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7.5k · Feb 2013
*Frustration of the Past*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Staring at a photograph,
And I wonder if its wrong.
What the heck were we?
We definitely weren't friends,
We most totally weren't enemies
But still i can't get over the stare
This single photo holds.

Staring at this photograph,
Why the hell did i keep it?
You never talk to me,
You obviously ignore my pleas ...
You probably find me annoying -
Just like the rest of those you'd
Complained about that one night.

Staring at this photograph,
Was that all we were?
Just that one night where
You were human enough
To make me smile and forget.
But how the hell can I pretend
That night simply didn't exist?

Staring at this photograph,
I wonder where I went wrong.
I thought  you were human enough
That you saw through the facade.
I figured you weren't a zombie of the pack
That you thought on your own.
And now here you are joining the herd
That you had complained about that one night.

Staring at this photograph,
Your eyes eat my soul.
How i would have done anything you asked,
Just the idea of you smiling was enough.
But what I would have given to get
Even just a hug from you, your arms
Around me, reminding me that i'm real.
But apparently I am as invisible now
As I felt back then.

Staring at this photograph,
I simply want to scream.
I dont' know why it bothers me,
You didn't do anything of importance
You didn't change my life...Did you?
You came during a weak point
And just two hours with you made me
Even stronger then I thought I'd ever be.

Staring at this photograph,
I wonder what I saw in you.
You are just a painting -
You seem so full of realistic emotion,
So sympathetic and understanding,
Open and kind. But you're a huge lie.
You're just like the rest of them,
Go ahead, conform and belong.

Staring at this photograph,
It all seems silly to me.
You're the book who's cover screams
"I'm the best, READ ME!"
While only to get a chapter in
And find you've wasted everything.
You're that kind of guy.

Staring at this photograph,
I then look at the words i write.
Do I really mean them? Am I that mean?
What do i hold against you other
Then the disappointment of what
Never was meant to be?
You were perfect, you were angelic,
You were what every girl wanted.
Why am I mad at you?

Staring at this photograph,
I'm left realizing...
The thorn in my side of what I
Believe you mean to me.
The fact that you so obviously ignore.
I call out simplistically, just wanting to
Connect to a familiar past time.
But you so Obviously Ignore each echo
And pretend you don't see, or hear.

Staring at this photograph,
I'm choking on the words.
You meant so much to me back then
And now you're just a bruise needing
Tending. Simplistically enough you're
Old news. You're a frustration of the past.
And now I'm realizing that you're
Absolutely nothing to me.

I'm reading once this poem,
On a photo i had obsessed over,
Finding it just a pretty face,
A pair of beautiful eyes that
Used to make me feel whole-
Now make me feel empty inside.
Steal my soul those eyes do...
So while reading this poem aloud
On a photo i had once obsessed,
I hold it to the flame and Burn it away.



Staring at this photograph,
It now bursting in flames.
The past doesn't bother me anymore
I feel released from  its chains.
I might be haunted later,
Truly this i'll admit,
For those eyes do taunt...
For a road not taken, choice not made,
But it's not mine to make, not mine to take
You're the one who missed it
And i just have to get over
The simple idea of you -


A frustration of the Past
- From Slipping Heart
5.3k · Dec 2011
*Swan*
Megan Mae Dec 2011
It hurt, my friend, I don't know why
but when I showed you my new found pride
you asked quickly of my minds state and why.

Drunk? Me!? No! This symbol simply proves so.
I'm viewed as average, not good enough.
Just this shows my inner pride.

It helps me knock those comments made by those
on the other side of the glass...
so why must you make one just as crass?

I will prove to you, one I once knew well,
that I'll shed and change - that way easily then
can I reveal just how beautiful a Swan I really am

I'll fly away and soar above your petty comments,
Friend? You were the one who grew distant,
you were the one who couldn't see past the dirt.

Yet here I am, my wings expanded,
Everything changing around me and fast...
I'll fly off on my own path, and show I'm the swan

I truly am.
3.4k · Feb 2013
*Fair Trade?*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I am here if you need me
I'd hate to see you mad.
Please forgive me if I'm upset,
But with the way you treat me
I am always sad...

I am here for you,
But you're never there for me.
I'm spinning, i am drowning,
and you're no where near
to even hear my calling...

The worst part is that you're
Taking this sadness all wrong.
You think I'm asking to be more?
Why when all I want is you,
And your friendship means so much...

I know it shouldn't hurt me,
I know it looks insane,
But you can't simply 'Cold Turkey' me,
My tears will flood the world like rain...
Don't expect me to be fine- no way.

Stop being so selfish and simply understand
Even the greatest ear, has a heart to mend
So why don't you help me rather then hurt,
and simply explain till I understand why...
I am always here for you, but you are never there.

Fair trade?
I feel as if it doesn't flow right... please tell me what you think...- From Slipping Heart
3.4k · Jan 2011
*Lucifer's Angel*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Sitting there in the corner
Empty eyes, broken wings
left to dance for money,
to dance for life.

Lovely angel, lost and fallen
losing all and gaining nothing
Falling out of faith.

You're Lucifer's Angel
Love of a sinner,
Redeemer of Demons
Tempt the fires of Hell.
You grant him his heart,
give him his wings
to be an Angel again.

Motherless child,
Father has gone.
Where are you now?
You're left alone.
Dealing with devils,
working with sin.
Loose are you lips to him,
Weak are your hips
For you know no other way.

You're Lucifer's Angel
love of a sinner,
redeemer of demons
tempt the fires of hell.
You grant him his heart,
give him his wings
Help him to live again.

He flies away and leaves you
beaten and broken,
once again alone.
Lucifer's Angel,
love of a sinner
now turned saint.
Again you're on your own.

But he returns,
your health and heart regained.
Lucifer's Angel,
learn to fly again
and get out of this place.

Lucifer's Angel,
love of a sinner,
redeemer of demons,
beat the fires of hell.
Kiss deep those lips,
beat fast those wings,
Fly off before you're broken again.
2.8k · Jan 2011
*Girls are like Apples*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Girls
are like apples
on trees. The best ones
are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one
who's brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.
I got this in a chain letter one day... no one remembers it. So i'm not taking full credit but I love this poem any way.- From Upside Down
2.5k · Jan 2011
A Hidden Beauty
Megan Mae Jan 2011
She was beautiful.



But not in a Cosmo Model, Megan Fox, or Tara kind of way, not how you would expect. It was strange, her beauty. The kind that has you peering through a crowded room to see what you were really looking at. Her eyes, her smile, the way she held herself; strange how just holding her head up a few vertebrae higher could catch such attention.  And the way she was around people, was a mystery. She would be all smiles, childish and comic at one moment; but the next she would lean quietly, her face relaxed with no thought of expression.



When she smiled, it took little effort to make her smile brighter, and the promise would make her giggle and laugh. Her laugh could make even the saddest man cry out for joy. And sometimes she would sing, and her voice was like the angels from heaven, to get her to sing was just as much a task as it was to make her smile. While, on the other hand, when she was relaxed, her expressionless face dominant,  the task to make her smile, to get her to laugh grew hard and tiresome.



Such a strange beauty, like a well painted piece of art, was rare. She stuck out like a sore thumb in the cluster of thin no bodies. Each girl prim, thin, perky and down to the letter. Each girl barely had a mind of their own, barely had wit enough to keep them. But this girl…this girl could tame the whole room if she pleased. This girl could open her mouth wide and get the whole company into a dance. She had personality, she had spark, she had emotions, she was alive.



That’s why he liked her so much. He loved just looking into her auburn eyes, the almond shape of them as interesting as her topics of conversation. He could listen to her voice for hours, just as beautiful as her singing voice. And she could pull your heart like nothing else. That’s what he liked about her.
I know this isn't really a poem as much as a Prose. But i love it any way
2.5k · Feb 2013
*Upside Down*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I feel as if life's turned upside down...
Honestly the news has me shaken,
The lies I've believed,
And the signs I've miss taken...
Are you lying to her?
Are you lying to me?
The cats out of the bag and now
The world is upside down you see...

I've said nothing wrong,
But you've done nothing right...
How many times have I been there for you?
And yet when I need you you're out of sight?
She's sitting there, hands touching you,
Before my friends and yours too.
If you tried to keep her a secret
You're playing the cards all wrong...
For introducing her will make
The rumors spin faster!
Can't you hear Upside down song?

But here I was deceived,
Told by you day after day
That she was completely
Forgotten and out of the way.
What a fool am I to believe you so quickly.
I let you touch me, Kiss me,
Love me like I thought you should.
But here I am seeing the lines
That I let you cross while I stood
Completely unaware... And now
Everything's Upside down.

