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Apr 2013 · 799
Empty
Megan Mae Apr 2013
My head, it's normally flooded. Filled with crazy thoughts, like what books to read, how much longer I have in the three books I haven't finished. Or even the projects I have due in a week, what I have to do to finish them, what I need to do to prepare or present. Sometimes there's a song in my head, and I dance along with the tune until the radio station in my brain picks another melody for me to jam to. I see characters I've created interact, I see worlds of fiction that have to be figments of my imagination simply because they are to spectacular to be real. There are poems dying to be written down, ideas that need to be planted, songs that sing desire and need to be written, and opinions furiously needed to be ranted.

But today my head is empty, nothing seems to be alive. My characters have all gone silent, my opinions are pointless, my project is too hard to focus on, my melodies feel dead. I don't know what to do any more, I don't know what to say. I wish I could simply sleep and refresh and go about my day. But I sit here and write, trying to restart the flow, but the **** dam in my head just wont let my imagination go!

My heart is crying, my eyes are dry, my lips are sighing, while my brain screams WHY! You weren't supposed to leave us, you weren't supposed to die... you should have been with us that night, laughing so hard over game that we cried! You should have created a character, joined in our story line and ruined our themes....but now you're gone, and the only time we will see you is in our dreams.

I guess that's why my mind is empty, why my imagination is dead. I must be scared of forgetting what you looked like, or losing your precious memories in my head. If I could make it right, if I could have been there...none of this would have happened- none of it, I swear.

My head, it's normally flooded. Filled with crazy thoughts. But now it's empty, imagination's gone, for now my head is empty because everything has gone wrong.
Apr 2013 · 1.0k
I can't Imagine this...
Megan Mae Apr 2013
We weren't the best of friends,  we didn't talk for hours, we didn't share secrets... No we didn't text all the time, no we didn't laugh at each others jokes. But our Characters did. You were her friend, if you could even call them that. You were the one piece of kindness she saw in that barbaric world. You made sense to her. You also had a bad side, you scared her, she was always afraid of making you mad...but she regretted ever hurting you, she never wanted to see you hurt, she never wanted to make you sad, she would have done everything in her power to not fight you.

She liked you once, until she realized you liked another. She wanted to help you get with the one you liked, even if it meant ruining the relationship of another. She would have given anything to be closer to you, to have been able to tell you how you made her feel. But then the game was over, and the imagining ended.

Months have passed since I last saw you, years in the alternate reality since our characters last spoke. She was heart broken and betrayed, and she screamed for you to help. But help never came. I was too afraid to look strange, I was too afraid to look like I was trying to hard to be your friend...so I never added you on social networks. I never asked for your number, because we rarely talked. You never seemed to want to. You were close to my best friend, and through her I lived out the life of being best friends with you, and that we would talk all day and text... I thought maybe our characters could see each other again, that some thing could start up.

It was only a week ago that my Imagination thought they would meet again, it was only a week ago we all decided to restart the game. Only three days ago you called my friend and said you would join. I thought we could start over, that maybe this time I'd be able to be friends with you, real friends, texting friends, friends who talked, friends who hung out, friends who drank together, friends who laughed together. The thoughts kept rolling through my imagination, the thoughts of being a family again were so exciting...

I couldn't have Imagined this.

The call came, another in the family of friends, another who's character connected with mine, another whose friendship was closer with me in real life. He called, the look on my friends face went blank. She handed the phone to my other friend, his face fell to disbelief. You were gone. We were panicking. We were trying to find a way to figure out what happened. We only just spoke to you! I tried to find out when, who knew, how to prove it wrong. You couldn't be gone, never...and the fact that we had no idea how, why, the fact that no one would talk to us...

I couldn't have Imagined this.

In seconds she came, she overwhelmed me, took me over, I was in shock, but she was fully aware. She cried, she shook, she hugged the others there. Suddenly she wasn't a character any more, and she was all powerful, all consuming, all devastated. And in that moment I wasn't just mourning you...I was mourning him as well. I was hit by the loss of two, and i was flung into a brick wall. She wanted to scream, she wanted to go out and **** things, she wanted to **** herself and respawn and do it again, she wanted to fight, she wanted to find the body you both shared and bring you back to life. She wanted to trade herself for you, if not him at least you. And then she was gone, lost in my thoughts, lost in my imagination.

And now here I sit, in shock once again, I want to be alone, but I want someone with me in my loneliness...I want to cry, to scream, and yet here I am silently writing with only the sound of my fingers typing echoing from my room. I'm cold, my head hurts from all the chaos in my head.

Then it struck me. You weren't really dead. I could bring you back to life, I could honor you, your memory, your imagination.

I could keep you alive some how, by writing about him, for he was you and you were him. And in that thought my mind was calmed, my heart was lifted. And thats where you find me now, writing...

keeping you alive.
Today I found out one of my good friends died. We used to LARP together, are characters bonded in a way we couldn't. After I got the news, this is how I dealt with the loss.
Feb 2013 · 579
*Heart Ripped Out*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Heart ripped out
Gut turning painfully
No smiles now, no pretend

You think I am ok
What a grand performance hu?
Its all an act no one can see
No one can be that happy with out
Dieing inside
Help me I can’t cry any more
Life seems werthless

But I am scared, scared of life ending
I want a purpose. Please show me why I am here
I know no one could ever love a monster like me
Everyone says so, so why am I here?
You don’t love me, you never had
I keep trying to forget the joy I had seeing you, speaking with you
How musical was your voice, and how deeply fallen I am over you

I want to die but fear the end without you
Oh god if you exist, help me get through to him,
Help me sing the song and maybe he’ll hear the music
And know it’s ment for him
Have him speak the truth
Whether it be “I hate you leave me alone,”
Or pray… “You’re my friend…please don’t go.”
- From Slipping Heart
Feb 2013 · 486
*Broken*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Broken,
I'm so broken...
I'm terrified and locked inside.
You beckon me out from the
Window tightly shut,
Begging to God I'm still alive.

But some times I wish I wasn't,
That way the pain would numb.
My hearts so broken
So easy to steal, but harder to heal.
How many times those men called me Dumb.

Broken,
I'm so broken,
I'm scared to climb the stairs.
There's one or two missing
Steps you see, scattered through
Out the rest. And I'm so off balanced
I fear I'll fall, harder to the floor...
My poorly beating heart ever weaker

Why can't He just love me,
The way that I love him?
Why can't He just see me,
The way that I see him?

I pray one day He'll understand,
That I'm not as strong as I seem;
So that on that day he'll finally see,
Its of my heart no longer broken,
I long for him to know,
That when my hearts no longer broken...
I will once again be free to dream.
- From Slipping Heart
Feb 2013 · 7.5k
*Frustration of the Past*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Staring at a photograph,
And I wonder if its wrong.
What the heck were we?
We definitely weren't friends,
We most totally weren't enemies
But still i can't get over the stare
This single photo holds.

Staring at this photograph,
Why the hell did i keep it?
You never talk to me,
You obviously ignore my pleas ...
You probably find me annoying -
Just like the rest of those you'd
Complained about that one night.

Staring at this photograph,
Was that all we were?
Just that one night where
You were human enough
To make me smile and forget.
But how the hell can I pretend
That night simply didn't exist?

Staring at this photograph,
I wonder where I went wrong.
I thought  you were human enough
That you saw through the facade.
I figured you weren't a zombie of the pack
That you thought on your own.
And now here you are joining the herd
That you had complained about that one night.

Staring at this photograph,
Your eyes eat my soul.
How i would have done anything you asked,
Just the idea of you smiling was enough.
But what I would have given to get
Even just a hug from you, your arms
Around me, reminding me that i'm real.
But apparently I am as invisible now
As I felt back then.

Staring at this photograph,
I simply want to scream.
I dont' know why it bothers me,
You didn't do anything of importance
You didn't change my life...Did you?
You came during a weak point
And just two hours with you made me
Even stronger then I thought I'd ever be.

Staring at this photograph,
I wonder what I saw in you.
You are just a painting -
You seem so full of realistic emotion,
So sympathetic and understanding,
Open and kind. But you're a huge lie.
You're just like the rest of them,
Go ahead, conform and belong.

