If I'd known
you'd never
come back
I'd have stopped
for, like, four seconds
to memorize the freckles
on your arms.
I'd have taken time
to brand your laugh
into my eardrums
and imprint your arms
around my waist.
I wish I'd had more of a chance
to steal all your pieces,
but three days
equals practically no days
and you were gone.

I. Cherry blossoms, lilacs, I
swam to the surface where
I could just barely make out
your fingers tracing a pattern
on the water

II. I thought about your heart
your heart your
heart, wondered if I could
convince you to let me take
the smallest bite out of it

III. Oxygen masks are not
just for the weak anymore,
they are the laugh lines that
seem to spread back to the
very center of you when
you know you've just said
something I hate, or your
thumb rubbing over a bit
of my jaw as you leaned in

If "settle" wasn't a bad
word I would tell you
all the time that it's what
I want to do with you.
Because your voice is the
only one I want to hear
humming in the kitchen
when the sun is barely
awake. You are the last
person whose quirks I
want to learn, whose
mouth I want to memorize
the taste of, whose body
I want to call my own.

and from a family of
chronic messes what
do i have to look
forward to except
the chance that maybe
someday someone will
give me a reason to
think my disasters could
be something beautiful?

i apparently  love
peoplewithissues
do you  have any
baggage  oh  god
please come here
tomesoi can hold
all of it  f o r  you
andprobablykeep
it   even    a f t e r
you're    g   o  n  e

We have tumbled
into the realm of
the most unsettled
humans- scraping
fingernails and hands
that have not held
others.
But we will find our
way out. What was it
you said? "You're the
light on the other
side," I think. You're
always my light on
the other side, Ryan,
always.

You
       are
every missed
con    nec    tion,
every
pause
I didn't know
how to fill,
every ship I
sent out that
never reached
its designated
shore. I never
really had you.

God.
Just let me crawl
up your forearms
and into your hair.
I want to count the veins
that trace up your wrist.
Lunge into your heart
and make a home there. Where I can breathe
is only inside the place your secrets are stored.
I want to transcend along the patch of rough skin,
the spots you forgot to shave today.
Move along with the stretch of your hand until you're mine.
All mine.
Let me capture you wholly.

i love you the way you
love space- like you are
the most magnificent
being i have ever seen
but i cannot hold you,
cannot hope to contain
any part of you, cannot
make you appreciate my
existence in the same way

You have filled
me up with
dust, and I
mean that in
the best way
possible. It's
the kind of
dust that you
blow off of
grandfather
clocks in the
basement of
antique malls,
the kind that
is wise and
has seen it
all (even us
sneaking a
kiss in the
corner), the
kind that
sticks
around.

I only want to eat flowers and bloom
beautifully.

please do not drive
by my apartment.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
please do not drive
by my apartment.
*******. i've been
doing so well.
you did not pick me,
so you are not
allowed to do this
to me anymore.
please do not drive
by my apartment.

lately i've been missing
you more than i can hold
in my hands. when is it
my turn to be okay?

Thank you for loving
me even when I am
messy.

You told
me I was

what

you

wanted

but we aren't
the same
as we
were
then.

Can't you just
have the same
thrumming in
your chest for
me that I have
for you?

the first time i went to see
your band you said, "well
now you know we're
nothing special" but god i
can't even tell you what
bubbled inside of me just
watching your fingers on
your banjo (something i
had only seen in your
living room until then) and
that little sway you do on
the slower songs rocks in
the background of my
quietest dreams. every
movement you make is
what i consider the most
special act on the planet.

god i swear i am on fire
but i do not want you
anymore do not need
you anymore please
never come home

i parked my car just up the hill
from your  house  and it was
dark but  i  think  your  tv
was on (i wonder what
show you've decided
to smother yourself
in this summer)
and my fingers
were tingling
and i was
having
trouble
figuring
out how
my lungs
worked and
i   turned   my
engine  o f f  and
tried  to  walk  up
to your door, really,
i  did  but  then  i  saw
your  plants   o n    the
porch and  the  garden
in the yard that y o u
love so much and i
remembered  that
those things do
not belong to
m e,  t h e y
belong to
her. and
so do
you.
and as
much  as
i   want   to
hear your voice
(because even after
only  this  short  time
i t ' s  become fuzzy
in the back of my
mind and in my
dreams)  it   is
not   mine  to
w o r s h i p
anymore.