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545 · Jul 2014
Josh McBride
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i wrote your name
on every inch of the
third layer of my skin,
braided the threads
of your lion sweater
into my hair, painted
your breath onto every
surface i could get my
hands on.

these things are all i
have left of you.
"Darling this is when I met you
For the third time, not the last
Not the last time we are learning
Who we are and what we would"

- Josh McBride, The Head and the Heart
544 · Oct 2012
Short Time
Megan Grace Oct 2012
If I'd known
you'd never
come back
I'd have stopped
for, like, four seconds
to memorize the freckles
on your arms.
I'd have taken time
to brand your laugh
into my eardrums
and imprint your arms
around my waist.
I wish I'd had more of a chance
to steal all your pieces,
but three days
equals practically no days
and you were gone.
542 · Jul 2014
July, July
Megan Grace Jul 2014
t  h  i  s
mis sour i
a  i  r       i  s
suffocatingme
because  i swear
you've breathed  it
all in and out so now
i'm  left   searching  for
microscopic bits of it that
haven't touched your teeth
"And the water rolls down the drain
The water rolls down the drain
Oh, what a lonely thing
In a lonely drain
July, July, July
It never seemed so strange"
-The Decemberists
540 · Mar 2015
Minsky's
Megan Grace Mar 2015
I. Cherry blossoms, lilacs, I
swam to the surface where
I could just barely make out
your fingers tracing a pattern
on the water

II. I thought about your heart
your heart your
heart, wondered if I could
convince you to let me take
the smallest bite out of it

III. Oxygen masks are not
just for the weak anymore,
they are the laugh lines that
seem to spread back to the
very center of you when
you know you've just said
something I hate, or your
thumb rubbing over a bit
of my jaw as you leaned in
536 · Sep 2014
push
Megan Grace Sep 2014
blue haze, i
wanted your
hubbabubba
chewed up
dreams, but
now i feel
like i am
drowning
in a garbled
mess of blue
blue blue
blue bluer
than your eyes
(no not
drowning-
you would
find that too
dramatic) i
am choking
on bits of you
that keep
surfacing on
my tongue.
why didn't you just blow the bubble
why didn't you just blow the bubble
why didn't you just blow the bubble
why didn't you just blow the bubble
why didn't you just