Staring at this photograph,
It all seems silly to me.
You're the book who's cover screams
"I'm the best, READ ME!"
While only to get a chapter in
And find you've wasted everything.
You're that kind of guy.

Staring at this photograph,
I then look at the words i write.
Do I really mean them? Am I that mean?
What do i hold against you other
Then the disappointment of what
Never was meant to be?
You were perfect, you were angelic,
You were what every girl wanted.
Why am I mad at you?

Staring at this photograph,
I'm left realizing...
The thorn in my side of what I
Believe you mean to me.
The fact that you so obviously ignore.
I call out simplistically, just wanting to
Connect to a familiar past time.
But you so Obviously Ignore each echo
And pretend you don't see, or hear.

Staring at this photograph,
I'm choking on the words.
You meant so much to me back then
And now you're just a bruise needing
Tending. Simplistically enough you're
Old news. You're a frustration of the past.
And now I'm realizing that you're
Absolutely nothing to me.

I'm reading once this poem,
On a photo i had obsessed over,
Finding it just a pretty face,
A pair of beautiful eyes that
Used to make me feel whole-
Now make me feel empty inside.
Steal my soul those eyes do...
So while reading this poem aloud
On a photo i had once obsessed,
I hold it to the flame and Burn it away.



Staring at this photograph,
It now bursting in flames.
The past doesn't bother me anymore
I feel released from  its chains.
I might be haunted later,
Truly this i'll admit,
For those eyes do taunt...
For a road not taken, choice not made,
But it's not mine to make, not mine to take
You're the one who missed it
And i just have to get over
The simple idea of you -


A frustration of the Past
- From Slipping Heart
Feb 2013 · 3.4k
*Fair Trade?*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I am here if you need me
I'd hate to see you mad.
Please forgive me if I'm upset,
But with the way you treat me
I am always sad...

I am here for you,
But you're never there for me.
I'm spinning, i am drowning,
and you're no where near
to even hear my calling...

The worst part is that you're
Taking this sadness all wrong.
You think I'm asking to be more?
Why when all I want is you,
And your friendship means so much...

I know it shouldn't hurt me,
I know it looks insane,
But you can't simply 'Cold Turkey' me,
My tears will flood the world like rain...
Don't expect me to be fine- no way.

Stop being so selfish and simply understand
Even the greatest ear, has a heart to mend
So why don't you help me rather then hurt,
and simply explain till I understand why...
I am always here for you, but you are never there.

Fair trade?
I feel as if it doesn't flow right... please tell me what you think...- From Slipping Heart
Feb 2013 · 493
*Lament*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I went out to a bar one night
Just wanting to forget...
The actions and the words you used
Just the other night left me so upset...
For you I drank the liquor long
More then I should I do admit
And I tossed myself in pieces to the floor
Simply trying to forget...
But then you came and found me
And its me you're starting to reject...
For you came and picked up my tossed pieces
And I am left crying with regret...
I just wanted to be wanted
And respect, love and need are so hard to get...
But you turn away feeling over crowded
Afraid we appear publicly as a set...

I wonder is it such a crime to be
In a pair with me? Why are you so upset...
You'd avoid me so eagerly,
And just the thought makes me want to forget...

I went out to the bar one night
Just wanting to forget....
- From Slipping Heart
Feb 2013 · 616
*I'm getting over it*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I'm getting over it...
This ache within my chest.
I'm tired of you saying lies...
whether you believe them true or not.

You don't love me like you say,
So please stop saying so.
If you loved me, honestly, even as a friend
Well simply, you wouldn't hurt me so bad.

I am very well versed, and used to as well,
In the pains associated with the heart.
I've dealt with dreamers and Demons
And worse, lying Angels before.

I'm getting over it...
The ache within my chest.
The longing heart so eager to cling
With a mind tired as it tries to persuade.

I will build the bridge all in time,
Your river of lies were never mine.
So don't you worry about me
Cause honestly I'm standing over you...

My bridge is high and strong,
Yet yes its incomplete.
I still have a little more growing up to do,
And then trust me, I'm getting over it...
- From Upside Down
Feb 2013 · 367
Simply a Rant
Megan Mae Feb 2013
You don't understand what makes me so upset. You honestly seem to think that nothing's wrong. When have I ever, and I mean EVER, gave you a short answer to anything?

You are simply blind.

Best friend? Best friend!? Can you ******* hear me now? I'm screaming out in silence until you hear a sound - and you don't figure that there's anything wrong.
'How are you?' you ask 'Been K' i answer. WHEN HAVE I EVER ANSWERED LIKE THAT? Cant you see there's something wrong? Why wont you ask? Why don't you care to know?

You are simply blind.

I know you have a child, I know you think you're busy. But even if I had a child, even if I was busy out of my mind - I would make time for those who are important to me. I might not try to keep in touch with my mom and dad, but if you mean that much to me I will do everything I can to get in touch.

You are either simply blind.
Or you don't give a ****.
Feb 2013 · 279
Untitled.2
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Lost.
What does that mean any more?
Lost in the moment?
Lost in the tide?
Lost in the whirlwind?
Lost in my pride?

I'm lost in the Love I thought had died
And now I can't help
Feb 2013 · 493
*No Sense*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Things that don't make sense any more
Seem to enter and exit through the same door.
I try to reach the **** to turn
Only to find there are things you never want to learn...

Things that don't make sense any more
Are coming at me from all sides.
With no shields and no sword
I'm left screaming with no one to hear my cries.

These things relay themselves in over lapping disharmony.
The rules are curving and bending -
What once was set in stone is now molding like clay
And I can't tell what impressions my actions and words are sending.

I'm lost in these things that make no sense,
Drowning like an insect stuck in the slow sap.
But I'm not sure if this will turn to Amber or
It will be my ruin.
Feb 2013 · 566
Untitled
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Why can't you just leave me alone?
I honestly can't take the pain any more.
Are you the lier I convince myself you are?
Or are you honestly that fecking stupid....
Just that cruel?

You wanted to call me today.
I, thank the gods, was asleep.
Feb 2013 · 2.5k
*Upside Down*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I feel as if life's turned upside down...
Honestly the news has me shaken,
The lies I've believed,
And the signs I've miss taken...
Are you lying to her?
Are you lying to me?
The cats out of the bag and now
The world is upside down you see...

I've said nothing wrong,
But you've done nothing right...
How many times have I been there for you?
And yet when I need you you're out of sight?
She's sitting there, hands touching you,
Before my friends and yours too.
If you tried to keep her a secret
You're playing the cards all wrong...
For introducing her will make
The rumors spin faster!
Can't you hear Upside down song?

But here I was deceived,
Told by you day after day
That she was completely
Forgotten and out of the way.
What a fool am I to believe you so quickly.
I let you touch me, Kiss me,
Love me like I thought you should.
But here I am seeing the lines
That I let you cross while I stood
Completely unaware... And now
Everything's Upside down.

How could you do this to me?
Take advantage and use me so?
You love me you say? How funny.
I would believe you if not for last night...
You bringing her out and kissing her lips,
Taking her hand, playing under the table,
While before those who you knew would tell me.
You have no shame...I can't believe I let you...
I can't even finish the sentence... cause I don't want to.
Everything is spinning till i fall Upside Down.

This relationship, this friendship,
That Bull you think you have?
Consider it gone, lost and over.
I want nothing to do with you,
I will always Love you, I swear you've
Pulled my heart from my chest.
You're games are finished, I've broken the board,
Flipped it till the pieces have all fallen like
The broken pieces of my heart.
So you have fun with out me, not even a smile
Will you get from me while she's on your arm.
You're a lying snake cheating and playing with hearts.
Have fun playing your games with the Board...
UPSIDE DOWN.
title piece of my book *Upside Down*- From Upside Down
Feb 2013 · 975
*Trash*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
If I were a piece of trash
You just tossed out of the way
And I could talk, what might i say?

'You're horrible, the walls agree,
Did you see what you've done to me?'
Even your ears could hear this i know.

Your appearance to every one else
Has come to an all time ******* low.
All because of that *****, that ******* ***.

Your Ex, the reason you would call me each night,
And ask me to the garden to cry. You CRIED.
And yet you return to her so easily!?

