Before I go to bed
Pray no bed-bugs
eat my head
Before I go to bed
Pray no fright
comes in the night
Before I go to Bed
Pray no mouse
scurries 'round the house.
Before I go to Bed
put my teeth by the chair
Before I go to Bed
Pray the cat don't **** my air.

I went to Vegas made a bet
  takin' the cab: lost my Jet!  
Went  to settle up the score
What else is new? Lost some more!  
Nor did BlackJack go my way,
I should have left early that day!
I went to gamble; lost my shirt
Life's a shamble; now eatin'dirt    
I had a pocket full of cash      
sure was gone in a flash!
played the craps; now eatin' scraps  
thought I was lucky, but to my surprise
wasn't 7 or 11, it was snake eyes!  
I'm sorry to say, I took the bet
you know how it goes;it's Russian Roulette
I rolled the dice; I didn't think twice  
went to Vegas lost my dreams;
didn't stay away from the slot machines
Now I pray for my shattered life;  
should have played Bingo with my wife!

There once was a man who had a big nose,
wherever he goes, the nose-he blows,
drank some whiskey in a glass shot,
then dripped some snot onto a tiny tot,
and apologized with poetry instead of prose!

I did marry a full-figured girl
with sweet luscious red lips
and oh yeah, the right sized hips


I so enjoy her blonde curl
and she stands out in room
I  sure love her perfume


She often whispers in my ear
       and I  like it when
   she'll bring me a beer

what a honey, what a dear


She has fun when she winks at me
and she  loves making me blush
just  blow those kisses from my chair
she'll jump to catch them in the air

and she'll jump on me
and tickle til I scream


Now, all is peachy as long as  
         I don't , you know
get all  up in her milkshake
    You know what I mean


Yet , I just love to say she's my wife
she's the very best friend in my life.

There once was a mouse named Leon,
who always lit up in neon,
he went to the park,
while it was real dark,
yet, could see everything he could wee on !

Shepherd, I would wallow;
had I not had you to follow
Shepherd, I was lost
earth-bound to the ground;
Shepherd I was found,
by Grace: now safe and sound!

I was sitting on the beach watching the waves
thinking of all the lives I've saved
my job is a thrill ; my job is hard
but I adore it, 'cause I'm a lifeguard
at times my mind drifts along with the waves
into a leisurely daydream some of the days
but then,  I awaken to reality when I hear a scream
so I jump into the water to save yet another
Good thing I did !    'Cause it was my mother!