Unfulfilled love;
Is midnight kisses but morning goodbyes;
Tiny rain drops but never a storm;
A slight ripple but not a tidal wave.
And the worst thing about getting over a love you never had;
Is knowing that you never will;
Because you are left;
Unwanted.
And;
Unsatisfied.

From what I have learnt, nobody seems to
Realise that feelings can form in the most
Interesting places. Like in-between the never-
Ending maze of streets in the middle of the city. But sometimes love is
Never given the chance it
Deserves. Two lovers sometimes don't realise their love because of the
S*illy little thing called *friends.

We’d speak with our eyes
Like words were a distraction
That our mouths couldn’t hide
And believe me, I tried
But I failed to keep
The moments in-between
So I let them seep through
My fingers and out past my hands
And I am sorry that I could never understand
The way you said stars only shine at night
Because it was my smile that gave them their light.
So I stopped smiling to see if it worked

And it did.

And it does.

And it still ****** hurts.

Our lives are not meant to be lived in stillness.
Rather a constant flow of movement;
Like water;
That needs to r
                           u
                               n

                            f
                             r
                               e
                               e
Pour
down;

And crash hard.

People tell me I’m too deep.
At least thats better than being shallow.

Nothing lasts forever.

Perhaps people see reality as too harsh so they sugar coat it in sweet lies of fantasy and hope;
Re-coating their views in an attempt to make life more manageable.
That is not reality.
Reality is not your friend.
It never was and never will be.

I will admit, I knew that;
Or at least I know that now.

I do not hate
I can not hate
Instead I lack remorse

I turn all those who love me
Against my deadly thoughts

I pinpoint lovers hearts
And shoot them to the ground
To show there is not hope
To the people I let down

So do not be proud of me
When I sacrifice myself
For a better world of emptiness
And a bottle on the shelf

I’ll take the words “I love you”
And crush them into dust
To prove that a lovers heart
Is something to distrust

Because I grew up through pain and suffering
Watch mothers cry in fear
For the fathers that left them standing
With nothing but colourless tears

I was a child of divorce
Left alone to find my place
In a world where the 'perfect family'
Didn’t seem to have a trace

So I drew a picture of my dad
In a house all by himself
And gave it to a lady
Who I was told was suppose to help

But even years on from then
As a woman now, my fathers gone away
To fight a war of loneliness
And drink himself to his grave

A lonely song for a hopeless heart
Who once believed in her dreams
I've learnt the harshest truth of all
That love
Is never what it seems

It has been
38 days,
7 hours,
31 minutes,
53 seconds;
-and counting-
Since I saw you last.

He
        left
              without  
                              reasons
Said
        goodbye
                        with
                                 empty
                                             words
Winter
             is
                 such
                          a
                            cold
                                    season
Hollowed
                    in
                          broken
                                        thirds

Many say that young people cannot fall in love.
But how can that be possible?
Who puts an age on love?
I know what love is.
I have seen it;
Seen it at its best and its worst.
I’ve seen early morning love and late night love.
I’ve seen dying love and everlasting love.
I’ve seen love form and I’ve seen it break.
And I know that young people can love.
*Because I did.

She attempted to ******* out;
Like a candle in the middle of a blackout.
Not knowing that through this act, we would both be cast into darkness.

Broken promises;
And broken lies;
Tears pouring down your eyes.
Broken memories;
And broken screams;
Life is never what it seems.
So I grew up with broken bones;
And broken homes;
Because he was never a father to call my own.

We’d fall asleep on some backstreet road,
On the boarder line of a place we could call home.
Curled up in day dreams and wishes;
Had endless close misses,
Thrown at a target that just seemed too far.
And it was never hard to picture the way we wanted life to be.
When it came down to you and me,
We were different.
We were a mix of innocence and curiosity;
Had wishes that included flying;
But we never counted our losses on the idea of dying;
Because to us, we were invincible.
We were heros in a world where police don’t exist.
We grew from our dreams, but when told they were a myth,
We ran.
Because nobody could hold us, except the wind in our hair;
And I remember you laughed,
Like sound was something you created in the garden shed,
And you wanted to show it off;
So I laughed too.
And you’d call me sis.
And even though we are older now,
It's those kind of days that I miss.