What is your problem? Every one warned me...
Whats worse is that I heard and knew it would happen,
And yet i let it unfold, with nothing better to do.

I couldn't and can't control your life,
But I can control how you make me feel.
I didn't stop you, from hurting me at least...

And now all I want to do is get back at you.
What would work best I'm still figuring out,
But till then I'm drinking each night, no doubt.

But **** it, I could easily ask your roommate,
The one you hate so much, if he could teach me
Exactly what you wanted to but didn't think was right...

I could hurt myself with my addiction,
The fear you held so highly, a glass of Jack,
Oh pints of Beer...Long Islands and Tequilas.

Or I could just do what you do, Ignore.
The worst thing I could do and simply
Knock you in your pain to the floor...

You texted me four times today,
You called near to six, from 9 to 5
You didn't take a break.

You must really care to try so hard,
Even called those I would hang with
To make sure I was Okay...

Well sir, I'm starting to wonder,
Whether or not I was the trash;
Or you were dear sir...if you were...
What better way, to end the day, with a stressful vent of what I can't say. How I wish I was wiser and stronger, and smart enough to make you stay far away.- From Upside Down
Feb 2013 · 379
*Skipped A Beat*
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I don't know what you expect.
Not sure if you have a plan,
but you just came back into the act
as if you never left

as if you never skipped a beat

You sit there with your smiles
your charms all wild and free
as if you think you could steal me back.
as if you never lost

as if you never skipped a beat

What makes you think you're so free?
Why must you act so coy and charming
as if you think you're the greatest of them all
as if you're perfect

as if you never skipped a beat

Well guess what, you're not,
You're just the past trying to break free
I'm finally happy with who I am
I'm finally happy with my prince

because you have no beat
Jun 2012 · 626
*I CAN'T*
Megan Mae Jun 2012
I'm sitting here alone, trying to understand,
But the words said on the phone just cloud my head.
I'm flooded by the past and drowning for the future,
Reaching out for your strong grasp but it just isn't there

I used to be so sure, thought that we might be forever,
So explain to me why this pure love is fading in the mist.
I used to feel so safe with you, Positive you felt that too,
But now I'm not so sure, I don't know what to do…

Please, what is going on?

You woke me up, opened my hear,
But now you're letting go, now you let it go…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless.
But now you're letting go, Now you've let me go…

I used to think that you could be my prince,
But now I see you're playing the fool.
I guess all these plans we had will go to waste,
If you don't bring back the fight you had before!

Please, what is going on?

You woke me up, opened my heart,
But now you're letting go, now you let it go…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless,
But now you're letting go, now you've let me go…

We were doing fine, or so I thought.
But now over night we are falling a part…
Why can't you be a man, and tell me where we stand?
Or do I have to do this by myself?

Please, what did I do wrong?

You woke me up, opened my heart,
But now you're letting go, now you let it go…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless,
But now you're letting go, now you've let me go…

You're spinning circles in a senseless haze,
You're fighting spirit has  all gone out-
Where once you were certain now you're terrified…
What, my dove, must I do to keep this love alive?

Please, I want the pain gone!

You woke me up, opened my heart,
But now you're letting go, now you let it goo…
You used to be strong, you taught me to be fearless,
But now you're letting go, now you've let me go…

I'm fighting to hold on to you, love,
But must you just run from me dove?
Now you're flailing, saying that you're just unsure…
Please, just get it over with…

I'm sitting here  alone, trying to understand,
But your words said on the phone still cloud my head…

"I CAN'T"
Feb 2012 · 680
*You Have NO Control*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Why must you honestly take all the life I have from me?

Why must I try to fight to gain my own control?
To me my life is a simple book and I read the authors notes -
Only to hope and pray that the character I dote survives.

I’m lost in this whirl wind - I can’t find my path,
I see yours spray painted with fences off the grass.
I want to make a choice so let me now pass your lines.

I want to be happy, I want to live, I want to be healty
And yet you sit and spin my life till i’m dizzy and weak
And keep me caged up, unable to sing my beak is taped.

Just let me live, leave me alone. Let me make my mistakes,
Mistakes I’ll OWN!

Let me wake in the morning, cure my ill, Eat my bread, then sit still.
Let me walk through the day, to my own devices, plan my plans, life’s full of surprises.
Let me write, let me learn, let me cook -and should it burn,
Let me clean up house from my mistakes, let me hear your praises and your thanks.
Let me care for myself just once, not have to worry of you disapproval…
Let me see what people see, not what you think they saw.
Then when the day is done, Let me break bread with family, let me cure my ills…
Let me lay in darkness, dreaming of tomorrow’s adventures, and lay still to do it all over again.
Feb 2012 · 499
*FireBloom*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Why must everything be so unfair
And why must his fire bloom to love
Why must it form and grow right here?

They play with the fire before my eyes
The heat and embers, the light hurt my sight
I cry to see how much their fire bloomed to love.

Why must they torturer me and blind me
For this fire bloom of love is not mine
Oh, why must the flame burn what isn't even there?
Also a piece from CCY 2007. I was a melodramatic silly fool back then @_@
Feb 2012 · 1.4k
*Distance Hurts*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Distance knows, as distance grows,
It's short and long
It can raise the stakes and hopes.
It can make you long for the edge,
For the thing at the other side.

Distance doesn't have to be in miles or in feet.
Distance could be attitudes, expressions;
In class, availability...victories or defeat...

You are out of my reach, a distance away.
I can't help but look your way and pray
Praying you would notice me
You may glace toward me, but its not what I want
I just wish to gaze into your eyes
And have you smile at me...only me.

But two inches between us,
Make it as if we have nothing to say,
And we really have miles between us,
And this distance grows each and every day.

You're the king, the prince of hearts,
While I a simple pawn who would melt
to just get a glimpse of your face.

This distance knows, and oh how quickly it grows
At the end of this road...
We'll never see each other again.
This was a poem I wrote from 2007, at a summer program called CCY. I remember who this was based off of...and now how silly I was back then. Completely crazy. Enjoy.
Feb 2012 · 466
*It's getting so hard...*
Megan Mae Feb 2012
"It's getting so hard to even breathe, when every word is my enemy. I try and I try but I just can't get to that imaginary throne where you seem to sit. I just want a kind word, I want a soft face...Can't we just Hug and get this over with?

It's getting so hard to even stand, when every word is a new command. I try to do all you wish of me but I'm dying and I can't complete each quest you see. I just want to be happy, I want to be loved...Can't we just apologize and go back?

It's getting so hard to even sing, when the emotion is pushing every string. I let our each note as careful as I can, but you crush them with your furious hands. I just want to continue I want to be heard...Can't you just let go and let me be Me?"
Dec 2011 · 5.3k
*Swan*
Megan Mae Dec 2011
It hurt, my friend, I don't know why
but when I showed you my new found pride
you asked quickly of my minds state and why.

Drunk? Me!? No! This symbol simply proves so.
I'm viewed as average, not good enough.
Just this shows my inner pride.

It helps me knock those comments made by those
on the other side of the glass...
so why must you make one just as crass?

I will prove to you, one I once knew well,
that I'll shed and change - that way easily then
can I reveal just how beautiful a Swan I really am

I'll fly away and soar above your petty comments,
Friend? You were the one who grew distant,
you were the one who couldn't see past the dirt.

Yet here I am, my wings expanded,
Everything changing around me and fast...
I'll fly off on my own path, and show I'm the swan

I truly am.
Dec 2011 · 563
*I, alas...*
Megan Mae Dec 2011
I speak, no voice, to the uninterested ear.
My words, though ill placed, the urgency of my heart.
I long to just be heard, for what words I say
to impress upon the mind of those around me.
Alas...

I speak, to no avail, to the def ear.
Invisible, I am used to being unseen, preferred in fact.
Why let them char my tender heart with evil burning eyes
when they could be blind and cling to my every word?
Alas...

I sing, just as a bird, and my voice lost to the ear
grouped a long with the every day, the birds, ignored.
They walk on by, clustering chatter over my harmony,
Each not tenderly caressing the natures melody in wish to join.
Alas...

I sing, loud and true, my heart open all the while.
Those cruel beings take advantage and push through
write their names along my heart, scaring me of them for life.
They use me till my voice is dry, and then tell me I'm worthless.
Alas...

