A small and gratuitous thank you
to every single one of you
who read my absent minded emotions
that I plaster among the fields of great poetry.
A gracious acknowledgement
to the best friends
who listen to me say the same things
over and over
about the same boy
and his beautiful hands
and his leaving for Germany.  
A sincere recognition to the new friends
who tolerate my abnormality
and hang with me through the spontaneity
of midnight conversations through
binary code of chat functions.
A sincerest gratitude
to the mother who carried me through
the hard winter
when anxiety made me heavy
with the weight of my worries.
Who now shares happy afternoons
garden beds
and chai tea on the front porch.
To everyone in my life
who witnessed my darkest hours
and sunniest peaks.
To every single person who has trekked the terrain
of my unpredictable personality
and sarcastic biting words
my cruelty and arrogance
my sleep deprived, half assed attitude
my unpredictable pickiness
and my constantly changing tastes.
You have seen me at my worst
and stayed strong by my side
so now I am proud to share with you my best.
To everyone who helps me get through the day
Thank you.

She said that he took her
Sailing.
Back when she was still in love with him.
She said that everyone must fall eventually.
But what a pity that he's not capable of returning the favor.
She said that he's not normal
But I said that's why I've found my eventually.

And I dream of sailing
with him
In a mutual eventually.

Oh
what a conundrum
We
have here.  why do we
All
love the pretty boys and girls who
Are
so *******
Pretty.

Once upon a past time
I hated the way I looked.
Every ounce of fat that clung to me
like a needy child
was more than just weight to bare.
Once, I walked past every mirror I saw
not daring to face
what I might find in the reflection.
Once, I glared at every curve and fold
that I found in the canvas of my skin
wishing for the synonymous
thin
beautiful.
Once, I hated myself
simply because.

I stand taller now
I hold my shoulders back
I flaunt every curve and fold
I am proud of every ounce of my body
simply because.

I refuse to take responsibility for my actions
and admit that this is my fault.
I blame him.
I call him a *******
for enticing me.
Yet I am the one who spoke that dangerous word
Love.
****, I can't deal with it
the thought of him
of losing him
because he's not like anybody i've met before.
Nobody else
is so magnificent.
There will be others
but no other like him.
I can't deal with the thought of him
leaving.
I can't deal with the fact
that he might love someone else.
The fact that he doesn't love me
even when I use the most dangerous word
in the human vocabulary.
I said Love
and I meant it
even though I wish i could take it back
because he's leaving
and it hurts
so i refuse to take responsibility
for the dangerous word that bubbled across my lips.
Love.

My heart beats fast
And my lip are sewn shut tight
With secrets
That I may not speak of.
With every lie I tell
To preserve my self
Another stitch is added
To the web.
Every **** time
I have to chose
Wether or not
To speak the truth.

He's leaving for Germany
In two weeks time.
I don't know when
He will return.
I only know that this
Resembles the tragic unrequited
Love
Only found in Nicholas Sparks novels.
I know that I will find someone else
But I am terrified
That no one else will have hands as beautiful as his.
That no one else will have the perfect idyosyncrasies
I don't want him to go
But he's leaving.