How could you do this to me?
Take advantage and use me so?
You love me you say? How funny.
I would believe you if not for last night...
You bringing her out and kissing her lips,
Taking her hand, playing under the table,
While before those who you knew would tell me.
You have no shame...I can't believe I let you...
I can't even finish the sentence... cause I don't want to.
Everything is spinning till i fall Upside Down.

This relationship, this friendship,
That Bull you think you have?
Consider it gone, lost and over.
I want nothing to do with you,
I will always Love you, I swear you've
Pulled my heart from my chest.
You're games are finished, I've broken the board,
Flipped it till the pieces have all fallen like
The broken pieces of my heart.
So you have fun with out me, not even a smile
Will you get from me while she's on your arm.
You're a lying snake cheating and playing with hearts.
Have fun playing your games with the Board...
UPSIDE DOWN.
title piece of my book *Upside Down*- From Upside Down
Megan Mae Jan 2011
It Glimmers and Shines, this key to the forbidden chest;
A locked chest hidden away deep inside
Where no passerby may look upon its dark wood.
Oh how the key glimmers in the hands of the owner,
Marvel at its simplicity…oh me…
Dare I open it? Dare I try?
My heart is lying recovering inside
Hidden away from the light of love for so long.
Foolish one I let it open, so easily handed over
This brilliant key to one I thought was true.
How horrid is fate to me, tricking me so…
And how this gent so tenderly picked me up
Coddled and bandaged my wounded heart till
No tear could be shed, no blood able to be spilt…
How quickly my heart began to cling to him
As if it were a life line and my red ribbons end.
Yet seemingly overnight this god who revived me
Became a brick wall my heart was ****** against.
What torture was brought to my little heart, being
Healed so well that even the gravest beating didn’t leave a scar.
How bruised it became, my heart over night,
Yet no tear was able to be shed though it’s all it wanted to do
No blood was wasted for he beat so tenderly that it didn’t wound.
Oh but my heart was battered and confused
Unable to tell right from harm…
The man so roughly played that so soon he grew tired.
So bored of my heart from playing every day
He then kept me up on a shelf, there to watch him run free
And leaving me there to rest till next he desires me again.
Once again I’m lifted and roughed up to no end,
But how can I refuse the man who so tenderly cared for
My once broken and bleeding heart?
After his worst places even he would take me sometimes in his arms
And hold me and heal me till I cry and am well.
This viscous cycle leaves my heart so bruised that it can’t even cry
I am left wandering, that even with such admiration for this gent…
If it is still worth the ache and sorrow
Just to feel wanted again and loved if only for a moment, even by a friend.
To put yourself in such a relationship is very suicidal no?
And I can’t open my mouth and say what pain I’m in is his doing,
His hands squeezing my heart till there’s no more feeling…I haven’t the
Heart to say – he’s ripped out its vocal chords and thrown them away.
And the pain to see as he plays with me and then quickly discards,
The brilliant key to my chest of safety dangling so plainly about his neck.
Oh my suicidal heart, throwing myself at his feet begging simply to be held again
To be loved is all I want still sits on that shelf and wonders if the key is still mine.
I sometimes sit alone with my heart, waiting on the shelf till he’s home,
Watching him wander about filling his tastes with others, yet always returning to me…
My heart foolishly hopes and hopes and hopes that maybe this time he’ll stay,
Maybe this time he’ll find that I’m the one he need, the one he wants,
And sees the pain he’s put me through and again takes to healing the wounds.
Oh kiss my face, tell me sweet airs of kindness, and just convince me once again I’m his…
That he is mine….
Oh silly suicidal heart, so willing for the love almost mine,
That I would purposely place myself in such heartache’s hands as his.
I lay silently beside him, darkness surrounds me, and I long for the courage to reach out first
To reach in the dark for that brilliant, beautiful key about his neck-
So careful I will be not to wake him…simply to take back my heart, my poor foolish
My poor broken, suicidal heart.
I long to simply lock my heart up once again in that strong chest of wood,
Maybe then my suicidal heart will finally be at rest...and finally heal loves wounds…
But till then I am lost, lost in the tide of the crashing waves of this emotion filled
Irrationality of his affections, continue to be smashed into the jagged rocks of my
Own self doubt, reality and confusion…too weak to fight and too tired to reach for
The key, the freedom of this heart ache, to my simple safe wooden chest.
The last sanctuary for a wounded soul, for I have such a foolish and suicidal heart.
Alas – I am forever lost.
This is a response to my last poem *Suicidal Heart* about my recent heartache.- From Slipping Heart
1.4k · Feb 2012
*Distance Hurts*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Distance knows, as distance grows,
It's short and long
It can raise the stakes and hopes.
It can make you long for the edge,
For the thing at the other side.

Distance doesn't have to be in miles or in feet.
Distance could be attitudes, expressions;
In class, availability...victories or defeat...

You are out of my reach, a distance away.
I can't help but look your way and pray
Praying you would notice me
You may glace toward me, but its not what I want
I just wish to gaze into your eyes
And have you smile at me...only me.

But two inches between us,
Make it as if we have nothing to say,
And we really have miles between us,
And this distance grows each and every day.

You're the king, the prince of hearts,
While I a simple pawn who would melt
to just get a glimpse of your face.

This distance knows, and oh how quickly it grows
At the end of this road...
We'll never see each other again.
This was a poem I wrote from 2007, at a summer program called CCY. I remember who this was based off of...and now how silly I was back then. Completely crazy. Enjoy.
1.2k · Feb 2011
Frogs
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Gross, slimy, green, *****, animals....how on earth did they get chosen as the animal to become a prince? The reason make sense... vial creatures to be compared with kings...but in truth why the Frog? Not a Pig? Or would that be to literal for tales to little children? Not a Crow? Oh no those are to loud...  I guess its for a Frog is safe, seemingly a girls best friend. Easy to care for, easy to cherish. Though true Frogs are ugly...but in truth so are you. We are all ugly on the inside when compared to reasonable doubt. And also Frogs are pointless, and indeed you follow- so are you. For with out individuality and personality, you're just another Frog in the pond.  And what they say in fairy tales are true... For once you get your kiss, you or your frog...will finally understand what it is to be human...to be loved, and so once again you become a Prince. But be careful what you wish for, this saying also goes in reverse, for true those that are Frogs to begin with become beautiful and strong...but those who are born Prince's and Princesses, once kissed, will turn into FROGS.
Prose

My grandmother used to jest, that she'd met my grandfather and found him a prince...and then after she kissed him, he became a simple lovable frog.
1.2k · Jan 2011
*I'm Waiting*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Why can't i read you, Why when you're all i want? Why can't i hold you, when all i need is your touch. Orion - Orion why must you be gone?I am here alone, sitting like a stone,I'm waiting....



Why must you appear, Why when you vanish so?And why is it your voice i hear, when i'm lost and cold?Orion - Orion must you be gone?I am here alone, sitting like a stone,I'm waiting...



You have left me to the wolves.Why when i am so in love...My heart is beating so quickly my love,Cant you hear me calling, my love,I'm singing out just for you.



Why must you be deaf to my song, Why when you are there?Why must you lead me on? Must you never care?Orion - Orion must you be gone? Orion - You've made me wait so long...



My heart is breaking, its broken once beforeMy heart is acheing, you're walking out the door,I am lost here, my world is spinning round,With out you...I'm lost with out you,I'm waiting....



Orion, you are the arms that hold me,you are the warmth i seek.Orion, you are the voice that calls me,you're words are what i need.Orion, you are the very sameI sing to you right now.Orion, yours are the eyes, the lips and the whole,You hold my heart...You hold my soul.



I'm waiting
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Once I was wronged before my friends,
They all cried out in protest.
'How dare they treat you poorly,'
They all screamed and fussed.
I merely shrugged my shoulders and
With a soft sigh did say 'Doesn't matter,
We will all die some day,'

Now weeks did pass and it's been forgotten,
And my friend was wronged by a similar few.
I then began to cry out in wicked frustration,
And she then too sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
'Whats done is done, the past is past,' my friend
Did admit to me. I shook my head and grabbed a bat
and said 'You mess with me, you get off easy,
Mess with my friends...

You're ******'
This is a poem on an inside joke of mine with some friends. They always comment on how when some one picks on me or insults me I typically don't do anything to defend myself; however when some one does the same to one of my friends or family, I'm clawing their eyes out.- From Upside Down
1.1k · Jan 2011
~Water Woman~
Megan Mae Jan 2011
You came out of the blue...