I know, I'm smarter than they think.
I see my future and it looks so bright.
I, once commonly viewed as an ugly chick, shed my downy feathers
And soon I spring up in joyous song, elaborate voice, as my true form.
Alas...The Swan.
Sep 2011 · 619
*3...2...1...go*
Megan Mae Sep 2011
He said it,
The three words…
The words I long for,
The words I dread.

He said it,
Again and again…
Why am I self destructing
At his tender caring words?

He wants me to say it,
But these words I just can't say.
They're tainted, now burned…
But lords knows I care.

He wants me to say it,
And I want to too…
But these three words scare me
So a symbol must do.

My babe just said it,
He said 'I LOVE YOU',
And now its my turn…
Brief falter before I respond;
"I <3 U"

3...2...1...SELF DESTRUCT!
Sep 2011 · 956
*Sweet?*
Megan Mae Sep 2011
I'm a changed woman
And now every one notices.
I'm witty and sassy-
Why hold back?
People seem to find
This new me enticing
Exciting and fresh.
If I knew this in the first place
I'd have changed ages ago!
I was such a doll,
An innocent dear,
A simple cotton candy
All light and hyperactive.
But what once was airy and sweet
Now has more filling, more meat.
I'm now it seems a whole **** cake
And now every one wants a bite or taste.
They compare me to a triple layer
Getting a new surprise each bite-
That its not about the frosting anymore…
Now I'm sitting here thinking it over
In a quizzical thought playing itself over and over…
Hoping eventually it will all make sense….
So either there is something in the water
Drawing these boys toward this change
In me that seems so enticing,
Or I must look ****** **** delicious...
Jun 2011 · 461
Through His Eyes
Megan Mae Jun 2011
I see you, and my heart skips. I don't know why and it makes no sense. All I know is I simply can't breathe without you around. I know I hurt you...I don't want to...I pray to God that I could stop. I love you, I really do...I don't mean to do this to you. I can see your pain, it kills me inside. But what hurts more? Whats hurts more is that I must pretend that I am oblivious to what I'm doing. I know I say the wrong things, but by the time i realize it's too late...I've hurt you so much and I thought of leaving you be, to keeping away to save you from my foolish daggers.
But every time I try to keep my distance, I find myself drawn to you and brought to you by some force I can not fight.

But sometimes I never know what to think. You speak of a god you worship and love him as if he were real...And I can't help but be jealous of this phantom you chose. Just speaking of how perfect he is, and how you have history with this fictional character makes me rage. How can I compete with a reflection of your heart? He is EVERYTHING you want. And the more you talk of him, he is EVERYTHING I'm not. So I once again return to who once was mine, simply to try to keep away from you. I didn't know how much it would hurt you, you hid your pain so well.

Too Well. And God now I can see you change right before my eyes.

What I used to jest of to make you laugh now seems to push a dagger and twist  it in your heart. What you used to tolerate you now despise, and I don't  know you any  more. I wonder briefly if I EVER did...but then I have to remind myself that what happened to you was my fault. Now I can't relearn you, can't rediscover your beauty...For you won't let me. I don't have the privilege too anymore. Especially while 'tied' to another. A new life is coming for me, both figuratively and literally and I'm confused and lost. I don't know what to do - I can't see whats going on any more and where my path is.

But when I stop to think, I guess it no longer matters.

Because I love you.
And now I foolishly didn't Lose you...

I let you go.
Prose
May 2011 · 829
LARP
Megan Mae May 2011
The car ride is normal, simple and polite. But we smile the whole way, pretending not to care, taking advantage of the light. So here we are on the way to 'LARP', you upset, yet I'm even worse. True the joke was funny, the rest of the group knew...and when they saw you their smiles simply grew. You asked for a fountain, they pointed the way, and once you were out of earshot they couldn't help but say...

''He has no idea does he?'' Kurei asked with a big broad smile.
''He's going to have one hell of a game'' Garrus claimed with a padded blade.
"He'll never know what hit him." Umbrus chimed as he unlatched his swords.
I sigh and smile at them each and said, "Lets just start this game."

How does the line go? Stab me in the face you're **** out of luck... stab me in the back you're.....?

The game begins, I avoid you like the plague. I wouldn't even fight you with in distance of a hand grenade. If I ever interacted with you, it was simply to sing a song. My simple Siren Song paralyzed you and left you to the mercy of my friends. I myself never attacked or 'killed you' I wouldn't even dare...The one time I 'took your arm' you whined like no one was there.

"Why did you hurt me?" you asked foolishly, true with a smile, but why ask at this game?
"You're my enemy," Avexi snapped, not even me. Oh how when I have the chance...I can be so mean.

The game continued, you couldn't keep alive, you still had fun though- some how you tried. You always tried to come at me, you always tried to attack. Thank the lords Umbrus and Kurei always had my back.

Finally the game was over, and the whole team knew the line. They kept back from smiling, kept back every time. 'You stab me in the face, you're **** out of luck...You stab me in the back...

I bring you to LARP!'
May 2011 · 607
*All in Review*
Megan Mae May 2011
Shocked how much you hurt me,
I've pushed you from my mind.
And true a lot reminds me, brings
You back to mind...But now I am
Realizing its hurting less and less.

Its shocking now how little I hurt
At a simple thought of you...
Now that you're gone. You're off my
Mind and out of my head, with something
Small to remind me of who you once were.
But now thats gone, and I've convinced myself...
Dead.

You were never honestly there.
You didn't even really care how
You held me tightly to my fear of being
Left alone, unloved, just wanting to be
Useful you used me to the end.

And yet you didn't use me, you didn't
Care to try, but you didn't pay me back
For my help and always made me cry.
Am lost and confused and your whiplash
Made me sick....

Did you truly feel that you were
In the clear so quick?
You left scars you left memories,
But thank you for what you've done
To me. I'm now much stronger than before
And I wont have to deal with guys like you...
Anymore.
May 2011 · 631
*I hope....Is it the End?*
Megan Mae May 2011
No words, none.... I've not heard one.
Its been too long for forgetfulness,
Its long past time for 'just busy'
Or 'no time'. And here I sit
The silence kills me, cuts me.
Why does this hurt so much.

The day you found out,
I was the first you told.
And honestly the only one
You felt trust worthy.
And here I am looking at the
Screen seeing your mothers loving
Congratulations. Its been a week.

You still haven't told me, so I
Gave in and asked. Claimed  I
Saw all the 'congrats' and I assumed
It was true. ***** you! You spoke as if
There was no problem, no hickup.
How on earth could you not see how much
You've hurt me?

You found me important enough to tell
And for me to keep such a weight alone.
But when I've come to needing closure,
You don't even tell me its ******* over?
I'm left to wait for the news alone,
And you don't tell me a thing...
But when you see i'm slightly upset you
Instantly act normal again.

*******. You haven't spoken to me
In weeks, nearing a month. I didn't get a
Simple goodbye. You left me hanging out
To dry and I'm sick of it. Friends talk to friends
And if you're busy you tell them so.

A simple 'HELLO i'm going to be busy,
You wont hear from me in a while!' Is all
That is required of a friendship. But Best friends...
Best friends keep the loop tight, they hide their
Phones from ready eyes and text 'I'm alright.'

They offer words of praise or 'Thank you for helping me
Its made my day.' Simple pieces of **** that
Are normally required in common day ****.
But no you must be special, no you don't need
To follow these rules. Just cut out your 'BEST FRIEND'
And tell all you're ******* Tools. Yeah they care, and
They'll black mail you in a second. But you'll ask for help
And in an instant I'll be becconed. I can't do this Any more

I can't be friends for long. I'm just writing this to say
That the only reason I have to stay is to simply hear you
Say 'I'm sorry, I know what I've done. You're the only
One who helped me through and I'm grateful for you.
You've been there through the thick and thin, you've
Been there when my life line ends. I couldn't have
Survived with out you. Please forgive me, I love you.'

Some times I want you to come crawling back,
To tell me that if you could you'd wish it all back.
But here I would stand and here I am now, knowing
My answer wont turn around. You wont like it, I can
Assure. For we're not friends any more, you've closed
That door. We're not friends any more, because
Honestly....

