Don't you just love when people say one thing
and don't mean it at all?
They set you up and let you fall.
They're just playing with your feelings
to leave your mind reeling.
And then messing up your emotions,
causing an unwanted commotion.
That's worse than a knife through the gut.
Because I mean I gotta live with that
but at least I'd die with the knife, right?

A heart that never beat.
Lips that never opened.
Eyes that never saw.
A nose that never smelled.
Legs that never took a step.
Arms that never hugged.
Fingers that never touched.
Love that was never found.
Hate that never surfaced.
Emotions that couldn't be.
A mind that never thought.
A sun without its shine.
A life that never lived.
Where did it all go?

Sometimes I wish not to feel anymore.
The hurt and pain of a leaving friend?
Make me blind to it all.
Weak from emotions,
exposed like the ocean,
I wish for it to be no more.
I wish for my eyes to be dry,
for my heart to be healed,
for a mind to be rewind.
Sometimes I wish not to feel anymore.
The memories and laughter?
Make me blind to it all.
Let me forget it
so that I
don't forget
who
I am.

You are my drug;
I am addicted to you.
You make me believe that
whatever was hurting me,
You could make disappear.
The compassion in your touch,
the sparkle in your eye,
the warmth of your skin,
your breath on my neck
that shakes me within.
I think of you in the morning
before the sun rises,
when in the still of the darkness
my heart feels your presence.
I think of you at noon when the sun is at its highest,
when the heat warms my skin
and causes my eyes to close
with sheer pleasure.
I think of you when the sun has set
and the stillness of the moon
is displaying one of its
many wondrous phases.
The thoughts of your smile,
your laugh, and your eyes
create a feeling that is impossible
to express with just words.

The heart beats a drum of its own.
It feels the music that resides within.
A steady rhythm of the toil on the inside.
The sound carries through the bones,
a constant throbbing mess of emotions.
Notes of a cord cascading down.
A single voice accompanies the lone piece.
Chest heaving sobs signifies a great relief.
This person is its own orchestra.
Unlike the rest, there is no audience.

Music flows from the instruments in hand,
From the students marching in the band.
Flutes, as gently as the breeze,
With their sound so sharp, like a high pitched sneeze.
Long black and elegant are the elements of a clarinet.
The sounds so smooth, makes you want to move.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, the saxophone does.
A reed in the woodwinds will bend.
It can break or chip, even cut your lip.
Shiny and loud, who drowns out the rest,
Trumpets are certainly not the best.
Deep, low noises the tuba cries;
It’s large and heavy, which makes it hard to carry.
French horn, trombone, euphonium.
Brass instruments overpopulate the crowd.
Their heads are always up in a cloud.
Drums beat in rhythm with cymbals who clash overhead.
Snares issue to start or halt the marchers, tempo sets their speed.
Thump, thump, thump, we’re done for the day.
Soon we’ll be off to another parade.

Staring at your reflection
Pointing out your imperfections
Not smiling but riling yourself up
The thoughts inside your head
Should be good but instead...
There's a blade. It made things hard.
Now you're glancing at those imperfections
Instead of dancing with your reflection.
Your beauty is your “duty”
But you cut because you were called at mutt.
At a sound in the kitchen, you raise it up.
Did I mention?
You were never alone.
He called you amazing but instead, you were raising
The blade that made it through.
Who could of guessed, you?
With a shout and a holler
There's no doubt... You couldn't get out.
You are His, A beautiful creation,
Made from His mind eye.
No more torment, that’s dormant.

It seems like you have began to win again.
Silence floods the room;
visions plaque my mind.
Voices speak without sound,
ears hear without listening,
eyes watch without purpose.
The shadows of people loom
around the one I hope to find.
A busted bulb, the sun is defined.
Terror stricken faces that cannot cry.
Suddenly a voice begins to boom:
"Take my arms so that I might reach you."
Oh, so it is you that I've found.
"Hear my words so that I might teach you."
To give into is to lose my thoughts.
To lose my voice.
To lose my life.
Yet I continue to watch with eyes opened wide.

You smile like you have nothing to lose.
You speak like you have nothing to hide.
You play like you have nothing to fear.
You love in a reckless way with questionable decisions.
You never gave up though, did you?
From that first “only fools fall in love” to the midnight calls
and crying girl, you didn’t shy away.
You spoke your mind and told her what she needed to hear, not what she wanted.
You were still there when there was no where to turn.
You kissed her with compassion and held her when life’s frustrations hit.
You taught her that not all guys are the same.
You taught her how to love and be loved.