John sat up in the double bed, he was panting. What a dream he’d had. He looked to his left, his girlfriend Casey still slept soundly and undisturbed by his awakening. With care he climbed from the sheets and walked from the room. Once the door to his and Casey’s room was closed securely, John started down the hallway to the common room. John, his two friends Henry and Chris, along with Casey and Henry’s steady girlfriend Nana; had all rented out a multi-apartment on the beach for their summer vacation. The spacious three beds, two baths, with kitchen and common room condo was a life saver for the vacationing students. It was on the cheap side and had an amazing view of the Atlantic Ocean from their own personal balcony. At first he thought his dreams were from the lore one of the natives had told them to scare them off, to stay at another hotel more inward off the shore, lore of the Water Woman. But they were modern college students nothing would happen to them.


It was the balcony that John retreated to when he woke, grabbing beer before he opened the slider; he took care not to make too much noise, then closed the door behind him and walked into the night. He closed his eyes as he felt the simple breezes brush against his skin. It was strangely refreshing to the apartment’s heat and he took a seat on one of the balcony chairs. The sound of the waves seemed to echo through this soft wind, calling him closer to the edge of the balcony. John reclined back in the chair, placed his beer on the side table and closed his eyes once again, trying to imagine exactly what woke him.

He remembered blurs, blues, and a beautiful girl with blonde hair.

This is what confused him, Casey, his girlfriend of three years, had dark chocolate hair cut in a cute super short style that was no more than an inch off her head, with her bangs dangling over her eyes. But this girl in his dream, she had vibrant blonde hair, long down to her waist, wavy, free. John’s eyes shot open. He had no idea what was going through his mind. He looked at the beer to his side and sighed. “I’ve had one to many,” He’d also had this same dream for weeks now, and he couldn’t put his finger on it, it was like the visions were haunting him.

It was then he heard the high pitch tone. What should have been annoying and painful ended up intriguing him, he sat up, somehow sobered. The tone turned to a multi toned melody. John turned toward the ocean, where the music seemed to be coming from; that’s when he saw her.

The mystery girl was walking with her feet just touching the water. She wore a simple white dress that fell freely around her body. The moon was full and bright that night and John stood, leaning over the edge of the balcony and looked down at the girl. She stopped and gazed up at the sky. John looked closer, realizing he was holding his breath, only to watch as she turned and looked up at him. He was on the fourth floor of the building, and she seemed to be looking right at him. His heart pounded. John had no idea what was running through him, but from what he could see in her eyes, she looked like she was crying. In seconds he rushed through the sliding door, pulled on a pair of denim jeans and a belt and his flip flops, grabbed his keys and ran out the door.

John skipped the elevator, it would take too long, and by the time he reached the first floor the girl would be gone, and he darted down the steps. When he reached the lobby nothing in his way stopped him from making it out to the beach in the back. Once his feet hit the sand he stopped, looked out over the beach to find her. He was panting, his lungs hurt from the running, but he didn’t care, he had to find her. He started out closer to the water, she was nowhere to be seen. “Where the hell?” he choked as he felt the water lick at his feet. It was cool, chilly in the light wind. How could she be gone? This beach ran for miles, clear and open with the moonlight…he’d see her if she continued either way, even if she ran. He turned looking out to the ocean, she wasn’t there either.

He was about to give up, turned to return to his room, when just as he turned to head back to the building, she stood right behind him. John had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. She looked to be around her early twenties, her blonde hair cascading down her body, a form which now closer and defined by the moonlight was even more intoxicating then before. Her white dress wasn’t thick at all, practically a shift or slip in material. He could see more than he bargained for. But her eyes, those almond green jems, they took his breath away more so then her appearance. Her lips were moving, he didn’t hear words, he heard notes, music, a melody similar to the one from the balcony. She moved closer to him, her eyes so sad as she reached for his face. Her fingers on his cheek made his spine tingle.

“Miss,” he forced, his voice waivering. “What are you doing out here? It’s not safe for a woman like you,”

“Why did you come?” she asked sadly. John didn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you come? You shouldn’t have come.” John melted at her voice, it was almost as beautiful as her singing.

“You looked like you were lonely.” He said finally.

“I am,” her eyes seemed to seep sadness. He couldn’t understand why. What he would give to see her smile.

“Miss are you alright? Do you need me to walk you back to your place?” he asked absently. The thoughts of his girlfriend Casey back in the room four floors up seemed to vanish. He watched as her lips slowly smiled, her eyes sadder still.

“Do you want to go for a swim?” she asked. He watched as her fingers laced around the thin straps of her shift, she seemed to be taking the gown off. He flinched, she paused, her smile still overpowering her horribly sad eyes. She let her white teeth shine as she slowly stepped back into the water. “Come swim with me,” her voice was like a song alone, no instrumental, no notes needed. She let her shift fall to the water, it floated there before she stepped out of it stepping back into the waves. John was trapped in her gaze, unable to look away, absently following.

He was chest deep by the time she was neck deep in the water. “Follow me,” she cooed. He only saw her eyes, barely paying attention the waves grew angrier.

By the time he noticed the horrible weather, the rain, the lightning, the raging waves, it was to late. The woman had embraced him, pressed her lips against his, pulling him deeper in the raging waters. And though he wanted to get out of the cold water, he swam deeper. He followed the beautiful woman of his dreams.


The next morning Casey woke to find John missing. Chris, Nana and Henry all went searching for him, no note, his key’s missing, his flip flops gone. Casey had a horrible feeling that he was gone for good. She didn’t fully trust this gut feeling until the police found one of his flip flops farther down the beach washed up on the shore.

The students left the place, unable to find their friends. What they didn’t know was that he was looking up at them, in each wave that encased Casey’s feet, he looked up sadly drowning in his tears invisible to the eyes of his friends, pained that he’d never see this girl ever again, and he was swept away once again by the tide.
All because he didn’t hear of the lore of the Water Woman.
Prose or Short Story, you pick, but please tell me what you think.- From Water Woman
1.1k · Feb 2011
*Touch*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Touch- not always noticed
A brush here, a tap there
Nothing deep, nothing *****.
But enough to think 'Honestly?'

I love touch,
I'm a touchy person,
I love the way you 'accidently' bump
Into me while walking the hall.
It reminds me I'm alive.

I've been Invisible for so long,
I need to be reminded I'm alive.
I've been asleep for so long,
I have to be told I am awake.

Touch- not always noticed
Not always meant.
But every touch is worth so much
Pointed or none, its there...
So touch me please, I'm begging here.

Bust past me, and touch my shoulder,
Tap me and claim not guilty,
Hug, high five or kiss and pet me,
I'll love the touch to the fullest...
But please...don't hold my hand,
Its one thing you'll learn to regret.
1.0k · Apr 2013
I can't Imagine this...
Megan Mae Apr 2013
We weren't the best of friends,  we didn't talk for hours, we didn't share secrets... No we didn't text all the time, no we didn't laugh at each others jokes. But our Characters did. You were her friend, if you could even call them that. You were the one piece of kindness she saw in that barbaric world. You made sense to her. You also had a bad side, you scared her, she was always afraid of making you mad...but she regretted ever hurting you, she never wanted to see you hurt, she never wanted to make you sad, she would have done everything in her power to not fight you.

She liked you once, until she realized you liked another. She wanted to help you get with the one you liked, even if it meant ruining the relationship of another. She would have given anything to be closer to you, to have been able to tell you how you made her feel. But then the game was over, and the imagining ended.

Months have passed since I last saw you, years in the alternate reality since our characters last spoke. She was heart broken and betrayed, and she screamed for you to help. But help never came. I was too afraid to look strange, I was too afraid to look like I was trying to hard to be your friend...so I never added you on social networks. I never asked for your number, because we rarely talked. You never seemed to want to. You were close to my best friend, and through her I lived out the life of being best friends with you, and that we would talk all day and text... I thought maybe our characters could see each other again, that some thing could start up.

It was only a week ago that my Imagination thought they would meet again, it was only a week ago we all decided to restart the game. Only three days ago you called my friend and said you would join. I thought we could start over, that maybe this time I'd be able to be friends with you, real friends, texting friends, friends who talked, friends who hung out, friends who drank together, friends who laughed together. The thoughts kept rolling through my imagination, the thoughts of being a family again were so exciting...

I couldn't have Imagined this.

The call came, another in the family of friends, another who's character connected with mine, another whose friendship was closer with me in real life. He called, the look on my friends face went blank. She handed the phone to my other friend, his face fell to disbelief. You were gone. We were panicking. We were trying to find a way to figure out what happened. We only just spoke to you! I tried to find out when, who knew, how to prove it wrong. You couldn't be gone, never...and the fact that we had no idea how, why, the fact that no one would talk to us...

I couldn't have Imagined this.

