It Glimmers and Shines, this key to the forbidden chest;
A locked chest hidden away deep inside
Where no passerby may look upon its dark wood.
Oh how the key glimmers in the hands of the owner,
Marvel at its simplicity…oh me…
Dare I open it? Dare I try?
My heart is lying recovering inside
Hidden away from the light of love for so long.
Foolish one I let it open, so easily handed over
This brilliant key to one I thought was true.
How horrid is fate to me, tricking me so…
And how this gent so tenderly picked me up
Coddled and bandaged my wounded heart till
No tear could be shed, no blood able to be spilt…
How quickly my heart began to cling to him
As if it were a life line and my red ribbons end.
Yet seemingly overnight this god who revived me
Became a brick wall my heart was ****** against.
What torture was brought to my little heart, being
Healed so well that even the gravest beating didn’t leave a scar.
How bruised it became, my heart over night,
Yet no tear was able to be shed though it’s all it wanted to do
No blood was wasted for he beat so tenderly that it didn’t wound.
Oh but my heart was battered and confused
Unable to tell right from harm…
The man so roughly played that so soon he grew tired.
So bored of my heart from playing every day
He then kept me up on a shelf, there to watch him run free
And leaving me there to rest till next he desires me again.
Once again I’m lifted and roughed up to no end,
But how can I refuse the man who so tenderly cared for
My once broken and bleeding heart?
After his worst places even he would take me sometimes in his arms
And hold me and heal me till I cry and am well.
This viscous cycle leaves my heart so bruised that it can’t even cry
I am left wandering, that even with such admiration for this gent…
If it is still worth the ache and sorrow
Just to feel wanted again and loved if only for a moment, even by a friend.
To put yourself in such a relationship is very suicidal no?
And I can’t open my mouth and say what pain I’m in is his doing,
His hands squeezing my heart till there’s no more feeling…I haven’t the
Heart to say – he’s ripped out its vocal chords and thrown them away.
And the pain to see as he plays with me and then quickly discards,
The brilliant key to my chest of safety dangling so plainly about his neck.
Oh my suicidal heart, throwing myself at his feet begging simply to be held again
To be loved is all I want still sits on that shelf and wonders if the key is still mine.
I sometimes sit alone with my heart, waiting on the shelf till he’s home,
Watching him wander about filling his tastes with others, yet always returning to me…
My heart foolishly hopes and hopes and hopes that maybe this time he’ll stay,
Maybe this time he’ll find that I’m the one he need, the one he wants,
And sees the pain he’s put me through and again takes to healing the wounds.
Oh kiss my face, tell me sweet airs of kindness, and just convince me once again I’m his…
That he is mine….
Oh silly suicidal heart, so willing for the love almost mine,
That I would purposely place myself in such heartache’s hands as his.
I lay silently beside him, darkness surrounds me, and I long for the courage to reach out first
To reach in the dark for that brilliant, beautiful key about his neck-
So careful I will be not to wake him…simply to take back my heart, my poor foolish
My poor broken, suicidal heart.
I long to simply lock my heart up once again in that strong chest of wood,
Maybe then my suicidal heart will finally be at rest...and finally heal loves wounds…
But till then I am lost, lost in the tide of the crashing waves of this emotion filled
Irrationality of his affections, continue to be smashed into the jagged rocks of my
Own self doubt, reality and confusion…too weak to fight and too tired to reach for
The key, the freedom of this heart ache, to my simple safe wooden chest.
The last sanctuary for a wounded soul, for I have such a foolish and suicidal heart.
Alas – I am forever lost.

The world we live in

No-
Can mean so much for just two letters

Yes-
Can mean absolutely nothing

Love-
Can be happy, it can be painful

Thank you for coming-
Means go away

Darkness-
It can hide you, but it also reveals your deepest secrets

I don’t hate you-
Means just shut up and leave me alone

Friendship-
Is an illusion created to be shattered?

Truth-
Is a fantasy

Dreams-
Never come true

Nothing –
What you get instead of what you want

Never-
Is the answer to all your questions?


