It hurts to remember
I want to forget
But every time I think of letting go
I feel lost and confused
Like life is nothing without even a thought of you.
Want to wallow in mourning
In yearning, in pain
Rather than forget your face.
It was nothing
I am nothing to you anymore
Why are you still part of me?

We go out running.
Loudly our silence shrieking
back and forth with the wind
forcing itself
knives
into our lungs
You force me farther still over the bridge now
And then we're back there by the water
this is where we were back then
two years before this
two years before all the nightmares
whom have since presses their bodies against me between us
handsome with ****** hands
holding me hostage in their embraces
in my embrace  of myself
It was warm then, with you.
but the moon was just as now.
and you kissed me just as now
and embrace me youre still warm
August just as November.
Stormy just like the weather
Fiercely you make your love to me
So that i remember
Down into the night
you hold my hand and locked in prayer
we breathe...
We stay and look out onto the water
into the past and into the future
You force me farther  still - testing my persistence.
And then after so much waiting
We run back home
finally together

Sometimes I thirst
So intensely for something
Which I cannot identify
That I
Drink glasses
Of ice water
Until the feeling of nausea
Takes over
And I
Forget my illusive thirst.
And though
It isn't for water that I thirst,
I am unable to name that
For which
I do thirst
And am therefore
Forced to quench
The only thirst I know.

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

Distract us
Sidetrack us
Engross us
Refract us
Or offer
A glimpse
Just a slight
Of what's real
While we march
In our sleep,
While we are
Standing still,
We’re still reigning
Still falling
Still fighting
False stalling
And cannot see
The ground with
Our heads in
The clouds with
Our eyes And
Our ears Cotton
Wool-ed From
Our fears A
Divine Inter-
ment our shins
Creak on
Cement and
Our boots
Thump and grind
As we march
On the blind
Silent lips
Bleary eyes
Muffled sounds
Freaky minds

Let us fumble, scratch,
slash, claw
through endless Autumn fields

cut from hushed velvet,
hushed velvet and husks.

You say at night
my voice rounds, softens,
grows heavy.

Breeze rustles twigs,
lulls, a lullaby floats over
from the farmhouse.

Fields fill with dust,
bone homes, crackling
with seed ticks and mice.

I think of fruit, the toil
of warm flesh, how it bulged,
slumped off and rotted.

You ask how I could have forgotten
harvest, entered the slumber,
reaped nothing?

The Moon blooms, ripens the sky.

I stop, squat,
trace circles in the sand.

This year I just don't  have the heart.


                                                                -kevin mann