In seconds she came, she overwhelmed me, took me over, I was in shock, but she was fully aware. She cried, she shook, she hugged the others there. Suddenly she wasn't a character any more, and she was all powerful, all consuming, all devastated. And in that moment I wasn't just mourning you...I was mourning him as well. I was hit by the loss of two, and i was flung into a brick wall. She wanted to scream, she wanted to go out and **** things, she wanted to **** herself and respawn and do it again, she wanted to fight, she wanted to find the body you both shared and bring you back to life. She wanted to trade herself for you, if not him at least you. And then she was gone, lost in my thoughts, lost in my imagination.

And now here I sit, in shock once again, I want to be alone, but I want someone with me in my loneliness...I want to cry, to scream, and yet here I am silently writing with only the sound of my fingers typing echoing from my room. I'm cold, my head hurts from all the chaos in my head.

Then it struck me. You weren't really dead. I could bring you back to life, I could honor you, your memory, your imagination.

I could keep you alive some how, by writing about him, for he was you and you were him. And in that thought my mind was calmed, my heart was lifted. And thats where you find me now, writing...

keeping you alive.
Today I found out one of my good friends died. We used to LARP together, are characters bonded in a way we couldn't. After I got the news, this is how I dealt with the loss.
1.0k · Feb 2011
*Mathematics of the Heart*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Let <3 be Heart and the equation all makes sense...

                                                   1<3 +1<3= 2<3

But make it logical...
                                                   2<3 - 1<3=  1  < / 3

                                                               ­                   And suddenly its all nonsense....*

Mathematics of the Heart
Doesn’t bode well at all.
The statistics say you’ll never win;
Equations’ answer everything…
Math states you never stay
With your first love,
And that marriage is a lie.
Math states that not matter
How hard you try,
it always ends in divorce.

But then again, why trust Math?
Is there really a simple equation?
Think about it hard and long…
For math can’t tell you
The fraction of your heart you’ll lose if broken,
Nor  tell you the percentage
Of happiness you’ll gain when in love.

So Mathematics of the Heart
They sound foolish when spoken aloud.
For truthfully think the matter through;
How can you tell with logic or understanding
When while in love all is illogical
And suddenly…

Math
           no
                 longer
                                exists?
Every one Keeps telling you to stop listening to your foolish heart, that the statistics never lie... How to the Statistics know?- From Slipping Heart
975 · Feb 2013
*Trash*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
If I were a piece of trash
You just tossed out of the way
And I could talk, what might i say?

'You're horrible, the walls agree,
Did you see what you've done to me?'
Even your ears could hear this i know.

Your appearance to every one else
Has come to an all time ******* low.
All because of that *****, that ******* ***.

Your Ex, the reason you would call me each night,
And ask me to the garden to cry. You CRIED.
And yet you return to her so easily!?

What is your problem? Every one warned me...
Whats worse is that I heard and knew it would happen,
And yet i let it unfold, with nothing better to do.

I couldn't and can't control your life,
But I can control how you make me feel.
I didn't stop you, from hurting me at least...

And now all I want to do is get back at you.
What would work best I'm still figuring out,
But till then I'm drinking each night, no doubt.

But **** it, I could easily ask your roommate,
The one you hate so much, if he could teach me
Exactly what you wanted to but didn't think was right...

I could hurt myself with my addiction,
The fear you held so highly, a glass of Jack,
Oh pints of Beer...Long Islands and Tequilas.

Or I could just do what you do, Ignore.
The worst thing I could do and simply
Knock you in your pain to the floor...

You texted me four times today,
You called near to six, from 9 to 5
You didn't take a break.

You must really care to try so hard,
Even called those I would hang with
To make sure I was Okay...

Well sir, I'm starting to wonder,
Whether or not I was the trash;
Or you were dear sir...if you were...
What better way, to end the day, with a stressful vent of what I can't say. How I wish I was wiser and stronger, and smart enough to make you stay far away.- From Upside Down
956 · Sep 2011
*Sweet?*
Megan Mae Sep 2011
I'm a changed woman
And now every one notices.
I'm witty and sassy-
Why hold back?
People seem to find
This new me enticing
Exciting and fresh.
If I knew this in the first place
I'd have changed ages ago!
I was such a doll,
An innocent dear,
A simple cotton candy
All light and hyperactive.
But what once was airy and sweet
Now has more filling, more meat.
I'm now it seems a whole **** cake
And now every one wants a bite or taste.
They compare me to a triple layer
Getting a new surprise each bite-
That its not about the frosting anymore…
Now I'm sitting here thinking it over
In a quizzical thought playing itself over and over…
Hoping eventually it will all make sense….
So either there is something in the water
Drawing these boys toward this change
In me that seems so enticing,
Or I must look ****** **** delicious...
Megan Mae Mar 2011
I know this might sound over done, or the phrase might be over used; but you my dear, are not who you say you are. King of hearts, you claim...HA! You have no idea what you do. So you claim all these girls love you, while you simply plant the seed in all you desire, waiting for them to bloom, bud, desire you for water. You wait and watch and from those that grow pick the few that interest you the most, or suite your needs, or fit your profile.

God you're such a thief. I was there, watching it unfold and yet I let you plant a seedling in me. I opened my mouth and let you reach down my throat and burrow that seed into my heart, and there it grew into a wild thorn I simply could not remove on my own. I begged and begged for you to take it out, but you simply poked it and claimed 'It wont budge'. I would cry and plea for you to release me, but you said 'Its all out of my hands'.

Oh you lying Thief of hearts. There are so many songs about you now a days, playing on the radio so effortlessly. Leaving me to curse the karma and the world the radio relies on screaming out the window 'CURSE YOU IRONIC RADIO, PLAY SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T RELATE TO MY LIFE!' or even worse, while you drive me about, dragging me behind on your little escapades, as one of the songs pops up... YOU even sing ALONG. King of hearts? No you're the Joker, fooling girls depraved of love into falling for your trap.

I was in your room once, there was a simple jar. When I asked what it was, you simply said it was art. Now I know its your safe. Its the jar you keep the hearts you've stolen, so cold hearted you are, your heart frozen in heartless hell - feeding off the warmth and affection you can steal from those too tender to see through your facade. How ironic, your favorite song being so easily the description of your plight.

Now I can sit here, watching you return to the heart that came back to haunt you, the heart you no longer wanted and threw back away. But you held it so long that here she flew, returning so eagerly to you, finding any way she could to convince you to return. But you want me back? Why do you try so hard? I don't understand. I may love you, but all I wish is you to return my heart to me...or tear your thorny seedling from my chest and set me free.

Though true I love you, I wish nothing but to remain with you, but I want to see if its really me who wishes this, and not this tiny seed that sits in my heart. A charming phrase, a tender moment, a sweet kiss, a desiring touch. Maybe I am just blinded by the wool you pulled over my eyes. So please, Thief of Hearts, return this broken heart to its original state, with out your black rose...

Let me chose for myself.
829 · May 2011
LARP
Megan Mae May 2011
The car ride is normal, simple and polite. But we smile the whole way, pretending not to care, taking advantage of the light. So here we are on the way to 'LARP', you upset, yet I'm even worse. True the joke was funny, the rest of the group knew...and when they saw you their smiles simply grew. You asked for a fountain, they pointed the way, and once you were out of earshot they couldn't help but say...

''He has no idea does he?'' Kurei asked with a big broad smile.
''He's going to have one hell of a game'' Garrus claimed with a padded blade.
"He'll never know what hit him." Umbrus chimed as he unlatched his swords.
I sigh and smile at them each and said, "Lets just start this game."

How does the line go? Stab me in the face you're **** out of luck... stab me in the back you're.....?

The game begins, I avoid you like the plague. I wouldn't even fight you with in distance of a hand grenade. If I ever interacted with you, it was simply to sing a song. My simple Siren Song paralyzed you and left you to the mercy of my friends. I myself never attacked or 'killed you' I wouldn't even dare...The one time I 'took your arm' you whined like no one was there.

"Why did you hurt me?" you asked foolishly, true with a smile, but why ask at this game?
"You're my enemy," Avexi snapped, not even me. Oh how when I have the chance...I can be so mean.

The game continued, you couldn't keep alive, you still had fun though- some how you tried. You always tried to come at me, you always tried to attack. Thank the lords Umbrus and Kurei always had my back.

Finally the game was over, and the whole team knew the line. They kept back from smiling, kept back every time. 'You stab me in the face, you're **** out of luck...You stab me in the back...

I bring you to LARP!'
799 · Apr 2013
Empty
Megan Mae Apr 2013
My head, it's normally flooded. Filled with crazy thoughts, like what books to read, how much longer I have in the three books I haven't finished. Or even the projects I have due in a week, what I have to do to finish them, what I need to do to prepare or present. Sometimes there's a song in my head, and I dance along with the tune until the radio station in my brain picks another melody for me to jam to. I see characters I've created interact, I see worlds of fiction that have to be figments of my imagination simply because they are to spectacular to be real. There are poems dying to be written down, ideas that need to be planted, songs that sing desire and need to be written, and opinions furiously needed to be ranted.