In a world where what we say is in reverse…

Why am I still worthless?

You were everything I thought I wanted.
Owner of my heart, holder of the key.
But as I look deeper, I see that you are not
all I thought you were to me.

For if you are all I ever wanted, all I needed,
plainly you would love me back.

Now so far apart, you pretend I don't exist.
You promise me silly promises you can't keep,
You make me feel better if only for that moment
only to take that feeling away just seconds away
with one of your foolish comments that rips my
heart to shreds.

You're not what I wanted any more,
you're what I wish you weren't.
We used to be friends, then something happened
to end this relationship I thought we had.
Whether it be time, fate, how we felt about each other,
whether you hated me, acted around me as if you didn't care.

And now I've left you behind.
What ever I thought we had is gone,
so nothing holds me to you any more.
No more broken promises you didn't mean to say,
foolish day dreams that would never come true,

Just now I am thinking about how you would react
when you read my Blockbuster years from now...

and read about what I had hoped happened,
what I wished happened, and what really happened.

You're the final heartache.

"Life goes on around you and you avoid it as best you can."
I'll sit in the stairway and wonder…why me? I am used to being invisible, and then suddenly you see me? It's a strange thing to get used to, speaking with a human, I'm no good at all.
Claps are heard in the distance, electric hum creates an invisible song; I like this stairway, it is my one sanctuary.
But then the bell rings, and life continues to turn, the macabre merry go round that eats the soul of its rider. I am alone in my stair well, until you arrive and take me to a life I can't live. Happy is a verb I'll never really know and for some reason, that is all these humans see in me…they are so blind.
I know you can't see the real you, and me try to hide that fact. But can any human truly see? My hair will be chocolate brown and down by back, my eyes are Grey and blue, I wear all black and my skin is so pale that it is gloved from elbow to fingers.
In truth I am a goddess fallen to earth, believe what you may, I wont care.
But thank you for talking to me any way.

Phantom of Your Heart
I am the presence that surrounds you,
That dark phantom in the night.
I am that shadow that sits by your bedside,
And catches the nightmares and monsters that disturb your sleep.
I am the phantom that watches you sleep
And kisses your face and longs for you to love me.

Though I might not be seen when you wake in the night,
I am there, though you walk right through me.
You may not realize how close I am, or even how dear you are to me.
Even as you sing yourself to sleep, cry, or even weep…
I’m there to make you feel better and calm you.
I would embrace you and take away any pain or sorrow, and let you sleep with a smile on your face.

As you grow older, and your dreams begin change,
I remain there beside your bed, protecting you, loving you.
And when the morning comes and the suns begins to rise
I’ll slowly slink and hide in your wildest daydreams.
You’ll think of me everyday and as you grow, and I’ll change for you.
I’ll be whom you will me, to care for you forever.

I am perfect, everything you long for.
My hair is blonde, brown, black as raven pitch,
My eyes are green, blue brown; my skin light, tan, dark, pale.
I am Male…I am Female.
I am what you wish and long for, what you want me to be.
I am your Wildest Dreams.

But I know, one night I’ll enter your room,
And find I can’t take form, and remain the wispy shadow.
And I’ll flow to your bed and see you are no longer alone,
And as you start to toss and turn, your partner slowly wakes you with the kiss I could not give you, the envy…the jealousy it would cause in me to see you there with IT.
You’ll wake to ITS touch and fall asleep in ITS arms,
The way I’ve longed to do so every night I watched you.


But tonight, oh tonight you’re alone; no one is at your side.
And as I enter, I take the shape of your hearts longing.
I will walk to your bedside, sit on the cloud, your bed,
And caress you with my phantom fingers.
I’ll kiss your face, and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
But when you wake, you’ll remember it only as a dream, and discard it all.

I love you more then life itself.
I’d give my very life for you,
And even thought I don’t live, my soul belongs to you.
Despite the fact that you discard my presence,
And pretend I don’t exist.
You still talk to me as you talk to yourself.

