I am sorry for all the nights I spent crying, only blaming you
you were just the scape goat, it was the easiest thing to do

I am sorry for carving into you with dull blades,
but I couldn't stand thinking you were not beautiful.

I am sorry for punching you when I was so angry
by just the sight of you, the harmless pieces of flesh
seemed like the easiest fight, the only one I could win.

I am sorry for leaving you empty of nutrience,
pretending not to hear you plea, I thought if maybe
you starved a little, it might make me pretty.

I am sorry for keeping you hidden away,
locked under layers for no one to see,
I thought if your flesh was showing,
no one would like me for me.

I am sorry for calling you names, thinking if you felt small,
you'd be small too, loving you in all your glory
wasn't something I was capable to do.

I am sorry for stuffing you in tight spandex
because I was afraid of seeing your lines, I thought if
everything was smooth, it would make me feel fine.

I am sorry for slapping away people's hands when
they touched over your ruffled skin,
it's taken me awhile to learn how not to flinch.

I am sorry for all the time I've spent villainizing you,
every inch, every bump and mark -
you didn't deserve to only be loved on in the dark.

Forgive,
Marrisa

The concrete walkway is a masterpiece;
chalk lines of sunshine yellow, serene blue,
cotton candy pink and soft grass green;
a wonderful place where we drew.
But in the end, we are only
chalk lines drawn on concrete
meant to be washed away.
So for the time that I am given,
I am what I am.

There’s a field full of bloomed flowers
Who grow after spring showers
The bright colors in hues
have become my muse
I see yellow ones
Sunflowers I presume
Yellow like the sun
Shining bright upon the flowers of the field
Yellow, the color of happiness
The smiles and laughter as we went through
The rows of yellow hues
I see blue ones
Violets, maybe
Blue like the rain
Pouring down upon the flowers of the field
Blue like the color of sadness
In a world full of  heartbroken cries
Depression, looms
In the rows of blue hues
I see red ones
Roses that are thorned
Red like the stop sign
That adorns the field of flowers
It warns to stop to avoid injury
Red like the blood dripping
From the sharp thorns that puncture
In the rows of red hues
In a field of flowers, I do stay
Hoping and dreaming my day away
Is it a sunflower type groove?
Or are violets the move?
But here I am, stuck upon the red
My thoughts are gone, empty is my head
I’m trapped in the rows of the red rose
The red hues followed by black crows
Waiting for the chance to strike
In the field of flowers a dandelion grows
Maybe I’ll pick it and blow
Make a wish to escape the row
Of red hue that haunt me everywhere I go

Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

“I was drowning and he drained the water”

I call *******.
I was drowning and this sweet
dark haired hazel eyed boy came,
held my hand, told me he loved me
and was going to marry me some day
and then tied cement blocks to my feet,
threw me in the lake,
watched me drown
and laughed.

I’m drowning and I'm screaming,
begging for his help and
when I finally reach my hand for him to grab it,
he forces me back down
and smiles as he see me losing conscience.
In that moment with my head under water,
before l'm gone,
all I see is his **** smile.

He pulled me out,
just to be the one to
throw me back in.

When he agreed to be my rock,
I didn’t realize he meant
the one tied to my ankles,
weighing me down.

Now I'm expected to
untie the blocks
while I’m drowning.

You may see me struggle,
but you won't see me fall.
Regardless if I'm weak or not,
I'm going to stand tall.
Everyone says life is easy,
but truly living it is not.
Times get hard,
people struggle
and constantly get put on the spot.
I'm going to wear the biggest smile,
even though I want to cry.
I'm going to fight to live,
even though I'm destined to die.
And even though it's hard
and I may struggle through it all,
you may see me struggle...
but you will never see me fall.