I can't do this any more.
Apr 2011 · 433
*Who, what...Why?*
Megan Mae Apr 2011
Days drawing to a close, again
No more thought, no more.
Sit and wonder how much you
Could possibly lose if you take
The path you didn't truly chose.

What would happen if you
Followed something other than your heart?
What would happen if you lied to yourself?
What would happen if you became
The very thing you wanted to destroy?

Days draw to a close and you're left wondering,
What exactly are you trying to find out?
What have you decided to become,
What have you chosen to be?
A monster or a relief?

Who would you be to yourself if you changed?
Or are you some one you were all along?
Days draw to a close and you still can't tell...
If this new persona is from heaven...
Or if its a gift from hell...
Apr 2011 · 589
*I Hope Now, It's Over*
Megan Mae Apr 2011
Yes, foolish me I said it,
I said I loved you.
You took it the way I knew it,
You ran as fast as you could.
'I love you, but I'm not in Love with you,'
If only I had a dime....For the amount of
Times I've heard that line drives me insane.

Well yes, foolish me I said it,
There's no turning back.
And now here we are arguing
Its been four hours already.
I'm telling you it wasn't your fault,
You're telling me its mine.
I'm telling you to stop hurting me,
You say that I'm just lying.

Apparently to you, you're the angel in disguise.
You're saintly you could do no wrong.
HA, you're afraid of nothing? Right.
You're afraid of me proving you wrong,
You're afraid of me telling the truth,
You're afraid you're not as holy as you thought,
You're afraid you're life is over....
But even worse for you?
You're afraid that I will leave you.

Why? You say I am so difficult, I'm crazy to no end.
So why on earth do you try so hard to keep me as your friend?
When I cry you walk away, but return to tease and taunt me more.
But when I know you're no longer listening, I leave and don't come back.
You call, ask me to return. I can't I'll hit you. I know I will.
You have to be seriously joking me. Telling me that you're to blame...
Only because of things that I HAVE done to YOU.

Automaticlly its my fault again. And you stab me more and more.
No sir you weren't using me, and I wasn't using you...
ITS HARD TO USE A *****.
I was afraid of posting this...I guess I don't care any more.
Mar 2011 · 516
*The 3 Words*
Megan Mae Mar 2011
They think you love me...
And if I think and look hard,
If I try harder, I will see it.
But how can I believe it?
You were too good to be true.
Some one who liked me for me?
Impossible. And yet you said
Those 3 deep words... 'I Love You'
God knows I want to believe you.
God knows I want to know the truth.
God knows how much I simply, want you.
But I am NOT going to ask you,
I will mention that I don't know,
But I will never ask you to explain,
Never ask you to define or clear up,
I would love to know, but will not ask
How you feel or view me - I wont be like her.
I will NEVER make you say.

They say they're sure you love me,
Saying everyday that they see things,
Looks and glances you give me,
How hugs don't seem to be the same
To those who just seem to watch,
How is it I'm the one receiving the embrace
And I am the one not seeing this motive?
God knows i wish it was there,
God knows I am weak in the knees,
God knows those 3 words scare me...
I can never really know if its true or not.
But what I personally can't find out is if
I'm afraid you're not really in Love with me,
Or if you are...and I have to turn you away.

They seem certain that you love me...
God Knows I Love You Too....
Mar 2011 · 537
*I Know the Truth*
Megan Mae Mar 2011
I know the truth, and it shocks me,
How much she's played him,
How vast her confusing web was spun.

I know the truth, and it mocks me,
How he has fallen back to her,
How he has no idea what to do.

I know the truth, and it hurts me,
How now she realizes his feelings,
How she might not be the One.

I know the truth, and it scares me,
How she is tempting him with care,
How she tricks him with sweet words.

I know the truth, and it will **** him,
How she is catching him like the fly,
How he doesn't know how to escape.

I know the truth, and it will hurt him,
How he honestly doesn't know who,
How he loves but can't decide which.

I know the truth, and it scares me,
How can I tell his heart after her?
How can I be sure I understand him?

I know the truth behind this girl,
How she plays him like he his violin,
How easily I can read her, but not him.
Megan Mae Mar 2011
I know this might sound over done, or the phrase might be over used; but you my dear, are not who you say you are. King of hearts, you claim...HA! You have no idea what you do. So you claim all these girls love you, while you simply plant the seed in all you desire, waiting for them to bloom, bud, desire you for water. You wait and watch and from those that grow pick the few that interest you the most, or suite your needs, or fit your profile.

God you're such a thief. I was there, watching it unfold and yet I let you plant a seedling in me. I opened my mouth and let you reach down my throat and burrow that seed into my heart, and there it grew into a wild thorn I simply could not remove on my own. I begged and begged for you to take it out, but you simply poked it and claimed 'It wont budge'. I would cry and plea for you to release me, but you said 'Its all out of my hands'.

Oh you lying Thief of hearts. There are so many songs about you now a days, playing on the radio so effortlessly. Leaving me to curse the karma and the world the radio relies on screaming out the window 'CURSE YOU IRONIC RADIO, PLAY SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T RELATE TO MY LIFE!' or even worse, while you drive me about, dragging me behind on your little escapades, as one of the songs pops up... YOU even sing ALONG. King of hearts? No you're the Joker, fooling girls depraved of love into falling for your trap.

I was in your room once, there was a simple jar. When I asked what it was, you simply said it was art. Now I know its your safe. Its the jar you keep the hearts you've stolen, so cold hearted you are, your heart frozen in heartless hell - feeding off the warmth and affection you can steal from those too tender to see through your facade. How ironic, your favorite song being so easily the description of your plight.

Now I can sit here, watching you return to the heart that came back to haunt you, the heart you no longer wanted and threw back away. But you held it so long that here she flew, returning so eagerly to you, finding any way she could to convince you to return. But you want me back? Why do you try so hard? I don't understand. I may love you, but all I wish is you to return my heart to me...or tear your thorny seedling from my chest and set me free.

Though true I love you, I wish nothing but to remain with you, but I want to see if its really me who wishes this, and not this tiny seed that sits in my heart. A charming phrase, a tender moment, a sweet kiss, a desiring touch. Maybe I am just blinded by the wool you pulled over my eyes. So please, Thief of Hearts, return this broken heart to its original state, with out your black rose...

Let me chose for myself.
Mar 2011 · 503
*Role Reversed*
Megan Mae Mar 2011
Bubbly, hyper, makes you happy,
always handing out smiles, always charming,
I'm the girl you always want to be around.
But recently you see that my actions
Seem strangely turned upside down.

I'm calmer now you realize,
my smiles gone or faded.
You try to slap it back on,
Ha! You're so ******* Jaded.

I'm always the girl to make you feel
As if you're one of the best.
But now you're sitting here confused
Because I no longer try.

Your silly, funny, joyful friend
Was faked all from the start.
And how you're all confused to why
We're not friends any more.

I'm tired of being fake, of pretending that I care
I'm sick of all the lies I'd take and believe
When I knew you weren't all true...
I'm tired of faking to be friends With YOU!

I'm just tired. Tired of the lies, tired of the stakes
I'm tired of the fool hardy mistakes.
I'm sick of dealing with those that I hate,
ALL because i don't want them to feel like i did..
Left alone, unwanted, rejected...... Think Eve's snake.

I refuse to crawl on the floor any more,
I refuse to miss use my limbs. I'm tired
Of going 'Ok Sir you win' when there's
No game to play, no song to sing.
You want me on my belly so you can twist
My arm...well ******* dear 'friends'
No need to alarm but I'm not this easy push
Over like I was before. I'm not wasting all
That energy on faking to you any more.
I've got back my energy and i'm ready
To ******* defend, so if you start to **** me off
HAHAHA

Lets put it this way.
You were never my friend.
Feb 2011 · 500
*Books*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
People are like books,
And unfortunate for me
I am the dusty book on the
Corner of the shelf.
I sit with my soft leather binding
Waiting to be picked up and read.
I'm the Words unheard, The
Stories unsaid...
But no one picks me up.
For I am seemingly too much work,
A book that's too thick,
The writing is too small,
The pictures are nonexistent,
And the wordings too long.
They don't even open me,
Just glance at my blank cover and then
Just toss me back where they found
Me before, simply dying to be opened again.
- From Upside Down
Feb 2011 · 718
*Something More*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
What starts out as a simple night,
'Hey, wanna chill for a bit?' turns around.
It was just a movie, I thought, no harm no foul.
But sitting on my bed, we got rather close,
And still I wasn't worried, until your arm
Draped over me. How warm, inviting....
You're so comfortable and firm,
Your arms are so welcoming...
Your tongue brushes against my ear, your breath my neck...
How does a hug turn into something more?

