too big.
She looked to him
and the trees stood as witness
when she said
"I love you."

I love the smell of the strawberry hand soap
in my tile bathroom ringed orange
with iron stains
in the cheap sink
and shallow bathtub.
I love the way he smelled when he stood too close
in the dark
backstage.
I love the way the air smells
after heavy rain
and storms with lightning.
I love the way clean sheets smell.
I love the way lavender smells
I love the way bread baking smells.

When you are angry
do not slit your wrists
Slit something that deserves it
like rotten pumpkins
tomatoes that refuse to turn red
burnt toast
ungrateful pieces of blank paper
clay embodiments of your enemies.

When you are happy
bottle it up.
Spread your love
but don't spread yourself too thin.
Save some for yourself
for when you feel like
a pile of petrified dog **** on a sidewalk.
And smile
because you're beautiful.

When you feel empty
scream
cry
punch
run
put out everything you've got.
Listen to music that's full of passion
splatter canvasses with color
scream words that
would make your parents angry
and sailors proud.
Make yourself feel alive.

When you feel sad
read a happy book
listen to happy music
watch a happy movie.
Keep moving forward
because you're mistakes are arbitrary
and anyone who hurt you
is a pile of petrified dog **** on a sidewalk
and you are walking away.

When you feel anxious
control your breathing.
lie down
close your eyes
listen to calming noises
wash your hands in warm water
with soap that smells just right
until you feel better.
Please feel better.

When you feel in love
let them know.
Waste no time trying to be chased
trying to be coy.
Tell them you love them
because life is too **** short
to have regrets.

When you feel
rejoyce.
because
the world is more beautiful
when it is tainted
with your feelings.

Idolisce
Art is dead.
Corporate Christmas. Merry capitalism.
The word of the wolf is our gospel
Misleading the flock towards exodus
A charming smile on a mouth full of teeth
Picking every last bone clean

Idolisce
Art is dead
Uniformity and the beat the heat of war
Culture of violence breeds fighters
Not writers
Great minds forbidden to create
A masochistic parade

Idolisce
Art is dead
Shout loud until your heard
And then speak louder
Tear down the walls between us and them
The ******* need to hear us
Taste the fire of our words
And the pain we don't deserve but we feel anyway


One people one voice one song
Sing along
With raised fists and open palms
Burn the pages of capitalist psalms
Sing along Until the pigs are gone

A culture of addiction and ignorance
Pushing poppies instead of daisies
The only light snakes around the corners
Of carefully drawn blinds.
Red eyes.
Tongue tied and silent
A supernova behind the eyes of an innocent
The memories of masochism and open hands
Fingers pressed together
Cruel intentions caked in the creases of palms.
They haunt the night time
Is it night time?
Mildew.
The smell of apathy with a hint of persistence
Which sets in once the blackness starts to seem periwinkle
And geography is etched into ****** finger tips
And skinned knees.
Every penny flowing free
Into the crook of your elbow.
Anything to silence. Anything to feel.
Hope and healing are out of reach
But the apples still shine in your eyes when you dream
And then everything seems a little closer.

oh full length mirror
when did it become a sin
to gaze through you
and admire what i see.

Six
Seven
Eight
High schoolers.
A cloudy sky above them
Confined into a corner
Painted on pavement.
A playground ball
Bouncing between them
As the joke and laugh
And yearn
For the days
When we still had recess.

I am in limbo.
I have this feeling in my bones
that my time will soon end
impending doom
that this happiness is not infinite.
But i relish right now
in the feeling that i am still hearer
he is still here
and the moments are precious while they last
and they become relics when they are over
which is why I need to remember
more than ever
the way it felt
the words that escaped this mouth.
the way the lake glistened
the sound of birds
and sweltering heat
sitting on a picnic table on a small island.
How finite it seemed at the time.
rejection
but with the usual overthinking
i found
hope
in that sense of
"it's not you it's me"
that he proposed.
He finally noticed his shadow
and told her the truth
that she already knew.
that I already knew≥
He is too selfish
too independent.
yet still she feeds the fire
of his ego
and holds on to the hope
that the credits won't transfer
when he comes back
he will be stuck in the web
with she
with
her
with I
withme.
and this is my salvation
this is my hope.
because no matter how dangerous and painful love may be
you can only run for so long.