i wonder if you still read these
534 · Jul 2014
catalog
Megan Grace Jul 2014
but susan
said "he thought
the world of you.
you could tell just
by the way he looked
at you" and i'm pretty sure
all my resolve is melting with
every second that my heart is
trying to find a new home.
why can't it find a home in me?
532 · Jan 2015
November
Megan Grace Jan 2015
i wonder
how you would
feel if you knew
that i have fallen
for someone else,
someone who holds
me like my hands are
made of porcelain and
my heart of crystal,
someone who smells like
winter and cigarettes and
wind, someone who looks at
me like he knows how many
times i have traveled the earth
to find him. i wonder if you
want me to be happy.
do you still read these?
529 · Aug 2014
April, 2014
Megan Grace Aug 2014
you  liked   t h e
way  i   pronounced
"bloodflood,"  all  clean
syllables,  made  me  say
it­ three times for you while
you ate  your  sandwich.  you
said you mostly  mumbled  and
thought no one could understand
you but, god, i did. every eyebrow
wiggle had a  paragraph  beneathe
its surface, every smile was a  song
you   hadn't    written    yet,   every
thumb  stroked  on my cheek was
a promise of forever. you always
made   perfect   sense   to   me.
every time someone likes my poem "Wednesday" it reminds me of the day that i wrote it
526 · Nov 2013
home
Megan Grace Nov 2013
If "settle" wasn't a bad
word I would tell you
all the time that it's what
I want to do with you.
Because your voice is the
only one I want to hear
humming in the kitchen
when the sun is barely
awake. You are the last
person whose quirks I
want to learn, whose
mouth I want to memorize
the taste of, whose body
I want to call my own.
525 · May 2014
{ }
Megan Grace May 2014
{ }
I wish I could
slip inside your
bones.
523 · Jul 2014
tumultuary
Megan Grace Jul 2014
and from a family of
chronic messes what
do i have to look
forward to except
the chance that maybe
someday someone will
give me a reason to
think my disasters could
be something beautiful?
520 · Mar 2014
nineteen
Megan Grace Mar 2014
I have been
living in people's
dumpsters for too
long now god
won't someone
please just invite
me inside for once
Megan Grace Sep 2014
i apparently  love
peoplewithissues
do you  have any
baggage  oh  god
please come here
tomesoi can hold
all of it  f o r  you
andprobablykeep
it   even    a f t e r
you're    g   o  n  e
517 · May 2014
Oregon
Megan Grace May 2014
We have tumbled
into the realm of
the most unsettled
humans- scraping
fingernails and hands
that have not held
others.
But we will find our
way out. What was it
you said? "You're the
light on the other
side," I think. You're
always my light on
the other side, Ryan,
always.
I'm writing something big that I'm really happy with (finally) and this was a section I liked a lot.
513 · Aug 2014
#85
Megan Grace Aug 2014
#85
you made   me feel
like a house full  of
sunlight, a handful
of   lilies,  a  willow
tree in a  light  rain
shower.  thank you
f o r   loving  me  as
m u c h  as you  did.
"You wanna marry me?"
511 · Nov 2013
[ ]
Megan Grace Nov 2013
[ ]
You
       are
every missed
con    nec    tion,
every
pause
I didn't know
how to fill,
every ship I
sent out that
never reached
its designated
shore. I never
really had you.
508 · Jul 2013
12:16
Megan Grace Jul 2013
But I can't sleep
tonight because
I no longer like
having my own
personal space.
506 · Jan 2012
Untitled
Megan Grace Jan 2012
God.
Just let me crawl
up your forearms
and into your hair.
I want to count the veins
that trace up your wrist.
Lunge into your heart
and make a home there. Where I can breathe
is only inside the place your secrets are stored.
I want to transcend along the patch of rough skin,
the spots you forgot to shave today.
Move along with the stretch of your hand until you're mine.
All mine.
Let me capture you wholly.
503 · Jan 2014
aphesis
Megan Grace Jan 2014
I have been searching for
pieces of you in other
people's hands and
coming up empty
(emptier than I
was before.)
When will
this end?
501 · May 2013
Last Night
Megan Grace May 2013
I have a list
of people I
cannot go to
when my heart
is collapsing
and I hate that
you've put
yourself on it.
501 · Jul 2014
Mercury
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i love you the way you
love space- like you are
the most magnificent
being i have ever seen
but i cannot hold you,
cannot hope to contain
any part of you, cannot
make you appreciate my
existence in the same way
499 · Oct 2014
10.21
Megan Grace Oct 2014
i've been
filling
myself
with sand
with sand
with sand
i'm not sure if it's helping