A slow movement of your hand,
From my back to my shoulder, then lower,
'Till some how I am pressed against the wall
With your hands at my sides pulling me close.
Your eyes kiss me first, your nose gives me a peck,
God those kisses are the worst... Leading me to long
Just for those lips of yours. But Lord your touch...
Your eyes kiss my cheeks, my lids, my lips,
Just as your hands reach my hips, my *******.
How did a Hug turn into something more?

My God, the heat that inflamed the room,
And its just your body pressed firmly against mine,
Your hands squeezing, touching, memorizing...
You let my hair down, I simply can't stand the heat,
You spare me with your free hand, knotting its fingers
In my hair and pulling my head back. Now I can't see.
But your lips start to dance along my shoulders and neck,
Your teeth tap and slide along the bone and flesh.
Your hips grind up with mine as your hands continue their play,
How does a hug end up this way?

Before long your lips are with mine, your fingers tangled with mine.
Not to much after my blouse becomes a hassle,
And you fling it from my body soon to be joined by my bra.
I watch in awe as your eyes kiss my chest, before you
Kiss your way down to the peek of my *******.
Your hands and your tongue are skilled assassins to me,
I can't fight, I can't hide, and honestly I don't want to.
Not to long till we are both naked on my bed,
How did a hug turn into so much more?

Your teeth tease my skin, nipping playfully at my *******,
Your hands creep between my thighs, I'm running out of breath...
I can feel you up against my leg, pulsing, dying so far away;
You have to be the gentleman now of all times?
Your hands once again at my hair, pulling my head back
Just to reach my neck, your hand playing between my legs.
It took to long, it felt like ages before you joined me,
No music, no background helped keep us in time.
All the while we danced entwined, Your eyes never left mine.
How did a hug become something more?

Fireworks, Flame throwers, a waterfall of colors,
The night had passed and I'd not seen it coming.
You had wanted to leave hours ago, had we danced so long?
You don't want to leave, you keep kissing my mouth,
Begging and pleading to let you stay, if only for an hour.
We are friends and nothing more, and yet here we are again.
How on earth, I ask again, did one hug, turn into something more?
self explanatory
Feb 2011 · 1.2k
Frogs
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Gross, slimy, green, *****, animals....how on earth did they get chosen as the animal to become a prince? The reason make sense... vial creatures to be compared with kings...but in truth why the Frog? Not a Pig? Or would that be to literal for tales to little children? Not a Crow? Oh no those are to loud...  I guess its for a Frog is safe, seemingly a girls best friend. Easy to care for, easy to cherish. Though true Frogs are ugly...but in truth so are you. We are all ugly on the inside when compared to reasonable doubt. And also Frogs are pointless, and indeed you follow- so are you. For with out individuality and personality, you're just another Frog in the pond.  And what they say in fairy tales are true... For once you get your kiss, you or your frog...will finally understand what it is to be human...to be loved, and so once again you become a Prince. But be careful what you wish for, this saying also goes in reverse, for true those that are Frogs to begin with become beautiful and strong...but those who are born Prince's and Princesses, once kissed, will turn into FROGS.
Prose

My grandmother used to jest, that she'd met my grandfather and found him a prince...and then after she kissed him, he became a simple lovable frog.
Feb 2011 · 554
*Conflict...*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Missing Emotion,
I've a rather short temper...
Why can't i be as happy
As I was the time before?

"Shut up!" one said,
"You're so annoying!"
Never mind, I've reconsidered,
I like being void of emotion.
- From Upside Down
Feb 2011 · 580
ALONE!
Megan Mae Feb 2011
To sit silently in an empty room, sometimes you feel relief and relaxation. But normally you feel trapped, secluded, agitated and annoyed. You get to the point that you start to get frustrated, dying and begging for some one to spend time with you. You know you could do so much with the time you're given...Laundry, homework, anything. but you don't...and you can't get your mind off of the silly things that plague you. Silly things like a software you can't afford that has assignments due in four days, concerts you have to rehearse for and songs you have to pick, classes you keep forgetting and due to sickness you tend to miss, the guilt trips you friends keep pulling and their stupid little tricks. You don't want to be used any more and you don't want to be ******...but you don't want to be alone so you call all you can - does any one answer? No of course they don't.
Worrying about your appearance and worrying about your friends. Worrying about your grade point average and worrying about your head. You sit and ponder how your family now views you and now you're again sick in bed...Your head is simply spinning and you just can't stop the ride.  You want an understanding as you sit there in your room alone, to why you feel so helpless and why the world is cold as stone. You simply want some one else there, just another presence in the room...whether they talk or not is not the problem, but seriously they never come. How much you want the person to climb in bed with you, and wrap you in his arms. You are alone, you don't want to be, you want to do nothing instead of something, you want him to be there and prove that you're wanted, you want to feel needed. If you could simply be worth while or worth anything to at least one person, you think you might not feel so alone... But when he doesn't answer, or denies the attention you're craving...you feel even more alone then you did in the first place. Loneliness... such a double sided blade.
Prose
Feb 2011 · 539
*Crystal Clear*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
I wish you would be crystal clear,
Just what we are to you.
Am I simply just your friend?
Or do I mean more to you?

You claim aloud there's nothing more,
You act with PDA,
But when we are alone some times
Your emotions and actions start to stray...

Oh kiss and hug thats all just fine,
I'm here and I'm feeling the whiplash
Cause you just drop that on a dime,
Then suddenly we're nothing, seriously ***?

I care too much to loose you,
As a friend or dare I say more...
But be crystal clear to me with what you do...
Or you might lose me for being way to confusing.
- From Upside Down
Feb 2011 · 1.1k
*Touch*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Touch- not always noticed
A brush here, a tap there
Nothing deep, nothing *****.
But enough to think 'Honestly?'

I love touch,
I'm a touchy person,
I love the way you 'accidently' bump
Into me while walking the hall.
It reminds me I'm alive.

I've been Invisible for so long,
I need to be reminded I'm alive.
I've been asleep for so long,
I have to be told I am awake.

Touch- not always noticed
Not always meant.
But every touch is worth so much
Pointed or none, its there...
So touch me please, I'm begging here.

Bust past me, and touch my shoulder,
Tap me and claim not guilty,
Hug, high five or kiss and pet me,
I'll love the touch to the fullest...
But please...don't hold my hand,
Its one thing you'll learn to regret.
Feb 2011 · 1.0k
*Mathematics of the Heart*
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Let <3 be Heart and the equation all makes sense...

                                                   1<3 +1<3= 2<3

But make it logical...
                                                   2<3 - 1<3=  1  < / 3

                                                               ­                   And suddenly its all nonsense....*

Mathematics of the Heart
Doesn’t bode well at all.
The statistics say you’ll never win;
Equations’ answer everything…
Math states you never stay
With your first love,
And that marriage is a lie.
Math states that not matter
How hard you try,
it always ends in divorce.

But then again, why trust Math?
Is there really a simple equation?
Think about it hard and long…
For math can’t tell you
The fraction of your heart you’ll lose if broken,
Nor  tell you the percentage
Of happiness you’ll gain when in love.

So Mathematics of the Heart
They sound foolish when spoken aloud.
For truthfully think the matter through;
How can you tell with logic or understanding
When while in love all is illogical
And suddenly…

Math
           no
                 longer
                                exists?
Every one Keeps telling you to stop listening to your foolish heart, that the statistics never lie... How to the Statistics know?- From Slipping Heart
Jan 2011 · 353
*Foolish Fight*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
When you Love some one so much
you're willing to give even
your own feelings up to make sure
they are happy...
And that there is no other
substitute for the brilliance
of their smile, the feel
of their arms in a hug, and the light
of their eyes, you know you're
knocked out in the corner.
You're lost Rocky...