God doesn't go anywhere.
We do.

Another man with sad seal eyes.
Water collects in them but
it hasn't moved past the borders
and down the cheeks.
Above the surface
he silently composes himself.
A bruised heart will not
break his pride.
Sad and hurting, he swims off
into the deep unknown.
There's more fish in the sea,
he has to believe.
A teardrop does not
matter underwater,
where it can go by unseen.

Instead of asking
"Is it worth it?"
We should be asking
"Am I worthy of it?"

I think of the times where no one was around. I was scared.
Not of the dark, but what was lurking there.
There are things hiding in the shadows.
Dark shapes emerging from nowhere.
I stay, cowering.
I could feel their presence,
See them from the corner of my eye.
It was a lie, saying there isn’t anything to be afraid of.
I couldn’t hide from them, not at night or even in the light.

I have tried to pull him back in my mind.
I strive to remember his smile, his touch,
but he has faded from my memory.
I think I remember the blur of a kiss.
There is nothing left but his name
and a shifting recollection of tenderness.

Forever.
Always.
That’s what you said.
But the moment
came and passed.
Tears.
Enough to swim through.
Lies.
“I’m fine.”
Enough to drown in.
Promises.
They seem to be made
just to be broken.
“Cry me a river.”
I did.
“Build a bridge.”
I did.
“Get over it.”
I can’t.
You’re the troll
under my bridge
forbidding passage.

Transparent to most.
Yearning for affection.
Publicly humiliated.
Isolated for good.
Corrupted innocence.
Abandoned child.
Loveless creature.

Ghostly thin.
Insecure.
Ready to die.
Luckily alive.

I don’t know what you want me to say.
I give you the same warning everyday.
I’m unstable. Emotional. Broken.
I gave you my heart as a token
of my love because it’s all I can afford.
Yet you shattered it, looking bored.
It wasn’t enough just to destroy,
you had to play with it
as if it was only a toy.
I feel like a complete idiot
to believe your convincing lies.
You didn’t care when I began to cry.
What a monster I fell for.
I thought you were like a door,
opening to a new world of adventure
yet you slammed it shut in departure.
What a fool I was to believe in silly little lies.
People don’t keep promises;
they break them before your eyes.

As I walk the trail of life
in the fear of the wind and rain,
grant me that I may always walk like a man.
Walking like a man in the face of fear;
Sometimes it's the best we can do.

My trust is shattered.
I am dead inside.
You are all that mattered.
I used to let my demons hide;
You told me you could handle it.
Was I wrong to let you in?
Was it wrong to commit?
Now I think my demons are going to win...

You can't love someone
unless you love yourself?

I have never loved myself
but oh God, I loved him so much
I forgot what hating myself felt like.

I am like a painting understood by none.
Making people question their own sanity
With contrasting splatters of passion and depression,
And colors thriving on hidden emotions,
Showing the darkest hues that I can no longer hide.
Bright as the dawning of a new day
But meanings as dark as the howling night
And deep as an unforgiving ocean.

The key is to keep searching until it feels right;
Something inside you clicks;
it’s like you’re at the eye of the storm, the eerie peace.
Because you’re either just entering one,
in the middle of one, or finally coming out of one.
When you’re in the middle of the storm,
you’re going to be looking for a savior.
But after you get into the flow,
it’s like someone finally pulled the veil away
And you see clearly and find the love you’ve been waiting for.
It’s a never ending cycle because He won’t leave you.
Hanging onto their hope and faith is what brings people together.
Whether you see it or not,
this is what our society is based on and it challenges our beliefs.

I am Marrisa, the disappointment.  
Descendant of the lost and broken,
The Mister of Mischief, the Mother of Mayhem.
Working hard every sunshining day
Just to be called unworthy.
I lock away the lively tears
That pour from my eyes;
Days set aside to let out the ugly cries.
I am a creation of unstoppable emotion.
I am the Master of Disguise;
You wouldn’t recognize the mess I hide.

Obedience is not comfort.
You have to endure suffering
and know God does not waste your pain.
If God gave us all good days,
how would we learn from our mistakes?

Flowers bloom,
flowers die.
Sometimes we smile,
sometimes we cry.
Time, it gives;
time, it takes.
Love is beautiful,
love is fake.
The world passes by;
We’re born.
We live.
We die.

Red is the color of the last rays of the sun
touching you and filling you with warmth;
the fluttery feeling in your tummy
when you fall in love.
Red is fire and lust
Red is passion and trust.
Red is the color you feel when anger strikes your bones,
and shudders through your being.
It reminds us that we are all simply phoenixes destined to burn – either burn your flaws or burn your flesh –
but it will never not leave soot on your skin.