i'll get past this phase soon, i promise
496 · Jun 2014
#186
Megan Grace Jun 2014
You have filled
me up with
dust, and I
mean that in
the best way
possible. It's
the kind of
dust that you
blow off of
grandfather
clocks in the
basement of
antique malls,
the kind that
is wise and
has seen it
all (even us
sneaking a
kiss in the
corner), the
kind that
sticks
around.
495 · May 2014
05.14
Megan Grace May 2014
I only want to eat flowers and bloom
beautifully.
493 · Sep 2014
drip
Megan Grace Sep 2014
do you dream
about me-
no lipstick left
and wild hair?
i hope i am
swallowed by
golden light in
all of them,
that you are only
able to see me in
the wilderness,
that you wake up
with a pain in the
middle of your
sternum where i
used to run my
fingers while we
watched movies or
listened to the rain
under your covers.
493 · Sep 2014
Dear Ryan (IV)
Megan Grace Sep 2014
listen,
i avoid your shows
and your friends
and your mom (and
god i loved your
mom more than i
loved you, i think)
and i have even
stopped going to
target in case you
might be working.
i'm so tired of
going out of my
way to be normal.
yours,
Megan
485 · Oct 2014
Dear Ryan (V)
Megan Grace Oct 2014
please do not drive
by my apartment.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
*******. i've been
doing so well.
you did not pick me,
so you are not
allowed to do this
to me anymore.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
i wish i hadn't noticed you there.
484 · Nov 2013
Timing
Megan Grace Nov 2013
This is
not the
first life
I have
loved
you in,
nor is
it the
last.
482 · Jul 2014
Dear Ryan,
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i'm  finding  comfort
in the  fact that, even
for a little while, you
were  just  as  lost  as
i always  seem  to be
yours,
Megan
481 · Nov 2013
local
Megan Grace Nov 2013
o  w
l             l
s                    y
I am realizing
that I am my
only home.
480 · Aug 2014
Funny Thing (reprised)
Megan Grace Aug 2014
I    have    been
trying too hard
to  dim the  fire
burning between
my lungs and I'm
getting    tired    of
the water my efforts
have   l e f t    sizzling
over   m y   stomach
"Oh, come and rescue me
Lovely thing
We'll have to wait and see
And, oh, it's not easy to
be in love with a broken heart"
- Funny Thing, Foxlin
479 · Apr 2014
Lawrence, Kansas
Megan Grace Apr 2014
I am not allowed
to have your
mouth (a fact which
I am more than
well aware of) but
today I did in the
basement of an
antique mall and
I wish it hadn't
been so fleeting,
been so rushed.
But after all this
time it was still
enough
it was still enough
you are still enough.
477 · Jun 2014
a poem
Megan Grace Jun 2014
*******

f
u
c
k

y
o
u

f    u    c    k     y    o    u

f
u
  c
   k

     y
   o
u

no really though,

*******.
I'll think of a better way to say this later, I swear.
477 · Aug 2014
Eight
Megan Grace Aug 2014
there is something serene
about  being  held  under
t h e pressure of an ocean
of a year's  worth of your
words.      i       sunk      in

                               quickly,

my only goal  b e i n g to
find the bottom in hopes
that  the  answer  to   a l l
your  problems might  be
down  there  somewhere,
but instead it  w a s thick
and   dark   and   when  i
looked back  i could  just
barely seethesunthrough
the   water.  n o w   i   am
s        t         u        c         k
in bubbles and blurs and
i swear all these canyons
down herearewhispering
sentences  o f   yours  i've
b e e n  trying   to  forget.
"you are  m y  light at the
end  of  the   t u n n e l . "
when will i surface?
474 · Oct 2014
Wilco
Megan Grace Oct 2014
please
move
slowly
please take your time
474 · Feb 2014
2:27
Megan Grace Feb 2014
I wish you were
one of those people
who made drunk
phone calls.
Megan Grace Jun 2014
It is weird that I will never go to a
Foxlin show, never hear the songs
you claim are about me, never let
the words run across the floor and
up my legs, never let them settle
deep down in the gaping hole you
left just to the right of my heart.
It was strange to be the subject
of your art. I wonder how you
feel being the subject of mine.
465 · Jul 2014
fizzle
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I'm sure by this point I have
exploded and expanded,
breached countless lines
and crossed several borders,
wrote my name in the
clouds with yours following
it just to see what it would
look like strung out like
that. I want to be purple
and green (and blue so
you'll notice me) and as
orange as the third inner-
most layer of the sun. Please
pay attention to me. It's
the least you could do to
pay me back for the way I
have been overwhelmed
by you for this long.
463 · Sep 2014
#372
Megan Grace Sep 2014
lately i've been missing
you more than i can hold
in my hands. when is it
my turn to be okay?
Today was an especially hard day.
461 · Apr 2014
Dearest,
Megan Grace Apr 2014
Thank you for loving
me even when I am
messy.
459 · Nov 2013
July-November
Megan Grace Nov 2013
You told
me I was