*******

It's ironic that everything is so alive
just before everything dies.
the red orange golden leaves stutter in the breeze
as if waving goodbye.
The sun glances down some mornings,
but it's fleeting
for then the rain comes.
it is a time of bon fires
and pumpkin spiced everything.
when comforters crawl out of closets
draped over saggy shoulders.
When children bury themselves under the leaves
like animals
and spring from the earth
like bears.
Autumn is upon us for but a moment
a fleeting glimmer of sunlight
before we tuck into winter.

The steady pitter patter
Of rain on windows
Like deft fingers on a hollow drum.
A steady chill
Of grey stretched across the sky
Like the cow hide pulled taught
Over the Woden skeleton of a drum.
Watch through windows
The rain that falls
From the clouds to the ground
Smearing across windows
In a drizzle of grey
Painting abstract trails of water
On the landscape.
Water will not scorch me
So I run in the rain
And feel alive
Yet wet with raindrops
That stain my clothes
With big wet splotches.
I escape the monotony
And the steady drum beat
When I run in the rain.

You are like crack.
I'm addicted to being around you
The thought of your kiss
Your touch
Makes me smile and blush
And dream of wedded bliss in vain.
I am young
My love is futile.
Every ivory dream
Ends in unrequited love.
Every schoolyard crush
Ends in obsession.
When will I see you again?
A single hour is never enough.
A single day leaves me hungry.
No matter how long
It's never long enough.
I am addicted to you
And you don't even suspect it.

I feel like i should feel sad
but instead i feel nothing.
I feel like everyone around me is leaving
so i should feel sad
but instead i feel nothing.
I feel nothing
i feel like i should feel pain
but i feel nothing.
I feel empty
and that feels like ****
so i keep busy so i can feel full.
I feel unfulfilled so i fill myself
with excess calories
and then i feel fat.
I feel so many things
but nothing ever feels strong enough.
I feel like i need to escape
I feel like i don't have enough feelings
and sometimes i feel like i have too many to comprehend
i can't stand the way I feel
the way i don't feel.

Life is frail and futile.
Life is an accessory
To a universe
Independant of our actions
A human life is but a second.
That ends before you reach the end
Of a sentence.
And is over when you least expec-

Some say that love is like a clear pond
Our pond is full of goose ****
Some say love is like a seaside sunset
Our beach is covered in *******
Some say love is like music
Ours sounds like a constipated goat
Some say love is like a spring flower
Ours is an ugly ****.
Some say our love *****
But I'd beg to differ.

I refuse to take responsibility for my actions
and admit that this is my fault.
I blame him.
I call him a *******
for enticing me.
Yet I am the one who spoke that dangerous word
Love.
****, I can't deal with it
the thought of him
of losing him
because he's not like anybody i've met before.
Nobody else
is so magnificent.
There will be others
but no other like him.
I can't deal with the thought of him
leaving.
I can't deal with the fact
that he might love someone else.
The fact that he doesn't love me
even when I use the most dangerous word
in the human vocabulary.
I said Love
and I meant it
even though I wish i could take it back
because he's leaving
and it hurts
so i refuse to take responsibility
for the dangerous word that bubbled across my lips.
Love.

