I try too hard to make my life a poem
full of beautiful tragedies and metaphors
Instead of being
splotchy skin, red eyes, and scars
I can be
diamond teardrops and a lovely disaster
If life is going to be painful can't it be pretty too?

But it's all lies
a sheer veil of innocence
covering the cruel realities of existence  

And you're not a beautiful boy with
hazel eyes like heaven
and words like the ocean
You're just another person I made into my everything
without a second thought
and one day,
you'll remind me
why all dreams are toxic

When you touch me
I feel myself recoil
I don't understand how to be wanted and
I wish I could be what you need
But as your fingers trace circles on my untouched skin
I can feel myself
splitting
apart
and something trying to grow in the cracks you're making

When you kiss me
with your hot hungry mouth
******* the life out of me
you make me want to scream because
it should make me feel something besides fear
knowing how much you're going to hurt me
after you disappear

and When you hold me
I feel myself cave into your sturdiness
and your stone arms are the blanket
I need to keep the darkness from eating me
alive.
and I'm safe for a second
but when the world restarts
I can feel myself slip back under water

When you tell me you love me
I feel it too
with every part of my body
but the monsters who make me cover my legs in secrets
remind me how broken I am
and the way you hesitate,
when you touch the parts of me I've destroyed
how could you love me when I have nothing to give you?