And When you Love some one
that much, and you can't be with
them not for lack of trying
nor lack of emotion, but for the written
way of the world, how is one to survive
the ache? The hurt of knowing that they
'just might' be with you 'if things were different'
and if Life was 'just a little easier'...or that
'its not how its supposed to be' or even simpler,
'Its more complicated then that...'

Well I Love you that much, so sorry
to burst your bubble. And I am sad
enough to be fine and ok with being yours
secretly, if you admit to being mine even
if only for an hour. Your lips against mine,
your hands on my skin, your eyes looking upon
my body and my soul as if its a diamond.

I Love you so much that I am here,
willingly offering you myself as a sacrifice if only
for the feelings it brings me - Knowing it makes
you feel better as well brings enough comfort.
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, just
kiss, touch, talk, be... I'm yours
And I always will be.
- From Slipping Heart
Jan 2011 · 388
*Call Me Your Cross*
Megan Mae Jan 2011
You're in trouble,
Admit it sir.
I am here to help-
So let me in.
Don't worry about me,
I will be fine...
As long as you're better.

I honestly get sicker,
and sicker each day
Just knowing that you're
Feeling ill and uneasy;
So vent, let it go,
Tell me until you're
No longer queazy.

I want you happy,
Just understand-
Give me some thing,
Anything to do.
And I'll lift the burden,
Easily, just for you.

Call me your cross,
For I love you too much.
You're my Best friend,
And I'll sacrifice my heart
Just to be sure you
Feel right again.
- From Slipping Heart
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Once I was wronged before my friends,
They all cried out in protest.
'How dare they treat you poorly,'
They all screamed and fussed.
I merely shrugged my shoulders and
With a soft sigh did say 'Doesn't matter,
We will all die some day,'

Now weeks did pass and it's been forgotten,
And my friend was wronged by a similar few.
I then began to cry out in wicked frustration,
And she then too sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
'Whats done is done, the past is past,' my friend
Did admit to me. I shook my head and grabbed a bat
and said 'You mess with me, you get off easy,
Mess with my friends...

You're ******'
This is a poem on an inside joke of mine with some friends. They always comment on how when some one picks on me or insults me I typically don't do anything to defend myself; however when some one does the same to one of my friends or family, I'm clawing their eyes out.- From Upside Down
Megan Mae Jan 2011
I sing a song for you

Can you hear me sir?
Those whom have held my heart?
I feel so transparent, using music
As a form to reach you.
Yet not even you, my love, hears.

‘Jy’, When I Look At You
I am plagued with someone who
Doesn’t exist, someone who was
Meant and belonged only for me…

‘O’, you’re my StoryBook lover,
I long to hold you the way
I hold you in my dreams,
By why must real lovers only
Last as long as your longest dream?

‘A’, we were so close,
But that was Once Upon a Dream
And wont return again. What we
Had was temporary, a gift of Gods,
It wasn’t true, it wasn’t real,
It was just a passing dream.

'M’,  you were my angel
Let Me Be Your Wings seemed
So easy for you, yet you were not mine
Not meant for me, I’m still grateful you gave
Me wings to fly…

Grandpa where did you go?
Please come back you me!
I’m Wishing You Were Somehow
Here Again but I know it will never be.
You were my true angel, watching over me
I look for you now, Flying like an Eagle…

‘J’, why must you hurt me?
Please Don’t Make Me Love You!
I can’t handle the pain of loving you
Not again, never again. You hurt me so
Much, yet you don’t seem to care.
You’re just a passing memory to me.

Longing to find you my love,
I look into all of them, deeply
In His Yes I search for you till you
Find me and grab me and save me.
I need someone to heal my heart,
How broken it is and needs to be mended…

‘C’ , if only you could see…
It’s Only Love don’t run from it.
I know you’ve been in pain before,
But so have I, and we can heal each other
So  afraid am I, terrified of not being what you want.
Its only my love…
The Titles in Italics are names of ballads I've sung for competitions, and that the letters in ''s are the first letters of boys I've liked and have used them as inspiration to sing the songs.- From Water Woman
Jan 2011 · 1.1k
~Water Woman~
Megan Mae Jan 2011
You came out of the blue...


John sat up in the double bed, he was panting. What a dream he’d had. He looked to his left, his girlfriend Casey still slept soundly and undisturbed by his awakening. With care he climbed from the sheets and walked from the room. Once the door to his and Casey’s room was closed securely, John started down the hallway to the common room. John, his two friends Henry and Chris, along with Casey and Henry’s steady girlfriend Nana; had all rented out a multi-apartment on the beach for their summer vacation. The spacious three beds, two baths, with kitchen and common room condo was a life saver for the vacationing students. It was on the cheap side and had an amazing view of the Atlantic Ocean from their own personal balcony. At first he thought his dreams were from the lore one of the natives had told them to scare them off, to stay at another hotel more inward off the shore, lore of the Water Woman. But they were modern college students nothing would happen to them.


It was the balcony that John retreated to when he woke, grabbing beer before he opened the slider; he took care not to make too much noise, then closed the door behind him and walked into the night. He closed his eyes as he felt the simple breezes brush against his skin. It was strangely refreshing to the apartment’s heat and he took a seat on one of the balcony chairs. The sound of the waves seemed to echo through this soft wind, calling him closer to the edge of the balcony. John reclined back in the chair, placed his beer on the side table and closed his eyes once again, trying to imagine exactly what woke him.

He remembered blurs, blues, and a beautiful girl with blonde hair.

This is what confused him, Casey, his girlfriend of three years, had dark chocolate hair cut in a cute super short style that was no more than an inch off her head, with her bangs dangling over her eyes. But this girl in his dream, she had vibrant blonde hair, long down to her waist, wavy, free. John’s eyes shot open. He had no idea what was going through his mind. He looked at the beer to his side and sighed. “I’ve had one to many,” He’d also had this same dream for weeks now, and he couldn’t put his finger on it, it was like the visions were haunting him.

It was then he heard the high pitch tone. What should have been annoying and painful ended up intriguing him, he sat up, somehow sobered. The tone turned to a multi toned melody. John turned toward the ocean, where the music seemed to be coming from; that’s when he saw her.

The mystery girl was walking with her feet just touching the water. She wore a simple white dress that fell freely around her body. The moon was full and bright that night and John stood, leaning over the edge of the balcony and looked down at the girl. She stopped and gazed up at the sky. John looked closer, realizing he was holding his breath, only to watch as she turned and looked up at him. He was on the fourth floor of the building, and she seemed to be looking right at him. His heart pounded. John had no idea what was running through him, but from what he could see in her eyes, she looked like she was crying. In seconds he rushed through the sliding door, pulled on a pair of denim jeans and a belt and his flip flops, grabbed his keys and ran out the door.

John skipped the elevator, it would take too long, and by the time he reached the first floor the girl would be gone, and he darted down the steps. When he reached the lobby nothing in his way stopped him from making it out to the beach in the back. Once his feet hit the sand he stopped, looked out over the beach to find her. He was panting, his lungs hurt from the running, but he didn’t care, he had to find her. He started out closer to the water, she was nowhere to be seen. “Where the hell?” he choked as he felt the water lick at his feet. It was cool, chilly in the light wind. How could she be gone? This beach ran for miles, clear and open with the moonlight…he’d see her if she continued either way, even if she ran. He turned looking out to the ocean, she wasn’t there either.

He was about to give up, turned to return to his room, when just as he turned to head back to the building, she stood right behind him. John had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. She looked to be around her early twenties, her blonde hair cascading down her body, a form which now closer and defined by the moonlight was even more intoxicating then before. Her white dress wasn’t thick at all, practically a shift or slip in material. He could see more than he bargained for. But her eyes, those almond green jems, they took his breath away more so then her appearance. Her lips were moving, he didn’t hear words, he heard notes, music, a melody similar to the one from the balcony. She moved closer to him, her eyes so sad as she reached for his face. Her fingers on his cheek made his spine tingle.

“Miss,” he forced, his voice waivering. “What are you doing out here? It’s not safe for a woman like you,”

“Why did you come?” she asked sadly. John didn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you come? You shouldn’t have come.” John melted at her voice, it was almost as beautiful as her singing.