I see you
Standing there.
She flanks your side
Like a dog
Like the ***** that she is
She's practically swinging
From your arm
And you don't even notice her
Or at least you pretend not to.
I'm not nearly so bold
As to stand by you
Let you make me look stout
Compared to your wondrous physique
I grapple for your attention
With subtle glances
Feeling blessed if I catch your eye
Even just once.
She grapples for your attention
With her words
With her body.
She demands to be noticed
So you notice her
But I'm too **** afraid to be assertive.
You tie my stomach in knots
And the thought of you
Plucks at my heart strings
Like your long lean fingers
Across your violin.
Sometimes I can feel your gaze linger
And I know that her greedy eyes
Burn holes in my head.
Her passive-aggresive "hello"
Is bittersweet.
I'm only just beginning to realize
That the way she flanks you
Like a dog
And swings from your arm.
She puts herself below you.
Instead of noticing,
You trip over her presence
Whilst she trips over her words.
And when she speaks new languages
To try and impress you
Plays new instruments
To try and obsess you
She is not a threat to me.
Because I'm just now noticing
The subtle glances in my direction
How you always turn
To make sure I'm laughing
When you make a joke
How the fact that you
Stood just barely to close
When there was a world of open space
Was hardly an accident.
And when you did
I felt your fingers
Brush across the back of my hand
Like that of a ghost
Barely there.
And so now
I am certain.
I see you
Standing there.
She flanks your side
Like a dog
Like the ***** that she is
She's practically swinging
From your arm
And you don't even notice her
Because you're too busy
Admiring something
Far finer.

Blood
A faint trail
Across a dainty wrist
To express emotions that
Cannot be expresses in words.

Blood
A wild gush
Of a wound freshly
Cut. Carved into skin with
The intent to harm. Maim. ****

Blood
Staining the
Grey pavement
A dark maroon color
As it drains from life into

Death.

My heart beats fast
And my lip are sewn shut tight
With secrets
That I may not speak of.
With every lie I tell
To preserve my self
Another stitch is added
To the web.
Every **** time
I have to chose
Wether or not
To speak the truth.

Everywhere I look
another face strikes my fancy
another fantastic body
another dazzling wit
another amazing intellect.
Everywhere I look
I fall in love with
another great ***
another perfect sense of humor
another caring heart
another love interest.
Everywhere I look
I fall in love
with more beautiful people.

Hope is a broken music stand
And the green three ring binder
That's contents now lay on the ground.
Hope is his beautiful musician's hands
That helped my scoop up
Leigions of sheet music
From the carpeted floor.
Hope is those beautiful brown eyes
That beheld me
While we tried to repair
The mess of papers.
Hope is my bravery
For sitting next to
Him:
The one person who helped me
When my broken music stand
Released it's contents.
Hope is...

(?)

I see her.
That beautiful girl
with full lips
long wavy brown hair
and big eyes.
Her laugh
makes me happy
Her smile brightens my day
like the sun.
She is skinny
but not overly so.
She radiates the confidence I wish I had.
She is perfect
and beautiful.
She is the first girl
who I've fallen for.
If only
everyone understood
that there is no wrong way to love
then I would have a chance.

One day
when I was small
so very small
I got sad
so I bit myself
Hard
until blood bubbled
to the surface
of my skin.
I cried
I put Strawberry Shortcake bandaids
on my self inflicted wound.
I didn't know that it wouldn't
be the last time
that I bled at my own hand.
I still don't know why
sometimes
pain feels better than nothing.
So I choose pain.

Born of light and dark intentions
knowing not, the joy of acceptance
isolation, so serene
creator vows not to intervene
exploring life like a child
hatred bound, exceptionally wild
mangled face, open heart
hateful reception
admiring from afar
leap of courage, joy, and hope
poor reception and insults thrown
beaten down, running away
scarred for life, forever dismay
burn the home and torch the past
anger fueled and running fast
rush of water, painful current
savior of child, warrior wounded
bleeding limbs and broken hearts
yearning for a way to restart
seeking brethren in the woods
wretched intentions, misunderstood
purple marks about the neck
brother of victor, lying dead.
satisfaction, newfound goals
blame is placed, creation abhorred
seeking out thine detested creator
tormenting threats, intellectual banter
ultimatum, stories told
“create another by my mold”
creature of spite and dark intentions
never to know the joy of acceptance.

What is light really, but all the spectrum
crammed into both a wave and a particle.
What is skin tone really, but light
being reflected off pigments
that are compartmentalized in cells
that are made of atoms.
What is sexuality anyway, but the amount
of chemicals that flow through your brain.
What is religion really, but fables preserved
in synapses and energy.
What is a pant size anyway, but a number
to illustrate that your cells contain more proteins
that the model with more prominent ribs.
What is discrimination anyway, but the lack
of the spectrum in one's heart.