But today my head is empty, nothing seems to be alive. My characters have all gone silent, my opinions are pointless, my project is too hard to focus on, my melodies feel dead. I don't know what to do any more, I don't know what to say. I wish I could simply sleep and refresh and go about my day. But I sit here and write, trying to restart the flow, but the **** dam in my head just wont let my imagination go!

My heart is crying, my eyes are dry, my lips are sighing, while my brain screams WHY! You weren't supposed to leave us, you weren't supposed to die... you should have been with us that night, laughing so hard over game that we cried! You should have created a character, joined in our story line and ruined our themes....but now you're gone, and the only time we will see you is in our dreams.

I guess that's why my mind is empty, why my imagination is dead. I must be scared of forgetting what you looked like, or losing your precious memories in my head. If I could make it right, if I could have been there...none of this would have happened- none of it, I swear.

My head, it's normally flooded. Filled with crazy thoughts. But now it's empty, imagination's gone, for now my head is empty because everything has gone wrong.
750 · Jan 2011
No More Than a Memory
Megan Mae Jan 2011
He was no more than a memory, she would look at his picture and see this. His hair wasn't as long as it used to be, he was much taller, and his style had changed from the youth to the young adult he'd become. But she noticed when he walked past her with his friends and his new girlfriend, that one thing hadn't changed. His smile.

She remembered when his smile used to be just for her, she remembered how she would smile back. They were childhood friends, but it was much more then that for her. He was her only friend for so long...and when he left she cried for weeks. He had changed and out grown her, and she had to accept it. He no longer smiled and looked her way, he didn't even notice she was sitting there. But she couldn't react to it, she had to ignore the pain it evoked.

She sat at the table, picking at the food spread out along the span of the table cloth. It was strange but she didn't want him to see her eat, she felt horrific at the thought. She sipped at her sweet tea, reminding herself that within the next ten hours she would be on a plane back 'home' till the winter vacation. She also reminded herself that this man, no this boy, had been nothing but silent to her for that past five years, only coming out to help her heal at the death of a family member. He'd done nothing to keep in touch, had tried at nothing to be a friend, and he had done nothing to stop her from hurting.

At the finishing of her tea, she asked to be excused and returned to her room in the house across the street. There she quickly took her computer and turned it on to the internet, trying to resist the painful tears in her eyes. What if he wanted to talk to her again? What if he wanted to see what she was up to? No she had decided. She loaded up his page, his picture looking back at her on the screen. His warm smile that used to mean so much to her touched her and let the tears trickle down her cheeks. She forced herself to scroll to the bottom of his page, let her cursor hover over the words 'Remove Friend'. She remained like that for moments that felt like forever, and it wasn't until she brought up the courage did she press her finger down on the mouse and finalized the deed. "Good Bye," she whispered as she closed the computer and turned it off. That was it, he wouldn't hurt her any more. She would treat him as he treated her.

He was no more than a Memory.
100% True Life

"We may distance from each other in life and in passing, but you'll always be of grave importance to who I become."
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Inspiration can come from the strangest of places. But here I am looking around seeing things in a new light. I dress differently, I speak differently, I walk as if people watch. I like this feeling, its new from what I'm used to. Compliments, I'd love to take them, Give me the boost i need.

Salv mon Crear.

I sing with new words, new voice. If only every one could see me the way I now see myself - so full of life, so hopeful. I feel happier, lighter than air, and I see it floating up in my step my life.

Salv Mon Crear.

Its the new me that's finally breaking out to say I finally understand. 
718 · Feb 2011
*Something More*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
What starts out as a simple night,
'Hey, wanna chill for a bit?' turns around.
It was just a movie, I thought, no harm no foul.
But sitting on my bed, we got rather close,
And still I wasn't worried, until your arm
Draped over me. How warm, inviting....
You're so comfortable and firm,
Your arms are so welcoming...
Your tongue brushes against my ear, your breath my neck...
How does a hug turn into something more?

A slow movement of your hand,
From my back to my shoulder, then lower,
'Till some how I am pressed against the wall
With your hands at my sides pulling me close.
Your eyes kiss me first, your nose gives me a peck,
God those kisses are the worst... Leading me to long
Just for those lips of yours. But Lord your touch...
Your eyes kiss my cheeks, my lids, my lips,
Just as your hands reach my hips, my *******.
How did a Hug turn into something more?

My God, the heat that inflamed the room,
And its just your body pressed firmly against mine,
Your hands squeezing, touching, memorizing...
You let my hair down, I simply can't stand the heat,
You spare me with your free hand, knotting its fingers
In my hair and pulling my head back. Now I can't see.
But your lips start to dance along my shoulders and neck,
Your teeth tap and slide along the bone and flesh.
Your hips grind up with mine as your hands continue their play,
How does a hug end up this way?

Before long your lips are with mine, your fingers tangled with mine.
Not to much after my blouse becomes a hassle,
And you fling it from my body soon to be joined by my bra.
I watch in awe as your eyes kiss my chest, before you
Kiss your way down to the peek of my *******.
Your hands and your tongue are skilled assassins to me,
I can't fight, I can't hide, and honestly I don't want to.
Not to long till we are both naked on my bed,
How did a hug turn into so much more?

Your teeth tease my skin, nipping playfully at my *******,
Your hands creep between my thighs, I'm running out of breath...
I can feel you up against my leg, pulsing, dying so far away;
You have to be the gentleman now of all times?
Your hands once again at my hair, pulling my head back
Just to reach my neck, your hand playing between my legs.
It took to long, it felt like ages before you joined me,
No music, no background helped keep us in time.
All the while we danced entwined, Your eyes never left mine.
How did a hug become something more?

Fireworks, Flame throwers, a waterfall of colors,
The night had passed and I'd not seen it coming.
You had wanted to leave hours ago, had we danced so long?
You don't want to leave, you keep kissing my mouth,
Begging and pleading to let you stay, if only for an hour.
We are friends and nothing more, and yet here we are again.
How on earth, I ask again, did one hug, turn into something more?
self explanatory
680 · Feb 2012
*You Have NO Control*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Why must you honestly take all the life I have from me?

Why must I try to fight to gain my own control?
To me my life is a simple book and I read the authors notes -
Only to hope and pray that the character I dote survives.

I’m lost in this whirl wind - I can’t find my path,
I see yours spray painted with fences off the grass.
I want to make a choice so let me now pass your lines.

I want to be happy, I want to live, I want to be healty
And yet you sit and spin my life till i’m dizzy and weak
And keep me caged up, unable to sing my beak is taped.

Just let me live, leave me alone. Let me make my mistakes,
Mistakes I’ll OWN!

Let me wake in the morning, cure my ill, Eat my bread, then sit still.
Let me walk through the day, to my own devices, plan my plans, life’s full of surprises.
Let me write, let me learn, let me cook -and should it burn,
Let me clean up house from my mistakes, let me hear your praises and your thanks.
Let me care for myself just once, not have to worry of you disapproval…
Let me see what people see, not what you think they saw.
Then when the day is done, Let me break bread with family, let me cure my ills…
Let me lay in darkness, dreaming of tomorrow’s adventures, and lay still to do it all over again.
633 · Jan 2011
Thanks Any Way
Megan Mae Jan 2011
"Life goes on around you and you avoid it as best you can."
I'll sit in the stairway and wonder…why me? I am used to being invisible, and then suddenly you see me? It's a strange thing to get used to, speaking with a human, I'm no good at all.
Claps are heard in the distance, electric hum creates an invisible song; I like this stairway, it is my one sanctuary.
But then the bell rings, and life continues to turn, the macabre merry go round that eats the soul of its rider. I am alone in my stair well, until you arrive and take me to a life I can't live. Happy is a verb I'll never really know and for some reason, that is all these humans see in me…they are so blind.
I know you can't see the real you, and me try to hide that fact. But can any human truly see? My hair will be chocolate brown and down by back, my eyes are Grey and blue, I wear all black and my skin is so pale that it is gloved from elbow to fingers.
In truth I am a goddess fallen to earth, believe what you may, I wont care.
But thank you for talking to me any way.
631 · May 2011
*I hope....Is it the End?*
Megan Mae May 2011
No words, none.... I've not heard one.
Its been too long for forgetfulness,
Its long past time for 'just busy'
Or 'no time'. And here I sit
The silence kills me, cuts me.
Why does this hurt so much.

