I wonder if you
looked for me
in the crowd
around you in
that tiny little
bar. I don't know
if I should have
shown up. Were
you waiting for
me did you
glance at the door
in anticipation
did you expect
me to walk in
and find my
spot next to you?
That's not my
place anymore
don't you know
that?

you molded me, soft, in
your hands- a wheel at
Pottery Barn- and I couldn't
say "no" (impossible, at that
point, since I was so sure the
sun set in your palms and the
moon only rose upon your
permission) so I let you turn me
into someone new, someone I
thought you could love. your
words tore open my chest and
mixed with my veins. they
whispered "you are beautiful, you
are lovely, you are everything" and
I soaked it up until you had nothing
to give but apathetic shrugs and
a mind that was always somewhere
else. I expected too much of you,
but how could I not when you
had promised me every star in the
sky on its own individual string?

I have been searching for
pieces of you in other
people's hands and
coming up empty
(emptier than I
was before.)
When will
this end?

I remember only that
you had the lamp on in
the living room, and I had
crawled into your bed
because you said I couldn't
go without talking to you
for twenty minutes and
I was trying to prove that
I could. You were playing
your ukelele and I swear
I have never had so much
trouble breathing as I did
when I peeked out of the
doorway and you gave me
that slow, lazy smile. God,
who were we then?

my god
my god
my god
what if
you
decide to
never
come back?

it scares me that
one day I'll have
to open my hands
and set you free.
don't you want
to stay forever
instead?

jesus christ we are not
a mistake. we are not
simply two people with
colliding paths- we were
made for this (this love,
this heartbreak) by the
fingertips of what you
told me once was a man
named Destiny and his
partner Fate. because
you and I, we are bigger
than the walls that define
love. we have been called
home by longing mouths
and collapsing ribcages, by
the string connecting my
stomach to your left lung.
there's no way this was
all some cosmic accident.