i believe love is
in the simple things,
the routine of our lives,
the things we do everyday
and that have become so ordinary,
we no longer notice them.
tell me, how many nights
do you see the stars and wish
you could count them?
when did you last feel the rain?
and when you say their name,
how often do you try to taste it
in your mouth?
love happens on the days
you are aware of beauty.
love happens when she looks at you
for a few minutes and kisses you,
slowly, carefully,
as if it could break her heart,
as if she'd been waiting all her life,
as if it was the first time.

remember when all we had was each other?
i wake up with the same joints creaking, but this time
thunderstorms applaud through my
spine.
my lips haven’t kissed yours enough, and i’m so parched, parched
parched.
poker face, but you have flipped through my every chapter,
every volume, swallowed the covers.
remember when all we had each other?
i’m terrified

that there’s so much more than
you.

I've never felt the melancholy of being broken hearted
I've never cried because things ended before they started
I've never had my heart shattered by a **** I once loved
I've never been preciously owned then suddenly shoved
I've never regretted wasting time for someone not worth it
I'm still a finished puzzle, never been incomplete
Feeling fortunate and desiring both at heart's beat
Craving to call someone mine and feel revocable by love
It's typical to be jealous of others ambiences
Especially if behind every sorrow is happiness
But love is an obstacle and with every obstacle is a reward
The strength to keep going and ambitiously move forward
So am I lucky, is this just a phase?
*Or is love something I've been missing out on?

I sit thinking, rocking, musing on the edge of the bed- perusing the colors of your memory blinking fractionally in my remote consciousness.  How is it that when I probe tighter, more thoroughly into your visage, trying to define the shape of your face from the faces of my dreams you tend to hide more than ever behind the noise of my thoughts? But the instant I clip into happiness you are there laughing and hugging and spreading lightness on my plaster cast life.  I suppose I need to forget this sticky fear of forgetting you.  You shape my clay life, pressing deftly upon my mind and habits like a waffle iron crisping batter.  I must not forget that I am too deeply stuck in love with you to ever bleed you from my mind.

Take your knife and cut it into me deeply,
watch me bleed,
hear me scream.
I'm hurting as much as you are,
I'm sorry I had to leave.
But I've moved on.
I like you too much.
Self taught years ago to expect nothing in return,
Best way to not hurt at the end of the day.
People don't really care,
especially boys,
Learned that from the man of my house.
Tell me you do.
Tell me how you want to go out,
then tell me how all these girls are really cute,
but trust me I don't care,
I don't get jealous.
I care about you the amount you care about me,
Which isn't much, take away my body and it's nothing.
I'm the mirror image.
I'm not sure how to send you the message,
words always are messy.
& I don't want to stab you anymore then I already have my eyes,
I have to be nice.
I shouldn't be the one,
But I could.
I want you to listen, to care about the words I have to share.
I sit here alone and I can't breath,
these walls are closing in on me.
You are going to ignore me now,
Which is expected and only proves how right my judgement is.
I want to feel the pain of my mind and heart,
across my arms,
or maybe on a long tortures run.
But then you text me and say you're coming over,
and I smile that half smile that you bring out.
*You've proven me wrong.