“You looked like you were lonely.” He said finally.

“I am,” her eyes seemed to seep sadness. He couldn’t understand why. What he would give to see her smile.

“Miss are you alright? Do you need me to walk you back to your place?” he asked absently. The thoughts of his girlfriend Casey back in the room four floors up seemed to vanish. He watched as her lips slowly smiled, her eyes sadder still.

“Do you want to go for a swim?” she asked. He watched as her fingers laced around the thin straps of her shift, she seemed to be taking the gown off. He flinched, she paused, her smile still overpowering her horribly sad eyes. She let her white teeth shine as she slowly stepped back into the water. “Come swim with me,” her voice was like a song alone, no instrumental, no notes needed. She let her shift fall to the water, it floated there before she stepped out of it stepping back into the waves. John was trapped in her gaze, unable to look away, absently following.

He was chest deep by the time she was neck deep in the water. “Follow me,” she cooed. He only saw her eyes, barely paying attention the waves grew angrier.

By the time he noticed the horrible weather, the rain, the lightning, the raging waves, it was to late. The woman had embraced him, pressed her lips against his, pulling him deeper in the raging waters. And though he wanted to get out of the cold water, he swam deeper. He followed the beautiful woman of his dreams.


The next morning Casey woke to find John missing. Chris, Nana and Henry all went searching for him, no note, his key’s missing, his flip flops gone. Casey had a horrible feeling that he was gone for good. She didn’t fully trust this gut feeling until the police found one of his flip flops farther down the beach washed up on the shore.

The students left the place, unable to find their friends. What they didn’t know was that he was looking up at them, in each wave that encased Casey’s feet, he looked up sadly drowning in his tears invisible to the eyes of his friends, pained that he’d never see this girl ever again, and he was swept away once again by the tide.
All because he didn’t hear of the lore of the Water Woman.
Prose or Short Story, you pick, but please tell me what you think.- From Water Woman
Jan 2011 · 750
No More Than a Memory
Megan Mae Jan 2011
He was no more than a memory, she would look at his picture and see this. His hair wasn't as long as it used to be, he was much taller, and his style had changed from the youth to the young adult he'd become. But she noticed when he walked past her with his friends and his new girlfriend, that one thing hadn't changed. His smile.

She remembered when his smile used to be just for her, she remembered how she would smile back. They were childhood friends, but it was much more then that for her. He was her only friend for so long...and when he left she cried for weeks. He had changed and out grown her, and she had to accept it. He no longer smiled and looked her way, he didn't even notice she was sitting there. But she couldn't react to it, she had to ignore the pain it evoked.

She sat at the table, picking at the food spread out along the span of the table cloth. It was strange but she didn't want him to see her eat, she felt horrific at the thought. She sipped at her sweet tea, reminding herself that within the next ten hours she would be on a plane back 'home' till the winter vacation. She also reminded herself that this man, no this boy, had been nothing but silent to her for that past five years, only coming out to help her heal at the death of a family member. He'd done nothing to keep in touch, had tried at nothing to be a friend, and he had done nothing to stop her from hurting.

At the finishing of her tea, she asked to be excused and returned to her room in the house across the street. There she quickly took her computer and turned it on to the internet, trying to resist the painful tears in her eyes. What if he wanted to talk to her again? What if he wanted to see what she was up to? No she had decided. She loaded up his page, his picture looking back at her on the screen. His warm smile that used to mean so much to her touched her and let the tears trickle down her cheeks. She forced herself to scroll to the bottom of his page, let her cursor hover over the words 'Remove Friend'. She remained like that for moments that felt like forever, and it wasn't until she brought up the courage did she press her finger down on the mouse and finalized the deed. "Good Bye," she whispered as she closed the computer and turned it off. That was it, he wouldn't hurt her any more. She would treat him as he treated her.

He was no more than a Memory.
100% True Life

"We may distance from each other in life and in passing, but you'll always be of grave importance to who I become."
Megan Mae Jan 2011
It Glimmers and Shines, this key to the forbidden chest;
A locked chest hidden away deep inside
Where no passerby may look upon its dark wood.
Oh how the key glimmers in the hands of the owner,
Marvel at its simplicity…oh me…
Dare I open it? Dare I try?
My heart is lying recovering inside
Hidden away from the light of love for so long.
Foolish one I let it open, so easily handed over
This brilliant key to one I thought was true.
How horrid is fate to me, tricking me so…
And how this gent so tenderly picked me up
Coddled and bandaged my wounded heart till
No tear could be shed, no blood able to be spilt…
How quickly my heart began to cling to him
As if it were a life line and my red ribbons end.
Yet seemingly overnight this god who revived me
Became a brick wall my heart was ****** against.
What torture was brought to my little heart, being
Healed so well that even the gravest beating didn’t leave a scar.
How bruised it became, my heart over night,
Yet no tear was able to be shed though it’s all it wanted to do
No blood was wasted for he beat so tenderly that it didn’t wound.
Oh but my heart was battered and confused
Unable to tell right from harm…
The man so roughly played that so soon he grew tired.
So bored of my heart from playing every day
He then kept me up on a shelf, there to watch him run free
And leaving me there to rest till next he desires me again.
Once again I’m lifted and roughed up to no end,
But how can I refuse the man who so tenderly cared for
My once broken and bleeding heart?
After his worst places even he would take me sometimes in his arms
And hold me and heal me till I cry and am well.
This viscous cycle leaves my heart so bruised that it can’t even cry
I am left wandering, that even with such admiration for this gent…
If it is still worth the ache and sorrow
Just to feel wanted again and loved if only for a moment, even by a friend.
To put yourself in such a relationship is very suicidal no?
And I can’t open my mouth and say what pain I’m in is his doing,
His hands squeezing my heart till there’s no more feeling…I haven’t the
Heart to say – he’s ripped out its vocal chords and thrown them away.
And the pain to see as he plays with me and then quickly discards,
The brilliant key to my chest of safety dangling so plainly about his neck.
Oh my suicidal heart, throwing myself at his feet begging simply to be held again
To be loved is all I want still sits on that shelf and wonders if the key is still mine.
I sometimes sit alone with my heart, waiting on the shelf till he’s home,
Watching him wander about filling his tastes with others, yet always returning to me…
My heart foolishly hopes and hopes and hopes that maybe this time he’ll stay,
Maybe this time he’ll find that I’m the one he need, the one he wants,
And sees the pain he’s put me through and again takes to healing the wounds.
Oh kiss my face, tell me sweet airs of kindness, and just convince me once again I’m his…
That he is mine….
Oh silly suicidal heart, so willing for the love almost mine,
That I would purposely place myself in such heartache’s hands as his.
I lay silently beside him, darkness surrounds me, and I long for the courage to reach out first
To reach in the dark for that brilliant, beautiful key about his neck-
So careful I will be not to wake him…simply to take back my heart, my poor foolish
My poor broken, suicidal heart.
I long to simply lock my heart up once again in that strong chest of wood,
Maybe then my suicidal heart will finally be at rest...and finally heal loves wounds…
But till then I am lost, lost in the tide of the crashing waves of this emotion filled
Irrationality of his affections, continue to be smashed into the jagged rocks of my
Own self doubt, reality and confusion…too weak to fight and too tired to reach for
The key, the freedom of this heart ache, to my simple safe wooden chest.
The last sanctuary for a wounded soul, for I have such a foolish and suicidal heart.
Alas – I am forever lost.
This is a response to my last poem *Suicidal Heart* about my recent heartache.- From Slipping Heart
Jan 2011 · 393
* The World *
Megan Mae Jan 2011
The world we live in

No-
Can mean so much for just two letters

Yes-
Can mean absolutely nothing

Love-
Can be happy, it can be painful

Thank you for coming-
Means go away

Darkness-
It can hide you, but it also reveals your deepest secrets

I don’t hate you-
Means just shut up and leave me alone

Friendship-
Is an illusion created to be shattered?

Truth-
Is a fantasy

Dreams-
Never come true

Nothing –
What you get instead of what you want

Never-
Is the answer to all your questions?


In a world where what we say is in reverse…

Why am I still worthless?
- From Slipping Heart
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