Wind blows the wrong way
Thunder and lightning rumble
Rain pitter patter

Once upon a past time
I hated the way I looked.
Every ounce of fat that clung to me
like a needy child
was more than just weight to bare.
Once, I walked past every mirror I saw
not daring to face
what I might find in the reflection.
Once, I glared at every curve and fold
that I found in the canvas of my skin
wishing for the synonymous
thin
beautiful.
Once, I hated myself
simply because.

I stand taller now
I hold my shoulders back
I flaunt every curve and fold
I am proud of every ounce of my body
simply because.

my lovely typewriter
smith-corona clipper
best christmas present
hope for the future
sleek black body
rounded black keys
belly full of mechanics
white paper in between
words flow from my brain
through my fingers
without comprehension
letters
words
sentences
paragraphs
pages
and then i throw it away
and start over
because no matter
what anyone says
it's always so much better
trapped inside my head.

I feel like a sinking ship
RMS Titanic
the unsinkable boat
never completing it's maiden voyage
my maiden voyage.
It lays with it's belly swollen from age
at the bottom of the mid atlantic.
I lay in my bed
big blue headphones seal me off
from the scary world outside
my belly is swollen from comfort eating.
My journey is much less majestic
I never sank down in the ocean
thousands of lives were lost
to the icy see
but there is only one casualty in my shipwreck.
I try not to think
too hard about my life
my future
I read to escape from my own mind
I seek out distractions
from my responsibilities.
At night
the monsters under my bed are
failure
disappointment
tests
grades
lines to learn
social circles
scheduling
college.
A good man once said
the only certain things in life are death and taxes.
he could not have been more right
and frankly that scares the **** out of me
I'm a planner
I want my future to be set in stone
and if I weren't an atheist
I would pray for time to be static.
I am scared to death of what lies ahead
there is a fog bank over my future
that no crystal ball can decipher
my life is one big cypher
i can't crack the code.
I try not to expect people to understand me
because I can't even understand myself.
my mother tells me to walk
with my head up
my shoulders back
open my chest
stand tall.
When I look down I see the present
If I look out all I see is my future.
I'd rather hit a literal wall than a figurative one.
I am a sinking ship
but I sink slowly
and the RMS Titanic had survivors.

Oh
what a conundrum
We
have here.  why do we
All
love the pretty boys and girls who
Are
so *******
Pretty.

Am i too young to die
or is that not my choice

I do not fear death
but i do not welcome it with open arms

I am too young to die
but then, isn't everyone?

With spiteful words
they chase her down the hall
with cruel intentions
their feet are more nimble than hers
so she asks for mercy
but the answer is no.

With sputtered words
she tries to convey emotions to him
that she herself doesn't understand
fear tints her vision
so she asks for love
but the answer is no.

With solemn words
printed on white paper
she tries to explain
why she can't carry on
so she asks for forgiveness
how could they say no.

He kissed her tenderly.
The sweet taste of her lips
And the catch of her breath
Enthraled  him.
When he pulled himself back to admire her beauty
He was met with a sorrowful glance
And whispered
Goodbyes.

Hope comes in the form
of a blue minivan
And the anticipation
Of who may be inside.

I pray for silence
When I hear
Your angry voice
Yelling.
I pray for noise
When I do not
Hear your voice
At all.

I wonder if you
Think about me because
I think about you
So much.

Hello my dear
this is just to say
that i ******* hate you.
You
You
You treat me like ****
your words are like knives
and every single one finds its target
because i trusted you
because i believed you
but that does not make it my fault.
No sweetie pie, this one's on you
You
You
You are a monster
you reek lies through your skin
you secrete fake love
and you are lower
than the ****** on the corner
you are even lower than
the blows that you deal to me
because you broke me
like i was made of glass
and i kept coming back
and i blamed myself
but this round goes to me
because every time that
you thought you brought me down
you just added another layer to my skin
you made me thicker
you gave me strength
but i will never thank you
now it's my turn to break you
now it's your turn to run away crying
and when you come back apologizing
i will slam the door in your
putrid little face because you
you
you
you are not worth my time
you were never worth my time
and i don't give a **** what you say
because i'm not your ***** anymore.
i'm not yours to **** dry and push away.
because you took too **** much
and now the pain that you gave me
in return is
coming
back
around.
Hello my long lost love
you
you
you better stay lost
because this is just to say
that
we
are
done.

It's like a little black dog
Padding at my feet
And this dog
Refuses to heel
But when I face
What scares me most
That little black dog
Learns to obey

Sun sinks moon rises
Clouds caress the waning moon
It is night sleep now

Laying In a puddle
Of blankets on a lake
Eyes full of stars
Like the sky before her.
Her toes dangle and ripples
Disrupt the starry reflection
Names, places, patterns race
Through her mind, faster
Than the sped of light.
This moment stretches on forever.
Space can be infinite, but time cannot.

Sometimes she wishes for a new
Set of stars above her.
A new body, a new life
A new start
She wishes on stars that shoot
across the sky, for
A purpose.
But stars are just ***** of gas on fire
There is no magic in science.
Sometimes she forgets things on purpose.

When she dreams, she dreams in constellations
And in the color of the fires that burn
in the night sky.
She meets a boy who sees stars in her eyes
And helps her make constellations of her own,
But as is life,
He grows tired of her stars.

Lying in a puddle
Of blankets on a lake
Eyes full of tears.
The sky full of stars fall
upon her eyes
And oh, they are
Beautiful once more.

Roses are red
this much is true
but guess what
violets are violet
not ******* blue