The day you found out,
I was the first you told.
And honestly the only one
You felt trust worthy.
And here I am looking at the
Screen seeing your mothers loving
Congratulations. Its been a week.

You still haven't told me, so I
Gave in and asked. Claimed  I
Saw all the 'congrats' and I assumed
It was true. ***** you! You spoke as if
There was no problem, no hickup.
How on earth could you not see how much
You've hurt me?

You found me important enough to tell
And for me to keep such a weight alone.
But when I've come to needing closure,
You don't even tell me its ******* over?
I'm left to wait for the news alone,
And you don't tell me a thing...
But when you see i'm slightly upset you
Instantly act normal again.

*******. You haven't spoken to me
In weeks, nearing a month. I didn't get a
Simple goodbye. You left me hanging out
To dry and I'm sick of it. Friends talk to friends
And if you're busy you tell them so.

A simple 'HELLO i'm going to be busy,
You wont hear from me in a while!' Is all
That is required of a friendship. But Best friends...
Best friends keep the loop tight, they hide their
Phones from ready eyes and text 'I'm alright.'

They offer words of praise or 'Thank you for helping me
Its made my day.' Simple pieces of **** that
Are normally required in common day ****.
But no you must be special, no you don't need
To follow these rules. Just cut out your 'BEST FRIEND'
And tell all you're ******* Tools. Yeah they care, and
They'll black mail you in a second. But you'll ask for help
And in an instant I'll be becconed. I can't do this Any more

I can't be friends for long. I'm just writing this to say
That the only reason I have to stay is to simply hear you
Say 'I'm sorry, I know what I've done. You're the only
One who helped me through and I'm grateful for you.
You've been there through the thick and thin, you've
Been there when my life line ends. I couldn't have
Survived with out you. Please forgive me, I love you.'

Some times I want you to come crawling back,
To tell me that if you could you'd wish it all back.
But here I would stand and here I am now, knowing
My answer wont turn around. You wont like it, I can
Assure. For we're not friends any more, you've closed
That door. We're not friends any more, because
Honestly....

I can't do this any more.
626 · Jun 2012
*I CAN'T*
Megan Mae Jun 2012
I'm sitting here alone, trying to understand,
But the words said on the phone just cloud my head.
I'm flooded by the past and drowning for the future,
Reaching out for your strong grasp but it just isn't there

I used to be so sure, thought that we might be forever,
So explain to me why this pure love is fading in the mist.
I used to feel so safe with you, Positive you felt that too,
But now I'm not so sure, I don't know what to do…

Please, what is going on?

You woke me up, opened my hear,
But now you're letting go, now you let it go…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless.
But now you're letting go, Now you've let me go…

I used to think that you could be my prince,
But now I see you're playing the fool.
I guess all these plans we had will go to waste,
If you don't bring back the fight you had before!

Please, what is going on?

You woke me up, opened my heart,
But now you're letting go, now you let it go…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless,
But now you're letting go, now you've let me go…

We were doing fine, or so I thought.
But now over night we are falling a part…
Why can't you be a man, and tell me where we stand?
Or do I have to do this by myself?

Please, what did I do wrong?

You woke me up, opened my heart,
But now you're letting go, now you let it go…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless,
But now you're letting go, now you've let me go…

You're spinning circles in a senseless haze,
You're fighting spirit has  all gone out-
Where once you were certain now you're terrified…
What, my dove, must I do to keep this love alive?

Please, I want the pain gone!

You woke me up, opened my heart,
But now you're letting go, now you let it goo…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless,
But now you're letting go, now you've let me go…

I'm fighting to hold on to you, love,
But must you just run from me dove?
Now you're flailing, saying that you're just unsure…
Please, just get it over with…

I'm sitting here  alone, trying to understand,
But your words said on the phone still cloud my head…

"I CAN'T"
619 · Sep 2011
*3...2...1...go*
Megan Mae Sep 2011
He said it,
The three words…
The words I long for,
The words I dread.

He said it,
Again and again…
Why am I self destructing
At his tender caring words?

He wants me to say it,
But these words I just can't say.
They're tainted, now burned…
But lords knows I care.

He wants me to say it,
And I want to too…
But these three words scare me
So a symbol must do.

My babe just said it,
He said 'I LOVE YOU',
And now its my turn…
Brief falter before I respond;
"I <3 U"

3...2...1...SELF DESTRUCT!
616 · Feb 2013
*I'm getting over it*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I'm getting over it...
This ache within my chest.
I'm tired of you saying lies...
whether you believe them true or not.

You don't love me like you say,
So please stop saying so.
If you loved me, honestly, even as a friend
Well simply, you wouldn't hurt me so bad.

I am very well versed, and used to as well,
In the pains associated with the heart.
I've dealt with dreamers and Demons
And worse, lying Angels before.

I'm getting over it...
The ache within my chest.
The longing heart so eager to cling
With a mind tired as it tries to persuade.

I will build the bridge all in time,
Your river of lies were never mine.
So don't you worry about me
Cause honestly I'm standing over you...

My bridge is high and strong,
Yet yes its incomplete.
I still have a little more growing up to do,
And then trust me, I'm getting over it...
- From Upside Down
607 · May 2011
*All in Review*
Megan Mae May 2011
Shocked how much you hurt me,
I've pushed you from my mind.
And true a lot reminds me, brings
You back to mind...But now I am
Realizing its hurting less and less.

Its shocking now how little I hurt
At a simple thought of you...
Now that you're gone. You're off my
Mind and out of my head, with something
Small to remind me of who you once were.
But now thats gone, and I've convinced myself...
Dead.

You were never honestly there.
You didn't even really care how
You held me tightly to my fear of being
Left alone, unloved, just wanting to be
Useful you used me to the end.

And yet you didn't use me, you didn't
Care to try, but you didn't pay me back
For my help and always made me cry.
Am lost and confused and your whiplash
Made me sick....

Did you truly feel that you were
In the clear so quick?
You left scars you left memories,
But thank you for what you've done
To me. I'm now much stronger than before
And I wont have to deal with guys like you...
Anymore.
589 · Apr 2011
*I Hope Now, It's Over*
Megan Mae Apr 2011
Yes, foolish me I said it,
I said I loved you.
You took it the way I knew it,
You ran as fast as you could.
'I love you, but I'm not in Love with you,'
If only I had a dime....For the amount of
Times I've heard that line drives me insane.

Well yes, foolish me I said it,
There's no turning back.
And now here we are arguing
Its been four hours already.
I'm telling you it wasn't your fault,
You're telling me its mine.
I'm telling you to stop hurting me,
You say that I'm just lying.

Apparently to you, you're the angel in disguise.
You're saintly you could do no wrong.
HA, you're afraid of nothing? Right.
You're afraid of me proving you wrong,
You're afraid of me telling the truth,
You're afraid you're not as holy as you thought,
You're afraid you're life is over....
But even worse for you?
You're afraid that I will leave you.

Why? You say I am so difficult, I'm crazy to no end.
So why on earth do you try so hard to keep me as your friend?
When I cry you walk away, but return to tease and taunt me more.
But when I know you're no longer listening, I leave and don't come back.
You call, ask me to return. I can't I'll hit you. I know I will.
You have to be seriously joking me. Telling me that you're to blame...
Only because of things that I HAVE done to YOU.

Automaticlly its my fault again. And you stab me more and more.
No sir you weren't using me, and I wasn't using you...
ITS HARD TO USE A *****.
I was afraid of posting this...I guess I don't care any more.
580 · Feb 2011
ALONE!
Megan Mae Feb 2011
To sit silently in an empty room, sometimes you feel relief and relaxation. But normally you feel trapped, secluded, agitated and annoyed. You get to the point that you start to get frustrated, dying and begging for some one to spend time with you. You know you could do so much with the time you're given...Laundry, homework, anything. but you don't...and you can't get your mind off of the silly things that plague you. Silly things like a software you can't afford that has assignments due in four days, concerts you have to rehearse for and songs you have to pick, classes you keep forgetting and due to sickness you tend to miss, the guilt trips you friends keep pulling and their stupid little tricks. You don't want to be used any more and you don't want to be ******...but you don't want to be alone so you call all you can - does any one answer? No of course they don't.
Worrying about your appearance and worrying about your friends. Worrying about your grade point average and worrying about your head. You sit and ponder how your family now views you and now you're again sick in bed...Your head is simply spinning and you just can't stop the ride.  You want an understanding as you sit there in your room alone, to why you feel so helpless and why the world is cold as stone. You simply want some one else there, just another presence in the room...whether they talk or not is not the problem, but seriously they never come. How much you want the person to climb in bed with you, and wrap you in his arms. You are alone, you don't want to be, you want to do nothing instead of something, you want him to be there and prove that you're wanted, you want to feel needed. If you could simply be worth while or worth anything to at least one person, you think you might not feel so alone... But when he doesn't answer, or denies the attention you're craving...you feel even more alone then you did in the first place. Loneliness... such a double sided blade.
Prose
579 · Feb 2013
*Heart Ripped Out*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Heart ripped out
Gut turning painfully
No smiles now, no pretend

You think I am ok
What a grand performance hu?
Its all an act no one can see
No one can be that happy with out
Dieing inside
Help me I can’t cry any more
Life seems werthless

But I am scared, scared of life ending
I want a purpose. Please show me why I am here
I know no one could ever love a monster like me
Everyone says so, so why am I here?
You don’t love me, you never had
I keep trying to forget the joy I had seeing you, speaking with you
How musical was your voice, and how deeply fallen I am over you

I want to die but fear the end without you
Oh god if you exist, help me get through to him,
Help me sing the song and maybe he’ll hear the music
And know it’s ment for him
Have him speak the truth
Whether it be “I hate you leave me alone,”
Or pray… “You’re my friend…please don’t go.”
- From Slipping Heart
566 · Feb 2013
Untitled
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Why can't you just leave me alone?
I honestly can't take the pain any more.
Are you the lier I convince myself you are?
Or are you honestly that fecking stupid....
Just that cruel?