I sat in the corner of a small coffee shop;
Alone;
Sipping (your) coffee and trying to drown my thoughts in a book;
But the words swirled into a stream of literature and spilled off the pages; cascading to the floor.
I was scared that if I’d moved from my seat I would slip on the words;
So I just sat quietly;
Motionless;
Staring out of the window, onto a crowded street full of busy people;
With busy lives;
And busy thoughts.

For the first time in a long time I truly missed you.

I used to think that if I prayed hard enough or long enough, God could grant wishes;
So I prayed.
God still sent Death to do his ***** work.

What gave him the audacity to take her away from me?

Death opened the door and found his seat quietly between us.
He was like an old friend, coming to visit but he didn’t bring flowers or a ‘get well soon’ card;
Instead he brought reality;
which was even worst.

I knew the doctors were right.
There was nothing more they could do.

So I prayed.

She loved without regret
Tied ropes around her hips
And dived into the ocean
She wasn’t scared of going the depth
She just wanted to feel something
So she breathed in the salt water
And let it fill up her lungs
So that maybe one day they’d see
She’d drown just for his love

I’m watching the water,
Swirl, escaping down the drainpipe.

The water, on my skin, has turned cold.
My beating heart, is missing beats.
And I’m just staring at the drainpipe.

I could move;
But I can’t.
I could try and help myself ;
But I’m drowning.
Drowning;
In the idea of you;
and her.

The water is soapy.
It smells like roses;
And the light is flickering.

I wish you knew rose was my favourite scent;
Or that my skin feels smooth;
Or that my lips taste like raspberries;
but my feelings were slipping;
down,
down,
down,
into the drainpipe.

By the third ***** shot down
I had forgot your name
and the way you used to kiss me
but even though I couldn’t stand up straight
you told me that you missed me
and then all the feelings came back
like empty bullet shells
burning holes into my skin
and though I tried to stop it
little bits of you kept flooding in
and soon all I could hear
was you saying my name
so I drank more
in that hope that I might be able to disappear
between you arms
and never be found again

Young and optimistic, I always thought that freedom was something I could obtain.

As a child I watched birds.
I studied their feathery bodies as they soared through the sky;
Took notes on the way their wings dip and dive over tree branches;
I revised every note to their morning song as they created crescendos of sound;
And I learnt from their gentle nature.
I found freedom within the birds.
But I guess they never warned me about limitation.

Little bird,
I watched you die today.
I watched you dive into the line of an oncoming car on a busy street.
I watched in horror as your tiny body was thrown to the ground, helpless and broken.
I watched a stranger “put-you-out-of-your-misery” with a small steal capped hammer.

Little bird,
I watched you die today.
I watched as your freedom was taken away.

I guess as a child I never stopped to realise;
Freedom has it limitations too.

Let me go like a loose firecracker on the night of New Years Eve. Watch as I erupt the sky with an illuminated glow; lighting up even the darkest parts of you.
Allow me to imprint my silhouette onto your eyes lids and let my colours stain your view;
So even when your eyes are closed;
You can still see me.

I don’t build walls to keep you out;
I build walls to keep me in.

I miss your cat;
I don't even like cats.

There are two types of goodbyes;

1. The ones you have a chance to say.
2. The ones you don't.

I have come to learn that the goodbyes you don't say have a funny little way of coming back to haunt you.
How ironic;
I was always the person who never wanted to say goodbye;
Now I wish I had.

I know I am strong,
And I know I am brave.
I am a sleepless dreamer,
Who won’t rest till her grave.

This is my tribute to a man;
Who was like an old, green oak tree in the warm late months of summer.

He had arms like branches that embraced the world but understood that through love there will always be hardship.

He educated me in the fine art of growth;
Teaching me to never underestimate the strength of a seed.
It may be small and venerable;
But it has the ability to grow;
Even in the harshest of environments.

Although his roots grew in dark, hard soil;
This only stabilised his foundations and allowed him to grow in strength and stand tall against all odds;
Reflecting that it is not your past that defines you but the person you grow to be.

So yes;
This may be goodbye;
This may be farewell;
But please remember it was you who made me believe in myself.
It was you who made me realise that the world isn't such an awful place.
It was you who taught me how to grow.