And you know I’m answering and some how hear
For you speak as if you hear my voice, and know I am there.
Even though you deny my existence, I’ll always love you.
Even to the day you forget me,
Even to the day you break my heart.
And even after, I’ll follow you and watch you for I can’t keep away.

Many nights I sit and pray,
Just to become one with you
Others I just sit and long to live, to be real
And be the one you want beside you.
Some times I dream of eternal life with you,
And I long for the mortality so I could die with you,
And be buried beside you.

My god…I love you,
I want you,
I’ll miss you,
I’d claim you,
I’ll kiss you,
I’ll hold you.

Just as you wish me to
For I am YOUR Phantom,
your Dreams,
your Wishes,
your Desires,
I am the Phantom of your HEART.

Don't you wish you knew?
This secret that I told only so few?
This ring? What it symbolizes?
Don't you wish you knew?

Sometimes I look up at the stars,
wondering what I done right;
even after pain, loss, rejection...
all I have to do is take a deep breath, look down,
then I see this ring and I can smile again.

Such an angel, this man I speak of,
but not just any man,
He watches over me, protects me,
cares for me, loves me.
I wish you knew how it feels to be
protected and watched and loved like that.

I can be myself, and he loves me.
I can look like a slob, and he loves me.
I can say I hate him if he makes me mad, and he loves me.
He would put himself in danger to keep me from harm,
even if it means keeping us apart.

Now I’m down here, gazing up at the stars,
I can see his eyes gazing down at me, just almost,
and he tells me it’s almost time.

I wish you knew how it feels,
to know that times coming up,
that weight on your shoulders would be lifted
soon enough, and your heart captured.

I wish you knew how it feels, this secret,
this lover being so close it makes your heart beat faster.
I sleep and he is there, lying beside me.
He gives me this ring, leads me to it,
he's coming soon, I know it.

After such horror I finally see him,
he's alright, he's ok, he's still mine.
He's alive and trying to find me.
I wish you knew how it feels.

Oh don’t you wish you knew?
This cloud I seem to float on?
When I seem lost in the moment,
who I’m thinking of?
I think of him standing there before me
loving the sight of me, and taking me in his arms
and never letting go,
for he knows that I’ll be his, and forever and always was.


So many guys down here, so many seem to reflect him,
it gets hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Hearts leap, but it’s not him. I'm waiting for him, and he's
coming...

I wish you knew how this feels,
Don’t' you wish you knew?

Looking up at you, I wonder where it all gone.
Thought you loved me too but sooner or later it all came around
I long to see your face again, long to hear your voice;
How can you blame me, you’re enchanting – there’s no choice.

I want to take you in my arms, feel your heat, your skin.
You kiss my neck and love me the way you did back then.
Lay me in the darkness, keep me from the cold.
Love me the way you did back then.

Unless you don’t love me anymore, don’t tell me, don’t tell me
You don’t love me anymore, don’t tell me, don’t tell me.

I look up to you, long for you, yet you don’t come round.
Feel for you, breathe of you, need you right now.
I feel your fingers in my hair, your skin hot on mine.
We toss in blankets, laugh and chime, love is all we find.

Remember how it used to be, every night was a new mystery
We rediscovered each other, underneath the covers.
Love is all we had there, we were everything we needed.
But one day soon you’d find, you’re tired after the climb.

Unless you don’t love me anymore, don’t tell me, don’t tell me
You don’t love me anymore, don’t tell me, don’t tell me.
I’m making a fool of myself, reaching out and singing to you
Out in the middle of the night, cold and freezing in the dark.
The wind chills, the moon hides, why do you stay away?
How can you love me, when you’re so far away?

Unless you don’t love me, not any more.
Please don’t say you don’t love me,
Please don’t open that door.
I don’t think I could get over you, don’t  think I could survive.

For so long you’ve been my world, for so long you’ve been my life
I need you, feel you breathe you in my every vein.
Keep me in your arms, please keep on loving me…