You wanted to call me today.
I, thank the gods, was asleep.
566 · Jan 2011
*Phantom of Your Heart*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Phantom of Your Heart
I am the presence that surrounds you,
That dark phantom in the night.
I am that shadow that sits by your bedside,
And catches the nightmares and monsters that disturb your sleep.
I am the phantom that watches you sleep
And kisses your face and longs for you to love me.

Though I might not be seen when you wake in the night,
I am there, though you walk right through me.
You may not realize how close I am, or even how dear you are to me.
Even as you sing yourself to sleep, cry, or even weep…
I’m there to make you feel better and calm you.
I would embrace you and take away any pain or sorrow, and let you sleep with a smile on your face.

As you grow older, and your dreams begin change,
I remain there beside your bed, protecting you, loving you.
And when the morning comes and the suns begins to rise
I’ll slowly slink and hide in your wildest daydreams.
You’ll think of me everyday and as you grow, and I’ll change for you.
I’ll be whom you will me, to care for you forever.

I am perfect, everything you long for.
My hair is blonde, brown, black as raven pitch,
My eyes are green, blue brown; my skin light, tan, dark, pale.
I am Male…I am Female.
I am what you wish and long for, what you want me to be.
I am your Wildest Dreams.

But I know, one night I’ll enter your room,
And find I can’t take form, and remain the wispy shadow.
And I’ll flow to your bed and see you are no longer alone,
And as you start to toss and turn, your partner slowly wakes you with the kiss I could not give you, the envy…the jealousy it would cause in me to see you there with IT.
You’ll wake to ITS touch and fall asleep in ITS arms,
The way I’ve longed to do so every night I watched you.


But tonight, oh tonight you’re alone; no one is at your side.
And as I enter, I take the shape of your hearts longing.
I will walk to your bedside, sit on the cloud, your bed,
And caress you with my phantom fingers.
I’ll kiss your face, and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
But when you wake, you’ll remember it only as a dream, and discard it all.

I love you more then life itself.
I’d give my very life for you,
And even thought I don’t live, my soul belongs to you.
Despite the fact that you discard my presence,
And pretend I don’t exist.
You still talk to me as you talk to yourself.

And you know I’m answering and some how hear
For you speak as if you hear my voice, and know I am there.
Even though you deny my existence, I’ll always love you.
Even to the day you forget me,
Even to the day you break my heart.
And even after, I’ll follow you and watch you for I can’t keep away.

Many nights I sit and pray,
Just to become one with you
Others I just sit and long to live, to be real
And be the one you want beside you.
Some times I dream of eternal life with you,
And I long for the mortality so I could die with you,
And be buried beside you.

My god…I love you,
I want you,
I’ll miss you,
I’d claim you,
I’ll kiss you,
I’ll hold you.

Just as you wish me to
For I am YOUR Phantom,
your Dreams,
your Wishes,
your Desires,
I am the Phantom of your HEART.
- From Water Woman
563 · Dec 2011
*I, alas...*
Megan Mae Dec 2011
I speak, no voice, to the uninterested ear.
My words, though ill placed, the urgency of my heart.
I long to just be heard, for what words I say
to impress upon the mind of those around me.
Alas...

I speak, to no avail, to the def ear.
Invisible, I am used to being unseen, preferred in fact.
Why let them char my tender heart with evil burning eyes
when they could be blind and cling to my every word?
Alas...

I sing, just as a bird, and my voice lost to the ear
grouped a long with the every day, the birds, ignored.
They walk on by, clustering chatter over my harmony,
Each not tenderly caressing the natures melody in wish to join.
Alas...

I sing, loud and true, my heart open all the while.
Those cruel beings take advantage and push through
write their names along my heart, scaring me of them for life.
They use me till my voice is dry, and then tell me I'm worthless.
Alas...

I know, I'm smarter than they think.
I see my future and it looks so bright.
I, once commonly viewed as an ugly chick, shed my downy feathers
And soon I spring up in joyous song, elaborate voice, as my true form.
Alas...The Swan.
557 · Jan 2011
It Slowly Drips
Megan Mae Jan 2011
It slowly drips…

It drips slowly from my lips; your neck so pale now scarred. All this just for love that could never be. Two beings from another world, different colors in the spectrum; I red as blood, you white as snow. And yet your heart no longer beats for me. A foolish mistake that I wish only to destroy.

I loved you as you loved me. My life was happy, my life was complete when you were mine. I thought as long as you were mine and mine alone, I believed I could continue my terrible life as it was with only one bit of happiness to keep my going. Ever to be given to me. But I abused it, and now it drips slowly from my lips, and I only long for your eyes to open once more, if only for a small moment. I wish you were alive, I wish you were breathing, I long for your loving arms to hold me close. But it will never happen…you're gone, and it is all my fault, there is nothing I can do any more, it drips from my lips.

I am a vampire; you knew that, such a foolish, love sick human. But I let you come, I let you love me, I let myself love you. And it burned to see you so unhappy. I obeyed, you wished to be just like me, and I obeyed. I sank my fangs into your neck.

But I couldn't stop; I went past the point of no return and beyond. And now you're still and cold as stone, and your blood trickles from my lips.
556 · Jan 2011
Simple Silence
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Silence, some times its welcomed; simply to hear the hum of the computers, the sound of footsteps outside, opening and closing doors...But after a while it gets lonesome. You sit in silence and wonder why its still there. You try to fill it, try to find any and every possible noise to make the silence go away. The clicking of your fingers, the ringing of your cellphone, the roar of the music you play absently from the computer.



Silence, sometimes its welcomed; the gate way to new ideas, of thoughts you'd never hear, visions racing past your eyes as you close them in appreciation...But after a while your thoughts run away with out you, you start to think twice, double guess, hurt yourself. You try everything you can to calm the thoughts that make you paranoid simply to make life slow down, make sense, to understand.



Silence, sometimes its welcomed; but not today. I don't want to be alone, I DON'T want to sit in silence and feel forgotten. But what else to do? Listen to the blaring of the music, think of random ideas and write, fill the silence with my coughs from this sickness and hope it will get better soon. I can't help but think of all I still have to do and how I can't do it ill, I think of the guilt i feel for calling out of work BECAUSE i am sick, I think of how I let myself be used to keep from feeling guilty...and end up killing myself in the end. I am sick because i work to hard, I work to hard because i am sick and need to catch up. How does this help?



Silence, sometimes it is welcomed; right now i would willingly break my ears to stop hearing the voices in my head telling me to stop thinking, to continue to be horrid to myself, to stop complaining, and to sit still. I don't want to. I hate them. Music blare to i DON'T have to hear them.



Silence, sometimes it is welcomed.......
554 · Feb 2011
*Conflict...*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Missing Emotion,
I've a rather short temper...
Why can't i be as happy
As I was the time before?