Sometimes
when I think too hard,
my responsibilities
crash over me like waves
on an expanse of stormy sea
pulling me down under
an ocean of panic.
My thoughts turn against me
and the only thing
inside my hollow head
is doubt.
I can't drag myself away from
the lines i have to learn
the homework i have to do
what if my friends don't really like me
is my mum angry at me
what do i want to do with my life
no college will ever accept me
i'm not smart enough
i'll starve in the gutter.
I want to ******* die.
I lay there
paralyzed
with fear and anger
an emptiness that I can't control.
I feel like something is gnawing at me.
I know what i have to do
but I can't make myself do it
because no matter what i do
there's always more
living to be done
more responsibilities
and it's a vicious cycle
that I can't escape
and i'm drowning on air.
So i cry.
And I pray for death.

6:30
Glaring
Red
Angry numbers
Glaring
Red
Screeching sound
Hit snooze
9 times
Spread my arms
And fall forward
Into deranged images
Of the prefrontal cortex
Into dreams
Clouds
Flying
Dying right before waking up
7:30
Glaring
Red
Angry
Morning.

Dreaming is like swimming in the most beautiful sea
And waking up is like drowning.

I write so many love poems
sad poems
poems about him
the unnamed him
who's figure i crave like hard drugs.
The him who is leaving.
That ******* HIM.

This is not a poem about him
My life is not about him
I am resilient
independant
I don't need
him.

Maybe in a year...
he will come back to an unbroken me
who's feelings never took a hit.

But i don't need him
and i will survive.

She is a creature of habit.
When she folds things the edges must be perpendicular.
She brushes her teeth twice every day at the same time.
She gets stuck on things
Like forgotten chores, particle physics, and boys that are two years older.
She can't sleep
if she breaks her routine
or does things out of order.
She loves notebooks
because she loves to designate things,
not because she likes to fill them.
She loves math for the symmetry
and hates it when she doesn't understand.
She is a perfectionist.
She beats herself up when she isn't the best.
She loves corners
and lines
and the symmetry of the universe
She loves books
because they are more perfect than real life.
She loves him
because they are creatures
of the same habits.

I have no ******* clue
what i want.
I have no ******* clue
where i'm going.
But I'm young so that's okay

I have no ******* clue
where my heart lies
I have no ******* clue
how i feel
But i'm young so that's okay

I have no ******* clue
who I am now
I have no ******* clue
who i want to be
But that's okay because i'm young.

Spring crashes over us
Like a tidal wave
Summer drifts in
Like a river
Fall comes far to quickly
And leaves far too soon
Leaving pale winter
In it's wake.
Season go on
And we lie
Together
Muffled beneath dirt
Shoved in a Woden box
Faces ringed with decay
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
And the seasons go on.
We roam the earth
As ghosts
Waking spirits
Invisible
Simply another tear
Of life
Another bridge to cross.
We lie together
For the rest of time
We walk the earth as ghosts
And the seasons go on.
Snow and leaves fall
Flowers bloom and children
Bask in the hot glow of the sun
Over an unmarked grave
A plot of land
Absent of dedication
Forgotten
We lie together
And the seasons go on.

I lay my head down on a pillow
soft sheets, covered in little baubles from
all of the washings they have endured.  
My eyes drift closed
slowly.
When you are tired, your eyes burn
dreams fill them up to the brim like tears
an eight hour play awaiting an audience.
The remnants of fairy lights and starry skies
leave an imprint on my eyelids
fading into darkness.
Flashing images, projected in my mind.
No new faces, the brain isn't that powerful
everything is seen, very little is remembered
outside of
dreams.
When i wake up, i am very rarely blessed
with memories of my slumber.
Deleted synapses
never recovered
lost to sleep
and dreaming.

When you see my book
On your shelf
Think of me
And return it.
I lent it to you
It wasn't a gift.