i've learned
that sometimes it hurts
a thousand times more
when you're aching
for something that hasn't happened
(yet)

and sometimes,
the things you haven't (yet) done
cause you more guilt
than the things you have

Searched for my virtue.
Wandered, found my vice instead.
Been there ever since.

Rock-a-Bye-baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
They left you hanging there,
Safe, they thought.
The sun-seasoned breeze rocked you
Too-and-fro, too-and-fro.

And who could say that you were any less than innocent?
Twenty fruits in six sturdy trees,
If any one of them falls
Does it make
A sound?

It ripples whole oceans,
Storms blown all over America by the Big Bad Wolf,
We thought his breath
Could do little more than rustle the leaves.

Little did we know he would blow
Not-yet-ripe fruits to the ground.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
Down will come baby, cradle and all.

it’s dark
and the heater is humming
too loud for me to hear if she’s
sleeping soundly or
lying awake
waiting for
me

either way
she says my bed
is not nearly as comfortable
without me

that’s a good thing to hear
and it means a lot to me,
it really does,
but it doesn’t do much
to stave off the
doubts

who am I?
to have her sleep
in my bed like
we’re all
grown up

who am I?
to dive right back into love
after suffering through
such a catastrophic failure of love
that most sane men
would swear off it for
life

who am I?
to stare into her eyes
and pretend I am good
enough for
her

nobody is without fault
but I am with too many

greed, envy, shame,
wrath, hatred,
self-hatred,
sloth, guilt,
delusion, dishonesty,
lying,
and a laundry list
of pettier sins

while she has only been the victim
and had to cope the best she could

I know
she’s waiting for me
to work this
out

for me
to come to bed
with a fresh smile
and a clear head
full of love
and passion
and confidence

but I know none of those things
and I’m afraid it’s too late to learn
them

so don’t wait too long,
my dearest of all dears,
this old dog may well
be destined to die alone

take what you need from me
and fly off with a better soul