People don't need communication,
they need a community.

what is it like to feel
hopeless
alone
what is it like
to crawl back up this glass broken
needle stabbing rocky road
when all you want to do is give up and give in
what is it like to
wake up every morning
knowing nothing is going to be the same
that you cannot control these feelings or emotions
you are deserted on an island
but you choose to stay
to drown in your own misery
you refuse the help sent to you
because you were okay
and you still hang on to that
last piece of hope
that maybe just maybe
one day you will be okay again

He was the demon of darkness, the evil one.
His doomed deeds were not at all done.
The torture that they endured from his hand alone
Was enough for them never to come home.

She collects lovers
like wild berries,
not even realizing
that they’re
poisonous

my parents warned me
about drugs on the streets,
but never the ones with
brown eyes and heartbeats

I can’t help these thoughts
of not being good enough,
of being a burden,
of self hate and insecurities,
of death and the many ways
I could finally be released
from this Hell of a life.
But then again it is my own fault.
“I’m okay.”
“Yeah it’s fine.”
“I understand.”
“Oh no don’t be.”
“I’m sorry.”

As another chapter in my life closes,
as the life of little ones are placed into my hands,
as I teach them about empathy and sympathy,
I finally feel at peace.
To be a teacher is to hold
the heart of little one
in my hand, to make a promise
to listen and take care of their
little minds.
To help lay the foundation for education and discovery,
for the rest of a child's life.
To bring back what it means to teach,
bringing back socially, cognitively and physically
engaging classrooms for children.
I take another step in the right direction,
towards my goal.
My dreams are slowly coming together
piece by piece.
First grade, here I come.
Welcome me with arms
and hearts open wide.
I am here to help
the next gentle generation
of selfless, caring, loving individuals.
Welcome, Miss Marrisa.

She’s banged up,
mentally and emotionally,
literally and metaphorically,
but everyday she walks outside
with a smile on her face
because that’s who she is.

You’d let yourself bleed a river
before you’d even let a drop
fall from someone else.
You did it for them and now
you’re trying to do it for me too.
Don’t you know?
You matter
just as much of the rest of us.
It’s okay that I’m hurting.
You don’t have to bandage me up.
Maybe I want to bleed too.

Be aware

Of what is

Unacceptable and

Normalize saying no.

Do what is best for you

And know that it's not your

Responsibility to sacrifice

Yourself for others.

In the quiet of the night, I'm alone with my thoughts.
The world outside fades away, as the darkness becomes my cloth.

I'm surrounded by an emptiness, a void that cannot be filled.
A feeling of isolation, that leaves my soul unfulfilled.

I long for someone to hold, to share my deepest fears
but the loneliness consumes me, and I'm left with only tears.

The silence echoes through the room, as I'm lost in my own mind.
The weight of my own thoughts, is all that I can find.

The hours pass by slowly, as I'm trapped within my head.
The loneliness is suffocating and I'm filled with silent dread.

But then a light begins to shine, a glimmer of hope within the dark.
And I realize that I'm not alone, that I can make a new start.

For in the stillness of the night, I find the strength to fight.
And I know that I can overcome the darkness with its might.

So I'll embrace the solitude and learn to be alone,
for in the quiet of the night, I'll find a new home.

There’s a field full of bloomed flowers
Who grow after spring showers
The bright colors in hues
have become my muse
I see yellow ones
Sunflowers I presume
Yellow like the sun
Shining bright upon the flowers of the field
Yellow, the color of happiness
The smiles and laughter as we went through
The rows of yellow hues
I see blue ones
Violets, maybe
Blue like the rain
Pouring down upon the flowers of the field
Blue like the color of sadness
In a world full of  heartbroken cries
Depression, looms
In the rows of blue hues
I see red ones
Roses that are thorned
Red like the stop sign
That adorns the field of flowers
It warns to stop to avoid injury
Red like the blood dripping
From the sharp thorns that puncture
In the rows of red hues
In a field of flowers, I do stay
Hoping and dreaming my day away
Is it a sunflower type groove?
Or are violets the move?
But here I am, stuck upon the red
My thoughts are gone, empty is my head
I’m trapped in the rows of the red rose
The red hues followed by black crows
Waiting for the chance to strike
In the field of flowers a dandelion grows
Maybe I’ll pick it and blow
Make a wish to escape the row
Of red hue that haunt me everywhere I go