what

you

wanted

but we aren't
the same
as we
were
then.
455 · Jul 2013
Harrison
Megan Grace Jul 2013
Can't you just
have the same
thrumming in
your chest for
me that I have
for you?
450 · Jun 2014
Eyelit Revisited
Megan Grace Jun 2014
the first time i went to see
your band you said, "well
now you know we're
nothing special" but god i
can't even tell you what
bubbled inside of me just
watching your fingers on
your banjo (something i
had only seen in your
living room until then) and
that little sway you do on
the slower songs rocks in
the background of my
quietest dreams. every
movement you make is
what i consider the most
special act on the planet.
449 · Apr 2014
space
Megan Grace Apr 2014
i see you in bursts of
light across the sky.
you are streaming
from what could only
be the hands of some
kind of god. you are
of infinite value
(metal drips of honey
on my skin) we walk
slowly talk
with your nose buried
in my neck. but i need
you to please talk with
only your hands so i
can hear what you're
really saying. when will
i stop being afraid to let
go? love is a thing that
usually breathes into me
but lately it's been
bouncing off my sternum
and then off of yours.
tell me we have not lost
our hearts to our past
mistakes-
tell me we will be okay.
"Can I just say that I miss you all the time?"
"Can I just say you have no idea how mutual that is?"
446 · Jul 2014
Portland
Megan Grace Jul 2014
god i swear i am on fire
but i do not want you
anymore do not need
you anymore please
never come home
Drunk and unsorry
445 · Apr 2014
seventy-two
Megan Grace Apr 2014
Rain no longer makes me miss
you but instead creates an ache
in this vein running through my
left hand where you used to
absently trace with your fingers
while I let the sound of your tv be
drowned out by your heartbeat
thudding beneath my ear.
445 · Aug 2014
Trails West Festival
Megan Grace Aug 2014
i saw your mom
today (god she looks
just like you) but i
didn't stop to say
anything to her. i'm
not sure how much
she knows now. your
band played today but
i left before it started
because i don't know
what i'm allowed to
tell your friends. you,
just you, are playing
tomorrow (this festival
is foxlin's yearly big
break) and i'm going
to close my windows
so tight, stuff my fingers
into the open cracks,
so that none of your
melodies travel the two
blocks to my living room.
i wonder how many
songs you'll play
that are about me.
this was more of a *****
than i had hoped it'd be
445 · Aug 2014
Edwardsville
Megan Grace Aug 2014
i think
i've forgotten
how to write.
they say you're
supposed to push
through that, but i
keep writing the
same thing over
and over again. i
can only say "holy
**** i miss you" in
so many ways. i
used to say it in
laced fingers and
lingering forehead
kisses. now i say it
in every syllable of
every word i've
posted on the
internet in case
you might see
them (aside from
the fact that they
would otherwise
drown me in my
sleep) and in
desperate
searches
for notes
that i just
maybe didn't
grab when i
threw out the
final pieces of
your things last
month. i don't
know how to
do this, Ryan.
i can't do this.
440 · Jun 2014
Greater Than
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I
had
thought
y o u  w e r e
worth every star
in a country sky but
you do  not  deserve my
hardest laughs, my lightest
fingers, my early morning
grouchiness. I  u s e d  to
believe   y o u   were
the  whole  entire
w  o  r  l  d  .
I have a lot of small thoughts that I'm trying to turn into one, cohesive thought. Sorry for this tiny madness.
439 · Jun 2014
twenty-one
Megan Grace Jun 2014
i parked my car just up the hill
from your  house  and it was
dark but  i  think  your  tv
was on (i wonder what
show you've decided
to smother yourself
in this summer)
and my fingers
were tingling
and i was
having
trouble
figuring
out how
my lungs
worked and
i   turned   my
engine  o f f  and
tried  to  walk  up
to your door, really,
i  did  but  then  i  saw
your  plants   o n    the
porch and  the  garden
in the yard that y o u
love so much and i
remembered  that
those things do
not belong to
m e,  t h e y
belong to
her. and
so do
you.
and as
much  as
i   want   to
hear your voice
(because even after
only  this  short  time
i t ' s  become fuzzy
in the back of my
mind and in my
dreams)  it   is
not   mine  to
w o r s h i p
anymore.
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