"Shut up!" one said,
"You're so annoying!"
Never mind, I've reconsidered,
I like being void of emotion.
- From Upside Down
545 · Jan 2011
*Suicidal Heart*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
How does this happen,
Again and again?
I don't try to do it,
I can never win.
I honestly watch out,
I'm careful and proud,
But still i end up falling-
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I'm sick of the heart ache,
I'm tired of the pain.
I want it all washed away
In the thundering rain.
Why can't it be easy
IS THIS JUST A GAME?
My poor heart is broken
they have no shame.
My hearts not been whole
For quite some time.
Been broken to pieces
Dropped on a dime.
Why do I keep doing this,
Will I ever fracking Learn?
My heart should be locked up
All those cruel men should BURN!
They trick me and treat me like i'm one of the best,
Then reach in my throat and pull my heart from my ******* chest.
Just beat me and kick me and tie me in chains
You honestly can't hurt me, no matter the pains...
For now my heart is locked up
You'll never see it again.
Not even will it peek out for even a friend.
For i've been fooled to many times,
I'm so heart sick looking for love to be mine.
So fragile, so eager, I don't want to be alone-
Yet here i am hitting every fracking stone.
Frack Really I did it again?
When will my heart learn it never will win.
Forget all the sighing, forget all the thieves of hearts.
Put ice on the bruises and wrap all the marks.
I'll never let any one else in again,
Why must I fall for you...over and over again...
- From Slipping Heart
539 · Feb 2011
*Crystal Clear*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
I wish you would be crystal clear,
Just what we are to you.
Am I simply just your friend?
Or do I mean more to you?

You claim aloud there's nothing more,
You act with PDA,
But when we are alone some times
Your emotions and actions start to stray...

Oh kiss and hug thats all just fine,
I'm here and I'm feeling the whiplash
Cause you just drop that on a dime,
Then suddenly we're nothing, seriously ***?

I care too much to loose you,
As a friend or dare I say more...
But be crystal clear to me with what you do...
Or you might lose me for being way to confusing.
- From Upside Down
538 · Jan 2011
*Catch Yourself*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Just Catch Yourself

A quick smile, glance down.
Don't get caught, catch yourself.
You can't let them see.
Your face is red? Don't let them see,
Just catch yourself before it's too late.
There is no way this is really happening;
You’re just seeing things – just catch yourself.
Nothing goes the way you want it to,
It’s not what you think it is, it’s not just for you.
Just catch yourself.

Just catch yourself before you’re too late
Before your heart can’t take it back-
It’s jumping out of your chest?
Restrain it before it gets loose,
You can’t have a hopeful heart,
It’s pointless

He smiles, you look down.
Your heart leaps, don’t get caught.
He makes you laugh; your face gets red,
Cover it; hide it, so he can’t see.
He’s being nice, he’s being thought full,
Don’t believe it, just pretend there’s nothing there.
You’re seeing things, he’s not interested-
Stop the avalanche before it destroys everything!

Just catch yourself; you can’t be too careful.
Your heart is only so strong, it will break too easily.
Don’t hope, just catch yourself…
Before you fall-
You’re
Slowly
F
A
L
L
I
N
G
It’s too late…
Don’t you ever LEARN?
- From Water Woman
537 · Mar 2011
*I Know the Truth*
Megan Mae Mar 2011
I know the truth, and it shocks me,
How much she's played him,
How vast her confusing web was spun.

I know the truth, and it mocks me,
How he has fallen back to her,
How he has no idea what to do.

I know the truth, and it hurts me,
How now she realizes his feelings,
How she might not be the One.

I know the truth, and it scares me,
How she is tempting him with care,
How she tricks him with sweet words.

I know the truth, and it will **** him,
How she is catching him like the fly,
How he doesn't know how to escape.

I know the truth, and it will hurt him,
How he honestly doesn't know who,
How he loves but can't decide which.

I know the truth, and it scares me,
How can I tell his heart after her?
How can I be sure I understand him?

I know the truth behind this girl,
How she plays him like he his violin,
How easily I can read her, but not him.
516 · Mar 2011
*The 3 Words*
Megan Mae Mar 2011
They think you love me...
And if I think and look hard,
If I try harder, I will see it.
But how can I believe it?
You were too good to be true.
Some one who liked me for me?
Impossible. And yet you said
Those 3 deep words... 'I Love You'
God knows I want to believe you.
God knows I want to know the truth.
God knows how much I simply, want you.
But I am NOT going to ask you,
I will mention that I don't know,
But I will never ask you to explain,
Never ask you to define or clear up,
I would love to know, but will not ask
How you feel or view me - I wont be like her.
I will NEVER make you say.

They say they're sure you love me,
Saying everyday that they see things,
Looks and glances you give me,
How hugs don't seem to be the same
To those who just seem to watch,
How is it I'm the one receiving the embrace
And I am the one not seeing this motive?
God knows i wish it was there,
God knows I am weak in the knees,
God knows those 3 words scare me...
I can never really know if its true or not.
But what I personally can't find out is if
I'm afraid you're not really in Love with me,
Or if you are...and I have to turn you away.

They seem certain that you love me...
God Knows I Love You Too....
511 · Jan 2011
*Strangly Put*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Don’t you ever think its strange,
How personal a thing can be
but is so distant once on paper?
I used to be hurting, too much to speak,
And yet this one poem from years  ago
Rang out to me. It told me to keep my head
Held high and keep pushing through.
But I can remember at the time, my life
Felt as if it were going to end.
Broken hearts soon mend, true they echo hard
But they soon are filled in with sweeter men.
Still, don’t take caution to the wind, you’ve learned
A lesson once, don’t fall for it again.
You don’t want to look back at two poems written
For the same pain, when it could have been easily
Avoided. Yet hell no don’t hold back, let yourself
Be free; hold your head high and keep breathing.
Its finding the healthy in between that’s the hardest
Part. But that’s all part of the roller coaster ride.
Keep healthy, stay safe, don’t fall down if you
don’t expect to get right back up, always keep
bandage’s handy for those times you get scrapes
and always keep that smile on your face,
Cause trust me, reading what you once were
Can lead you to what you will be,
Broken hearts mend and sweet hearts send a
Shiver down your spine. Just be sure to keep
That head high and don’t scare them off too quickly.
Don’t you ever read something you wrote and wonder
Whether it’s ending the way it started?
503 · Mar 2011
*Role Reversed*
Megan Mae Mar 2011
Bubbly, hyper, makes you happy,
always handing out smiles, always charming,
I'm the girl you always want to be around.
But recently you see that my actions
Seem strangely turned upside down.

I'm calmer now you realize,
my smiles gone or faded.
You try to slap it back on,
Ha! You're so ******* Jaded.

I'm always the girl to make you feel
As if you're one of the best.
But now you're sitting here confused
Because I no longer try.

Your silly, funny, joyful friend
Was faked all from the start.
And how you're all confused to why
We're not friends any more.

I'm tired of being fake, of pretending that I care
I'm sick of all the lies I'd take and believe
When I knew you weren't all true...
I'm tired of faking to be friends With YOU!

I'm just tired. Tired of the lies, tired of the stakes
I'm tired of the fool hardy mistakes.
I'm sick of dealing with those that I hate,
ALL because i don't want them to feel like i did..
Left alone, unwanted, rejected...... Think Eve's snake.

I refuse to crawl on the floor any more,
I refuse to miss use my limbs. I'm tired
Of going 'Ok Sir you win' when there's
No game to play, no song to sing.
You want me on my belly so you can twist
My arm...well ******* dear 'friends'
No need to alarm but I'm not this easy push
Over like I was before. I'm not wasting all
That energy on faking to you any more.
I've got back my energy and i'm ready
To ******* defend, so if you start to **** me off
HAHAHA

Lets put it this way.
You were never my friend.
500 · Feb 2011
*Books*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
People are like books,
And unfortunate for me
I am the dusty book on the
Corner of the shelf.
I sit with my soft leather binding
Waiting to be picked up and read.
I'm the Words unheard, The
Stories unsaid...
But no one picks me up.
For I am seemingly too much work,
A book that's too thick,
The writing is too small,
The pictures are nonexistent,
And the wordings too long.
They don't even open me,
Just glance at my blank cover and then
Just toss me back where they found
Me before, simply dying to be opened again.
- From Upside Down
499 · Feb 2012
*FireBloom*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Why must everything be so unfair
And why must his fire bloom to love
Why must it form and grow right here?

They play with the fire before my eyes
The heat and embers, the light hurt my sight
I cry to see how much their fire bloomed to love.

Why must they torturer me and blind me
For this fire bloom of love is not mine
Oh, why must the flame burn what isn't even there?
Also a piece from CCY 2007. I was a melodramatic silly fool back then @_@
493 · Feb 2013
*No Sense*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Things that don't make sense any more
Seem to enter and exit through the same door.
I try to reach the **** to turn
Only to find there are things you never want to learn...

Things that don't make sense any more
Are coming at me from all sides.
With no shields and no sword
I'm left screaming with no one to hear my cries.

These things relay themselves in over lapping disharmony.
The rules are curving and bending -
What once was set in stone is now molding like clay
And I can't tell what impressions my actions and words are sending.

I'm lost in these things that make no sense,
Drowning like an insect stuck in the slow sap.
But I'm not sure if this will turn to Amber or
It will be my ruin.
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